Shattered Silence - Chapter 18
Title: Shattered Silence
Author: shmorgenheigen
Chapter: Eighteen
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 6327
Summary: David Desrosiers is a seventeen year old boy when his father unexpectedly sells his family home, forcing him to move across town and switch schools for his senior year of high school. Having always been the victim of homophobic bullying, the idea of transferring to a new school for his final year isn’t all that uninviting, though when he runs into his toxic ex-boyfriend on his very first day, he suddenly finds himself yearning for the bullying of his old school, instead. David does his best to persevere in the face of an ex that he’s terrified of, intent on keeping his head down and making it through his final year in peace so he can move onto college and begin his adult life.
Disclaimer: Don't know, don't own, didn't happen!
Author's Note: This is an alternate universe story based off of Behind the Net, Behind the Net (Pierre’s POV), and Behind the Net: Across the Distance (A Sequel) where David never joins the hockey team, he and Pierre never become friends and start dating, and instead David is single when he comes across Hunter, Ezra, Noah, and Ben. I had so much fun when writing the sequel to Behind the Net with Hunter and Ezra and the boys, and Pierre was certain at various points during the sequel story David would have forgiven and dated Hunter if he had been single when he met Hunter again, and also that David and Ezra would have fallen for each other if Pierre had never been in the picture. Curiosity led me to thinking way too much about what David actually would have done in a scenario where he and Pierre had never fallen in love. Without dating Pierre and all of the growth and healing he did over the course of their relationship, David would have been a very different person and would have reacted very differently to meeting Hunter again. Before I knew it I got inspired and had to write it. Pierre makes a few guest appearances as a boy from the same small town, of course, but this is not a Pierre/David story, and I think it may actually be my favorite story I’ve ever written. If you give this a read, leave me a comment and let me know!
This story begins in the year 2015
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
When David woke that morning on Hunter’s couch, it was to see that Ezra was curled up on the other end of the couch with his back turned on the room and he wondered when he’d gotten up and gone over there. He had no recollection of Ezra leaving his arms, having not woken up even a little bit whenever he had done so, but he couldn’t deny that he was relieved to discover him there. He had acted the night before as if he wouldn’t care if Hunter saw them sleeping under the same blanket because he had only left one for the two of them, but realistically he knew the kind of commotion it would have caused for Hunter to walk out of his bedroom and find him under the blanket with Ezra, even if they had managed to sleep facing away from each other the whole night. He closed his eyes and laid back down, feeling bad for the other boy because the room around him was chilly even under the blanket, but he knew it was for the best that he had moved.
He heard movement in the kitchen and David’s mind latched onto it, waking him up more despite the hope that he would be able to fall back asleep for a little while. Still, he laid there for a while with his eyes closed, just listening to the sounds around him and wondering who was up already and who was asleep, and even wondering at the time of morning. He heard the sound of a bedroom door opening and closing, and due the proximity of the sound he knew it had to be Hunter’s. He didn’t allow his face to show that he’d heard the sound or that he was awake, glad suddenly that Hunter would see him and Ezra sleeping on separate ends of the couch and see proof that they had stayed away from each other overnight, even if it wasn’t true.
After a little more time passed David got up and walked his way to the kitchen, rubbing his eyes a little at the relatively small amount of sleep he had gotten considering he had been awake late with nerves over the other boy, and had ended up making out with and giving a blowjob to Ezra before they’d actually gone to sleep. The memory didn’t feel real when he recalled it, the way the other boy had so confidently touched him and hadn’t hesitated at all before moving down and pulling him into his mouth. He had always just assumed that Ezra had never been interested in guys and had never been with one before, but there was a certainty in his movements that made him start to question that. It seemed that the other boy had accepted his feelings for David so quickly and wasn’t afraid of them or to experience things with him. It certainly didn’t seem like that was his first time with another guy.
When he got into the kitchen David saw Hunter and Ben leaned against the counter, both drinking a cup of coffee. David smiled a little, his eyes sleepy and his hair mussed, and when Hunter caught sight of him he returned his smile with enthusiasm. “Did you sleep okay?” Hunter asked him.
David nodded and gave a quiet, “Yeah,” but as he did his eyes glanced toward Ben and he noticed the other boy was giving him an odd look. David’s eyebrows pulled together a little bit as he looked at him but quickly Ben gave him a smile and David did the same, wondering if the other boy had been lost in a thought and hadn’t intended that look for him, or if Ben truly had been looking at him in that way and had just hidden it for whatever reason.
“Coffee?” Hunter asked, and David pulled his eyes back to him and nodded again.
“Please,” David said softly, unable to interact much in the mornings until he drank a cup of coffee. He watched as Hunter reached into a cabinet and pulled out a mug and handed it to him, and David poured himself a cup and began to sip on it.
“You drink coffee black?” Hunter asked, sounding surprised. David nodded into his cup and closed his eyes a little, breathing in the smell and allowing it to wake up his senses a little bit.
Ezra walked around the corner and David glanced over at him, giving him a nod and moving his eyes back to his cup without allowing his gaze to linger. When he looked up, his eyes moved to Ben and for some reason he thought it looked like Ben was glaring at Ezra. He glanced back at Ezra with his eyebrows pulled together a little in curiosity, and when he did he saw that Ezra was glaring back at Ben. David blinked a few times and looked back to his coffee to hide his gaze, wondering what he had missed. Everything had been fine the night before when they had all gone to bed. When would they have had time to get in an argument in the last eight hours? Had something happened that morning, perhaps whenever Ezra had moved to the other end of the couch? He sipped on his coffee and told himself he would have to ask Ezra about it later, because it was clear that something had happened.
The morning passed without incident, though Ezra and Ben didn’t exchange a single word and avoided looking at each other to the point that David was certain something had happened between them by the time he was leaving in the early afternoon. He wanted to text Ezra to ask what had happened but there was part of him that worried the other boy might leave his phone laying around and one of the other three boys might see his text. How would Hunter react if he looked at Ezra’s phone to see David’s name pop up? He decided it would be best to just wait until they were alone at some point - something which he was certain now wouldn’t take too long to happen - to ask him about whatever argument they’d gotten into.
He went home and spent the rest of the day working on the homework he normally would have finished the night before, listening to music softly in the background to fill the silence as he did. He didn’t listen to his regular music, however. Instead he listened to the music that his friends listened to because it made him think of Ezra and it brought a soft smile to his lips and made his heart feel light. He laughed a little at the thought, realizing that the heavy guitars and the screaming made him feel bubbly and happy and knowing it was directly because of Ezra, but he couldn’t help how he felt anymore and after the night before with the other boy, he knew he wouldn’t be able to do anything to ebb the flow of these feelings.
At around nine PM his phone began to ring, a sound which he wasn’t expecting and which instantly filled him with a feeling of mild confusion. He picked up his phone and immediately registered Ezra’s name on the screen. He felt excitement bubble up inside of him and a wide smile spread on his lips, but he took a deep breath and forced himself to calm down a little, not wanting to sound overly excited when he answered.
“Hey,” he said, trying to sound casual as he did.
“What are you doing?” he heard Ezra’s voice ask.
“I’ll give you one guess,” David replied, a flirty smile spreading on his lips as he leaned back in his desk chair.
“Gotta be homework,” Ezra replied, his tone matching David’s smile.
“You know me already,” David told him.
“You’re just a nerd,” Ezra’s voice came, and David scoffed a little. He heard Ezra chuckle lightly at the sound and it brought a soft laugh from David.
