emerging feminist

[silentq]

It's a loaded word, I've usually said that I'm for equal treatment of
everyone, but lately I've had "feminist" echoing in my head after I
notice, do or say something.

This past weekend, attending a Catholic wedding ceremony, I was having
a hard time keeping my mouth shut. cris had warned me that I

Comments

[greylock]

Weddings are like that the world over. I hate 'em more and more as I get older.

[silentq]

The thing is that I've been to a quite a few weddings where my friends and family wrote custom vows and adjusted the steps of the ritual (my sister walked down the aisle with both parents) and it was a bit of a shock to go back to a very traditional ceremony.
The scary thing is that this is wedding 1 of 4 or 5 that I'll go to this summer. Luckily, the Vegas/Elvis one won't be traditional at all. :)

[greylock]

I suspect a lot of my weddings have been essentially traditional, but I get what you are saying. I've been to two uber religious weddings, the last of which was hardcore Catholic, and they're a bit of an eye-opener.

[lil_m_moses]

I walked down the aisle with both parents, but mostly because it would have been Mom only (she being the one who raised me), except I really didn't want to offend my dad.

[sirendipity]

I really want us to reclaim that term and turn it into positive again, instead of it insinuating that one who is a "feminist" is a raving psychotic extremist.

Seems a bit ironic to me... and a little sad.

[silentq]

Agreed 100%. :/ Words accrue so much baggage, it's hard to reclaim them without a huge fight that I'm not sure I have the energy to start. :/

[sirendipity]

Yeah, I doubt it's possible... Stupid baggage. *kicks can*

[badriyaz]

It is a shock when you find yourself in these surroundings. A couple years back M had a sort of reunion with a bunch of guys he used to play in a band with. All of them were married and living in the suburbs. The wives were all there too, and it was so crystal clear that we women were supposed to be in one place and the men were supposed to be in another, and ne'er the twain should meet. Well, I married my husband because I actually like to be around him, and btw I would like a beer, even a bland watered down American one, not a wine spritzer. (there was also not a book to be seen in the entire house we were in, even in the kids' rooms, but that's another topic)(or perhaps a related one, really)

I get doubletakes or even wisecracks from people who learn my last name isn't the same as M's. It truly baffles me that anyone would even question this. We do still have a ways to go, and feminist is not an irrelevant term.

[silentq]

Yeah, I'm still surprised when women have to justify not taking a new name (even though a good reason exists, like having published under her own name, it's her decision). Seeing the hassle a friend had to go through to change her name after splitting up was eye opening as well.
cris and I do tend to split up and socialise separately at parties, but when we're hanging out with co-workers or people I don't know as well, I avoid being shuffled off into the kitchen to talk about babies. :)

[ayun]

A coworker once clued me in to the fact that it's really hard to change your name when you get married. Like, bureaucracy was designed (by dudes) with the assumption that people rarely change their names, and almost certainly never more than once, without recognizing that ladies do it all the time.

She never got it changed legally, so has one name in the email system, and another one for her benefits and paychecks.

[flexagon]

That's weird. I got a court order to change my last and middle names a few years ago, and (once I figured out who to get in touch with) it was pretty easy. $60 and standing in line at the probate court for a little bit.

Of course, I wasn't getting married at the time. But there was a name-change section on the marriage license too, which I saw a few years later, and that looked easy too. :) Maybe your friend wasn't in Massachusetts?

[dethany]

I so wish we were closer and could interact IRL - I've said the same thing (after a wedding, no less), am having the same thoughts, and feel equally alone/lost in my place in the world with the choices I am making and body I got my brain matched to. :/

[silentq]

Unfortunately, even with all the flitting about I'm doing this summer, Detroit didn't make the travel list. :/ I think it does help me a little to talk online and realise that others have come to the same conclusions, but I'm kind of itching for a girl's night out where we can all just vent for a bit, and then figure out how to change the world. :)
I admire you for all the work you've done building up your business, you're a great role model for young women, and I'm always happy whenever I see you getting press coverage. :)

[atalanta]

Despite having gone the kids/marriage route myself (though it was pretty late, by many standards), I totally hear you.

[silentq]

I can see how being a married mother would lead people to making certain assumptions that might annoy you, esp. wrt to your career. Seems like no matter which way we go, there are obstacles. :,