The Hex Code Compendium
Title: The Hex Code Compendium
Author: Sin
Spoilers: The Work Song Nanocluster, and vaguely for the rest of the show.
Rating: PG
Word Count: 4,347
Disclaimer: As much as I wish I did, I don't own TBBT. All characters, places, and events that are familar belong to Chuck Lorre and all the companies that own a slice of the pie. Please don't sue me?
Summary: In which Sheldon looks great in hex code 663366, Penny is sneaky, and Leonard is clueless.
A/N: Fic inspired by this picture.
The idea struck me like Mjolnir after seeing the new photo shoot pics, and reading damalur's comment. "If this doesn't show up in a fic I will eat my hat, and possibly my shoes if it doesn't involve Penny taking Sheldon shopping for clothing. :D"
Dedicated to damalur : you don't have to eat your hat OR your shoes! this is for you, in thanks for all your brainstorming help! You're awesome!
I apologize for the lack of beta [for most of it] and coherency. I hammered this out as fast as I could -- in the middle of last night, no less. I probably didn't re-read carefully enough or check my facts especially well, so please bear with me. I also apologize if tid-bits from my favorite fics sneak in. I've been awake for far too long, so let's just call them homages instead of accidental theft? *charming grin* This is also my first completed Big Bang Theory fic, so go easy on me please?
Note: I was tempted to have Sheldon be prickly and vocally displeased with going to the mall, but for some reason the idea of him being so uncomfortable that he just quietly tags along was too interesting to let go. I tried to sneak in some of their bickering before and after the mall though. XD
She just couldn't take it anymore. He always wore some hideously endearing combo of a logo tee with some horribly mismatched long sleeve shirt underneath. Every. Single. Day. The Flash, the Green Lantern, brown and yellow stripes, purple and the least complimentary shade of yellow known to man, the Avengers, the periodic table of elements, and tons of things she didn't recognize even after he'd explained them to her in that gratingly superior tone of voice. So today, when he'd knocked on her door to pass on another package, she'd finally snapped.
“Sheldon, for god's sake, you're a grown man! Can't you at least dress like it once in a while?! You can't wear t-shirts with...” She waved her hand in the direction of his chest “Spiderman, or whatever, every day!”
“It's Venom, actually. While Spiderman did wear a black costume for some time -- and did host the symbiote that became Venom -- the actual Venom is hosted by an entirely different person by the name of Eddie Brock, who--.”
“Sheldon! I don't care if Venom was hosted by Eddie Blake or whoever. I'm saying that you can't dress like you're fourteen for the rest of your life!”
“No, no, Eddie Brock was the host for Venom, Eddie Blake is the masked vigilante known as the Comedian in the masterpiece graphic novel by Alan Moore--.” At her vicious glare Sheldon quickly switched back to the original thread of the conversation. “And I see nothing inherently wrong with it! It's Wednesday and I have no obligatory social functions to attend, so there is no need for me to 'dress up.'”
“Wearing something that doesn't look like you brought it at Comic Con is not 'dressing up!' That's just normal. It's not like I'm making you rent a tux or something! I'm just saying let me take you shopping for a couple of casual outfits. Jeans, t-shirts, maybe a pair of nice shoes... nothing complicated. I even promise I won't make you buy anything you don't like, I'll just suggest things and help you coordinate a bit.”
“We don't appear to be engaged in an intimate or otherwise romantic relationship, Penny. I reject your proposal and suggest that you finish your latest order of Penny blossoms, while I continue my pursuit of a Nobel Prize.” Carefully placing her package on the already cluttered coffee table, he turned to leave only to find Penny blocking his path.
“Intimate or romantic relationship..?” she asked, with a quirk of her brow, not sure what he was getting at.
At her confused expression he clarified, “We are currently not utilizing a relationship paradigm other than friendship.” Still confused, she pulled a face at him. “We aren't 'having sex' nor are you my 'girlfriend,' therefore I see no reason to allow you to choose my clothing. Based on my observations, that seems to fall within the pattern of a romantic relationship only.”
Folding her arms over her chest and putting on her best junior rodeo face, Penny argued, “Either you get your coat and come with me or I'm going to call your mom and tell her that you gave Howard his third strike and banned him from the apartment for 3 days, just for pre-ordering your soup from the Soup Plantation. After she told you not to when she called.”
There was a beat of silence as he glared at her, before conceding, “Touché... I'll go get my coat.”
As he turned to walk out the door, he craned his neck back towards her and said, “Howard deserved that strike. Do you know how much bacteria can grow in food when it sits under a heating lamp?”
“Go, Sheldon!”
=====
Navigating the mall with Sheldon was like entering a triathlon, but instead of the normal events she was competing in 'soothing paranoia about communal surfaces,' 'fashion 101 for the color coordination impaired,' 'and 'flight prevention.' She'd been opening doors for him so he wouldn't have to touch them, and picking out things that matched and putting back the things that looked like what he already wore. They'd only been there for 45 minutes and she already had to stop him from leaving to wait in the car twice. Pushing him along -- to make sure he didn't break and run -- she steered him towards a rack of long sleeve shirts that were conveniently not in blindingly grotesque shades.
