Oracle of Ages, Part 8: In Which I Spend Ages Throwing Meat Around
Well now. It certainly has been a while, hasn't it? I apologize. It's at least partially because I was having computer problems (and, for a while, lack-of-computer problems) but also partially because I'm just plain lazy. Er. So yeah. I will try not to have months between episodes again, though.
Anyway, whatever. You don't want to listen to me blabbering (no matter how much I'd like to blabber on and on about how thrilled I am that Pokemon Gold and Silver are getting remakes :D :D :D), so let's get on with the game.
Last time, Link got swept away by a storm at sea. Just where has he washed up...?
Huh? Who...?
And what are those shuffling sounds...?
That'll show 'em.
inch away...
inch away...
DA-NA-NA-NAAAAAH (please note that the game actually does play the "You got something! :D" fanfare here)
You bastards.
You bastards.
And so begins Link's long quest to get his stuff back.
But hey, at least we ended up where we wanted to be. And the music here is good, too. Kind of bouncy and laid-back.
Yes, if it weren't for the ears, he'd look just like a normal Tokay.
See? The resemblance is uncanny.
Blue Octoroks take two hits of the wooden sword to kill instead of one. Not that it matters right now, thanks to those Tokay...
Link gazes forlornly out to sea. Trapped all alone on this deserted island... or rather, trapped on an island he only wishes was deserted.
For luck.
I SEE YOU UP THERE >:|
Aha! There's one of those scoundrels!
Yeah, you "found" it tucked away in Link's tunic.
...Or wherever it is that Link keeps all his items. Come to think of it, where is that, exactly?
:|
:|
Yeah, that's what I thought. Punk.
Yay?
"Maybe," right. Why don't you just admit that you're just a pack of theives?
I like the Tokay, though. There's just something kind of cute about them.
The one who you shamelessly plundered while I was unconscious? Yeah, that's me.
Yeah, you just ooze sincerity there.
Yessss I can kill things again!
Then he (she? I can't tell) just says the same thing as the other guy about how other Tokay may also have taken stuff.
I'll get to you someday, chest. Someday.
Suspicious.
Total rip-off.
Fine, I will.
Hm.
For luck.
Another chest that I can't reach yet. I swear these are put here specifically to taunt me. But I shall have my revenge. Someday.
Gee, could this be important, I wonder? (Answer: not really, actually.)
How nice of you to tell me that. It would be even nicer if your brethren hadn't stolen the thing I need to make use of it.
The guardians of the bombs seem very enthusiastic about their job. Or maybe they're just hungry.
See? Luck.
Obviously, the solution is time travel even further into the past... right?
Wha-! You greedy bastard!
Trade my ass! I should call the cops on you.
Not only that, he wants something that doesn't exist anymore. He's playing me for a fool.
Unfortunately, the lack of organized law enforcement forces me to comply with his demands. I oughtta just hold him at swordpoint and demand he return them.
Oh, wait, Link's the good guy, isn't he? Morality is such a pain.
That chest thinks it's so great, taunting me by sitting there where I can't reach it without bombs. Well, it's got another think comin'.
Ha ha ha! Found my exposives!
Poor little guardian chicks, all "nooo, peep! please don't take them, peep peep! :<" I almost feel bad now.
Ha! Take that!
I sure showed that chest.
Boom.
Oh god. Welcome to the bane of my existence.
I want it! I want it! Wait, why do I want it, again?
It's not OK. It's not OK at all D:
Sounds good so far...
So basically I have to throw meat to, like, twenty lizards that'll run past on either side, and there's no room for error. Lovely.
I understand that you're sadistic.
Let's not D:
Fail.
In most circumstances I would be pleased to have delicious meat falling from the ceiling for me.
Okay, that's enough. Suffice it to say that, due to some combination of me sucking, the emulator not always responding to button presses, and the fact that this minigame is moderately sadistic to begin with, I had to play it OVER 80 TIMES. aadfdhfjdgdhfdsvbjdakvbdsjvb I FREAKING HATE WILD TOKAY SO MUCH D: D: D:
Anyway. Much frustration and resetting later:
FINALLY.
Damn thing had better produce golden seeds that cause world peace, for all the effort it took me to get it.
Save. Yes.
Phew. Now I can finally get on with getting the rest of my stuff back.
Would you now.
...maybe. Who wants to know?
