For the first time in my life, I want to go home. And maybe this primal urge within me is just coming around because I'm seeing my mom more. But having not lived under either of my parents' respective roofs for over five years, it's not like I can just go traipsing around there. And I know that most of this is because I feel so horribly alone. I ( Read more... )

I'm having a hard time. And I want to be rational about the whole situation. I want to sit down with a pen and a piece of paper and just write it all down. Every detail, every bruise. And I want to cry, and then I want to burn down my apartment. I'm just kidding. I think.

I go through these phases where I'm completely spastic, completely helpless. ( Read more... )

I'm sick of fucking screwing up every fucking thing I touch. I can't even reach out. I don't even want to reach out. I will lose control. I will lose control beyond anything and everything that could ever hold me together. I can't talk to people. Who the hell am I kidding? Who the hell am I FUCKING KIDDING ( Read more... )

today is the 19th. today is six months.

today means that i am 19.5 years old. today means that it has been exactly six months.

i think i am numb. i am typing like i am numb.

this calm face i'm making is a lie. one of my roommates is lying on a bed across from me, and i'm making a straight face. pleasant, even. she doesn't know. she doesn't know. ( Read more... )

i'm going to tell on him.

i'm going to tell.

oh god. oh god.

This feels never ending. Day after day after day of the same thing, the same hurt, the same face in the mirror. I keep waking up and expecting to see someone different, to see this pain erased off of my face. I dream that it never happened, that I'm still the same girl today that I was in January on my birthday. I dream that it never happened and ( Read more... )