“Pick out something you like.” She directed him, as she began to flip through shirts on the rack next to it, juggling the large bag from their last stop, hastily adding, “Something like that muted purpley color that we talked about. The one you found on that hex code thing.” After their first stop she had quickly learned to give him specific instructions or he'd end up in a mental meltdown, unable to process his many options on top of the overwhelming atmosphere of the crowded store. Abercrombie and Fitch did have a fairly claustrophobic feeling to it and if you add in all the people, the pulsing music, and the nauseating levels of cologne liberally sprayed all over the place... she could understand his confusion and panic.
On top of that, they had spent a painful 20 minutes before leaving conducting a crash course in color definitions. He had objected to her descriptors of 'sorta darkish green, you know forest green' when she started to give him a list of acceptable colors for his skin tone, that complimented his hair and eye color. When the language barrier had become glaringly obvious, he'd opened his laptop, pulled up a color chart, and asked her to point out the colors she was talking about. He'd taken note of the corresponding codes and made a custom color palette from the colors she approved of, then printed it out to take along and they'd finally been able to leave. During the ride over he'd made her describe each one and jotted down key descriptors next to each color and code.
“You mean 663366?” He asked while gingerly sliding shirts over, careful to leave an equidistant gap between each one he moved.
“Uh... sure.” She rolled her eyes and sighed. After all, there were only so many colors on that little chart of his and they'd all received the Penny stamp of approval.
Checking the sizes on a few items and finding nothing that would work, she grumbled and moved down a few feet. He was so tall and lanky that finding something that fit was a test of her patience... shopping with Sheldon or for him was no simple matter. At least it was the fashion these days for shirts to run a little long and tight, it made things a bit easier. Stumbling across a fantastic slate blue button-up that would look great with his gorgeous blue-gray eyes, she made a little noise of joy upon finding it was Sheldon's size.
Wait... 'gorgeous blue-gray eyes'... what the hell?! Shaking her head to clear the feeling of surreality, Penny brushed off the moment as temporary insanity cause by herding a genius with the attitude of a recalcitrant six year old through a crowded mall for the past hour.
Turning to give him the shirt to try on, she found him at a nearby rack of jackets - she was shocked to see that he was looking at the leather section, instead of the more Sheldon-y wind breakers on the other side of the rack -- with his selections draped over his arm like a dapper gentleman would hold a picnic blanket for a day in the park with a Victorian lady.
“Here, take this one too.” She passed the button-up to him while sneaking a peak at the jacket he had paused to look at. “That's a great jacket.” Picking it up to examine more closely, she noted it looked to be about the right size. Aha! Her own brand of genius crept up on her once in a while, and she wasn't about to ignore it when it did. She casually stuck the jacket back on the rack and turned to him -- finding him standing there watching her, at a loss for anything to do in a place like this. “Ok, let's try everything on!” She announced, shoving him towards the dressing rooms at the back.
After a great deal of fuss over which dressing room was the least filthy, she managed to get him into second to last room in the row and left him with a quick, “I'll be right back. Potty break!” and made a beeline for the rack of jackets. Snagging the one he'd been looking at, she headed to the register -- infinitely grateful that there was only one other person in line at the last clerk's spot.
Handing her debit card to the cute clerk with a flirtatious smile, she rejoiced at not having to pinch pennies anymore. Despite removing the 'one-day rush' option from the website, she'd been filling a fairly steady stream of orders for the past two months. Penny was grateful for Sheldon's help with her business, so she figured it was only right to show her gratitude by spending a bit of the profits on him. Especially considering he would never buy himself something like this. It was her duty as his only fashion-forward friend to do this for him. Who knows, maybe he'd be able to land a date with one of the brainiac girl scientists that he worked with.
Concealing the bag inside of the large bag from Abercrombie, she made her way back to his dressing room. Tap, tap, tap. “Sheldon, sweetie. How does everything fit?”
There was a pause before he replied. “The sizes are appropriate on everything but the second pair of dark blue jeans.”
“So the other blue ones and the black pair fit ok?” She was hoping they did, because she thought they must have found the only three pairs that came in 'Sheldon the Jolly Green Giant' lengths. He told her they did and she asked, “So what's wrong with the other pair?”
Again he paused. “They seem a bit tight in the posterior region... I'm not certain if that is an aspect of the style that I am unfamiliar with or if they don't fit correctly.”
Grinning at the shy uncertainty in his voice she replied, “Well come out and let me see, I'll tell you if they fit.”
Cautiously he peeked out from behind the changing room door, looking for any possible witnesses. Finding the coast to be clear, he swung the door open the rest of the way and took a step forward. The dark blue denim was a quite a bit tighter than his usual clothes, but she didn't think they looked overly constrictive. “Can you turn around so I can see the rest?” she directed, looking at him with a calm expression when he cast a gaze in her direction that said 'I don't know if I should, you might make fun of me.' It wasn't an uncommon look for him, but he normally hid it much better.
Slowly, he turned to show her the back of the jeans. Holy crap on a cracker! Why the hell was Sheldon hiding under crappy fitting plaid pants?! She had to force her eyes away from the very nice ass she'd just caught herself ogling. “They're great!” She hastily reassured him, “That's the way they're supposed to fit. I doubt we'd find anything else that was long enough for you that had a different fit anyway. Besides, all this shopping is making me hungry. How about we hurry back and get our order in before Howard and Raj show up for Halo?” Mentally scrambling to pull herself together, she shooed him back into the dressing room before sitting on the chair outside the door. What the hell was up with her today? She must really need to get laid if she was checking out Sheldon, of all people. Well, he honestly wasn't that bad looking... but it was Sheldon! Shaking herself out of it, she waited for him to come back out with clothes in hand.