Hey, wait, hang on!
You - you took it! Just stole it, just like that! Aaaarrgh! Typical! Do you have any idea what I went through to get that?!
You better take care of it! If you kill it or something, I will personally make sure that your death is long and painful! Rrgh... Deep breaths, deep breaths.
Blowing things up is always cathartic.
But I can't do anything in here right now. Oops.
Say what? I wanted the feather.
Um, okay...
So he'll trade the bracelet for the shovel, and he'll trade the feather for the shovel, but he won't trade the feather for the bracelet. Apparently Tokay trading is not transitive.
tick tick tick BOOM
This guy and all subsequent thief Tokay just say exactly the same thing as the one who took my sword.
Take a nice dip to cool down.
I have to keep going back and forth to this crook. Slightly annoying.
A bit of wandering later I remember that I needed to go back to the same place I just was. Despite being exactly the same as the water tiles where diving is useless, this tile turns out to be a place where Link needs to go underwater.
YOU!
That's right. Don't mess with the long-eared Tokay.
Oops. Unlucky.
There. I feel much luckier now.
Great! Now Link can jump and lift things! What an accomplishment.
And YOU! ...Well, actually, maybe this Tokay I can forgive. Perhaps he just wanted that harp so he could start a band. It's a noble goal.
Still, I need it back. Find yourself a guitar like a normal person, musically-inclined Tokay.
Well, crap. Guess I have to trek all the way back to the other side of the island. (There's sure a lot of that in this part. Sigh.)
But maybe not. Maybe you should look around.
Man, looking at them reminds me how hungry I am. Wish I had some chicken strips.
This is a brilliant plan and cannot possibly go wrong.
Oh crap! Reinforcements!
GAH!
Retreat! Retreat!
Phew. That was a close one. Those guys are tough. Wish I could recruit them to my side. They could take down Ganon Veran in a heartbeat. Too late now, though. Cuccos never forget.
It's a lot if it's the number of murderous chickens after you.
Grk! Nooo! That one's about to get away without meat! I'm going to lose again! asasfhgdbg
dafdkgbsdg- oh. Museum. Okay. Okay. It's okay. Deep breaths.
THANK GOD.
And don't need meat. Phew. Geez, those things almost gave me a heart attack. Let's get outta here.
Aha! It grew! Looks like I won't have to brutally murder that one Tokay after all.
And here we get to some consistency problems. Link (from his perspective) hasn't done that yet. In the past, it hasn't been done yet. But in the present, it's been done. Fine. But if that's the way they want time travel to work in this game, then why, for example, is the Black Tower not complete in the present?
For most other things in the game, Link or another time traveller has to go back to the past and change things before the present will change. So unless some other "Tokay with no tail" opened it sometime between the past era and the present era, and then Link "later" opens it in the past, this makes no sense.
...It's probably best not to think too hard about it. The writers sure didn't.
Ewwww, what?!
And then he totally goes bonkers.
No shit. ...No wait, that's a lie.
Um. I've never heard of that particular cure for a stuffy nose. Ewwww.
noooo it's giving me flashbacks to Wild Tokay noooooooooo
I really hope you wash your hands before making anything...
My, how lucky that that vine is there.
This is all looking rather familiar. Note to self: benefits of using a time travel plot in your video game include being able to reuse areas with only very minor changes, and not have it be considered mere laziness.
I have a feeling that I'm going to forget I planted this here. I also have a feeling that I've already forgotten about at least one other Gasha tree. Eh...
But it doesn't take a long time for trees to grow. A Gasha tree will grow from a seed to a huge tree in the amount of time it takes Link to kill thirty wimpy monsters. Why should vines (or Scent Trees) take any longer?
This place just screams "dungeon entrance".
I went through hours of meat throwing just for these lame things?! D: Seriously, their primary function is the most useless of all the seeds. I think there's maybe one place in the entire game where they're necessary.
No I don't. What about my shield?
...I should have known. This guy is just determined to scam me to the end.
By which you mean that you haven't been able to steal anything else from me. Good riddance.
Thrilling.
Too freaking bad. I don't have any meat for you. I bet you were one of the ones who were feasting on all the stuff I tossed around in Wild Tokay anyway.
Aaaahhh. So refreshing.
Gone before Link could even say goodbye.
