The Theory of Narrative Causality (4a/5ish)
anonymous
May 28 2011, 15:21:51 UTC
oh god, you all, you are dangerously lovely, and i can only hope this update lives up to your expectations. thank you so much for all your encouragement and kindness, I keep it well-loved. &hearts
ALSO. the fantastic raggedyhipster has writtenfic of this (&hearts&hearts&hearts). if you haven't read it, go do it right now, it's amazing.
...
cute enough to shoot you down (jumperfucker) wrote,
Ahahahah, okay, so. This fic featuring consulting_detective and myself was written on the kinkmeme. I read it, I LOL'd, and then I showed it to consulting_detective, who can't be arsed to browse the meme like a normal human being and so apparently relies on me to rec him the best stuff.
We giggled over it like a pair of schoolboys. And then we wrote a prequel to it, because apparently we're as mad as they go.
(So this is fic about fic about, well, fic. I need a YOU'VE BEEN INCEPTION'D macro now.)
Title: WHAT THE HELL IS THIS no seriously, we couldn't find a title so yeah, it doesn't get one Authors: consulting_detective and jumperfucker Characters:
( ... )
The Theory of Narrative Causality (4b/5ish)
anonymous
May 28 2011, 15:27:46 UTC
you (22:11): … oh, come off it. nobody's really called sherlock holmes.
consulting_detective (22:11): And yet, I am. My parents had a very peculiar sense of humour.
you (22:12): do you have a brother no hold on, i don't think i want to know you're getting really deep into the persona, then. deductions? really?
consulting_detective (22:12): It seemed like the right thing to do. You are being very hypocritical, Doctor John Watson.
you (22:13): how oh, god, of course you'd know, you would that's different, though. my parents never read the books. the medicine, the army, it was a complete coincidence. i didn't even realize until i came home to london and read the stories again. so is this, by the way. i mean, i'm called john watson, and i meet a sherlock holes? *holmes what are the odds?
consulting_detective (22:14): I should say seven thousand and one hundred and sixty-three to one against.
you (22:15): did you actually calculate that, or did you just guess?
The Theory of Narrative Causality (4c/5ish)
anonymous
May 28 2011, 15:31:36 UTC
(hchatmod) wrote in holmeschat,
THIS IS PART XVI.
DO NOT POST IN PART XV.
THE RULES ARE HERE.
(4874 comments) - (post a comment)
the_professor Hello, my darlings!
I am quite new to your quaint little community and its pretty little rules - hullo, Moddie dear! - but I'm told I ought to pay my respects to the members of this remarkable fandom. After all, you will come to know me much better in upcoming days!
Now, then. I am also told that there are some… shall we say, recalcitrant people among you all. Surely that will not do at all. Take salts_theway, for instance. Very unladylike, you are, my dear, you might need yourself a little boyfriend to tame down your truculent urges. Oh, and miss_toby! poor little mouse, always so riddled with uncertainty. And such a dreadful lack of confidence. Always thinking you are not good enough for anyone - and quite right, you are! surely you didn't think your ridiculous little crush on consulting_detective would come to any profit, did you?
And all of you worshipping jumperfucker's silly
( ... )
The Theory of Narrative Causality (4d/5ish)
anonymous
May 28 2011, 15:40:42 UTC
[redacted] wrote in fandom_wank,
"Good morning, Holmes!" I said to my friend and flatmate, as I returned to our lodgings on Baker Street that fine June morning to find him curled up in his armchair by the fireside, his mouse dressing-gown pulled tight around the edges of his, his long legs folded underneath him and his graceful fingers carelessly handling a letter. "What is this, a case?"
"Not quite," he replied, flashing me a swift smile from over the thin letter paper. "A confidence, rather. They have asked for my… advice, certainly, but my assistance I think will not be required."
"Then why do you look so happy?" I seated myself in my armchair, feeling more cheerful by the minute as I picked up my pipe. "Does the matter have some matters of interest, despite its not requiring your involvement?"
"You could certainly say so, Watson," he said, sounding quite as cheerful as I. "Settle yourself quite comfortable, my dear man, and listen well, for this is quite the pretty story…"
The Theory of Narrative Causality (4e/5ish)
anonymous
May 28 2011, 15:42:37 UTC
andrès_son suggests that the_professor's apparent admiration of consulting_detective's skills might indicate that he is, in fact, a sockpuppet created by him. jumperfucker angrily responds. consulting_detective's own answer is scathing. salts_theway seems to agree with andrès_son for a while, but eventually appears to change her mind.
consulting_detective then proceeds to argue that the_professor is only a new, more educated version of jumperfucker's previous stalker. The theory is ignored for the moment, but will later, we'll see, be accepted as true by most members of the fandom.
the_professor makes several more posts on cox_and_co and holmeschat in a matter of days (and sporadically appears on shkinkmeme as well), without attacking any more LJ users, and resorting only to criticizing the '09 movie rather violently (which will give the detractors of the consulting_detective = the_professor a lot of material to work with, as consulting_detective has often in the past expressed his dislike for the Ritchie 'verse.) He seems to ship
( ... )
The Theory of Narrative Causality (4f/5ish)
anonymous
May 28 2011, 15:45:11 UTC
On the 26th, jumperfucker posts a new entry about trolls and how to recognize them, a fairly humorous post, in which he mocks the_professor's rather unique writing style.
the_professor posts an anon comment on this post, threatening jumperfucker to reveal what he knows.
jumperfucker replies with a very eloquent macro.
