It's a loaded word, I've usually said that I'm for equal treatment of
everyone, but lately I've had "feminist" echoing in my head after I
notice, do or say something.
This past weekend, attending a Catholic wedding ceremony, I was having
a hard time keeping my mouth shut.
cris had warned me that I
might get asked about marriage and kids, and I'd asked him if I could
lie and say that I'd had ovarian cancer and didn't want to talk about
it. He said no, but luckily no one asked me, cause I'm not sure what
I'd have said. The bride mentioned that she was asked numerous times
about when she was going to get pregnant (and one person even assumed
that she already was), and I couldn't help but say that that right
there was the strongest argument against a marriage ceremony that I'd
ever heard. She was literally handed over by her father to her husband
to be during the ceremony, and had a Chinese fertility rite (though
not quite so formalised as all that) performed on her. There was one
guest whose biggest topic of conversation seemed to be how many
grandchildren she had. Plus the division of labour between the genders
was pretty strict (though I was again reminded why I stick with
cris - he ignores this division as much as I do).
I'm really isolated from all of this in my circle of friends, it came
as a shock to be plunged into such a traditional setting. Though on
the upside (I think), a group of women insisted that I help them with
something technical, and no one forced me to line up to catch the
bouquet (though one woman was trying to hide behind me as her friends
were pushing her forward).
Yesterday, on my ride to work, I passed a man standing with a sign,
waiting to cross the street to a protest outside the planned
parenthood center. I had a twofold immediate reaction: glad that he
was willing to stand up for his beliefs, and livid that he was
blocking women's access to health services. :/ I very pointedly didn't
look at his sign, and refrained from flipping the bird at him as I
went by. *sigh* It's insane how even today I can't be trusted to make
a decision about my own body - I was quizzed on if I was in a stable
relationship before I could get an IUD, and forget about getting my
tubes tied, I haven't had kids yet! I might change my mind!!! And the
whole reason I went with a longer term solution was because I was sick
of the hassles of getting packets of birth control pills (I could only
get two months worth at a time, and the price kept going up for the
kind that I used).
In a work teleconference last week, we were discussing what to name a
new manager class, and everyone was joking about calling it king or
duke, and I kind of snarkily said "or queen!" - it was surprising how
even the women automatically used terms for male rulers.
I have the thank my parents for always raising me with encouragement
that I could do anything I wanted (well, beyond the little blip of
having to promise to wear skirts more often before I could get my ears
pierced - I recognised that for the illogic that it patently was even
at 11 years old). I always knew that I wanted to go into the sciences,
and beyond my first job at a aerospace firm (omg the rampant sexism
there), I've been happy to have worked with a lot of smart and
talented women, and with men who have generally treated us like human
beings. :)
Lately I've been reading a lot of news articles that shock and depress
me, and have been noticing how women are treated in movies, at work,
in books, on the street, in clubs, etc. Hopefully I can find the
balance between speaking up and letiting it go withouth annoying
everyone around me, but it does seem like it's time to pay back the
equal treatment of which I've been a recipient. :)