Supernatural Episode Review - 4x04 - Metamorphosis
I will preface this entirely smaller recap than last week’s (because it just wasn’t as good, yet apparently necessary to establish that Sam is on a VERY. DANGEROUS. ROAD. Did you get the memo? I can say it LOUDER if that will help…HIS EXTREMELY DANGEROUS ROAD WHERE ONE MUST CHOOSE BETWEEN WHAT IS RIGHT AND WHAT IS EASY. Apologies to Dumbledore (HEE CEDRIC!) for stealing that (OH CRAP THAT WAS CEDRIC DEAD-SPEECH…*sad* - except, in my world, he didn’t die - he’s totally with Hermione and in a wheelchair *coughs* awesome story *coughs). Uhm…I got off on a tangent…..where was I? Oh yes, Sam and his VERY DANGEROUS ROAD. But this episode as a whole was sort of pointless I think and really…the best part?
Sam came out of the closet!
*GIGGLE SNORTS*
Then: Basically a recap of last weeks FUCKING AWESOME episode all with hot mom’s (or not) and Grandpa Skinner and His Holier Than Thou Hotness not knowing Fred’s endgame and evil Sammy’s dangerous road which His Holy Hotness & Co. will smack ass down on if Dean doesn’t stop Sammy first.
Now: 425 Waterman where Sam is Mr. Big Hero slutting around with pseudo-Ruby. Apparently word on the street is Sam and Ruby have done the nasty several times while Dean was rotting on hooks in hell (and can we get some more flashbacks to that - that’d be cool - Dean’s time in hell would be interestingly awesome) and Sam’s getting pissed, so he sucks some black smoke outta this dude and…it’s slower and more…disturbing this time. Pseudo-Ruby approves! *Thumbs up from pseudo-Ruby!* Oh, and by the way, Dean’s watching. OOOOPS!!! BUSTED!
Black Crows IS STILL AWESOME!!!
Metamorphosis is the ep name and Sam’s happy because dude isn’t dead and he’s not getting headaches anymore…so…he’s done this enough to practice not getting headaches from sucking black smoke? Just how many does that take? How many can you suck in five months? *SNERK* That was kinda dirty. But seriously. What does that say if he’s good enough that his brain is not rebelling. *sigh*
Oh, Hi Dean! *waves* Dean’s not into explanations much. Ruby and Dean’s re-acquaintance isn’t as warm as Sam would like and Dean’s gonna kill her, but Sam steps in between and then she and Dean square off and Dean pretty much loses. Ruby slinks off to take the dude to the ER and the boys are left alone with the huge giant PINK elephant in the room: Brothers and their ISSUES, as the world turns through the sands of the hourglass and shit.
Dean’s pissed. Sam’s a puppy. The end.
Except we’re not that lucky. We get to drag this on for another whole FORTY-FIVE FREAKING MINUTES! YAY! Next, Sam’s reading at the motel and I guess Dean didn’t come home last night. He starts packing and shit and basically…I’m going to wrap up their conversation with just a few simple words. Dean’s all dude - you’re psychically warped and wants to know what else Sam can do and Sam says he can’t do anything else. Dean tells him it’s a slippery slope and Sam’s kind of like an addict - but Sam insists he won’t let it go to far. Dean says if he didn’t know Sam, he’d want to hunt him. Oh. Ouch. Dean, that was totally harsh. Look at puppy!Sam! He’s all mope-y! Sam pulls the ‘you were gone card’ and gets all misty but Dean’s not falling or it - he wants to know why Sam lied. He lets it slip that his Holy Hotness is gunning for baby bro unless Sam is stopped and Sam’s a little shocked that Castiel said he had to stop him. Basically? The best part of this whole scene? The part that wasn’t lame and convoluted was the punching. That rocked. They should just have it out. So some douchebag Travis calls in the middle and interrupts and send the boys after Jack Montgomery of Carthage, Missouri.