“What are you doing?” David asked.
“Look out your window,” was Ezra’s response and David’s eyebrows pulled together and he turned to look at his bedroom window.
“My window?” he asked, moving to stand. He heard a gentle tapping on the window, and he smiled again, moving to pull up his blinds. As soon as he did he saw Ezra standing on the other side, a playful look on his face and his fingers resting against the glass. “What-” David started, but he hung up the phone and opened the window, a bewildered smile on his lips. “I have a door,” David pointed out, but without waiting Ezra hoisted himself up with both hands and was jumping up through his window. There was a boyish energy about him that David found inexplicably attractive and his cheeks flushed, unable to hold back his smile as he leaned past Ezra to pull his window closed and bring the blinds back down.
Ezra stood fully and his hands were immediately grabbing onto David’s waist, pulling him close with a charming smile as he replied, “Haven’t you ever seen a movie? It’s way more romantic to toss pebbles at your window.”
David slid his arms around Ezra’s middle and locked his fingers behind his back, leaning up to look at him with a flirty smile and a glimmer in his eyes. “I didn’t know you were such a romantic,” he teased.
“I guess I’ll have to show you,” Ezra replied, his smile softening, before leaning down and capturing David’s lips in a sweet kiss.
David closed his eyes and gave a soft, “Mmmm,” against his lips, his hands moving up to press into the other boy’s back. Ezra began to walk them backward until the backs of David’s legs bumped against the edge of his bed. He felt Ezra put his hand on his lower back and pull him in as he leaned forward, using his hand to gently lower David down to the mattress and coming down carefully on top of him. David slipped his hands under Ezra’s shirt, his hands traveling up his back, his fingers pressing into his skin.
After waiting so long for it and telling himself he could never have it, David couldn’t get over the way kissing Ezra and touching his body made him feel. It didn’t feel real that the other boy was there, inside his bedroom, laying on top of him in his bed, kissing him and touching him. It didn’t take long for their kisses to become more heated, for their hands to become more desperate, for their breathing to become loud and fast. Soon they were pulling off each other’s clothes and throwing them haphazardly to the floor, unable to wait even a second longer; David thought he had done all the waiting he could stand for the rest of his life.
A while later found the two laying in David’s bed, their arms wrapped around each other, their bodies pressed against each other with David’s blanket pulled up to their chests. David’s eyes were closed as he nestled against Ezra’s chest, smiling peacefully and clinging to the other boy like he couldn’t stand the idea of letting go. Ezra’s fingers were playing idly in his hair and the sensation made David feel warm and safe. Suddenly he felt a gentle kiss on the top of his head and David couldn’t help the way he smiled and hugged Ezra tighter, nuzzling his face against his chest and in his neck.
A thought popped in his mind, a question he’d asked Ezra twice before without getting an actual answer, and he pushed himself up and made eye contact with the other boy, smiling sweetly at him. “When did you start liking me?” he asked, staring into Ezra’s honey brown eyes with a playful smile.
Ezra looked back into David’s hazel eyes, a calm smile on his lips. His fingers ghosted across David’s cheek, bringing a tingle to the pit of David’s stomach and light blush to his cheeks. Ezra’s eyes again showed an emotion that felt deep and real in a way that surprised David, not understanding what he had done to have earned such affection from the other boy. “I liked you the first time I met you,” Ezra said, his voice as soft as his eyes. David’s eyes widened a little and his blush deepened, surprised entirely by the answer. “I didn’t start to see it though until we all started hanging out with you and Hunter at lunch every day. There wasn’t one ‘aha’ moment where I realized I liked you, I just kinda… became more and more aware of it. I kept realizing how much I looked at you and tried to get you to laugh… Not that you noticed,” he finished, smiling and raising an eyebrow at his last statement.
David chewed on his lip a little, flashing the other boy a guilty smile as he did. “Sorry,” he responded quietly.
Ezra shook his head and stroked his thumb across David’s cheek. “I mean, you were always looking down at whatever you were drawing, how could you have noticed?” he teased, drawing a soft smile from David in response. “You were just so quiet and shy. It was so different from what I was used to… And I thought you were really cute. And whenever I got you to look at me and smile or talk to me, your eyes were so bright and alive. It only took about a week after we all started having lunch with you before I had to admit to myself that I liked you.”
“Did that… freak you out at all?” David asked a little hesitantly.
Ezra shook his head, his grip on David’s cheek becoming a little stronger as he said, “Not even for a second.”
“Really?” David asked in surprise. “Have you ever been interested in a guy before?”
Again Ezra shook his head, responding, “Not once.”
“But… you were just… fine with it right away?” David continued, baffled at the idea that Ezra hadn’t even once pushed back against the thought as someone who had formerly thought himself entirely straight. Even David had rejected the idea at first when he had been in middle school and had started to realize that he thought he liked boys.
“Yeah, why not?” Ezra asked nonchalantly. David stared at him with wonder, amazed by him in every way. He had started to wonder just that morning if Ezra had been with a guy before with the way he had without hesitation given him a handjob and had even initiated a blowjob and swallowed. To hear definitively that Ezra had never even thought about being with a guy before him but had accepted it fully without fear made David respect him in an entirely new way. “I just knew something was there from the start, and I tried to ignore it because of Hunter but I couldn’t. I kept touching you without meaning to, kinda innocent at first, like putting my arm around you or shaking your shoulder… but before I knew it I was really flirting with you… tickling you… playing with you… touching your side on the bus…” he continued, ending with a guilty smile.
David blushed and gave a nervous laugh. “I feel really stupid now that I didn’t see all that for what it was,” he admitted quietly.
Ezra shook his head and smiled softly, saying, “You just weren’t ready to see it yet.” David looked at him for a moment longer before resting his head on Ezra’s chest again and giving a soft sigh of contentment. He heard Ezra laugh lightly before the other boy added, “When you leaned your head against my shoulder on the bus I thought I was gonna die.”
David laughed lightly in response and pushed himself up to look down at him again, finding the admission incredibly cute. “I wouldn’t have ever guessed. Even when you called me - or I guess the ‘scrawny gay kid’ cute and rubbed your knee against mine, you never showed it on your face if you were feeling anything. You looked totally unaffected and it was really confusing. I had no idea if you meant any of it or if I was just reading into everything too much until you grabbed my hand that day at lunch.”
“I thought I was being really obvious,” Ezra replied with a crooked smirk.
“How the hell was any of that obvious?” David retorted quickly, his eyebrows pulled together.
“Why else would I have called you cute or touched you like that?” Ezra pointed out. David blushed a little and shrugged his shoulders. “After the first couple days I figured I should pump the breaks though ‘cause I could tell I was just giving you a panic attack,” he added, laughing lightly at the memory of how flustered David had been by his actions.
“Of course I was having a panic attack! You did it in front of everyone else!” David pointed out, grinning and laughing incredulously at the other boy. “Why couldn’t you have just gotten me alone and done any of that?”
“I tried,” Ezra replied, returning his grin. When David only looked confused, he continued, “I tried to get you alone by saying I was taking you to the nurse’s office, remember? I knew there wasn’t anything wrong with you. I was gonna take you down any empty hallway I could find and kiss you but you insisted on going yourself and ran away.”
David’s jaw dropped as Ezra’s words washed over him, realization of how blind he’d been hitting him hard. “Oh my god, I’m so stupid,” he breathed, shaking his head at himself in disbelief.
