I thought this was a very good story. You used a number of interesting ways to describe the experience of the fall. I liked how Ronon's experiences in the story built up to that final moment when the situation was finally revealed.
I am also a new writer. The one thing that has contributed the most to my developing skills is having beta readers. (I am in no way implying you need one - I am just responding to your note that you would like to be a writer.) The beta readers around here do an awesome job. Their knowledge of rules of grammar and punctuation is impressive. They go well beyond basic proofreading. Their guidance, suggestions, and commentaries on style and plot are invaluable.
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I am also a new writer. The one thing that has contributed the most to my developing skills is having beta readers. (I am in no way implying you need one - I am just responding to your note that you would like to be a writer.) The beta readers around here do an awesome job. Their knowledge of rules of grammar and punctuation is impressive. They go well beyond basic proofreading. Their guidance, suggestions, and commentaries on style and plot are invaluable.
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Great work hun.
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