Jack…is basically a pig, eating ravenously and it’s only while brushing his teeth that stuff starts cracking…like his spine and stuff. Ow. Blah blah ouch.
The boys are on their way and Sam’s learning about the past. Blah, blah. Sam’s all: Wow, mom and dad and were they happy and man it sucks I have demon blood in me from that one time when Fred bled in my mouth. *winces* Dean’s all…dude…I didn’t say anything about demon blood. OOOOOPS again! Doh! Sam’s really letting them slip today! Really? This is just…the way this all comes out seems really silly and sort of insulting to me.
*sigh* Anyway, Jack’s hungry again and the boys are watching him from the car. Travis said to watch for anything weird…like bones snapping and shit.
BTW, Who the fuck is Travis? I kinda hate when Kripke just throws someone on us with no backstory and then they’re dead by the end of the ep. They’re obviously not people we should or could be invested in as they have no story, period. Jesus.
Jack starts devouring chicken and everything else he can get his hands on…some red shit that I can’t even decipher, but I guess it was raw…and really DRIPPY hamburger meat. Man, our meat never looks like that. Might want to visit a new butcher there Jack.
Uhm, yeah, whatever. Moving along. Travis is…in their motel room and it’s been 10 years since they saw them and Dean sarcastically says Sam and him are thick as thieves. Yup, no animosity between us at allllllll. We’re awesome. Blah blah, this kinda sucks, blah blah. Jack’s a Rougarou - rotted teeth, wormy skin - and I swear sometimes they just make shit names up because they sound fun when Jensen and Jared say them. Jack will turn soon and my captions tell me that they change at 30 and some other shit that is apparently not relevant because Travis doesn’t say them. They’re hungry for long pig in the end = human flesh. Then they transform and there’s no going back. The gene runs in the family. *sigh* This is supposed to make us go all “Ooooooooh that’s JUST like Sam” except it’s not, and fuck you Kripke for wanting us to think that. I understand that we’re supposed to make connections and empathize with Jack and make distinctions on how Sam is not like and is like Jack and blah, blah but it’s just LAME and STUPID and a complete waste of time because you should get back to the awesome and have the boys wrestle their issues and talk and have Castiel come and have sex with them or something.
There’s this whole bar scene with Jack that’s just not worth my time reviewing and we learn that fire kills Rougarou’s. Travis and Dean discuss. Sam comes in and he found research that says if they don’t take the final step and don’t eat flesh they don’t change. Dean gets to use long pig in a sentence and Travis doesn’t like Sam’s fairy tale stories. Seriously, that’s basically the whole fucking scene. Travis wants to kill him regardless and Dean’s pretty much on the side (Hey, I just realized, that either Sam didn’t make the connection, or Dean did not point out that he was named after Deanna, his grandmother - missed opportunity at humor IMO). Sam says they’re not gonna kill him unless he does something to get killed for. Travis wonders what’s up with Sam and Dean says not to get him started. And…Dean? Fuck you too. Because Sam? He’s not Jack. And there IS no reason to kill Jack unless he does something warranting it. Seriously. Where’s your head? UP your ass? It’s not up Sam’s at the moment, that’s for sure - you are SO not getting laid tonight. I’m sick of this whole attitude that seems to fluctuate by episode besides Dean pointing to the man upstairs in this ep as though he suddenly now believes? WTF? UGH. I’m very annoyed with this episode.
Jack and his wife have a scene. I don’t care and I want to be done, so I’m skipping it, mmkay?
In the car on the way to talk with Jack, I assume, Dean’s all dude - when we push are you gonna shove and are you relating too much to this dude and his issues. Sam’s all DUDE STOP THE CAR OR I WILL. I think the boys should have wrestled. That’s all I’m saying. Or the punching - that was fun. Instead, Sam’s kinda whiney and it’s kinda lame because he’s all dude, demon blood, disease and I’m trying to make it ok. And…it falls flat. Jared has come a hugely long way as an actor, but I don’t think scene really allowed him to be good. LOL Seriously. It just…had the potential to be really great, but the dialogue was just lame. LAME Kripke. Get back to the awesome!