“Nah, you just don’t think enough of yourself. It’s like you can’t believe that someone would actually be into you so you ignore all the obvious signs,” Ezra teased gently, earning blush and a playful glare from David. A devilish smile spread across Ezra’s lips and he raised an eyebrow as he said, “I know exactly when you started liking me, and when you realized it.”
“Oh really?” David responded, matching Ezra’s playful, flirty tone.
“You started liking me when I came over to fix your car,” Ezra responded, and the playful smile slipped from David’s lips immediately. “And you realized it when you were putting that stuff on my lip after I got punched by that guy,” he continued, shocking David further. “But there was chemistry there from the start, you just weren’t in place to see it because of Hunter.”
“Wha-” David started and cut himself off in surprise. “How…?”
Ezra touched his index finger to the tip of David’s nose and playfully walked his index and middle fingers up the bridge of his nose, stopping once he got to his forehead and poking him gently. “You can’t hide anything you feel. It all shows on your face,” he said, the smirk never leaving his lips. David blushed, having known this about himself and hating it. “See, now you’re embarrassed and thinking about how much you hate how obvious you are,” Ezra told him, making the redness in David’s cheeks only deepen. “But it’s my favorite thing about you.”
David didn’t know what to say, part of him liking how much Ezra saw him, most of him embarrassed just as the other boy had said. “It’s a little scary how well you know me,” David responded, the corners of his lips lifting again despite his embarrassment. Ezra chuckled lightly at his words, stroking his thumb across David’s cheek again. “I have some catching up to do. I feel like I don’t know anything about you.”
“Oh, so you just like me because I’m hot?” Ezra teased.
“No!” David protested, sounding a little offended, and Ezra laughed a little more at him. “I mean, yeah, I think you’re hot as fuck and I definitely checked you out when we hung out at the movie theater… but there’s more to it than that. You’re just so… bright and charming and funny...” David explained, and he could see the way his words were affecting Ezra, making him smile, clearly pleased at the way David viewed him. And though he had captured part of it, there was so much more that David wanted the other boy to know. “You make me feel like… not hiding for once, like… I can just be me and I’m not scared at all,” he continued, his voice softening. The smile faded from Ezra’s lips and the other boy just looked at him, his eyes gentle and filled with that deep emotion he had yet to express but that David could feel in him. “Talking to you feels so natural, just like breathing, and I don’t feel like I have to try to put a face on or be someone I’m not. I just feel like… the best version of me… Like… I’m free.”
As he looked at Ezra, he thought it looked like there was something behind his eyes, like the other boy wanted to say something but was holding himself back. David pushed himself closer so he was holding himself over him, his face so close that his nose was brushing against his. “I might kind of like you a lot,” David said playfully.
The crooked smirk spread across Ezra’s lips again and his fingers moved to tangle in the hair on the back of David’s head, his eyes bright as he replied, “I might kinda like you a lot, too.”
David lowered himself down and they kissed, warmth spreading through David’s chest and into his limbs. He pulled back and smiled at the other boy for a moment longer before laying back on his chest with his eyes closed, happiness tingling in every part of his body. They laid in a comfortable silence for several minutes before Ezra’s voice pulled David back to the moment at hand.
“I have to tell you something… and I don’t really want to but… I feel like I have to,” Ezra said, and the uncharacteristic nervousness in his voice made worry twist in David’s stomach instantly. He pushed himself back up, using his forearm across Ezra’s chest, and looked at him with worried curiosity. “Ben and Noah are suspicious of us, too,” Ezra told him, and David’s face went blank and he felt as if his heart dropped to his stomach. “Ben came out this morning and saw us together on the couch and he confronted me about you. I told him nothing was going on but he didn't believe me, he said it’s obvious we like each other, that Noah sees it too, and told me not to do it.”
David chewed on his lip, his eyes turning sad, but didn’t say anything. So it wasn’t just Hunter, then; the others saw it, too. David felt helpless that his efforts to keep himself away from Ezra hadn’t worked no matter how hard he had tried to hardly look at or talk to him. Sure, there were those little interactions where they would playfully banter but he would always go back to his sketchpad or his lunch after and it would quickly die out. He supposed if he thought about it, however, he could see how these interactions would stand out to the others as at most other times David sat quietly by, smiling and listening but not participating much in their conversations. The few times he did speak up and join the conversation, the majority of the time it was to say something to Ezra, and when he looked up from whatever he was drawing more often than not it was to look at Ezra. He realized if they were going to somehow keep this a secret and get the others’ suspicion off of them, he was going to have to start to interact more actively with the others.
“We’re gonna have to be less obvious,” Ezra said seriously, and David nodded in response. “I thought we were being less obvious already but… apparently not.”
Suddenly David remembered the glares Ezra and Ben were exchanging that morning, and the odd look Ben had given to him after Hunter had asked if he’d slept okay, and it all made sense. “So that’s why you and Ben seemed mad at each other this morning,” David said. Ezra nodded and David gave a nervous sigh. “And that’s why you were on the other side of the couch when I woke up,” David continued, and again Ezra nodded.
“Yeah he was pretty pissed seeing us together. He said Hunter was gonna kill me if he saw us together like that, and I know it pissed him off more that I didn’t just admit it when he called me out,” Ezra said, sounding down in a way that he usually didn’t.
“I’m sorry,” David whispered to him, and Ezra’s brow furrowed and he shook his head.
“It’s not your fault,” he replied gently.
“I mean, it kind of is though,” David said. “I’m the one who told you to come share the blanket.”
“And every time we’ve flirted in front of them was because I flirted with you first and you just responded,” Ezra threw back, smiling a little in spite of himself. “Every time we’ve kissed has been my fault, too. I just couldn’t stay away from you,” he added, and David knew he couldn’t deny that fact.
David gave him a sad smile that slowly faded, leaving nothing but sadness in his eyes. “We’re in trouble, aren’t we?” he asked, his voice hesitant.
“Yeah… I think we are,” Ezra admitted. “Is it bad that I don’t care?”
“Kinda… It’s your life that’s gonna get messed up when all this blows up in our faces,” David pointed out gently. “Not that it won’t suck for me too but… you have way more to lose than I do.”
“All I can think about is what I’m gaining and I just can’t see myself regretting it, no matter how bad the rest of it goes,” Ezra told him, his voice soft.
“You’re really willing to trade your friends for me? Even if you lose all of them?” David asked hesitantly.
Both of Ezra’s hands found David’s cheeks and he leaned closer, staring at him seriously as he said, “I would trade everything I’ve ever had for you.”
David felt like the room slowed around them and everything became hazy as he stared at Ezra, his lips parting and his breath shallow. As he laid there, his body on top of Ezra’s, staring down at him, his mind began to question how the other boy could have possibly felt so much for him. He didn’t understand what Ezra had seen in him from the moment they’d met, and how getting to know him had strengthened those feelings to the point that he hadn’t been able to deny them. All he ever did was sit there quietly, listening to their conversations, and drawing in his sketchpad. He would occasionally look up and make a comment or a quiet joke, and he couldn’t deny the flirtatious chemistry that had always existed between them, but for the most part he kept to himself. He just didn’t understand what was so appealing about that.
He knew Ezra had said that he liked how he was quiet and shy, that he was drawn to try to make him laugh, and that he thought he was cute, but as he looked in Ezra’s eyes and contemplated everything the other boy stood to lose, he just couldn’t imagine that he would ever be worth it. When everything inevitably fell apart, Hunter got his heart broken, and Ezra lost his friends, quite possibly all three of them, would he still feel that he had made the right choice in David? Would he feel resentment when the consequences of what their relationship - whatever their relationship ended up being - was going to cost him came to fruition? If they were together six months from now or a year from now, would Ezra regret everything he’d given up to be with him? Would David alone still feel like enough? He just didn’t see how he possibly could and wondered how long it would take before Ezra realized that David wasn’t as great as he seemed to think he was.