The drive back was unusually quiet for the first 10 minutes, but it seemed that the further they got from the mall the more talkative Sheldon became.
“Did you know that were three shopping related fatalities in the last year alone? That is a disturbingly high percentage for a relatively mundane activity. I'm not surprised though, mall patrons are noticeably more aggressive than the patrons at other venues. I don't think we should go back to the mall again, Penny. We could be killed!” His voiced was endearingly panicked at the thought of being mauled to death by a 16 year old girl if he stood between her and a Coach bag at a 65% mark down, or bludgeoned with a purse by someone's grandmother over the last Tickle-Me Elmo.
“Don't worry about it Sheldon, we just won't go during the holiday rush. Its a lot easier to shop for Christmas online, and I don't think you need any help with that.” Stunned at what she had just said, Penny blinked a couple of times while she contemplated a universe in which she had implied that they would be shopping together often. As she stopped at the light, she though, 'I'm so glad its Halo night, I need to blow something up after having a day like this.'
The rest of the drive was accompanied by Sheldon's endless chatter about shopping statistics and the fact that his wardrobe certainly was diverse enough to avoid shopping for another year or two.
=====
They didn't beat Howard and Raj to the apartment but they were still ahead of schedule when they arrived, so they placed their order and Penny dragged Sheldon over to her place for his surprise.
“Penny, why are we going to your apartment with all of my purchases? It would have been more efficient for me to have put them away instead of carrying them with me.” he complained.
She didn't look at him to answer as she fought with her lock. “I have a something for you, we still need to sort out my stuff that I put in your bags.” Finally! That stupid lock hadn't been the same since she got her car key stuck in it. The locksmith said there was no damage, but it had been stubborn about opening ever since.
Directing him to put his bags onto her couch, Penny immediately began rustling through them, merely smiling at his protests that she was making a mess as he carefully hand-folded each item she tossed into the couch and coffee table. The way he couldn't resist tugging at the corners in order to make sure each shirt was folded as perfectly as he could manage without his folding board was completely adorable, and this time she didn't bother to censor her thoughts on the matter. She was just thinking about him differently after finally getting to know him better, nothing else. Besides, he could be rather adorable when he wasn't being condescending.
“Aha!” she exclaimed victoriously, holding up her prize. It was the soft cotton shirt he'd picked out, as ordered, in a muted purpley color. Or more accurately in color 663366... almost. Handing it to him as he stood watching bemusedly, she groped at the bottom of the bag for the white t-shirt and black jeans that they'd found in back corner of the store, stuffed away with the other rare sizes. She stacked those on top of the shirt he was already holding and shoved him towards the bathroom. “Go try those on! Then I have something for you.”
“But Penny, I've already tried these on and their fit was more than adequate.” He was giving her that patented 'I'll give you a moment to catch on' look again.
Releasing an exasperated sigh she said, “I know that Sheldon, but I didn't get to see. And I want to check out how they look together.” Keeping her glee contained, she gave away no hint of ulterior motive.
“I can just go change in my room you know--.” He protested, uncomfortable with the idea of changing outside of his usual locale.
“Then you'll have to walk past Leonard, Howard, and Raj. Do you really want Howard asking you questions about your new clothes? Trust me, this will be easier.” Satisfied that he was convinced, she waited until the lock clicked to run into her room with her purchases. Digging through the bag she'd smuggled the coat out with, Penny pulled out her present for Sheldon and stared at it, momentarily stumped... Should she wrap it? Lord only know what Sheldon would do if he had a gift sprung upon him unexpectedly. He'd probably have a total breakdown. Hmm... oh! She knew what she would do. Grinning evilly, Penny carefully tucked the jacket into a kid's gift bag she'd impulsively bought one day at the comic store. It had a Green Lantern symbol on it just like his t-shirt, and she'd bought it for his birthday It was so him.
Dangling the bag from her fingers she stood in the kitchen while she waited, hiding it behind the counter so she could actually surprise him. It seemed like a shame that he never let anything really surprise him, he always planned 5 steps ahead of everyone else. A little shake-up now and then couldn't hurt.
The bathroom lock clicked and door swung open and Sheldon made his grand entrance. It consisted of shyly ducking his head, shuffling his feet like a stubborn toddler, and tugging at various hems compulsively to be sure everything was neatly in place. She smiled encouragingly and came around the edge of the counter to meet him, concealing the bag behind her. He was so adorable.
“You look great, Sheldon! I knew that purple would be a good color on you.” Her grin stretched even wider when he managed a furtive glance that said 'are you sure?' before ducking his head again and refusing to meet her eyes.
“I don't see a measurable difference between this and the clothing that I was wearing earlier, Penny. Two layered shirts, albeit with the short sleeve t-shirt underneath as opposed to over the top, and a pair of jeans that have no distinguishing characteristics to give them merit save the tenacity with which they are clinging to my hips!” Petulantly, he tugged at the snug waistband of his new black jeans.
Penny swatted his hand away and chided, “Don't keep pulling on them, you'll stretch them out and they'll look all frumpy. Anyway, here!” She presented him with the bag. “I have a present for you!”
“A present? But Penny, today is not one of the holidays that demands the mandatory social convention of a 'gift exchange.” His voice was puzzled, with a hint of distress. “Nor is it my birthday, therefore there is no reason for you to be giving me anything.”
