I have been thinking about why I am so afraid of moving forward.  I have been thinking about why I am procrastinating, often moving in reverse, the goals I tote all the time.  The dreams I spend hours dreaming.  The ideals I label future-self with, labels obtainable but so far away.  I have wondered about what's stopping me; what am I so afraid of ( Read more... )

Well, I will live another day.
Or, at least, I have finished this day.
It started out fairly modestly, turned into fairly exciting, and ended with me sticking my feet in six inches of freezing water, searching for a metaphor.
I guess you could say I relapsed again.
I knew this was going to happen, a few times a least, when I set out to do this.  I knew ( Read more... )

My friend is calling this "Julie and Julia, but with Eddie Izzard."  I am calling this "recapturing--or, capturing, actually, since I haven't ever really had it--the will to live."  It's both those things, except more.
It's like this: in six months I will be twenty-two, and I will have never really lived.  A couple of days ago, I told my mother if I ( Read more... )

It's days like today that I am not so afraid of believing in God.
I believe in signs, patterns, things happening for a reason. There are no coincidences in murder investigations; I don't think there are any in life either. Things happen, there is irony, and there is a pattern, and we just have to see it when it happens.
Today I told my mother that ( Read more... )

You never know a good thing until it’s gone.  Life is like that-a good thing; and, until you don’t have it anymore, you tend to take it for granted.  I know I did.  But not anymore.  Because, I died.  I died naked.  Except for a pair of shoes.

I didn’t know I was dead.  Not at first.  That ( Read more... )

I just watched the last episode of David Tennant as the Doctor. I'm sad, but excited about Matt Smith. I think he will be fun. A different kind of fun than David, but that's a good thing. It's not as if I can't go back and watch them all again whenever I want; I know that bit. It doesn't stop the sadness, though. It was like reading the last ( Read more... )

All I want for Christmas is to be thin ( Read more... )

So, here it is: I am joining the navy.
I went MEPS yesterday and was told what I already knew but was hoping I didn't: I need to lose weight.  I am only 4% over limit, so it won't be hard.  The doctor gave me eight weeks in which to do it.  I'm pretty sure I can in eight weeks.  It's only a couple of inches, and I plan on running at least five times ( Read more... )

I'm feeling despondent.  Livejournal update no one's going to read?  You bet.
I don't know why, but no one can ever seem to answer my texts.  You know, it wouldn't be so bad if I had a lot of friends, then when one fucked me over, I could turn to another.  But, really, I am an introvert, an antisocial.  I isolate, even when I am desperately trying ( Read more... )

So...not gonna lie...feeling a little desolate right now.  Not a lot of reason to, necessarily, but I feel kind of lost and alone.  I think it's just the weather and the things I am thinking about.  I find myself wishing for more friends--no, wishing more of my friends spoke to me on a regular basis.  That's a little more accurate.  I just need ( Read more... )