“Would you stop thinking so much?” Ezra said, giving a sigh. David blinked and pulled himself back from his thoughts, realizing the expression he was making and knowing that where his mind had gone must have been obvious on his face. He wondered how long he’d been silent since Ezra’s last words. “I’m gonna fix that self-esteem of yours if it’s the last thing I do,” he continued, pulling David’s face closer and bumping their foreheads together gently.
“I’m gonna start to think you’re reading my mind,” David joked a little weakly, feeling embarrassed at how easy it was for Ezra to read him.
“I don’t have to, all I have to do is read your face,” Ezra pointed out with a soft smile and despite the way he didn’t like this about himself, David laughed a little in response. “Stop thinking you’re not enough or worth it, it’s just not true.”
David nodded against Ezra’s forehead, replying with a quiet, “I’ll work on it.”
And then Ezra was kissing him again and David felt his stomach clench and his chest burn and suddenly nothing else existed or mattered. All of the guilt, all of the anxiety, all of the fear that Ezra was going to regret being with him just melted away and he allowed the warmth to take over every part of him. Everything felt right with the other boy’s lips against his and his hands on his face, and David couldn’t feel anything other than pure happiness in that moment. Ezra rolled him onto his back and came down on top of him, and David didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around the other boy’s neck and pull his body up into his. Ezra pulled away enough to begin to kiss down his neck and David moved his hands down to the other boy’s shoulders, digging his fingers in and tilting his head to the side to allow the other boy better access to his skin.
“I wish you never had to leave,” David breathed as he felt Ezra’s lips on his chest below his collarbone.
“I don’t have to tonight if you don’t want me to,” Ezra responded between kisses, and then David felt him take his skin in his mouth and begin to suck on it gently.
David lifted his body and pressed it harder against Ezra’s, squinting his eyes closed hard as the sensation of his skin in Ezra’s mouth took over all other feelings. “I want you to stay,” he responded, sounding breathless.
Then Ezra pushed himself up to look down at him, his warm brown eyes looking serious and determined. “Do you wanna be my boyfriend?” he asked without hesitation, taking David by surprise at the way the other boy just seemed capable of coming out and saying whatever crossed his mind the moment he thought it.
David nodded, his eyes wide and his cheeks pink as he gave a breathless, “Yeah.” He had never met anyone quite so forward and unafraid as Ezra was and he found himself admiring him again.
A smile spread across Ezra’s lips and his eyes softened before he responded with a gentle, “Good. You’re mine, then.”
“You’re not scared of anything, are you?” David asked him, smiling a little in return.
Ezra just shrugged, responding, “What’s the point? Life’s too short.” The smile fell from Ezra’s lips and he suddenly looked a little worried, something which David took notice of immediately and returned the expression. “You still want to even though we have to keep it a secret? I know that was an issue for you with Hunter but… we kind of don’t have much of a choice.”
David gave him a sad smile, feeling a little touched that Ezra had remembered this and was worrying about it. “Now who’s worrying too much?” David teased him gently, and he reached up and pressed his finger into the crease between Ezra’s eyebrows to try to smooth out his expression. This did the trick and Ezra’s face relaxed back into a smile, his eyes warm and soft. “This is different. Obviously I’d rather not have to hide it but… I mean, even the situation with the people in my life is different now. I haven’t talked to Jenny in months with us being at different schools, my dad’s gone all the time and my mom’s-” David cut himself off the moment he mentioned his mom, feeling sadness explode inside of him in an overwhelming manner. He pushed it down, unwilling to get emotional or talk about his mother’s death. He could see how Ezra’s face registered concern but he tightened his throat and pushed the lid back over the top of his pain, forcing his mind blank. “I don’t exactly have people to tell, so it’s fine.”
“David,” Ezra started gently, his eyes sad. “If you ever wanna talk about it-”
“I don’t,” David cut over him, forcing his eyes to be dead and his voice to be hard in an attempt to keep that pain in his throat and chest from overwhelming him and the lid from slipping open to let his suffering out. He saw the way Ezra seemed surprised at this response and he thought the other boy’s eyes showed hurt for the slightest moment before he composed himself, and David felt his stomach squeeze with guilt. “Sorry… I just… can’t,” David told him, and just these words were enough to bring a shine to his eyes. He saw Ezra’s face soften and David swallowed hard, forcing himself blank again and looking away.
They were quiet for a moment before he heard Ezra whisper, “Oh shit,” and felt the other boy's fingers on his chest.
“What?” David asked, and he looked down to Ezra’s fingers. Immediately he registered the hickey on his chest and his eyes widened and a soft scoff of surprise came out of him. “What did you do?!” he asked, though he couldn’t help the smile on his lips and the blush on his cheeks.
“Oops,” Ezra said, flashing him a guilty smile.
“At least you left it somewhere no one will find it,” David offered, and Ezra chuckled softly in response. David’s eyes went down to the hickey again and he couldn’t deny that he liked it for some reason, like he had been claimed by Ezra in an animalistic way. “It’s kinda hot,” he added, though he blushed harder, embarrassed at the admission.
“Oh yeah?” Ezra asked suggestively, and immediately he began kissing David’s neck. “Should I give you another one?” he continued, before biting gently at David’s neck under his jaw.
David closed his eyes and tried to suppress a moan of approval. “Hunter would lose his mind,” David breathed, though when Ezra bit him harder David grabbed onto the back of the other boy’s head and held him there firmly, feeling wild at the sensation. He didn’t understand it but he loved the feel of Ezra’s teeth on his skin and he found himself wanting it harder. The moment he felt his skin sucked into the other boy’s mouth his eyes shot open and he pushed him away, shaking his head quickly. “Absolutely not, nowhere someone will see it,” he warned, and Ezra chuckled with a devilish glint in his eyes.
“Alright, alright,” he responded in defeat. “I guess I’ll just have to settle with sucking somewhere else,” he added, his tone heavily suggestive. David’s eyes opened wide and he blushed hard but already Ezra was kissing his way down his body and taking him into his mouth, drawing a surprised moan from the back of David’s throat that this time he didn’t have to hold back or try to quiet. And just like that they were at it again, David grabbing onto handfuls of Ezra’s hair and leaning his head far back into his pillow as his body was overwhelmed with the sensation of Ezra’s warm mouth around him.
As the days progressed they would have to deal with the fact that they were now boyfriends and were dating in secret, but for that moment nothing existed but the two of them. Behind David’s closed bedroom door in the middle of the night, they could become enveloped in each other entirely and forget that anything else existed. In David’s bed, they didn’t have to think about Hunter, or Ben, or Noah. They didn’t have to think about their parents, and the fact that they would be hiding a huge, new part of themselves every day.
Neither one of them knew where this was going to go, and there was no way to anticipate where or if it was going to end. It was entirely unrealistic to expect that they would be able to keep it a secret forever, but would there come a day that they would stop hiding their relationship, either because their friends discovered the truth or because they decided to be honest? For the time being both of them were choosing to simply not think about it and to give into the desires they’d been holding themselves back from so desperately for the last three weeks, unable to do anything anymore other than give in. Now that they had fully experienced each other, staying apart no longer felt like a feasible option.
