Title: What She Wants
Rating: PG
Words: 3,848
Summary: What does Sheldon do once he realizes that he loves Penny?
A/N: This story was in response to a few comments that I saw on the new pictures of Jim Parsons. I'm taking you up on your cookie offer haha. Also, if you haven't seen these pictures yet, I suggest you find them, they are absolutely amazing. Also, please find and listen to a song called Womanizer Parody by VenetianPrincess, there are some very Sheldon-like descriptions in that song. Anyways, enjoy!
It was as I sat in my spot one particularly lonely Wednesday afternoon that I realized it. It had been almost three days since she’d been home, since she’d run away back to Omaha. She’d promised she was coming back when I spoke to her in the hallway outside both our apartments, but I couldn’t help feeling a strange and certainly unusual ache in my chest as she hurried down the stairs. At the time I wasn’t sure what it was, but now that I sit here looking back on it, I feel like an imbecile for not seeing it sooner. I was in love with Penny.
I hadn’t noticed the relationship paradigm shifting, evolving before our very eyes. It seems however that everyone around us had in fact been watching, seeing it all unfolding before them. Leonard I recall, was the first to approach me that evening when he returned home, effectively reinforcing my hypothesis. He explained to me just how obvious it all was.
“It’s little things Sheldon. For instance, your seat.” He’d said motioning to the cushion I had been sitting on.
“What about it?” I’d asked.
“You let her sit in it. And your food, you were sharing some with her, giving her things right off of the plate. But what really solidified it were the little touches that you didn’t seem to notice. Her hand touching your shoulder, or your arms touching during movie marathons, small things that used to make you all jumpy.”
I’d spent much of the next day thinking about it. Running through my Daily Social Interaction log for any evidence. It was all there, the proof, the dates and times. I’d written them down not recognizing the immediate importance of the situations. Day after day I read of our battles, our conversations, even our short physical exchanges, and the ache in my chest seemed to grow. The ache I’d come to realize was due to her absence. I’d tried calling her, only to receive her voicemail. Of course even I knew that something so large an issue as this wasn’t something you revealed over a phone call to a voicemail answering service.
I conversed with Leonard on that subject that is on how to go about telling her. I was unfamiliar with the ways of going about revealing such deep personal feelings. I didn’t fear rejection but actually anticipated it. In fact what I feared more was being accepted, because where did I go from there? It was new territory, like a section of space only recently discovered and unmapped. I couldn’t be sure the effect that her returning my feelings would have on my life, my work, and my routine. I however, yearned for her more than I feared for disruption. I would accept it and rearrange whatever needed to be rearranged in order to fit her into my life.
Leonard, after I told him all of this, seemed to beam at me his eyes squinted behind his glasses. At first I was confused, unsure as to the reason for his seeming pride. And after vocalizing my confusion he explained that he was merely glad to see that I would finally be happy. I wanted to argue that I’d always been happy, but couldn’t seem to bring myself to speak the words. It seemed that I wasn’t quite as happy as I could have been. Penny had opened up new doors for me. All new experiences and lessons to learn and have. And the idea of having that chance made me happier than I’d ever remembered being. So in a way, Leonard was right and wrong.
But that still didn’t change the fact that she’d disappeared, and hadn’t yet returned. Leonard explained to me that he’d overheard her, two nights previous to her leaving, talking to someone on the phone. He explained that it sounded like something had happened; something possibly sad, for Penny seemed almost devastated.
“She was talking about getting there as soon as she could. I assume that she was talking about Nebraska. I’m guessing some sort of family emergency.”
Penny had phoned me that evening, sounding completely unlike herself. Her voice seemed strained and I heard her sniffing, as if she were in the middle of crying. I admired her brave attempts to hide her despair by putting on a chipper tone of voice when she spoke, but Penny wasn’t a very accomplished actress, not that she didn’t try. She was unconvincing, and finally broke down after I inquired as to the reason for her speedy travels to Omaha.
Her father was sick. My stomach lurched. The situations were years apart, but still, I understood the pain she was going through. My father had been sick as well, and it eventually led to his death. I didn’t speak for a minute, and the line was silent on both ends. It wasn’t until Penny whispered my name that I woke from my memories.
She would be home in two days time, unable to stay any longer for lack of proper time off capabilities at the Cheesecake Factory. She seemed angry as she said this, and I guessed that the policy there didn’t allow extended leave for sick and dying family members. I explained that all was well here, that we were taking sufficient care of her belongings.