Crabs. I don't know if there's a special Zelda term for crabs, so I'm going to pretend that there's not.
And here we are. Next up: Moonlit Grotto, which is only debatably a grotto and is certainly not moonlit.
Anyway, whatever. You don't want to listen to me blabbering (no matter how much I'd like to blabber on and on about how thrilled I am that Pokemon Gold and Silver are getting remakes :D :D :D), so let's get on with the game.
Last time, Link got swept away by a storm at sea. Just where has he washed up...?
Huh? Who...?
And what are those shuffling sounds...?
That'll show 'em.
inch away...
inch away...
DA-NA-NA-NAAAAAH (please note that the game actually does play the "You got something! :D" fanfare here)
You bastards.
You bastards.
And so begins Link's long quest to get his stuff back.
But hey, at least we ended up where we wanted to be. And the music here is good, too. Kind of bouncy and laid-back.
Yes, if it weren't for the ears, he'd look just like a normal Tokay.
See? The resemblance is uncanny.
Blue Octoroks take two hits of the wooden sword to kill instead of one. Not that it matters right now, thanks to those Tokay...
Link gazes forlornly out to sea. Trapped all alone on this deserted island... or rather, trapped on an island he only wishes was deserted.
For luck.
I SEE YOU UP THERE >:|
Aha! There's one of those scoundrels!
Yeah, you "found" it tucked away in Link's tunic.
...Or wherever it is that Link keeps all his items. Come to think of it, where is that, exactly?
:|
:|
Yeah, that's what I thought. Punk.
Yay?
"Maybe," right. Why don't you just admit that you're just a pack of theives?
I like the Tokay, though. There's just something kind of cute about them.
The one who you shamelessly plundered while I was unconscious? Yeah, that's me.
Yeah, you just ooze sincerity there.
Yessss I can kill things again!
Then he (she? I can't tell) just says the same thing as the other guy about how other Tokay may also have taken stuff.
I'll get to you someday, chest. Someday.
Suspicious.
Total rip-off.
Fine, I will.
Hm.
For luck.
Another chest that I can't reach yet. I swear these are put here specifically to taunt me. But I shall have my revenge. Someday.
Gee, could this be important, I wonder? (Answer: not really, actually.)
How nice of you to tell me that. It would be even nicer if your brethren hadn't stolen the thing I need to make use of it.
The guardians of the bombs seem very enthusiastic about their job. Or maybe they're just hungry.
See? Luck.
Obviously, the solution is time travel even further into the past... right?
Wha-! You greedy bastard!
Trade my ass! I should call the cops on you.
Not only that, he wants something that doesn't exist anymore. He's playing me for a fool.
Unfortunately, the lack of organized law enforcement forces me to comply with his demands. I oughtta just hold him at swordpoint and demand he return them.
Oh, wait, Link's the good guy, isn't he? Morality is such a pain.
That chest thinks it's so great, taunting me by sitting there where I can't reach it without bombs. Well, it's got another think comin'.
Ha ha ha! Found my exposives!
Poor little guardian chicks, all "nooo, peep! please don't take them, peep peep! :<" I almost feel bad now.
Ha! Take that!
I sure showed that chest.
Boom.
Oh god. Welcome to the bane of my existence.
I want it! I want it! Wait, why do I want it, again?
It's not OK. It's not OK at all D:
Sounds good so far...
So basically I have to throw meat to, like, twenty lizards that'll run past on either side, and there's no room for error. Lovely.
I understand that you're sadistic.
Let's not D:
Fail.
In most circumstances I would be pleased to have delicious meat falling from the ceiling for me.
Okay, that's enough. Suffice it to say that, due to some combination of me sucking, the emulator not always responding to button presses, and the fact that this minigame is moderately sadistic to begin with, I had to play it OVER 80 TIMES. aadfdhfjdgdhfdsvbjdakvbdsjvb I FREAKING HATE WILD TOKAY SO MUCH D: D: D:
Anyway. Much frustration and resetting later:
FINALLY.
Damn thing had better produce golden seeds that cause world peace, for all the effort it took me to get it.
Save. Yes.
Phew. Now I can finally get on with getting the rest of my stuff back.
Would you now.
...maybe. Who wants to know?
Hey, wait, hang on!
You - you took it! Just stole it, just like that! Aaaarrgh! Typical! Do you have any idea what I went through to get that?!