ACT FOUR: the explosion
On the 27th of May, the_professor writes a new entry to his journal, which he proceeds to advertise in every community he wasn't banned from, in which he announces a Grand Reveal of jumperfucker's shameful secrets two days later. Comments on this are divided. w_harry's reaction is violent; jumperfucker tells everyone to ignore the troll and he'll go away. Despite this, several people profess their interest for the_professor's information.
On the 29th, the_professor makes the promised entry about jumperfucker, in which he proceeds to give his real life name, his birthdate, his current address, his place of work, and even his favourite restaurant. With pictures. And threatens to nudge his
( ... )
The Theory of Narrative Causality (4g/5ish)
anonymous
May 28 2011, 15:49:41 UTC
As more LJ users continue to pour in, alerted by several warning posts, the discussion becomes rather more violent, threatening the_professor of being stalked back and of taking revenge. Eventually, the commenters are divided between a large majority who condemns the_professor and back jumperfucker, and a minority who do not condone the_professor's stalker behaviour, but congratulate him on taking on a well-known BNF. Plus assorted trolls.
Old grievances begin to come out. jumperfucker asks everybody to calm down. Nobody does.
let_us_trade comments on his journal that "If the_professor had slicked the entire fandom in petrol and then took a match to it… he could not have had a better result than what is currently happening to us."
ACT FOUR: the counter-attack
consulting_detective had remained fairly quiet during all this, despite his boyfriend best friend being directly threatened. Several people, andrès_son as their head, have argued that it was proof of their consulting_detective = the_professor theory. On May 31st, however,
( ... )
The Theory of Narrative Causality (4h/5ish)
anonymous
May 28 2011, 15:54:16 UTC
Yesterday, June 2nd: jim_fromit makes another entry, comments closed, to tell SH fandom it's been fun, and he'll see them again very soon. Oh, and take care of your little pets. See you all later, darlings!
The fandom is still catching its breath. More developments later?
ETA: lass_sirene has a round-up post here.
ETA the second: it would seem that jim_fromit was working with miss_toby as well as dating her, but has now disappeared from their place of work. miss_toby mentioned this in her journal.
tiger_trap, a complete unknown in the Sherlock Holmes fandom who seems to write mostly Star Trek, commented on this post, claiming to be jim_fromit's real partner (warning: the content of his comment is more unfunny_fandom than fandom_wank).
miss_toby has not replied. salts_theway has. Comments were since closed.
ETA numéro trois: the_professor's post about jumperfucker has been deleted. Screencaps here.
ETAs are forever: consulting_detective's post on the whole wank.
ALSO. the fantastic raggedyhipster has written fic of this (&hearts&hearts&hearts). if you haven't read it, go do it right now, it's amazing.
...
cute enough to shoot you down (jumperfucker) wrote,
Ahahahah, okay, so. This fic featuring consulting_detective and myself was written on the kinkmeme. I read it, I LOL'd, and then I showed it to consulting_detective, who can't be arsed to browse the meme like a normal human being and so apparently relies on me to rec him the best stuff.
We giggled over it like a pair of schoolboys. And then we wrote a prequel to it, because apparently we're as mad as they go.
(So this is fic about fic about, well, fic. I need a YOU'VE BEEN INCEPTION'D macro now.)
Title: WHAT THE HELL IS THIS no seriously, we couldn't find a title so yeah, it doesn't get one
Authors: consulting_detective and jumperfucker
Characters: ( ... )
Reply
consulting_detective (22:11): And yet, I am. My parents had a very peculiar sense of humour.
you (22:12): do you have a brother
no hold on,
i don't think i want to know
you're getting really deep into the persona, then. deductions? really?
consulting_detective (22:12): It seemed like the right thing to do.
You are being very hypocritical, Doctor John Watson.
you (22:13): how
oh, god, of course you'd know, you would
that's different, though. my parents never read the books. the medicine, the army, it was a complete coincidence. i didn't even realize until i came home to london and read the stories again.
so is this, by the way. i mean, i'm called john watson, and i meet a sherlock holes?
*holmes
what are the odds?
consulting_detective (22:14): I should say seven thousand and one hundred and sixty-three to one against.
you (22:15): did you actually calculate that, or did you just guess?
consulting_detective (22:15): I never guess.
you (22:16): right, yes ( ... )
Reply
Reply
*holmes
FREUDIAN MUCH??? XD
Reply
I've been giggling for a long time now, but this, THIS. I just started chortling.