“Does everyone miss me?” she asked suddenly. “Because I miss you guys.”
“Yes. We miss you Penny.”
“That makes me feel a little better. Thanks Sheldon.”
I’d wanted to tell her how much I missed her, about the ache in my chest that only grew worse with every passing second. I didn’t get the chance though. She whispered her sad goodbyes, and I echoed them with just as much sadness. I didn’t realize that there were tears in my eyes until one fell landing on the phone screen as I stared at Penny’s self-taken picture. Her green eyes sparkling happily at me, her pink lips puckered in a kiss, her hand sending the kiss at me in the customary gesture.
It wasn’t until the day before she returned home that I realized it was foolish to even explain my feelings to her. I told Leonard of my sudden and extremely uncharacteristic fears. He sat listening as I explained my statistically low chances of receiving an affirmative from her based on past boyfriends. Of course Leonard’s brief relationship, if that’s what you’d call it at all, with her had given me a chance at all.
“Then why not give her what you know she wants?” Leonard suggested.
It was almost three in the morning when I finally got back to my apartment, dragging my suitcase up the stairs, not caring who I woke as the bag slammed into the stairs with every step I took. I was exhausted from crying and sleeping in chairs at the hospital. But part of me felt better knowing that when I left my father was in stable condition, and the doctors said he would recover. Crisis averted, but not completely behind us yet.
When I reached my floor I looked over to the boys apartment, smiling sadly. I knew my sudden leaving would worry them, but I’d been unable to explain. I couldn’t say the words out loud for fear that they’d come true. I decided not to answer the phone, ignoring anyone who didn’t live in Nebraska, just to dodge the questions. To speak the worst in my opinion only seems to encourage it to happy, a fact I’d witnessed multiple times in my own life. Of course I could probably just ask Sheldon for the real statistics of it.
At the thought of Sheldon I felt a pang of sadness. He was probably the most affected of all. His routines were so precious to him. They seemed to be the glue that held him together in many ways, and when they were interrupted it was like watching a puppy who’d just lost it’s mother. It was equal parts annoying and heartbreaking.
I could just picture him sitting there on the couch, staring at Howard who would take my seat for Thai night, and Halo night, and movie marathon night, wondering where I was and what was happening to me. He was the most persistent of them all, calling three times a day but not leaving a single voicemail. Finally I’d answered him, talking to him in the hallway of the hospital, staring in on my father through the open doorway. His voice was a welcome change from those of the fake sympathetic doctors that delivered their news before wandering off to destroy another family.
The moment I heard him say my name I wanted nothing more than to be there with him. To throw myself into his arms, though I knew he’d be uncomfortable. I wanted to feel better, to feel like I did before I left, like none of it had happened and I knew that Sheldon wouldn’t offer well wishes and words of encouragement, instead offering hard facts and scientific jargon that would go way over my head. He’d pretend like nothing was wrong, which was all I wanted even if just for a few minutes.
I slept for hours, I remember, and only woke up when my cell phone rang. At one point it was Sheldon, and we had a short hazy conversation. I was only half conscious, but I distinctly remember him stating that he wanted to see me that night, that he had something to talk about. I’d only grunted in response before he said his goodbyes leaving me to my dreams once more. That night, I sat wide-awake and well rested on my sofa. It was around seven, and none of the boys had been by all day to see if I was home. Surely Sheldon would have told them I was back.
I was contemplating calling Leonard just as the sequence began. Three knocks then my name, three more knocks then my name called once more from behind my door, and finally three more gentle raps on the door and Sheldon’s voice calling to me. I smiled, happy for the regularity of it all. I switched off the television and walked to the door, not bothering to glance through the peephole. I twisted the handle, ready for whatever crazy request or scientific nonsense he’d shoot at me.
But what I saw I was completely unprepared for.
Taking Leonard’s advice I’d devised a plan. It was ingenious and I was thoroughly annoyed that I’d not thought of it myself. I of course would have to take a bit of money from my stash to pull it off, but I believed that the outcome would be the desired one. After I’d fine-tuned my idea, and of course researching the stores where I’d need to go to shop, I explained my idea to Leonard.
“Brilliant.” He’d said smiling. “I’m positive it will work out Sheldon.”