You better take care of it! If you kill it or something, I will personally make sure that your death is long and painful! Rrgh... Deep breaths, deep breaths.
Blowing things up is always cathartic.
But I can't do anything in here right now. Oops.
Say what? I wanted the feather.
Um, okay...
So he'll trade the bracelet for the shovel, and he'll trade the feather for the shovel, but he won't trade the feather for the bracelet. Apparently Tokay trading is not transitive.
tick tick tick BOOM
This guy and all subsequent thief Tokay just say exactly the same thing as the one who took my sword.
Take a nice dip to cool down.
I have to keep going back and forth to this crook. Slightly annoying.
A bit of wandering later I remember that I needed to go back to the same place I just was. Despite being exactly the same as the water tiles where diving is useless, this tile turns out to be a place where Link needs to go underwater.
YOU!
That's right. Don't mess with the long-eared Tokay.
Oops. Unlucky.
There. I feel much luckier now.
Great! Now Link can jump and lift things! What an accomplishment.
And YOU! ...Well, actually, maybe this Tokay I can forgive. Perhaps he just wanted that harp so he could start a band. It's a noble goal.
Still, I need it back. Find yourself a guitar like a normal person, musically-inclined Tokay.
Well, crap. Guess I have to trek all the way back to the other side of the island. (There's sure a lot of that in this part. Sigh.)
But maybe not. Maybe you should look around.
Man, looking at them reminds me how hungry I am. Wish I had some chicken strips.
This is a brilliant plan and cannot possibly go wrong.
Oh crap! Reinforcements!
GAH!
Retreat! Retreat!
Phew. That was a close one. Those guys are tough. Wish I could recruit them to my side. They could take down Ganon Veran in a heartbeat. Too late now, though. Cuccos never forget.
It's a lot if it's the number of murderous chickens after you.
Grk! Nooo! That one's about to get away without meat! I'm going to lose again! asasfhgdbg
dafdkgbsdg- oh. Museum. Okay. Okay. It's okay. Deep breaths.
THANK GOD.
And don't need meat. Phew. Geez, those things almost gave me a heart attack. Let's get outta here.
Aha! It grew! Looks like I won't have to brutally murder that one Tokay after all.
And here we get to some consistency problems. Link (from his perspective) hasn't done that yet. In the past, it hasn't been done yet. But in the present, it's been done. Fine. But if that's the way they want time travel to work in this game, then why, for example, is the Black Tower not complete in the present?
For most other things in the game, Link or another time traveller has to go back to the past and change things before the present will change. So unless some other "Tokay with no tail" opened it sometime between the past era and the present era, and then Link "later" opens it in the past, this makes no sense.
...It's probably best not to think too hard about it. The writers sure didn't.
Ewwww, what?!
And then he totally goes bonkers.
No shit. ...No wait, that's a lie.
Um. I've never heard of that particular cure for a stuffy nose. Ewwww.
noooo it's giving me flashbacks to Wild Tokay noooooooooo
I really hope you wash your hands before making anything...
My, how lucky that that vine is there.
This is all looking rather familiar. Note to self: benefits of using a time travel plot in your video game include being able to reuse areas with only very minor changes, and not have it be considered mere laziness.
I have a feeling that I'm going to forget I planted this here. I also have a feeling that I've already forgotten about at least one other Gasha tree. Eh...
But it doesn't take a long time for trees to grow. A Gasha tree will grow from a seed to a huge tree in the amount of time it takes Link to kill thirty wimpy monsters. Why should vines (or Scent Trees) take any longer?
This place just screams "dungeon entrance".
I went through hours of meat throwing just for these lame things?! D: Seriously, their primary function is the most useless of all the seeds. I think there's maybe one place in the entire game where they're necessary.
No I don't. What about my shield?
...I should have known. This guy is just determined to scam me to the end.
By which you mean that you haven't been able to steal anything else from me. Good riddance.
Thrilling.
Too freaking bad. I don't have any meat for you. I bet you were one of the ones who were feasting on all the stuff I tossed around in Wild Tokay anyway.
Aaaahhh. So refreshing.
Gone before Link could even say goodbye.
Crabs. I don't know if there's a special Zelda term for crabs, so I'm going to pretend that there's not.
And here we are. Next up: Moonlit Grotto, which is only debatably a grotto and is certainly not moonlit.