She forced him to take the bag and just smiled. “Consider it a thank you for helping me turn my Penny blossoms into a real business, Sheldon. I really do appreciate it.”
Skeptical, but intrigued, he opened the bag and pulled out the jacket. “Did you get this today?”
Her smirk was rival to any of his. “Yeah, while you were trying stuff on.”
“Your skills of misdirection and deceit are extraordinary... but Penny, I cannot accept this.” He made the hand the coat back, but she refused to take it. “But I have nothing of commensurate value to give you in exchange! This violates the established gift-giving paradigm of our friendship.” He looked shocked that she would do such a truly heinous thing.
“Sheldon, sweetie. I've already figured out what you can give me that would be of... conmesurette, or whatever, value.” she waved away the troublesome word with an airy motion. “And you don't even have to go to the store to get it!” Crossing her arms and looking smug, she waited for him to take the bait.
“What item would you find to be a satisfactory exchange for this gift? I don't see how I wouldn't have to go to the store to get it... unless you're talking about my fully pose-able, limited edition Jango Fett figurine! I'm sorry Penny, but I will have to decline your proposed gift exchange, because regardless of the listed collector's value I maintain that it is much more valuable than this jacket by merit of its rarity and the difficulties I experienced in my quest to acquire it.” His voice was earnest, horrified at the idea of such an unsatisfactory exchange.
“No Sheldon, that's ok. I don't want your action figure. Buuuut...” She turned an grabbed a pen and paper from the counter and started to scribble. The silence hung for a moment while she hurriedly wrote things out to her satisfaction. Once finished she turned and proudly presented him with the final product. “But you can sign this contract!”
He cautiously took the paper and read aloud, “I, Sheldon Cooper, agree to the following terms: 1.] I will wear at least one “Penny approved” outfit per week, for the next 6 months. Effective immediately. 2.] I will let Penny go shopping with me and help me pick out new clothes at least two more times. 3.] Any jokes about my new “Penny approved” outfits will be directed to Penny to deal with as she sees fit. And 4.] I will accept this contract as a fair trade for the gift I've received.” He just blinked at her for a minute, until she handed the pen to him.
“This isn't actually a legally binding document, Penny. I can already see at least three loopholes which I could exploit in order to--.”
“Just sign the damn contract, Sheldon! And then put on the jacket so I can see it.” Her tone left no room for disagreement. Once she was satisfied with his signature and initialing, she took the contract and gestured for him to put on the jacket.
For once Sheldon did as he was told without further argument, shrugging into the supple leather awkwardly, as if the jacket was toxic or he was afraid of ruining it. Noticing the collar was tucked under, Penny stepped into his personal space and reached up to fix it. His eyes widened at her proximity as she tugged the collar into place, then straightened the shoulders. It fit fantastically!
Hot damn, this just proves it. A leather jacket will increase any man's sexiness by at least 300%. He shivered under the cool graze of her fingers against his neck and her eyes flew to his face. Silence reigned over the faint sounds of breathing and the guys laughing next door, Penny watched him nervously lick his lips and open his mouth to say something...
He never got the chance, her lips crashed into his before a single sound was uttered. Curling her fingers in the downy soft cotton of his color 663366 shirt, she pushed him against the wall, meeting the full length of his body with her own. For a moment his spine was stiff, his arms hanging uselessly at his sides. The scent of new leather and the faint clean smell that was just Sheldon made her spine tingle and her head spin. When she twas starting to think she'd have to let him go and stumble through an awkward explanation and apology the tension started to melt out of him. Shoulders and neck relaxed and bent so she wasn't standing so far up on tip-toe to reach him, large hands crept up to rest timidly on her hips, and his lips softened and caressed her own back. It certainly wasn't perfect, he was still shy and a bit awkward and their height difference put strain on her neck, but it was worth it. He tasted like lemons and he was so, so warm.
Knock, knock, knock. “Hey Penny, what's taking you guys so long? The food just got here and Howard and Raj are ready to play rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock to see who gets to play Halo.” Leonard yelled from the hallway.
They both froze, hoping desperately that Leonard wouldn't come in. Thinking fast, she hollered back. “Just a minute! We're finishing up some Penny blossoms, we'll be right there. Unless you wanna help?”
Grinning proudly at Sheldon, she laughed at its effectiveness as Leonard hastily said, “No that's ok! I'll just... go check if the food is here yet!” and retreated.
Still pressed against each other, chests rising and falling in time with every breath, hearts beating out a message in Morse code - thud thud - this is right - thud thud - don't ever let me go - thud thud. They were almost afraid to move, for fear of shattering the fragments of the moment that survived being broken once already.
“But Penny, we're not making Penny blossoms.” He stated innocently. “Yet you just claimed that we were.” His hands still rested gently, warmly, on her hips - the tips of his fingers playing unconsciously across soft skin under the hem of her shirt.
“I know honey, but did you really want me to tell Leonard that we're busy making out against the wall?” Eyebrow raised, she waited for him to reason his way out of this one, her own fingers still wrapped firmly in the material of her new favorite shirt of his.
Huskily he uttered, “A valid point.” They were still so close... his breath drifted across her skin like a sultry ghost.
“See? There is a benefit to being able to tell a little white lie once in a while.” When he said nothing she continued. “So I guess I'm in charge of picking out your clothes after this, huh?” Her irreverent grin was quickly smothered by another tentative, yet searing, kiss.
Yes, she was definitely in charge of his wardrobe from now on.