The boys visit Jack and try to talk about his Hungry Hungry Hippo appetite and bone-shifting. LMAO I think that’s the first time the boys have actually introduced themselves as themselves. They try to explain the facts of life, and long pig, again Dean gets to use it in a sentence again. “You feed once and it’s all over and then we’ll have to stop you.” Jack’s not inclined to being open-minded. He tells them to get the hell out and I wish they would magically do that and skip to a new episode.
This dude’s kinda creepy ya know. And he’d really like a slab of that chick on the balcony. But the boys are watching, so it’s cool. His eyes go all icky and the boys bust in, but they’re there to save…no one because Jack manages to not eat her. *snerk*
Oh fuck.
Stupid fucking Travis. You’re gonna make Sam sad! He’s in Jack’s house and chloroforms him.
Ut oh, Michelle is pregnant too. Wow. I so did not see that coming. *Sarcastic* So Travis is gonna torch the whole place, everyone in it. Jack uses his new super powers to break the handcuffs and goes after Travis. And because Travis was stupid, Jack totally chomps him. Wow…that was really gross. Horribly effective sound effects. Ew. Laaaaaaame.
Jack frees Michelle and she runs, taking off in the car and Jack starts to transform. And eat some more of Travis. Mmmgood! White meat! Travis! The other white meat!
The boys pull up and poor Sammy now is going to think he’s never going to be able to good. Fucking Travis. That carpet is totally ruined, those stains are never coming out. Ouch. The boys both get clobbered by Jack. Is this over yet?
Sam wakes from his concussion and he’s locked in a closet. Jack hasn’t hurt Dean yet but he’s looking at him like he’s dessert (which - *scoffs* YEAH HE IS). Sam’s attempting to pick the lock with a hanger (*snerk* that’s new) and he’s trying to tell Jack that he doesn’t have to be a monster - it matters what he does, what his choice is. Oh my God, it’s like motivational speaking for monsters! Duuuude - I have demon blood! Get off it! A DEMON BLED IN MY MOUTH - shut up ya whiney bitch! You’re only a cannibal! Jack’s trying to fight, but yeah, I get it - Jensen’s one hot motherfucker. ‘Cept he’s awake kinda and Sam’s out of the closet. ROFLMAO No pun intended, but SAM CAME OUT OF THE CLOSET. *GIGGLES* I’m so proud of you Sam! You admitted it! And Sam torches him but I think Jack’s kinda ok with that. Puppy! Poor Puppy Sam. You won’t be evil. Dean won’t let you. We’ll figure something out with His Holy Hotness. Castiel, where are you this episode? I miss your sexass trench coat.
Dean’s trying to tell Sam he did the right thing. He was a monster, blah blah. Dean tries to apologize and shit and Sam’s all dude - enough. I’m done. Sam can’t make him understand. Blood isn’t in Dean, something he’s gotta deal with. Dean says he doesn’t have to deal with it alone. But Sam thinks so. Sam thinks the powers are playing with fire and he’s done. Oh come on. Sam’s only doing it for himself - it’s his choice.
Ominous tones.
Seriously? That whole episode for THAT? SERIOUSLY?
I mean, I understand they can not all be as awesome as last week, but SERIOUSLY!? FUCK. *rubs temples*
Next week: HEEEEE! Awesome fun old movie monsters! (Except - I’m kinda pissed because again, we tackle this huge (LAME) topic, where we actually accomplish NOTHING because A) Sam will use the power again, B) We did not resolve anything brotherly and C) NOTHING IS REALLY CHANGED, D) This whole monster inside topic isn’t REALLY the SAME as Sam - I don’t see it as the same AND AGAIN we’re going to this “funny” episode to “relieve the tension” or “give viewers a break” or some shit from the drama - I DON’T WATCH THIS SHOW BECAUSE IT’S LIGHT-HEARTED AND EASY!)
*SIGH*