Don't Make This Easy (Chapter 8)
Title: Don't Make This Easy
Author: sherrycookies
Pairing: Alex Gaskarth/ Jack Barakat
Rating: R
Summary: Alex is the new tutor at a new job in a new place far from home in Victorian England. What happens when he starts to get unwanted feelings toward his new master?
Disclaimer: I don't own All Time Low, blah blah blah.
Surprisingly, Alex was oddly calm after he had come to his realization. He had recovered from the initial shock and just accepted it. It wasn’t a huge deal for him really; an explanation for his affection for his master was greatly appreciated.
That didn’t exactly change his mood in a snap, either. Of course, he was still upset to find out that the love of his life was with another woman, but he knew he had to hide it. He didn’t want anybody else to question him about this; for fear that he wouldn’t be able to keep a straight face. Some people, as he learned so far, are really good at reading your feelings.
Things were fairly quiet for the following weeks. Things resumed the way that they were when Alex first arrived at Thornfield. Really, it was nice, but it was boring. It was like, once he had a taste of what could be, he could never go back to the way things were before. As much as he tried, he could not seem to shake the fact that something was missing from his life.
Every day, he woke up at the same time. Every day he had breakfast with the same people. Every day he did his teaching job. Every day he stopped at the same time. Every day he had dinner with the same people. Every day he went for an evening walk along the same route. Every day he went to bed at the same time, just to start the cycle over again. It wasn’t until the third week that he figured this out. He had been stuck in a rut; the one thing he feared the most.
To stop this, he decided to switch things up a little. He woke up at various times. He gave Wendy little gifts to surprise her. He chose different routes for his walks. Sometimes he started conversations with the other servants, mostly so they wouldn’t think him too anti-social. He went to bed at different times. Occasionally, he’d head over to the library and play a little piano and sing. Singing mostly took up his spare time. He had always been dedicated to music, yet he never seemed to have the time for it. When Jack was around, he was mostly occupied. But now that he was gone, he seemed to have too much time for it.
A couple times, some people would stumble upon the library when he was in it singing, and they would come in. They would sit for a minute and listen, before complimenting on his voice: one of the only things he was proud of. For him, music was one of the beautiful things in the world.
Music was how Alex kept his mind off the mess that was his love life. Well, technically it wasn’t an “official” love life, considering Jack didn’t feel the same way about him. He actually didn’t know what to call it. Are there words for “the-love-of-my-life-is-a-man-four-years-older-than-men-who-owns-more-money-than-I-will-ever-make-in-my-life-and-is-going-to-marry-a-woman-while-I-stand-idly-by”? No, he didn’t think that there was.
Meanwhile, Zack wasn’t helping him keep his mind off things. One he got him to spit out any knowledge he had of Holly, he wouldn’t shut up about her. All he did was go on and on about her beauty and talent. Alex unwillingly learned that she was an opera singer and a ballroom dancer. She also painted beautiful pictures and drew brilliant sketches. She was the daughter of a wealthy politician and a well-educated woman. And if that wasn’t enough, Zack managed to find EVERY THING in the house that she had given Jack as a gift. A drawing here, a portrait there, a miniature statue here, a love letter there, that girl seemed to be everywhere, and it was driving Alex insane.
Alex couldn’t show his feelings. He just could not. And after years and years of practice, he had perfected the art of hiding the fact that he was falling apart inside. The only times that he could show any emotion was when it was positive, and when he lay in bed at night, crying. As much as he hated to admit it, he hadn’t gotten a good night sleep since Jack left. There isn’t a single night where he sleeps quietly. And the nightmares came back.
Alex used to have nightmares; terrifying, bone-chilling, blood-curdling nightmares. Constantly, he would be dreaming that he was on fire, that he was drowning, that he was sentenced to death, that he was watching EVERYBODY that he loved die in front of him. Nearly every night he was plagued by nightmares. He’d wake up screaming, yet no one would come to check on him. Then he’d stay awake the rest of the night, for fear that the same dream would creep up on him. Most days he would be exhausted in his effort to stay up. In the mornings, he would just drown a cup of coffee and try his best to not fall asleep.
After this had been happening for a while (a.k.a the existential crisis’s, the loneliness, Zack talking to him about his love’s future wife, the nightmares, the sleepless nights, etc.), he finally realized something. Was all this happening to him, because Jack was gone? That would be a little logical, as he has never had all these physiological problems before at the same time, yet again, Jack was just a person. Why would somebody have such a huge impact of his physical and mental health?
Because you love him, idiot, his mind whispered. If that was the case, he needed Jack back right now, before he went insane.