♥ Sin
Author: Sin
Spoilers: The Work Song Nanocluster, and vaguely for the rest of the show.
Rating: PG
Word Count: 4,347
Disclaimer: As much as I wish I did, I don't own TBBT. All characters, places, and events that are familar belong to Chuck Lorre and all the companies that own a slice of the pie. Please don't sue me?
Summary: In which Sheldon looks great in hex code 663366, Penny is sneaky, and Leonard is clueless.
A/N: Fic inspired by this picture.
The idea struck me like Mjolnir after seeing the new photo shoot pics, and reading damalur's comment. "If this doesn't show up in a fic I will eat my hat, and possibly my shoes if it doesn't involve Penny taking Sheldon shopping for clothing. :D"
Dedicated to damalur : you don't have to eat your hat OR your shoes! this is for you, in thanks for all your brainstorming help! You're awesome!
I apologize for the lack of beta [for most of it] and coherency. I hammered this out as fast as I could -- in the middle of last night, no less. I probably didn't re-read carefully enough or check my facts especially well, so please bear with me. I also apologize if tid-bits from my favorite fics sneak in. I've been awake for far too long, so let's just call them homages instead of accidental theft? *charming grin* This is also my first completed Big Bang Theory fic, so go easy on me please?
Note: I was tempted to have Sheldon be prickly and vocally displeased with going to the mall, but for some reason the idea of him being so uncomfortable that he just quietly tags along was too interesting to let go. I tried to sneak in some of their bickering before and after the mall though. XD
She just couldn't take it anymore. He always wore some hideously endearing combo of a logo tee with some horribly mismatched long sleeve shirt underneath. Every. Single. Day. The Flash, the Green Lantern, brown and yellow stripes, purple and the least complimentary shade of yellow known to man, the Avengers, the periodic table of elements, and tons of things she didn't recognize even after he'd explained them to her in that gratingly superior tone of voice. So today, when he'd knocked on her door to pass on another package, she'd finally snapped.
“Sheldon, for god's sake, you're a grown man! Can't you at least dress like it once in a while?! You can't wear t-shirts with...” She waved her hand in the direction of his chest “Spiderman, or whatever, every day!”
“It's Venom, actually. While Spiderman did wear a black costume for some time -- and did host the symbiote that became Venom -- the actual Venom is hosted by an entirely different person by the name of Eddie Brock, who--.”
“Sheldon! I don't care if Venom was hosted by Eddie Blake or whoever. I'm saying that you can't dress like you're fourteen for the rest of your life!”
“No, no, Eddie Brock was the host for Venom, Eddie Blake is the masked vigilante known as the Comedian in the masterpiece graphic novel by Alan Moore--.” At her vicious glare Sheldon quickly switched back to the original thread of the conversation. “And I see nothing inherently wrong with it! It's Wednesday and I have no obligatory social functions to attend, so there is no need for me to 'dress up.'”
“Wearing something that doesn't look like you brought it at Comic Con is not 'dressing up!' That's just normal. It's not like I'm making you rent a tux or something! I'm just saying let me take you shopping for a couple of casual outfits. Jeans, t-shirts, maybe a pair of nice shoes... nothing complicated. I even promise I won't make you buy anything you don't like, I'll just suggest things and help you coordinate a bit.”
“We don't appear to be engaged in an intimate or otherwise romantic relationship, Penny. I reject your proposal and suggest that you finish your latest order of Penny blossoms, while I continue my pursuit of a Nobel Prize.” Carefully placing her package on the already cluttered coffee table, he turned to leave only to find Penny blocking his path.
“Intimate or romantic relationship..?” she asked, with a quirk of her brow, not sure what he was getting at.
At her confused expression he clarified, “We are currently not utilizing a relationship paradigm other than friendship.” Still confused, she pulled a face at him. “We aren't 'having sex' nor are you my 'girlfriend,' therefore I see no reason to allow you to choose my clothing. Based on my observations, that seems to fall within the pattern of a romantic relationship only.”
Folding her arms over her chest and putting on her best junior rodeo face, Penny argued, “Either you get your coat and come with me or I'm going to call your mom and tell her that you gave Howard his third strike and banned him from the apartment for 3 days, just for pre-ordering your soup from the Soup Plantation. After she told you not to when she called.”
There was a beat of silence as he glared at her, before conceding, “Touché... I'll go get my coat.”
As he turned to walk out the door, he craned his neck back towards her and said, “Howard deserved that strike. Do you know how much bacteria can grow in food when it sits under a heating lamp?”
“Go, Sheldon!”
=====
Navigating the mall with Sheldon was like entering a triathlon, but instead of the normal events she was competing in 'soothing paranoia about communal surfaces,' 'fashion 101 for the color coordination impaired,' 'and 'flight prevention.' She'd been opening doors for him so he wouldn't have to touch them, and picking out things that matched and putting back the things that looked like what he already wore. They'd only been there for 45 minutes and she already had to stop him from leaving to wait in the car twice. Pushing him along -- to make sure he didn't break and run -- she steered him towards a rack of long sleeve shirts that were conveniently not in blindingly grotesque shades.
“Pick out something you like.” She directed him, as she began to flip through shirts on the rack next to it, juggling the large bag from their last stop, hastily adding, “Something like that muted purpley color that we talked about. The one you found on that hex code thing.” After their first stop she had quickly learned to give him specific instructions or he'd end up in a mental meltdown, unable to process his many options on top of the overwhelming atmosphere of the crowded store. Abercrombie and Fitch did have a fairly claustrophobic feeling to it and if you add in all the people, the pulsing music, and the nauseating levels of cologne liberally sprayed all over the place... she could understand his confusion and panic.