Of course his words had kept my confidence up for the next few days. He’d driven me from store to store on Rodeo Drive, assisting me in the items I’d need. He was encouraging and helpful, and at that moment I truly appreciated what a good friend he could be. If the plan did work I would be sure to thank him later.
The day she returned I was a bundle of nerves. I’d been unable to sleep the night before. Instead I’d sat up all night staring at her picture on my phone, studying the curve of her chin, and the shape of her nose. I memorized every line crease and blemish on that face, seeing it even when I closed my eyes. I did something that night I hadn’t done since childhood. I prayed.
I spoke to her the next day, sometime around eleven in the morning, figuring that she’d be home by then. I was greeted with a sleepy hello, and affirmative grunts for conversation, but still I was pleased. She was home, probably curled up in her bedroom sleeping off the exhaustion of the last few days. She did manage to tell me in words that her father was recovering, something that delighted me to no end. It meant that her fear and sadness would soon enough be gone. I explained to her that I wanted to speak to her that evening, and she only grunted in return. After that I said my parting words and hung up, rising from my chair and heading down the corridor to Leonard’s office.
I was preparing in my room, Leonard Howard and Raj waiting in the living room. I was beginning to feel foolish, fear clouding my mind and making my plans hazy. What if this didn’t work, and her feelings were unreturned? I’d not only have put my ‘heart’ out on the line, but subsequently made a complete ‘ass’, as Howard put it, of myself. But it was too late now, not only had I already told her I’d be over, I’d already purchased and removed the tags, so the items were none refundable.
After I was sure things were perfect I left my room and headed down the hall. The others were watching an episode of Doctor Who when I stepped into their line of vision. I could tell by their shocked faces that I was in fact correct in my deductions that the items were suitable for my plans, an of course that it would work. My fears subsided for now, as I headed to the doors, not saying a word to them. I knew that they were planning on watching the outcome from the small web cam that was still installed above our door to focus on Penny’s front door.
With my usual overconfidence and complete lack of regard for people’s opinions of me I walked across the hall, lifting my hand to knock my usual sequence of knocks. I could hear voices from the other side of the door, but the ceased once I’d finished knocking. I stepped back, waiting for the minute the plan went into action, waiting for the minute she opened the door.
He was standing there looking more unlike himself than I’d ever seen him look. On his feet were a pair of black and electric blue sneakers, unlike anything he’d ever worn before. Slick black jeans had replaced the plaid pants he usually wore. He had on a midnight purple shirt under a, and no other word could describe it, sexy black leather jacket with a brown plaid interior. His hair wasn’t as neatly combed as usual, and he wasn’t as rigid as he normally could be when he wore in his comic book t-shirts. He seemed to exhibit this calm cool demeanor.
I stared at him, completely amazed at how devastatingly handsome he was. I’d never noticed it before in all actuality. He was cute in his own Sheldon way, much like he did everything else, but in those clothes he was much more than cute. My stomach was doing somersaults as I stood in the doorway, staring out at him with what must have been a most shocked expression.
“Sheldon?” I’d asked, just to be sure.
“Yes Penny. It’s me.”
“But, where did you get these clothes?” I asked, still unable to take my eyes from him.
His eyes were blue, vividly so, something I’d never noticed before. He was staring at me the same as always, and that only seemed to make the situation that much more intense. The sudden physical attraction to him was almost mind-boggling. I had the urge to run my fingers through his hair, to slid my hands up his chest and push off that leather jacket. I gripped the frame of the door tighter, trying to suppress it.
“Rodeo drive. May I come in?”
“Sure.”
He walked past me and I could smell the hint of cologne that he’d put on and it almost made my eyes roll in my head. It was more intoxicating than anything I’d ever had the pleasure to smell, and I wanted nothing more than to get closer to him. He turned around to face me as I closed the door, leaning against it for support.
“You wanted to talk Sheldon?” I whispered.
“Yes, there’s something very important that I want to discuss with you.” He’d said, and I could tell by the look in his eye that it meant very much to him.
I nodded, wandering over to the couch. I sat down, pulling my legs up under me, and Sheldon too his place beside me, instead of in his usual armchair. With him in such close proximity I wondered if he could hear my heart as it thumped wildly in my chest, but if he did he showed no signs of it. Instead he kept his eyes focused solely on me, and I could feel myself blush.
“You look good Sheldon. Very handsome.”
“I did this for a reason Penny. Would you like to know what it is?”