One cloudy day, he was out for a walk. In reality, he should have been sleeping or at least relaxing. Instead, he decided to take a long walk. Not the best idea, but it did help take his mind off things. He whistled a couple notes and stuck his hands into his pockets. It was still pretty cold for early spring. He looked around. The trees were still bare and the grass was still brown. Looks like no sign of any life anywhere really. It was as if Jack had sucked all the liveliness out of Thornfield. Alex mentally slapped himself for that thought. ‘Jack is just a person,’ he scolded himself. ‘Just forget about it.’
When he did get back to the manor, however, he was surprised to find it buzzing with life. There were a few new servants that he had never seen before running around cleaning things. He took off his coat and went in search of Cassadee.
He did eventually find her in one of the vacant rooms, dusting vigorously. “Cass, what’s going on?”
“Oh, did you hear? Mr. Barakat is returning tomorrow.”
Alex’s heart soared. “Ah! You’re joking! How do you know?”
“He sent a telegram a few hours ago. He said that we should ready the house. He’s bringing as guest as well. Maybe you should ask Zack about it. He did get the telegram, after all. I’m busy now, these rooms haven’t been cleaned in ages,” she said quickly. Then she shooed him out of the room. Now all he had to do was find Zack.
He found the caretaker in the main atrium instructing the new servants on where to go. “Zack, what’s going on?”
He turned to Alex. “Mr. Barakat is coming back TOMORROW. He just sent word today. He could at least give a few more days’ notice,” he complained.
“If he’s just returning, why are you so feverishly preparing?”
“He’s bringing a guest. And not just any guest, Holly Madison. Isn’t that lovely? She’s coming here! I’d be surprised if they’re not wed by the summer.”
His stomach dropped. Holly Madison, Jack’s future wife, coming to Thornfield. No, he couldn’t handle that. He could barely take just hearing about her, but having her, in the flesh, in the same house as him? He had already accepted the fact that he and Jack could never be together, but a constant reminder of that would make him lose his mind.
A/N: Hey guys! Sorry for the really uneventful chapter, the next one will be better, I promise. I hope you all are having a fabulous year so far, and I got tickets to see ATL in April, so I'm pumped. I do appreciated everyone who is reading this, thanks a lot, even if you don't comment (though I do love comments). This chapter literally went up against all odds, I was experiencing some difficulties with my computer, but it's all good now. Anyways, I'm rambling, sorry. Thanks for reading and please comment! <3
Author: sherrycookies
Pairing: Alex Gaskarth/ Jack Barakat
Rating: R
Summary: Alex is the new tutor at a new job in a new place far from home in Victorian England. What happens when he starts to get unwanted feelings toward his new master?
Disclaimer: I don't own All Time Low, blah blah blah.
Surprisingly, Alex was oddly calm after he had come to his realization. He had recovered from the initial shock and just accepted it. It wasn’t a huge deal for him really; an explanation for his affection for his master was greatly appreciated.
That didn’t exactly change his mood in a snap, either. Of course, he was still upset to find out that the love of his life was with another woman, but he knew he had to hide it. He didn’t want anybody else to question him about this; for fear that he wouldn’t be able to keep a straight face. Some people, as he learned so far, are really good at reading your feelings.
Things were fairly quiet for the following weeks. Things resumed the way that they were when Alex first arrived at Thornfield. Really, it was nice, but it was boring. It was like, once he had a taste of what could be, he could never go back to the way things were before. As much as he tried, he could not seem to shake the fact that something was missing from his life.
Every day, he woke up at the same time. Every day he had breakfast with the same people. Every day he did his teaching job. Every day he stopped at the same time. Every day he had dinner with the same people. Every day he went for an evening walk along the same route. Every day he went to bed at the same time, just to start the cycle over again. It wasn’t until the third week that he figured this out. He had been stuck in a rut; the one thing he feared the most.
To stop this, he decided to switch things up a little. He woke up at various times. He gave Wendy little gifts to surprise her. He chose different routes for his walks. Sometimes he started conversations with the other servants, mostly so they wouldn’t think him too anti-social. He went to bed at different times. Occasionally, he’d head over to the library and play a little piano and sing. Singing mostly took up his spare time. He had always been dedicated to music, yet he never seemed to have the time for it. When Jack was around, he was mostly occupied. But now that he was gone, he seemed to have too much time for it.
A couple times, some people would stumble upon the library when he was in it singing, and they would come in. They would sit for a minute and listen, before complimenting on his voice: one of the only things he was proud of. For him, music was one of the beautiful things in the world.