On top of that, they had spent a painful 20 minutes before leaving conducting a crash course in color definitions. He had objected to her descriptors of 'sorta darkish green, you know forest green' when she started to give him a list of acceptable colors for his skin tone, that complimented his hair and eye color. When the language barrier had become glaringly obvious, he'd opened his laptop, pulled up a color chart, and asked her to point out the colors she was talking about. He'd taken note of the corresponding codes and made a custom color palette from the colors she approved of, then printed it out to take along and they'd finally been able to leave. During the ride over he'd made her describe each one and jotted down key descriptors next to each color and code.
“You mean 663366?” He asked while gingerly sliding shirts over, careful to leave an equidistant gap between each one he moved.
“Uh... sure.” She rolled her eyes and sighed. After all, there were only so many colors on that little chart of his and they'd all received the Penny stamp of approval.
Checking the sizes on a few items and finding nothing that would work, she grumbled and moved down a few feet. He was so tall and lanky that finding something that fit was a test of her patience... shopping with Sheldon or for him was no simple matter. At least it was the fashion these days for shirts to run a little long and tight, it made things a bit easier. Stumbling across a fantastic slate blue button-up that would look great with his gorgeous blue-gray eyes, she made a little noise of joy upon finding it was Sheldon's size.
Wait... 'gorgeous blue-gray eyes'... what the hell?! Shaking her head to clear the feeling of surreality, Penny brushed off the moment as temporary insanity cause by herding a genius with the attitude of a recalcitrant six year old through a crowded mall for the past hour.
Turning to give him the shirt to try on, she found him at a nearby rack of jackets - she was shocked to see that he was looking at the leather section, instead of the more Sheldon-y wind breakers on the other side of the rack -- with his selections draped over his arm like a dapper gentleman would hold a picnic blanket for a day in the park with a Victorian lady.
“Here, take this one too.” She passed the button-up to him while sneaking a peak at the jacket he had paused to look at. “That's a great jacket.” Picking it up to examine more closely, she noted it looked to be about the right size. Aha! Her own brand of genius crept up on her once in a while, and she wasn't about to ignore it when it did. She casually stuck the jacket back on the rack and turned to him -- finding him standing there watching her, at a loss for anything to do in a place like this. “Ok, let's try everything on!” She announced, shoving him towards the dressing rooms at the back.
After a great deal of fuss over which dressing room was the least filthy, she managed to get him into second to last room in the row and left him with a quick, “I'll be right back. Potty break!” and made a beeline for the rack of jackets. Snagging the one he'd been looking at, she headed to the register -- infinitely grateful that there was only one other person in line at the last clerk's spot.
Handing her debit card to the cute clerk with a flirtatious smile, she rejoiced at not having to pinch pennies anymore. Despite removing the 'one-day rush' option from the website, she'd been filling a fairly steady stream of orders for the past two months. Penny was grateful for Sheldon's help with her business, so she figured it was only right to show her gratitude by spending a bit of the profits on him. Especially considering he would never buy himself something like this. It was her duty as his only fashion-forward friend to do this for him. Who knows, maybe he'd be able to land a date with one of the brainiac girl scientists that he worked with.
Concealing the bag inside of the large bag from Abercrombie, she made her way back to his dressing room. Tap, tap, tap. “Sheldon, sweetie. How does everything fit?”
There was a pause before he replied. “The sizes are appropriate on everything but the second pair of dark blue jeans.”
“So the other blue ones and the black pair fit ok?” She was hoping they did, because she thought they must have found the only three pairs that came in 'Sheldon the Jolly Green Giant' lengths. He told her they did and she asked, “So what's wrong with the other pair?”
Again he paused. “They seem a bit tight in the posterior region... I'm not certain if that is an aspect of the style that I am unfamiliar with or if they don't fit correctly.”
Grinning at the shy uncertainty in his voice she replied, “Well come out and let me see, I'll tell you if they fit.”
Cautiously he peeked out from behind the changing room door, looking for any possible witnesses. Finding the coast to be clear, he swung the door open the rest of the way and took a step forward. The dark blue denim was a quite a bit tighter than his usual clothes, but she didn't think they looked overly constrictive. “Can you turn around so I can see the rest?” she directed, looking at him with a calm expression when he cast a gaze in her direction that said 'I don't know if I should, you might make fun of me.' It wasn't an uncommon look for him, but he normally hid it much better.
Slowly, he turned to show her the back of the jeans. Holy crap on a cracker! Why the hell was Sheldon hiding under crappy fitting plaid pants?! She had to force her eyes away from the very nice ass she'd just caught herself ogling. “They're great!” She hastily reassured him, “That's the way they're supposed to fit. I doubt we'd find anything else that was long enough for you that had a different fit anyway. Besides, all this shopping is making me hungry. How about we hurry back and get our order in before Howard and Raj show up for Halo?” Mentally scrambling to pull herself together, she shooed him back into the dressing room before sitting on the chair outside the door. What the hell was up with her today? She must really need to get laid if she was checking out Sheldon, of all people. Well, he honestly wasn't that bad looking... but it was Sheldon! Shaking herself out of it, she waited for him to come back out with clothes in hand.
