Cat and Ash, this was fantastic, as expected. The characterizations were striking and intense, and even though the story was Ian's POV, Michael and Aaron were also very well-developed, which can be hard to do when you're juggling multiple characters like this. The portrayals of Ian and Michael were especially intriguing - quite the opposite of how I picture them in my head, but it worked for me :)
I particularly liked this part:
Ian wanted to be there to catch him. But he didn't know how. He didn't know how to mend the things he broke. There had always been other people to do that for him. And maybe he was a little broken himself, dyeing his hair and letting it grow long, trying to grow a beard. Looking back at the face in the mirror that he'd seen in Athens was painful and disgusted him. The mess he was becoming was better than the mess he was before.Poignant, direct, aching. This, to me, really summed up the general feeling of the story. And of course, intrigued as I am by Ian's homeless man stage, I enjoyed hearing yet another
( ... )
It's interesting that you picked that particular part. Although there are a lot of places that I can't exactly remember where Ashleigh's writing stops and mine begins, that's one of the few where our work is combined. And it was at the last mintute too.
Like Cat said, and like I told you last night, it's interesting that that part summed it up for you, since it was a direct mesh of our work. And I'm glad you thought that Michael and Aaron were well-developed - that's gonna be important later, I'm thinking, for the story, and it's flattering now. :)
And I'm also proud of what you told me a little while ago - that it was just as good the second time around. That, I think, was the most important compliment. Thank you dear. <3
"Tell me," he [Aaron] said, and he'd lost his slow drawl. His tone was indistinguishable from Ian's.
That "His tone was indistinguishable from Ian's" line is brilliant, like the ending of George Orwell's 1984 when the animals couldn't tell the difference betweeen the pigs and the humans.
I don’t know if I could ever express how truly perfect this story is. I don’t think I’ll be describing this right, but this was so layered, there was so much in this story that wasn’t even written just inherent in the action. I kept stopping and actually picturing these vignettes and instead of feeling flat and two-dimensional, they were even richer because the writing is so vivid that the settings and characters couldn’t help but blossom further.
“No!” Michael exclaimed. “Look, I’m not gay. There are tons of girls that want to sleep with me, you know.” THAT is just perfect
( ... )
You do realize, don’t you, that I had to read every paragraph twice because I was so desperate to see what was going to happen that my eyes couldn't help but flurry across the screen and then I would have to read it again to get the details?
Ooh, I do that all the time when a fic really excites me and makes me feel something. That's a huge compliment.
I loved when Ian was 'angry' at Michael for telling Aaron about the previous night and then proceeeded to undress him as he berated him.
Thank you. That part, I think, was very integral to the story, because I think it was when I wrote that part that I really realized how manipulative this Ian was. I mean, I knew it all along in my head, but he really became 'real' to me then.
There's so much more I want to compliment you on, but I fear I've already hijacked too much space on your LJ.I'm sure Cat doesn't mind endless praise, and neither do I. :) I know I love long comments that are specific. It's so very beneficial to the writing process. And again, thank you for being so thorough
( ... )
Comments 80
I particularly liked this part:
Ian wanted to be there to catch him. But he didn't know how. He didn't know how to mend the things he broke. There had always been other people to do that for him. And maybe he was a little broken himself, dyeing his hair and letting it grow long, trying to grow a beard. Looking back at the face in the mirror that he'd seen in Athens was painful and disgusted him. The mess he was becoming was better than the mess he was before.Poignant, direct, aching. This, to me, really summed up the general feeling of the story. And of course, intrigued as I am by Ian's homeless man stage, I enjoyed hearing yet another ( ... )
Reply
Writing this, as you know, was quite a process.
But I always had faith that we could pull it off.
It's interesting that you picked that particular part. Although there are a lot of places that I can't exactly remember where Ashleigh's writing stops and mine begins, that's one of the few where our work is combined. And it was at the last mintute too.
Thanks again.
Reply
And I'm also proud of what you told me a little while ago - that it was just as good the second time around. That, I think, was the most important compliment. Thank you dear. <3
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
That "His tone was indistinguishable from Ian's" line is brilliant, like the ending of George Orwell's 1984 when the animals couldn't tell the difference betweeen the pigs and the humans.
You're a really gifted writer.
Reply
Reply
Reply
I don’t know if I could ever express how truly perfect this story is. I don’t think I’ll be describing this right, but this was so layered, there was so much in this story that wasn’t even written just inherent in the action. I kept stopping and actually picturing these vignettes and instead of feeling flat and two-dimensional, they were even richer because the writing is so vivid that the settings and characters couldn’t help but blossom further.
“No!” Michael exclaimed. “Look, I’m not gay. There are tons of girls that want to sleep with me, you know.” THAT is just perfect ( ... )
Reply
Ooh, I do that all the time when a fic really excites me and makes me feel something. That's a huge compliment.
I loved when Ian was 'angry' at Michael for telling Aaron about the previous night and then proceeeded to undress him as he berated him.
Thank you. That part, I think, was very integral to the story, because I think it was when I wrote that part that I really realized how manipulative this Ian was. I mean, I knew it all along in my head, but he really became 'real' to me then.
There's so much more I want to compliment you on, but I fear I've already hijacked too much space on your LJ.I'm sure Cat doesn't mind endless praise, and neither do I. :) I know I love long comments that are specific. It's so very beneficial to the writing process. And again, thank you for being so thorough ( ... )
Reply
Reply
Thank you, hon.
I was waiting with bated breath for you to read and comment on this. I'm glad you liked it, even if you're not a big fan of the angst. ;)
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Leave a comment