Music was how Alex kept his mind off the mess that was his love life. Well, technically it wasn’t an “official” love life, considering Jack didn’t feel the same way about him. He actually didn’t know what to call it. Are there words for “the-love-of-my-life-is-a-man-four-years-older-than-men-who-owns-more-money-than-I-will-ever-make-in-my-life-and-is-going-to-marry-a-woman-while-I-stand-idly-by”? No, he didn’t think that there was.
Meanwhile, Zack wasn’t helping him keep his mind off things. One he got him to spit out any knowledge he had of Holly, he wouldn’t shut up about her. All he did was go on and on about her beauty and talent. Alex unwillingly learned that she was an opera singer and a ballroom dancer. She also painted beautiful pictures and drew brilliant sketches. She was the daughter of a wealthy politician and a well-educated woman. And if that wasn’t enough, Zack managed to find EVERY THING in the house that she had given Jack as a gift. A drawing here, a portrait there, a miniature statue here, a love letter there, that girl seemed to be everywhere, and it was driving Alex insane.
Alex couldn’t show his feelings. He just could not. And after years and years of practice, he had perfected the art of hiding the fact that he was falling apart inside. The only times that he could show any emotion was when it was positive, and when he lay in bed at night, crying. As much as he hated to admit it, he hadn’t gotten a good night sleep since Jack left. There isn’t a single night where he sleeps quietly. And the nightmares came back.
Alex used to have nightmares; terrifying, bone-chilling, blood-curdling nightmares. Constantly, he would be dreaming that he was on fire, that he was drowning, that he was sentenced to death, that he was watching EVERYBODY that he loved die in front of him. Nearly every night he was plagued by nightmares. He’d wake up screaming, yet no one would come to check on him. Then he’d stay awake the rest of the night, for fear that the same dream would creep up on him. Most days he would be exhausted in his effort to stay up. In the mornings, he would just drown a cup of coffee and try his best to not fall asleep.
After this had been happening for a while (a.k.a the existential crisis’s, the loneliness, Zack talking to him about his love’s future wife, the nightmares, the sleepless nights, etc.), he finally realized something. Was all this happening to him, because Jack was gone? That would be a little logical, as he has never had all these physiological problems before at the same time, yet again, Jack was just a person. Why would somebody have such a huge impact of his physical and mental health?
Because you love him, idiot, his mind whispered. If that was the case, he needed Jack back right now, before he went insane.
One cloudy day, he was out for a walk. In reality, he should have been sleeping or at least relaxing. Instead, he decided to take a long walk. Not the best idea, but it did help take his mind off things. He whistled a couple notes and stuck his hands into his pockets. It was still pretty cold for early spring. He looked around. The trees were still bare and the grass was still brown. Looks like no sign of any life anywhere really. It was as if Jack had sucked all the liveliness out of Thornfield. Alex mentally slapped himself for that thought. ‘Jack is just a person,’ he scolded himself. ‘Just forget about it.’
When he did get back to the manor, however, he was surprised to find it buzzing with life. There were a few new servants that he had never seen before running around cleaning things. He took off his coat and went in search of Cassadee.
He did eventually find her in one of the vacant rooms, dusting vigorously. “Cass, what’s going on?”
“Oh, did you hear? Mr. Barakat is returning tomorrow.”
Alex’s heart soared. “Ah! You’re joking! How do you know?”
“He sent a telegram a few hours ago. He said that we should ready the house. He’s bringing as guest as well. Maybe you should ask Zack about it. He did get the telegram, after all. I’m busy now, these rooms haven’t been cleaned in ages,” she said quickly. Then she shooed him out of the room. Now all he had to do was find Zack.
He found the caretaker in the main atrium instructing the new servants on where to go. “Zack, what’s going on?”
He turned to Alex. “Mr. Barakat is coming back TOMORROW. He just sent word today. He could at least give a few more days’ notice,” he complained.
“If he’s just returning, why are you so feverishly preparing?”
“He’s bringing a guest. And not just any guest, Holly Madison. Isn’t that lovely? She’s coming here! I’d be surprised if they’re not wed by the summer.”
His stomach dropped. Holly Madison, Jack’s future wife, coming to Thornfield. No, he couldn’t handle that. He could barely take just hearing about her, but having her, in the flesh, in the same house as him? He had already accepted the fact that he and Jack could never be together, but a constant reminder of that would make him lose his mind.
A/N: Hey guys! Sorry for the really uneventful chapter, the next one will be better, I promise. I hope you all are having a fabulous year so far, and I got tickets to see ATL in April, so I'm pumped. I do appreciated everyone who is reading this, thanks a lot, even if you don't comment (though I do love comments). This chapter literally went up against all odds, I was experiencing some difficulties with my computer, but it's all good now. Anyways, I'm rambling, sorry. Thanks for reading and please comment! <3