The drive back was unusually quiet for the first 10 minutes, but it seemed that the further they got from the mall the more talkative Sheldon became.
“Did you know that were three shopping related fatalities in the last year alone? That is a disturbingly high percentage for a relatively mundane activity. I'm not surprised though, mall patrons are noticeably more aggressive than the patrons at other venues. I don't think we should go back to the mall again, Penny. We could be killed!” His voiced was endearingly panicked at the thought of being mauled to death by a 16 year old girl if he stood between her and a Coach bag at a 65% mark down, or bludgeoned with a purse by someone's grandmother over the last Tickle-Me Elmo.
“Don't worry about it Sheldon, we just won't go during the holiday rush. Its a lot easier to shop for Christmas online, and I don't think you need any help with that.” Stunned at what she had just said, Penny blinked a couple of times while she contemplated a universe in which she had implied that they would be shopping together often. As she stopped at the light, she though, 'I'm so glad its Halo night, I need to blow something up after having a day like this.'
The rest of the drive was accompanied by Sheldon's endless chatter about shopping statistics and the fact that his wardrobe certainly was diverse enough to avoid shopping for another year or two.
=====
They didn't beat Howard and Raj to the apartment but they were still ahead of schedule when they arrived, so they placed their order and Penny dragged Sheldon over to her place for his surprise.
“Penny, why are we going to your apartment with all of my purchases? It would have been more efficient for me to have put them away instead of carrying them with me.” he complained.
She didn't look at him to answer as she fought with her lock. “I have a something for you, we still need to sort out my stuff that I put in your bags.” Finally! That stupid lock hadn't been the same since she got her car key stuck in it. The locksmith said there was no damage, but it had been stubborn about opening ever since.
Directing him to put his bags onto her couch, Penny immediately began rustling through them, merely smiling at his protests that she was making a mess as he carefully hand-folded each item she tossed into the couch and coffee table. The way he couldn't resist tugging at the corners in order to make sure each shirt was folded as perfectly as he could manage without his folding board was completely adorable, and this time she didn't bother to censor her thoughts on the matter. She was just thinking about him differently after finally getting to know him better, nothing else. Besides, he could be rather adorable when he wasn't being condescending.
“Aha!” she exclaimed victoriously, holding up her prize. It was the soft cotton shirt he'd picked out, as ordered, in a muted purpley color. Or more accurately in color 663366... almost. Handing it to him as he stood watching bemusedly, she groped at the bottom of the bag for the white t-shirt and black jeans that they'd found in back corner of the store, stuffed away with the other rare sizes. She stacked those on top of the shirt he was already holding and shoved him towards the bathroom. “Go try those on! Then I have something for you.”
“But Penny, I've already tried these on and their fit was more than adequate.” He was giving her that patented 'I'll give you a moment to catch on' look again.
Releasing an exasperated sigh she said, “I know that Sheldon, but I didn't get to see. And I want to check out how they look together.” Keeping her glee contained, she gave away no hint of ulterior motive.
“I can just go change in my room you know--.” He protested, uncomfortable with the idea of changing outside of his usual locale.
“Then you'll have to walk past Leonard, Howard, and Raj. Do you really want Howard asking you questions about your new clothes? Trust me, this will be easier.” Satisfied that he was convinced, she waited until the lock clicked to run into her room with her purchases. Digging through the bag she'd smuggled the coat out with, Penny pulled out her present for Sheldon and stared at it, momentarily stumped... Should she wrap it? Lord only know what Sheldon would do if he had a gift sprung upon him unexpectedly. He'd probably have a total breakdown. Hmm... oh! She knew what she would do. Grinning evilly, Penny carefully tucked the jacket into a kid's gift bag she'd impulsively bought one day at the comic store. It had a Green Lantern symbol on it just like his t-shirt, and she'd bought it for his birthday It was so him.
Dangling the bag from her fingers she stood in the kitchen while she waited, hiding it behind the counter so she could actually surprise him. It seemed like a shame that he never let anything really surprise him, he always planned 5 steps ahead of everyone else. A little shake-up now and then couldn't hurt.
The bathroom lock clicked and door swung open and Sheldon made his grand entrance. It consisted of shyly ducking his head, shuffling his feet like a stubborn toddler, and tugging at various hems compulsively to be sure everything was neatly in place. She smiled encouragingly and came around the edge of the counter to meet him, concealing the bag behind her. He was so adorable.
“You look great, Sheldon! I knew that purple would be a good color on you.” Her grin stretched even wider when he managed a furtive glance that said 'are you sure?' before ducking his head again and refusing to meet her eyes.
“I don't see a measurable difference between this and the clothing that I was wearing earlier, Penny. Two layered shirts, albeit with the short sleeve t-shirt underneath as opposed to over the top, and a pair of jeans that have no distinguishing characteristics to give them merit save the tenacity with which they are clinging to my hips!” Petulantly, he tugged at the snug waistband of his new black jeans.
Penny swatted his hand away and chided, “Don't keep pulling on them, you'll stretch them out and they'll look all frumpy. Anyway, here!” She presented him with the bag. “I have a present for you!”
“A present? But Penny, today is not one of the holidays that demands the mandatory social convention of a 'gift exchange.” His voice was puzzled, with a hint of distress. “Nor is it my birthday, therefore there is no reason for you to be giving me anything.”
