Winter Wondering
Title: Winter Wondering
Pairing: Shiwon/Sungmin
Genre: Romance/Slight Angst?
Rating: Pg/Pg-13
Summary: Sungmin questions his and Siwon’s decisions, and thinks that maybe things are moving a little too fast. Sequel to Summer Slipping and Autumn Running but these are not required in order to enjoy.
A/N Hey what do ya know? I can still write a decent fic that will actually get finished. Actually that is a lie this one wrote itself. Hope you all like it. Comments are love.
Winter Wondering
You awoke to the sound of quiet and it took you a moment to realize why. Silence, the strangeness of it wrapped around you like a fuzzy blanket. Gone was the soft breathing that lay beside you, the rise and fall of a chest next to yours.
Sungmin was up then.
Confirming it by rolling over, you noted the lack of heat as well. It was a wonder the lack of heat hadn’t woken you before the absence of noise had. The days were cold now, and you were more than glad most nights for his added warmth.
You groped blindly for your boxers, loath to turn on a light. The clock chimed an hour well after midnight. Sighing you forewent boxers, you couldn’t remember where you’d flung them anyways too anxious to get them off. Instead you wrapped the ends of a disheveled sheet around your waist for modesty’s sake and left the bed to go and find Sungmin.
The floor was cold under your feet causing you to walk gingerly, only on the very tips of your toes as you search the apartment.
You found him staring out the patio doors, staring out the wide expanse of glass at the first real snowfall of the year. Fitting that it would be on Christmas Eve.
His back was to you. He hadn’t noticed your presence, but you noticed your missing boxers gracing his hips, a little too big and a little too loose. They exposed perfectly the line of his back, hinting at the swell of his rear. It did strange things to you, seeing him in your boxers. It was…intimate, in a way all the sex in the world would never be, as if sharing your clothes marked him as yours more than the physical marks you had left on his shoulders and neck.
You walked over to him, there is no way you couldn’t, not when your arms were aching just to hold him.
“Hey” You said molding yourself against his back. “Couldn’t sleep?”
He shook his head, leaning back against your chest. You held him for a minute. Both of you waiting to ask the unvoiced question.
Your finger tips brushed the waistband of the boxers. "Sorry I couldn't find mine" He said a little sheepishly. It was no wonder, you thought, remembering the way you had ripped his own off earliar that night. .
He fiddled continuously with the ring on his second left most finger. You stilled the movement by covering his hands with yours.
“Do you think we rushed into this?” He twined his fingers with yours, running one along the matching ring on your finger.
You shrugged. “No. Do you?”
He didn’t answer.
You gently kissed the top of his head, taking in the smell of his hair, his sweat, love. You think that maybe, just maybe, in the very back corner of your mind that you maybe had rushed into this. But that was not what he wanted to hear. He needed reassurance, so you offered him the only thing you ever could.
“I love you. I’m not letting you go ever again”
“Siwon” He began.
You cut him off. “I mean it Sungmin. I know I don’t talk about it often but those 5 years without you, well, they were tough.” A lot tougher than you cared ever to admit.
“Siwon” He said again, turning in your arms to look you in the eye. “I haven’t even met your parents. You’ve only met mine the one time, and they didn’t even know then. Do your parents even know?”
You didn’t ask what he meant. You didn’t have to. “They know” You said softly leaving out the part where they just assumed it was a phase, that it wasn’t forever. They’d just get over it. They’d have to. You looked down at your matching rings.
He caught the look. “People like us, we don’t get happy endings.”
“Why not?” You wanted to know. “Why can’t we?”
Again he didn’t answer, just turned back to the window. “The snow is beautiful isn’t it?”
Beautiful like you. You wanted to say but didn’t. You settled for a soft hum instead.
There was a burning question that you had to ask. One that made your chest feel suddenly tight and your stomach filled with dread.
“Are you…Are you regretting this?”
You could see it in your mind, see it so clearly. He would walk out taking his stuff and your heart with him when he left, and he would be perfectly justified in doing so. Payback for what you did 5 years ago. You closed your eyes tight, waiting for the inevitable.
But he spoke. “No.” He sighed heavily. “No, but I think we rushed into it. Jesus Siwon, I’ve still got to finish school. Where are we going to live? Your place? It’s too far from school for me. My place? It’s too small for me let alone both of us. You need to be close to your office too. We didn’t even think about that. We just rushed in, and maybe that’s my fault.”
“We never even stopped to consider the consequences of this. Jesus. Is this even legal? What are people going to say? What are your parents going to say? You say they know, but do they know its forever?”
He caught you. Completely by accident, but it must have shown on your face.
He sighed again, rubbing his hands over his eyes. “They don’t do they? God. What are they going to say?”
“Doesn’t matter” You answered, because it honestly didn’t. “This isn’t about them. It’s about you and me. “
“That sounds an awful lot like wishful thinking”
You pulled him closer to you. “Maybe it is.”
“Two and a half months” He whispered, like he couldn’t even believe it himself. “It’s been two and half months we’ve been together.”
“And three from that summer.” You replied. “And every minute of those 5 years I spent thinking about you, that doesn’t count?” It was a lot more than some people had.
“Don’t worry, we’ll figure this all out.” You reassured him, although you hadn’t any more clue than he did. All you knew was that this felt right, that this decision felt right. “Whatever people say, let them say it. It’s all been said before anyways. Heechul’ll set them straight.”
You weren’t completely without allies, without friends, and the family that you had chosen.
“I don’t mind moving in with you till you finish school. Or we’ll buy a new place, just you and me. Halfway. We can do this, Sungmin. We can do this.”
You pretended not to see the tear that trickled down his beautiful face.
“It’s only been four hours. Have you already forgotten?” You leaned down so that your mouth was on a level with his ear. You hoped it was enough for him, because it was more than enough for you.
“I take you Sungim, to have and to hold, for better or for worse, for rich or for poor, in sickness and in health, good times and bad, as long as we both shall live”
He squeezed your hand.
“That’s forever, and this is real. Do you believe me when I tell you we can do this?” You asked your one last question, standing there in the living room, staring out at the freshly fallen snow, clad in nothing but a sheet, Sungmin in your boxers and wrapped in your arms.
His reply was shaky, and you did your best to not let him know that you were too. If he didn’t want this…
But His answer drove every bit of doubt from your mind and caused your heart to beat stronger than you ever thought it could.
“I do”
THE END