This story is so, so awesome.
Reply
THIS IS PART XVI.
DO NOT POST IN PART XV.
THE RULES ARE HERE.
(4874 comments) - (post a comment)
the_professor
Hello, my darlings!
I am quite new to your quaint little community and its pretty little rules - hullo, Moddie dear! - but I'm told I ought to pay my respects to the members of this remarkable fandom. After all, you will come to know me much better in upcoming days!
Now, then. I am also told that there are some… shall we say, recalcitrant people among you all. Surely that will not do at all. Take salts_theway, for instance. Very unladylike, you are, my dear, you might need yourself a little boyfriend to tame down your truculent urges. Oh, and miss_toby! poor little mouse, always so riddled with uncertainty. And such a dreadful lack of confidence. Always thinking you are not good enough for anyone - and quite right, you are! surely you didn't think your ridiculous little crush on consulting_detective would come to any profit, did you?
And all of you worshipping jumperfucker's silly ( ... )
Reply
"Good morning, Holmes!" I said to my friend and flatmate, as I returned to our lodgings on Baker Street that fine June morning to find him curled up in his armchair by the fireside, his mouse dressing-gown pulled tight around the edges of his, his long legs folded underneath him and his graceful fingers carelessly handling a letter. "What is this, a case?"
"Not quite," he replied, flashing me a swift smile from over the thin letter paper. "A confidence, rather. They have asked for my… advice, certainly, but my assistance I think will not be required."
"Then why do you look so happy?" I seated myself in my armchair, feeling more cheerful by the minute as I picked up my pipe. "Does the matter have some matters of interest, despite its not requiring your involvement?"
"You could certainly say so, Watson," he said, sounding quite as cheerful as I. "Settle yourself quite comfortable, my dear man, and listen well, for this is quite the pretty story…"
CHARACTER LIST
consulting_detective; a modern ( ... )
Reply
consulting_detective then proceeds to argue that the_professor is only a new, more educated version of jumperfucker's previous stalker. The theory is ignored for the moment, but will later, we'll see, be accepted as true by most members of the fandom.
the_professor makes several more posts on cox_and_co and holmeschat in a matter of days (and sporadically appears on shkinkmeme as well), without attacking any more LJ users, and resorting only to criticizing the '09 movie rather violently (which will give the detractors of the consulting_detective = the_professor a lot of material to work with, as consulting_detective has often in the past expressed his dislike for the Ritchie 'verse.) He seems to ship ( ... )
Reply
the_professor posts an anon comment on this post, threatening jumperfucker to reveal what he knows.
jumperfucker replies with a very eloquent macro.
ACT FOUR: the explosion
On the 27th of May, the_professor writes a new entry to his journal, which he proceeds to advertise in every community he wasn't banned from, in which he announces a Grand Reveal of jumperfucker's shameful secrets two days later. Comments on this are divided. w_harry's reaction is violent; jumperfucker tells everyone to ignore the troll and he'll go away. Despite this, several people profess their interest for the_professor's information.
On the 29th, the_professor makes the promised entry about jumperfucker, in which he proceeds to give his real life name, his birthdate, his current address, his place of work, and even his favourite restaurant. With pictures. And threatens to nudge his ( ... )
Reply
Reply
Old grievances begin to come out. jumperfucker asks everybody to calm down. Nobody does.
let_us_trade comments on his journal that "If the_professor had slicked the entire fandom in petrol and then took a match to it… he could not have had a better result than what is currently happening to us."
ACT FOUR: the counter-attack
consulting_detective had remained fairly quiet during all this, despite his boyfriend best friend being directly threatened. Several people, andrès_son as their head, have argued that it was proof of their consulting_detective = the_professor theory. On May 31st, however, ( ... )
Reply
THAT WAS BLOODY BRILLIANT
SHIT'S GOING DOWN NOW
DJLSFBNKSDJFBNKSJDNFKJSNDFKJDNFKSJDNFKJSD
I LOVE YOU
( ... )
Reply
- Sorry, flailing. I freak out when people use my GIFs... Despite my making LOADS.
Reply
The fandom is still catching its breath. More developments later?
ETA: lass_sirene has a round-up post here.
ETA the second: it would seem that jim_fromit was working with miss_toby as well as dating her, but has now disappeared from their place of work. miss_toby mentioned this in her journal.
tiger_trap, a complete unknown in the Sherlock Holmes fandom who seems to write mostly Star Trek, commented on this post, claiming to be jim_fromit's real partner (warning: the content of his comment is more unfunny_fandom than fandom_wank).
miss_toby has not replied. salts_theway has. Comments were since closed.
ETA numéro trois: the_professor's post about jumperfucker has been deleted. Screencaps here.
ETAs are forever: consulting_detective's post on the whole wank.
ETA and ETA have a baby: more screencaps.
ETA n° OH MY GOD ( ... )
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