Author: shmorgenheigen
Chapter: Eighteen
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 6327
Summary: David Desrosiers is a seventeen year old boy when his father unexpectedly sells his family home, forcing him to move across town and switch schools for his senior year of high school. Having always been the victim of homophobic bullying, the idea of transferring to a new school for his final year isn’t all that uninviting, though when he runs into his toxic ex-boyfriend on his very first day, he suddenly finds himself yearning for the bullying of his old school, instead. David does his best to persevere in the face of an ex that he’s terrified of, intent on keeping his head down and making it through his final year in peace so he can move onto college and begin his adult life.
Disclaimer: Don't know, don't own, didn't happen!
Author's Note: This is an alternate universe story based off of Behind the Net, Behind the Net (Pierre’s POV), and Behind the Net: Across the Distance (A Sequel) where David never joins the hockey team, he and Pierre never become friends and start dating, and instead David is single when he comes across Hunter, Ezra, Noah, and Ben. I had so much fun when writing the sequel to Behind the Net with Hunter and Ezra and the boys, and Pierre was certain at various points during the sequel story David would have forgiven and dated Hunter if he had been single when he met Hunter again, and also that David and Ezra would have fallen for each other if Pierre had never been in the picture. Curiosity led me to thinking way too much about what David actually would have done in a scenario where he and Pierre had never fallen in love. Without dating Pierre and all of the growth and healing he did over the course of their relationship, David would have been a very different person and would have reacted very differently to meeting Hunter again. Before I knew it I got inspired and had to write it. Pierre makes a few guest appearances as a boy from the same small town, of course, but this is not a Pierre/David story, and I think it may actually be my favorite story I’ve ever written. If you give this a read, leave me a comment and let me know!
This story begins in the year 2015
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
When David woke that morning on Hunter’s couch, it was to see that Ezra was curled up on the other end of the couch with his back turned on the room and he wondered when he’d gotten up and gone over there. He had no recollection of Ezra leaving his arms, having not woken up even a little bit whenever he had done so, but he couldn’t deny that he was relieved to discover him there. He had acted the night before as if he wouldn’t care if Hunter saw them sleeping under the same blanket because he had only left one for the two of them, but realistically he knew the kind of commotion it would have caused for Hunter to walk out of his bedroom and find him under the blanket with Ezra, even if they had managed to sleep facing away from each other the whole night. He closed his eyes and laid back down, feeling bad for the other boy because the room around him was chilly even under the blanket, but he knew it was for the best that he had moved.
He heard movement in the kitchen and David’s mind latched onto it, waking him up more despite the hope that he would be able to fall back asleep for a little while. Still, he laid there for a while with his eyes closed, just listening to the sounds around him and wondering who was up already and who was asleep, and even wondering at the time of morning. He heard the sound of a bedroom door opening and closing, and due the proximity of the sound he knew it had to be Hunter’s. He didn’t allow his face to show that he’d heard the sound or that he was awake, glad suddenly that Hunter would see him and Ezra sleeping on separate ends of the couch and see proof that they had stayed away from each other overnight, even if it wasn’t true.
After a little more time passed David got up and walked his way to the kitchen, rubbing his eyes a little at the relatively small amount of sleep he had gotten considering he had been awake late with nerves over the other boy, and had ended up making out with and giving a blowjob to Ezra before they’d actually gone to sleep. The memory didn’t feel real when he recalled it, the way the other boy had so confidently touched him and hadn’t hesitated at all before moving down and pulling him into his mouth. He had always just assumed that Ezra had never been interested in guys and had never been with one before, but there was a certainty in his movements that made him start to question that. It seemed that the other boy had accepted his feelings for David so quickly and wasn’t afraid of them or to experience things with him. It certainly didn’t seem like that was his first time with another guy.
When he got into the kitchen David saw Hunter and Ben leaned against the counter, both drinking a cup of coffee. David smiled a little, his eyes sleepy and his hair mussed, and when Hunter caught sight of him he returned his smile with enthusiasm. “Did you sleep okay?” Hunter asked him.
David nodded and gave a quiet, “Yeah,” but as he did his eyes glanced toward Ben and he noticed the other boy was giving him an odd look. David’s eyebrows pulled together a little bit as he looked at him but quickly Ben gave him a smile and David did the same, wondering if the other boy had been lost in a thought and hadn’t intended that look for him, or if Ben truly had been looking at him in that way and had just hidden it for whatever reason.
“Coffee?” Hunter asked, and David pulled his eyes back to him and nodded again.
“Please,” David said softly, unable to interact much in the mornings until he drank a cup of coffee. He watched as Hunter reached into a cabinet and pulled out a mug and handed it to him, and David poured himself a cup and began to sip on it.
“You drink coffee black?” Hunter asked, sounding surprised. David nodded into his cup and closed his eyes a little, breathing in the smell and allowing it to wake up his senses a little bit.
Ezra walked around the corner and David glanced over at him, giving him a nod and moving his eyes back to his cup without allowing his gaze to linger. When he looked up, his eyes moved to Ben and for some reason he thought it looked like Ben was glaring at Ezra. He glanced back at Ezra with his eyebrows pulled together a little in curiosity, and when he did he saw that Ezra was glaring back at Ben. David blinked a few times and looked back to his coffee to hide his gaze, wondering what he had missed. Everything had been fine the night before when they had all gone to bed. When would they have had time to get in an argument in the last eight hours? Had something happened that morning, perhaps whenever Ezra had moved to the other end of the couch? He sipped on his coffee and told himself he would have to ask Ezra about it later, because it was clear that something had happened.
The morning passed without incident, though Ezra and Ben didn’t exchange a single word and avoided looking at each other to the point that David was certain something had happened between them by the time he was leaving in the early afternoon. He wanted to text Ezra to ask what had happened but there was part of him that worried the other boy might leave his phone laying around and one of the other three boys might see his text. How would Hunter react if he looked at Ezra’s phone to see David’s name pop up? He decided it would be best to just wait until they were alone at some point - something which he was certain now wouldn’t take too long to happen - to ask him about whatever argument they’d gotten into.
He went home and spent the rest of the day working on the homework he normally would have finished the night before, listening to music softly in the background to fill the silence as he did. He didn’t listen to his regular music, however. Instead he listened to the music that his friends listened to because it made him think of Ezra and it brought a soft smile to his lips and made his heart feel light. He laughed a little at the thought, realizing that the heavy guitars and the screaming made him feel bubbly and happy and knowing it was directly because of Ezra, but he couldn’t help how he felt anymore and after the night before with the other boy, he knew he wouldn’t be able to do anything to ebb the flow of these feelings.
At around nine PM his phone began to ring, a sound which he wasn’t expecting and which instantly filled him with a feeling of mild confusion. He picked up his phone and immediately registered Ezra’s name on the screen. He felt excitement bubble up inside of him and a wide smile spread on his lips, but he took a deep breath and forced himself to calm down a little, not wanting to sound overly excited when he answered.
“Hey,” he said, trying to sound casual as he did.
“What are you doing?” he heard Ezra’s voice ask.
“I’ll give you one guess,” David replied, a flirty smile spreading on his lips as he leaned back in his desk chair.
“Gotta be homework,” Ezra replied, his tone matching David’s smile.
“You know me already,” David told him.
“You’re just a nerd,” Ezra’s voice came, and David scoffed a little. He heard Ezra chuckle lightly at the sound and it brought a soft laugh from David.
“What are you doing?” David asked.