“Of course Sheldon.” I mumbled, turning my body toward him.
“I did this for you.”
She had been staring at me with such intensity, her eyes never leaving me for a moment I observed. It was unbelievably hard to hold her eye contact when every part of me felt suddenly self-conscious. But then she’d complimented me, and that was all I’d needed to regain my suddenly so finicky confidence.
When I told her the reason behind my new attire, that it was all for her, she seemed confused. Her head tilted a little, and her brow furrowed in concentration. I knew these looks because I’d unconsciously been studying her for weeks before she’d left. Memorizing the way her mouth would twist into a grimace at my mention of something she considered disgusting. Of course at that moment I was hoping not to see that grimace but instead the bright and beautiful smile that I could just barely picture in the back of my mind.
“I bought these clothes in hopes that you’d be pleased with me.”
“Why would I need to be pleased with you Sheldon? I don’t understand. Did you do something to my apartment?”
It was interesting her automatic assumptions. I guessed it was springing from the incident where I’d let myself into her apartment and cleaned while she was asleep. My mouth I realized twitched into a smile and she was smiling too.
“No Penny. I’ve done nothing to your apartment. I just want you to be pleased with me regarding the things I’m about to tell you.”
She only nodded and I continued.
“I realized something while you were gone Penny. Something that it seems everyone around us already knew.” I paused, looking into her green eyes only to smile once more. “I’m in love with you Penny.”
She didn’t say anything, which worried me. She wasn’t smiling, but at the same time she wasn’t grimacing or in any other way giving me a disgusted look. I wasn’t sure what was going through her mind, and as I sat there desperate for an answer I could do nothing but watch her. Finally after a moment or so she opened her mouth.
“You love me?” she whispered.
“Yes. Over the past few months I’ve been going through changes. Leonard informed me that my routines and rules have changed because of you, that I’ve changed because of you. Apparently I’m more willing to relinquish my seat, and share my food with you, as well as growing used to physical contact with you.”
She nodded at each of my listed explanations as if remembering specific instances herself. I explained my immediate hesitation at the idea of loving anyone, but in reality knew that it was impossible for it not to be love. I told her of the ache in my chest for her, and how it only seemed to go away when I heard her voice or saw her face. All the while she sat listening, absorbing my words into her head, thinking on them.
“I understand it’s unfair to put one on the spot, as it were, after admitting such feelings, but I’m afraid I don’t think I can wait. Penny, do you or could you ever return my feelings?”
Of course even if he were the one in my seat I’m sure that Sheldon could find something to say in response, and for once in my life I wished I were him just because of that. But I wasn’t, and instead was staring at him, his question lingering in the air between us, trying to think of something to say. My fingers already knew their answer, and itched to reach out and touch his smooth cheek, but my head was still trying to wrap around these new facts.
I repeated the words again in my head, the ones where he told me he loved me. The twinge of something pulled at me whenever I replayed them. I thought about all the times we’d fought, talked, joked, and I relived them as I sat there across from him. The memories only made the twinge grow; until it was an ache equal to the one Sheldon spoke of. And I knew my answer.
It was amazing how observant Leonard and the others were. But then again they were scientists, and in a way it was their life to be observant. They’d been able to see the relationship in the little touches, the fiery angry words, before either of us. And that’s all it was, the beginnings of an unconscious relationship. Because no matter who I dated I always felt happier with Sheldon than any of them, even when we were arguing.
But even though I acknowledged I loved him too, I couldn’t say a word.
Instead I opted for another means of communication even he would understand. Rising up onto my knees on the couch, still holding his blue-eyed gaze, I leaned forward. I placed one hand on the broad leather encased shoulder, the other sliding from his chin to cup the side of his head gently. And then I kissed him.
“And then you lived happily evow aftow?”
I looked at the boy with the same emerald green eyes that his mother possessed. He was curled up in her arms his arms wrapped around her middle. She was smiling at me from the other side of his small bed, her arms gently stroking his short brown hair. Happily ever after. I suppose that’s what this could be considered.
“Yes sweetie, we lived happily ever after.” Penny whispered to him before lifting him into his bed. “Now go to sleep. You have a big day with Daddy in the morning.”
My son smiled up at me as Penny tucked him in safe and warm. She leaned in and kissed him on the forehead as he closed his eyes, and together we walked to the door, flicking the light switch so that the only light in the room came from the small superman night light in the corner.