I would like to offer, for your consideration, the following statement:

We're color-coordinating our duvet covers.

Add to your consideration the fact that this was said, with absolute seriousness and no hint of irony, in reference to acoutrements for a freshmen dorm room. I cracked up. It's not the activity that amuses me so much as the phrase ( Read more... )

Wow, it's been a while. Lots to report, so things are cut to save your flist.

First, some thoughts on writiting:
( A Brief Description of the Writing Process by Means of a Comically Extended Analogy Constructed by the Author for the Purpose of the Excercise )

Back in Oxford. Oh, sweet freedom! *sleeps for a week*

The family-organized nightmare grad party thing is somewhere around Lake Charles on June 14. I'm planning to leave Oxford on the 12th and come back the 17th. There will be lots of food, drink (I hope), and, apparently, water skiing (don't ask). The more people to distract my family away from ( Read more... )

O hai thar!

Apparently, I'm allowed to bring moral support friends to the giant birthday/graduation bash in June. So who wants to come enjoy boiled crawfish and the charming company of all my relatives? Seriously, guys. Back me up here ( Read more... )

Oh my god the house is FULL OF PEOPLE. I don't know how long I can hide before someone comes looking for me. What I really want right now is a beer and a cigarette, and I can have neither. Nor do I get to sleep in an actual bed for the next few days, and I probably won't get to watch any Doctor Who tonight, because I'm sleeping in the sunroom with ( Read more... )

I am away from Oxford, safely ensconced in my parents' sunroom. In the five minutes since my family has been home, my sister has been bitchy and looked at me like I was crazy, and my father has accused me of selfishness and I have no idea why. So everything's pretty much normal here ( Read more... )

Here's another one from the family, and this one's a real winner. Get this: a news editorial bemoaning the plight of the Angry White Man. Seriously. What absolutely befuddles me, beyond the logic that would lead someone *coughmycousincough* to help distribute this trash, is how these people manage to take themselves seriously, much less to expect ( Read more... )

To clarify the preceding entry, it must be observered, for those who were not already aware of this, that within my family, extending well to my second cousins and beyond, I stand very much solitary in my liberal politics. In addition, I have a cousin who is fond of sending out forwards of a political nature, consistently in the vein of ( Read more... )

Step 1 in maintaining reasonably peaceful familial relations:
Do not send emails to family members calling them idiots. Even if they deserve it and they have flooded your inbox with pointless drivel.

I have to keep reminding myself that this is not a good idea.

So we're watching the Blue Planet series on Discovery Channel, and they're showing these clips of polar bears swimming in the water. My cousin, who is 23 and a 3rd grade teacher, says in perfect seriousness, "Why did God make them live there if it's so cold?"

No one, and I mean no one, had a response for that ( Read more... )