“Look out your window,” was Ezra’s response and David’s eyebrows pulled together and he turned to look at his bedroom window.
“My window?” he asked, moving to stand. He heard a gentle tapping on the window, and he smiled again, moving to pull up his blinds. As soon as he did he saw Ezra standing on the other side, a playful look on his face and his fingers resting against the glass. “What-” David started, but he hung up the phone and opened the window, a bewildered smile on his lips. “I have a door,” David pointed out, but without waiting Ezra hoisted himself up with both hands and was jumping up through his window. There was a boyish energy about him that David found inexplicably attractive and his cheeks flushed, unable to hold back his smile as he leaned past Ezra to pull his window closed and bring the blinds back down.
Ezra stood fully and his hands were immediately grabbing onto David’s waist, pulling him close with a charming smile as he replied, “Haven’t you ever seen a movie? It’s way more romantic to toss pebbles at your window.”
David slid his arms around Ezra’s middle and locked his fingers behind his back, leaning up to look at him with a flirty smile and a glimmer in his eyes. “I didn’t know you were such a romantic,” he teased.
“I guess I’ll have to show you,” Ezra replied, his smile softening, before leaning down and capturing David’s lips in a sweet kiss.
David closed his eyes and gave a soft, “Mmmm,” against his lips, his hands moving up to press into the other boy’s back. Ezra began to walk them backward until the backs of David’s legs bumped against the edge of his bed. He felt Ezra put his hand on his lower back and pull him in as he leaned forward, using his hand to gently lower David down to the mattress and coming down carefully on top of him. David slipped his hands under Ezra’s shirt, his hands traveling up his back, his fingers pressing into his skin.
After waiting so long for it and telling himself he could never have it, David couldn’t get over the way kissing Ezra and touching his body made him feel. It didn’t feel real that the other boy was there, inside his bedroom, laying on top of him in his bed, kissing him and touching him. It didn’t take long for their kisses to become more heated, for their hands to become more desperate, for their breathing to become loud and fast. Soon they were pulling off each other’s clothes and throwing them haphazardly to the floor, unable to wait even a second longer; David thought he had done all the waiting he could stand for the rest of his life.
A while later found the two laying in David’s bed, their arms wrapped around each other, their bodies pressed against each other with David’s blanket pulled up to their chests. David’s eyes were closed as he nestled against Ezra’s chest, smiling peacefully and clinging to the other boy like he couldn’t stand the idea of letting go. Ezra’s fingers were playing idly in his hair and the sensation made David feel warm and safe. Suddenly he felt a gentle kiss on the top of his head and David couldn’t help the way he smiled and hugged Ezra tighter, nuzzling his face against his chest and in his neck.
A thought popped in his mind, a question he’d asked Ezra twice before without getting an actual answer, and he pushed himself up and made eye contact with the other boy, smiling sweetly at him. “When did you start liking me?” he asked, staring into Ezra’s honey brown eyes with a playful smile.
Ezra looked back into David’s hazel eyes, a calm smile on his lips. His fingers ghosted across David’s cheek, bringing a tingle to the pit of David’s stomach and light blush to his cheeks. Ezra’s eyes again showed an emotion that felt deep and real in a way that surprised David, not understanding what he had done to have earned such affection from the other boy. “I liked you the first time I met you,” Ezra said, his voice as soft as his eyes. David’s eyes widened a little and his blush deepened, surprised entirely by the answer. “I didn’t start to see it though until we all started hanging out with you and Hunter at lunch every day. There wasn’t one ‘aha’ moment where I realized I liked you, I just kinda… became more and more aware of it. I kept realizing how much I looked at you and tried to get you to laugh… Not that you noticed,” he finished, smiling and raising an eyebrow at his last statement.
David chewed on his lip a little, flashing the other boy a guilty smile as he did. “Sorry,” he responded quietly.
Ezra shook his head and stroked his thumb across David’s cheek. “I mean, you were always looking down at whatever you were drawing, how could you have noticed?” he teased, drawing a soft smile from David in response. “You were just so quiet and shy. It was so different from what I was used to… And I thought you were really cute. And whenever I got you to look at me and smile or talk to me, your eyes were so bright and alive. It only took about a week after we all started having lunch with you before I had to admit to myself that I liked you.”
“Did that… freak you out at all?” David asked a little hesitantly.
Ezra shook his head, his grip on David’s cheek becoming a little stronger as he said, “Not even for a second.”
“Really?” David asked in surprise. “Have you ever been interested in a guy before?”
Again Ezra shook his head, responding, “Not once.”
“But… you were just… fine with it right away?” David continued, baffled at the idea that Ezra hadn’t even once pushed back against the thought as someone who had formerly thought himself entirely straight. Even David had rejected the idea at first when he had been in middle school and had started to realize that he thought he liked boys.
“Yeah, why not?” Ezra asked nonchalantly. David stared at him with wonder, amazed by him in every way. He had started to wonder just that morning if Ezra had been with a guy before with the way he had without hesitation given him a handjob and had even initiated a blowjob and swallowed. To hear definitively that Ezra had never even thought about being with a guy before him but had accepted it fully without fear made David respect him in an entirely new way. “I just knew something was there from the start, and I tried to ignore it because of Hunter but I couldn’t. I kept touching you without meaning to, kinda innocent at first, like putting my arm around you or shaking your shoulder… but before I knew it I was really flirting with you… tickling you… playing with you… touching your side on the bus…” he continued, ending with a guilty smile.
David blushed and gave a nervous laugh. “I feel really stupid now that I didn’t see all that for what it was,” he admitted quietly.
Ezra shook his head and smiled softly, saying, “You just weren’t ready to see it yet.” David looked at him for a moment longer before resting his head on Ezra’s chest again and giving a soft sigh of contentment. He heard Ezra laugh lightly before the other boy added, “When you leaned your head against my shoulder on the bus I thought I was gonna die.”
David laughed lightly in response and pushed himself up to look down at him again, finding the admission incredibly cute. “I wouldn’t have ever guessed. Even when you called me - or I guess the ‘scrawny gay kid’ cute and rubbed your knee against mine, you never showed it on your face if you were feeling anything. You looked totally unaffected and it was really confusing. I had no idea if you meant any of it or if I was just reading into everything too much until you grabbed my hand that day at lunch.”
“I thought I was being really obvious,” Ezra replied with a crooked smirk.
“How the hell was any of that obvious?” David retorted quickly, his eyebrows pulled together.
“Why else would I have called you cute or touched you like that?” Ezra pointed out. David blushed a little and shrugged his shoulders. “After the first couple days I figured I should pump the breaks though ‘cause I could tell I was just giving you a panic attack,” he added, laughing lightly at the memory of how flustered David had been by his actions.
“Of course I was having a panic attack! You did it in front of everyone else!” David pointed out, grinning and laughing incredulously at the other boy. “Why couldn’t you have just gotten me alone and done any of that?”
“I tried,” Ezra replied, returning his grin. When David only looked confused, he continued, “I tried to get you alone by saying I was taking you to the nurse’s office, remember? I knew there wasn’t anything wrong with you. I was gonna take you down any empty hallway I could find and kiss you but you insisted on going yourself and ran away.”
David’s jaw dropped as Ezra’s words washed over him, realization of how blind he’d been hitting him hard. “Oh my god, I’m so stupid,” he breathed, shaking his head at himself in disbelief.