She forced him to take the bag and just smiled. “Consider it a thank you for helping me turn my Penny blossoms into a real business, Sheldon. I really do appreciate it.”
Skeptical, but intrigued, he opened the bag and pulled out the jacket. “Did you get this today?”
Her smirk was rival to any of his. “Yeah, while you were trying stuff on.”
“Your skills of misdirection and deceit are extraordinary... but Penny, I cannot accept this.” He made the hand the coat back, but she refused to take it. “But I have nothing of commensurate value to give you in exchange! This violates the established gift-giving paradigm of our friendship.” He looked shocked that she would do such a truly heinous thing.
“Sheldon, sweetie. I've already figured out what you can give me that would be of... conmesurette, or whatever, value.” she waved away the troublesome word with an airy motion. “And you don't even have to go to the store to get it!” Crossing her arms and looking smug, she waited for him to take the bait.
“What item would you find to be a satisfactory exchange for this gift? I don't see how I wouldn't have to go to the store to get it... unless you're talking about my fully pose-able, limited edition Jango Fett figurine! I'm sorry Penny, but I will have to decline your proposed gift exchange, because regardless of the listed collector's value I maintain that it is much more valuable than this jacket by merit of its rarity and the difficulties I experienced in my quest to acquire it.” His voice was earnest, horrified at the idea of such an unsatisfactory exchange.
“No Sheldon, that's ok. I don't want your action figure. Buuuut...” She turned an grabbed a pen and paper from the counter and started to scribble. The silence hung for a moment while she hurriedly wrote things out to her satisfaction. Once finished she turned and proudly presented him with the final product. “But you can sign this contract!”
He cautiously took the paper and read aloud, “I, Sheldon Cooper, agree to the following terms: 1.] I will wear at least one “Penny approved” outfit per week, for the next 6 months. Effective immediately. 2.] I will let Penny go shopping with me and help me pick out new clothes at least two more times. 3.] Any jokes about my new “Penny approved” outfits will be directed to Penny to deal with as she sees fit. And 4.] I will accept this contract as a fair trade for the gift I've received.” He just blinked at her for a minute, until she handed the pen to him.
“This isn't actually a legally binding document, Penny. I can already see at least three loopholes which I could exploit in order to--.”
“Just sign the damn contract, Sheldon! And then put on the jacket so I can see it.” Her tone left no room for disagreement. Once she was satisfied with his signature and initialing, she took the contract and gestured for him to put on the jacket.
For once Sheldon did as he was told without further argument, shrugging into the supple leather awkwardly, as if the jacket was toxic or he was afraid of ruining it. Noticing the collar was tucked under, Penny stepped into his personal space and reached up to fix it. His eyes widened at her proximity as she tugged the collar into place, then straightened the shoulders. It fit fantastically!
Hot damn, this just proves it. A leather jacket will increase any man's sexiness by at least 300%. He shivered under the cool graze of her fingers against his neck and her eyes flew to his face. Silence reigned over the faint sounds of breathing and the guys laughing next door, Penny watched him nervously lick his lips and open his mouth to say something...
He never got the chance, her lips crashed into his before a single sound was uttered. Curling her fingers in the downy soft cotton of his color 663366 shirt, she pushed him against the wall, meeting the full length of his body with her own. For a moment his spine was stiff, his arms hanging uselessly at his sides. The scent of new leather and the faint clean smell that was just Sheldon made her spine tingle and her head spin. When she twas starting to think she'd have to let him go and stumble through an awkward explanation and apology the tension started to melt out of him. Shoulders and neck relaxed and bent so she wasn't standing so far up on tip-toe to reach him, large hands crept up to rest timidly on her hips, and his lips softened and caressed her own back. It certainly wasn't perfect, he was still shy and a bit awkward and their height difference put strain on her neck, but it was worth it. He tasted like lemons and he was so, so warm.
Knock, knock, knock. “Hey Penny, what's taking you guys so long? The food just got here and Howard and Raj are ready to play rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock to see who gets to play Halo.” Leonard yelled from the hallway.
They both froze, hoping desperately that Leonard wouldn't come in. Thinking fast, she hollered back. “Just a minute! We're finishing up some Penny blossoms, we'll be right there. Unless you wanna help?”
Grinning proudly at Sheldon, she laughed at its effectiveness as Leonard hastily said, “No that's ok! I'll just... go check if the food is here yet!” and retreated.
Still pressed against each other, chests rising and falling in time with every breath, hearts beating out a message in Morse code - thud thud - this is right - thud thud - don't ever let me go - thud thud. They were almost afraid to move, for fear of shattering the fragments of the moment that survived being broken once already.
“But Penny, we're not making Penny blossoms.” He stated innocently. “Yet you just claimed that we were.” His hands still rested gently, warmly, on her hips - the tips of his fingers playing unconsciously across soft skin under the hem of her shirt.
“I know honey, but did you really want me to tell Leonard that we're busy making out against the wall?” Eyebrow raised, she waited for him to reason his way out of this one, her own fingers still wrapped firmly in the material of her new favorite shirt of his.
Huskily he uttered, “A valid point.” They were still so close... his breath drifted across her skin like a sultry ghost.
“See? There is a benefit to being able to tell a little white lie once in a while.” When he said nothing she continued. “So I guess I'm in charge of picking out your clothes after this, huh?” Her irreverent grin was quickly smothered by another tentative, yet searing, kiss.
Yes, she was definitely in charge of his wardrobe from now on.
♥ Sin