We Might as Well be Strangers
I'm getting really tired of longing, searching, crying, loneliness, emptiness. I have no idea how to make it go away. Sometimes I wonder how well anyone even knows me...other times I feel like I'm the only one who doesn't know me at all. How is it possible to feel like you are completely spontaneous and totally predictable all at once? It shouldn't be, but there it is. I just don't make sense anymore even to myself. I'm running around wearing masks that probably aren't even covering anything. Anyone could see that I'm miserable. Most people seem to, but everyone has problems and I don't expect them to add any of mine to their list. Lord knows I'm not adding their troubles onto mine. Sometimes I'd like to go to sleep and never wake up. The strange dreams are odd but they seem to have more substance than I find in my so-called real life. If I didn't have a good family and a couple of friends that I can convince myself care about me I'm pretty sure I'd take the coward's way out of things. However, I do have those things so I'm stuck here dealing with this pain that I have no idea what to do with. And these damn feelings that won't go away. The worst thing is that no one seems to understand one damn little bit. All my friends say they miss Alfredo too but they just don't get it. Sure, they love him in a friend or even family way, but the sort of love I feel for him goes beyond that. I know that and some of them even know that yet they almost seem to write off my feelings like they are just almost nothing. I sit there and tell them I love they guy and they feel they can make it better with an "oh yeah, i really miss him too". That's easy for them to say when every single one of them have someone to go cozy up to and love who isn't miles and miles away. They don't have to deal with the fact that what they have and who they are just isn't enough...it's never ever been enough for anyone. They say they want to help since they see that I'm bummed and they want to know why...but when they ask they don't really want to know, they don't really get it. I tell them without telling them that I'm not ok at all and though I feel like I'm screaming that clear as day it seems that they either don't get it or don't want to. Worst of all I can't seem to bring myself to make anyone get it. I can't pick a single one of them that I think would understand or care enough to make them talk to me. God I am so tired of all of this. Who cares anyway