“Nah, you just don’t think enough of yourself. It’s like you can’t believe that someone would actually be into you so you ignore all the obvious signs,” Ezra teased gently, earning blush and a playful glare from David. A devilish smile spread across Ezra’s lips and he raised an eyebrow as he said, “I know exactly when you started liking me, and when you realized it.”
“Oh really?” David responded, matching Ezra’s playful, flirty tone.
“You started liking me when I came over to fix your car,” Ezra responded, and the playful smile slipped from David’s lips immediately. “And you realized it when you were putting that stuff on my lip after I got punched by that guy,” he continued, shocking David further. “But there was chemistry there from the start, you just weren’t in place to see it because of Hunter.”
“Wha-” David started and cut himself off in surprise. “How…?”
Ezra touched his index finger to the tip of David’s nose and playfully walked his index and middle fingers up the bridge of his nose, stopping once he got to his forehead and poking him gently. “You can’t hide anything you feel. It all shows on your face,” he said, the smirk never leaving his lips. David blushed, having known this about himself and hating it. “See, now you’re embarrassed and thinking about how much you hate how obvious you are,” Ezra told him, making the redness in David’s cheeks only deepen. “But it’s my favorite thing about you.”
David didn’t know what to say, part of him liking how much Ezra saw him, most of him embarrassed just as the other boy had said. “It’s a little scary how well you know me,” David responded, the corners of his lips lifting again despite his embarrassment. Ezra chuckled lightly at his words, stroking his thumb across David’s cheek again. “I have some catching up to do. I feel like I don’t know anything about you.”
“Oh, so you just like me because I’m hot?” Ezra teased.
“No!” David protested, sounding a little offended, and Ezra laughed a little more at him. “I mean, yeah, I think you’re hot as fuck and I definitely checked you out when we hung out at the movie theater… but there’s more to it than that. You’re just so… bright and charming and funny...” David explained, and he could see the way his words were affecting Ezra, making him smile, clearly pleased at the way David viewed him. And though he had captured part of it, there was so much more that David wanted the other boy to know. “You make me feel like… not hiding for once, like… I can just be me and I’m not scared at all,” he continued, his voice softening. The smile faded from Ezra’s lips and the other boy just looked at him, his eyes gentle and filled with that deep emotion he had yet to express but that David could feel in him. “Talking to you feels so natural, just like breathing, and I don’t feel like I have to try to put a face on or be someone I’m not. I just feel like… the best version of me… Like… I’m free.”
As he looked at Ezra, he thought it looked like there was something behind his eyes, like the other boy wanted to say something but was holding himself back. David pushed himself closer so he was holding himself over him, his face so close that his nose was brushing against his. “I might kind of like you a lot,” David said playfully.
The crooked smirk spread across Ezra’s lips again and his fingers moved to tangle in the hair on the back of David’s head, his eyes bright as he replied, “I might kinda like you a lot, too.”
David lowered himself down and they kissed, warmth spreading through David’s chest and into his limbs. He pulled back and smiled at the other boy for a moment longer before laying back on his chest with his eyes closed, happiness tingling in every part of his body. They laid in a comfortable silence for several minutes before Ezra’s voice pulled David back to the moment at hand.
“I have to tell you something… and I don’t really want to but… I feel like I have to,” Ezra said, and the uncharacteristic nervousness in his voice made worry twist in David’s stomach instantly. He pushed himself back up, using his forearm across Ezra’s chest, and looked at him with worried curiosity. “Ben and Noah are suspicious of us, too,” Ezra told him, and David’s face went blank and he felt as if his heart dropped to his stomach. “Ben came out this morning and saw us together on the couch and he confronted me about you. I told him nothing was going on but he didn't believe me, he said it’s obvious we like each other, that Noah sees it too, and told me not to do it.”
David chewed on his lip, his eyes turning sad, but didn’t say anything. So it wasn’t just Hunter, then; the others saw it, too. David felt helpless that his efforts to keep himself away from Ezra hadn’t worked no matter how hard he had tried to hardly look at or talk to him. Sure, there were those little interactions where they would playfully banter but he would always go back to his sketchpad or his lunch after and it would quickly die out. He supposed if he thought about it, however, he could see how these interactions would stand out to the others as at most other times David sat quietly by, smiling and listening but not participating much in their conversations. The few times he did speak up and join the conversation, the majority of the time it was to say something to Ezra, and when he looked up from whatever he was drawing more often than not it was to look at Ezra. He realized if they were going to somehow keep this a secret and get the others’ suspicion off of them, he was going to have to start to interact more actively with the others.
“We’re gonna have to be less obvious,” Ezra said seriously, and David nodded in response. “I thought we were being less obvious already but… apparently not.”
Suddenly David remembered the glares Ezra and Ben were exchanging that morning, and the odd look Ben had given to him after Hunter had asked if he’d slept okay, and it all made sense. “So that’s why you and Ben seemed mad at each other this morning,” David said. Ezra nodded and David gave a nervous sigh. “And that’s why you were on the other side of the couch when I woke up,” David continued, and again Ezra nodded.
“Yeah he was pretty pissed seeing us together. He said Hunter was gonna kill me if he saw us together like that, and I know it pissed him off more that I didn’t just admit it when he called me out,” Ezra said, sounding down in a way that he usually didn’t.
“I’m sorry,” David whispered to him, and Ezra’s brow furrowed and he shook his head.
“It’s not your fault,” he replied gently.
“I mean, it kind of is though,” David said. “I’m the one who told you to come share the blanket.”
“And every time we’ve flirted in front of them was because I flirted with you first and you just responded,” Ezra threw back, smiling a little in spite of himself. “Every time we’ve kissed has been my fault, too. I just couldn’t stay away from you,” he added, and David knew he couldn’t deny that fact.
David gave him a sad smile that slowly faded, leaving nothing but sadness in his eyes. “We’re in trouble, aren’t we?” he asked, his voice hesitant.
“Yeah… I think we are,” Ezra admitted. “Is it bad that I don’t care?”
“Kinda… It’s your life that’s gonna get messed up when all this blows up in our faces,” David pointed out gently. “Not that it won’t suck for me too but… you have way more to lose than I do.”
“All I can think about is what I’m gaining and I just can’t see myself regretting it, no matter how bad the rest of it goes,” Ezra told him, his voice soft.
“You’re really willing to trade your friends for me? Even if you lose all of them?” David asked hesitantly.
Both of Ezra’s hands found David’s cheeks and he leaned closer, staring at him seriously as he said, “I would trade everything I’ve ever had for you.”
David felt like the room slowed around them and everything became hazy as he stared at Ezra, his lips parting and his breath shallow. As he laid there, his body on top of Ezra’s, staring down at him, his mind began to question how the other boy could have possibly felt so much for him. He didn’t understand what Ezra had seen in him from the moment they’d met, and how getting to know him had strengthened those feelings to the point that he hadn’t been able to deny them. All he ever did was sit there quietly, listening to their conversations, and drawing in his sketchpad. He would occasionally look up and make a comment or a quiet joke, and he couldn’t deny the flirtatious chemistry that had always existed between them, but for the most part he kept to himself. He just didn’t understand what was so appealing about that.
He knew Ezra had said that he liked how he was quiet and shy, that he was drawn to try to make him laugh, and that he thought he was cute, but as he looked in Ezra’s eyes and contemplated everything the other boy stood to lose, he just couldn’t imagine that he would ever be worth it. When everything inevitably fell apart, Hunter got his heart broken, and Ezra lost his friends, quite possibly all three of them, would he still feel that he had made the right choice in David? Would he feel resentment when the consequences of what their relationship - whatever their relationship ended up being - was going to cost him came to fruition? If they were together six months from now or a year from now, would Ezra regret everything he’d given up to be with him? Would David alone still feel like enough? He just didn’t see how he possibly could and wondered how long it would take before Ezra realized that David wasn’t as great as he seemed to think he was.
“Would you stop thinking so much?” Ezra said, giving a sigh. David blinked and pulled himself back from his thoughts, realizing the expression he was making and knowing that where his mind had gone must have been obvious on his face. He wondered how long he’d been silent since Ezra’s last words. “I’m gonna fix that self-esteem of yours if it’s the last thing I do,” he continued, pulling David’s face closer and bumping their foreheads together gently.
“I’m gonna start to think you’re reading my mind,” David joked a little weakly, feeling embarrassed at how easy it was for Ezra to read him.
“I don’t have to, all I have to do is read your face,” Ezra pointed out with a soft smile and despite the way he didn’t like this about himself, David laughed a little in response. “Stop thinking you’re not enough or worth it, it’s just not true.”
David nodded against Ezra’s forehead, replying with a quiet, “I’ll work on it.”
And then Ezra was kissing him again and David felt his stomach clench and his chest burn and suddenly nothing else existed or mattered. All of the guilt, all of the anxiety, all of the fear that Ezra was going to regret being with him just melted away and he allowed the warmth to take over every part of him. Everything felt right with the other boy’s lips against his and his hands on his face, and David couldn’t feel anything other than pure happiness in that moment. Ezra rolled him onto his back and came down on top of him, and David didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around the other boy’s neck and pull his body up into his. Ezra pulled away enough to begin to kiss down his neck and David moved his hands down to the other boy’s shoulders, digging his fingers in and tilting his head to the side to allow the other boy better access to his skin.
“I wish you never had to leave,” David breathed as he felt Ezra’s lips on his chest below his collarbone.
“I don’t have to tonight if you don’t want me to,” Ezra responded between kisses, and then David felt him take his skin in his mouth and begin to suck on it gently.
David lifted his body and pressed it harder against Ezra’s, squinting his eyes closed hard as the sensation of his skin in Ezra’s mouth took over all other feelings. “I want you to stay,” he responded, sounding breathless.
Then Ezra pushed himself up to look down at him, his warm brown eyes looking serious and determined. “Do you wanna be my boyfriend?” he asked without hesitation, taking David by surprise at the way the other boy just seemed capable of coming out and saying whatever crossed his mind the moment he thought it.
David nodded, his eyes wide and his cheeks pink as he gave a breathless, “Yeah.” He had never met anyone quite so forward and unafraid as Ezra was and he found himself admiring him again.
A smile spread across Ezra’s lips and his eyes softened before he responded with a gentle, “Good. You’re mine, then.”
“You’re not scared of anything, are you?” David asked him, smiling a little in return.
Ezra just shrugged, responding, “What’s the point? Life’s too short.” The smile fell from Ezra’s lips and he suddenly looked a little worried, something which David took notice of immediately and returned the expression. “You still want to even though we have to keep it a secret? I know that was an issue for you with Hunter but… we kind of don’t have much of a choice.”
David gave him a sad smile, feeling a little touched that Ezra had remembered this and was worrying about it. “Now who’s worrying too much?” David teased him gently, and he reached up and pressed his finger into the crease between Ezra’s eyebrows to try to smooth out his expression. This did the trick and Ezra’s face relaxed back into a smile, his eyes warm and soft. “This is different. Obviously I’d rather not have to hide it but… I mean, even the situation with the people in my life is different now. I haven’t talked to Jenny in months with us being at different schools, my dad’s gone all the time and my mom’s-” David cut himself off the moment he mentioned his mom, feeling sadness explode inside of him in an overwhelming manner. He pushed it down, unwilling to get emotional or talk about his mother’s death. He could see how Ezra’s face registered concern but he tightened his throat and pushed the lid back over the top of his pain, forcing his mind blank. “I don’t exactly have people to tell, so it’s fine.”
“David,” Ezra started gently, his eyes sad. “If you ever wanna talk about it-”
“I don’t,” David cut over him, forcing his eyes to be dead and his voice to be hard in an attempt to keep that pain in his throat and chest from overwhelming him and the lid from slipping open to let his suffering out. He saw the way Ezra seemed surprised at this response and he thought the other boy’s eyes showed hurt for the slightest moment before he composed himself, and David felt his stomach squeeze with guilt. “Sorry… I just… can’t,” David told him, and just these words were enough to bring a shine to his eyes. He saw Ezra’s face soften and David swallowed hard, forcing himself blank again and looking away.
They were quiet for a moment before he heard Ezra whisper, “Oh shit,” and felt the other boy's fingers on his chest.
“What?” David asked, and he looked down to Ezra’s fingers. Immediately he registered the hickey on his chest and his eyes widened and a soft scoff of surprise came out of him. “What did you do?!” he asked, though he couldn’t help the smile on his lips and the blush on his cheeks.
“Oops,” Ezra said, flashing him a guilty smile.
“At least you left it somewhere no one will find it,” David offered, and Ezra chuckled softly in response. David’s eyes went down to the hickey again and he couldn’t deny that he liked it for some reason, like he had been claimed by Ezra in an animalistic way. “It’s kinda hot,” he added, though he blushed harder, embarrassed at the admission.
“Oh yeah?” Ezra asked suggestively, and immediately he began kissing David’s neck. “Should I give you another one?” he continued, before biting gently at David’s neck under his jaw.
David closed his eyes and tried to suppress a moan of approval. “Hunter would lose his mind,” David breathed, though when Ezra bit him harder David grabbed onto the back of the other boy’s head and held him there firmly, feeling wild at the sensation. He didn’t understand it but he loved the feel of Ezra’s teeth on his skin and he found himself wanting it harder. The moment he felt his skin sucked into the other boy’s mouth his eyes shot open and he pushed him away, shaking his head quickly. “Absolutely not, nowhere someone will see it,” he warned, and Ezra chuckled with a devilish glint in his eyes.
“Alright, alright,” he responded in defeat. “I guess I’ll just have to settle with sucking somewhere else,” he added, his tone heavily suggestive. David’s eyes opened wide and he blushed hard but already Ezra was kissing his way down his body and taking him into his mouth, drawing a surprised moan from the back of David’s throat that this time he didn’t have to hold back or try to quiet. And just like that they were at it again, David grabbing onto handfuls of Ezra’s hair and leaning his head far back into his pillow as his body was overwhelmed with the sensation of Ezra’s warm mouth around him.
As the days progressed they would have to deal with the fact that they were now boyfriends and were dating in secret, but for that moment nothing existed but the two of them. Behind David’s closed bedroom door in the middle of the night, they could become enveloped in each other entirely and forget that anything else existed. In David’s bed, they didn’t have to think about Hunter, or Ben, or Noah. They didn’t have to think about their parents, and the fact that they would be hiding a huge, new part of themselves every day.
Neither one of them knew where this was going to go, and there was no way to anticipate where or if it was going to end. It was entirely unrealistic to expect that they would be able to keep it a secret forever, but would there come a day that they would stop hiding their relationship, either because their friends discovered the truth or because they decided to be honest? For the time being both of them were choosing to simply not think about it and to give into the desires they’d been holding themselves back from so desperately for the last three weeks, unable to do anything anymore other than give in. Now that they had fully experienced each other, staying apart no longer felt like a feasible option.