Fic: The Way We've Met, and Everything That's Happened (Emmagan/Heightmeyer, PG)
Title: The Way We've Met, and Everything That's Happened
Author: kaworu_renritsu
Recipient: fai_dust
Pairing: Teyla Emmagan/Kate Heightmeyer with a side-dish of presumably one-sided McShep
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not mine unfortunately.
Word count: ~8700
Beta: skaredykat
Author's Notes: Sincerest thanks to my beta for putting up with me and for all of the very helpful suggestions. Some lines of dialogue in this story were taken directly from The Gift.
Summary: When they first meet, Teyla doesn't have time for Kate Heightmeyer. But over the course of the first year in Atlantis, with all of its everyday excitements and major crises, things change....
Prologue
The first time Kate saw Teyla she looked like a rogue princess. The long mane of hair, auburn in the setting sun filtering through the stained-glass Atlantis windows looked rich as pure gold, and the mildly tattered clothes gave her the quality of wilderness, primitive strength, though underneath it was a serenity worthy of one of the wonderfully drawn pictures hanging on the walls of a yoga class Kate had attended back on Earth.
Kate shook her head, chasing the image away. Now was not the time to get lost in her own head -- especially not sounding like an impressionable teen. These Athosians, the new residents of Atlantis, were probably traumatized by their move, and the long strings of events before that (maybe all of their lives), and she had to make sure they at least settled in smoothly. Maybe some of them would even consider her help in dealing with some of the most traumatic events from their past. Plastering on her friendliest professional smile Kate strode over to the newcomers.
"Hello," she said while still a few paces from Teyla, careful not to startle her by sudden approach.
"Greetings," Teyla smiled politely with a small inclination of her head. "How can I help you?"
"Actually, I was hoping I could help you." Kate's smile faltered at Teyla's raised brow. "My name's Kate. Kate Heightmeyer."
"Teyla Emmagan."
"Right," Kate mumbled, more nervous than professional now, then cleared her throat before continuing in her professional tone again, the one that was supposed to make her clients trust her. "I am a person people usually talk to when, you know, they have to talk to someone..." The raised brow was back, making Kate trail off before getting a grip on herself again. "So, if you or any of your people have any problems you would like to talk about, I'm always there." She smiled brightly, knowing it looked a lot more forced than she'd intended.
"I will keep that in mind." Teyla inclined her head again. "Now, if you will excuse us."
The group moved again leaving Kate with a feeling she'd been politely brushed off.
***
Some time had passed since their first meeting. Kate watched as Teyla touched foreheads with Halling among a small party of Athosians ready to go off-world on a trading trip, calm and confident, and wondered how Teyla could be so strong, how much unease she'd been suppressing since her arrival to Atlantis.
It couldn't have been easy with all of the suspicions -- over a simple pendant, no less -- and her people leaving for the mainland.
Teyla should've felt alone, isolated, might have closed off. But instead she seemed to be settling in well on Major Sheppard's team, as much of a leader as Sheppard himself, and her dynamic with Lieutenant Ford seemed interesting, an unexpected friendship between people who were so different.
If she had to use a label, Kate would say that Teyla's relationship with Ford was that of a sister, and Kate wondered if Teyla had any siblings, contemplated asking someone, maybe Lieutenant Ford. He was simultaneously a good and a bad influence on Teyla -- on one hand he helped her become part of the expedition, told her things that helped Teyla understand Earth cultures, but on the other... Kate was sure Teyla could live without some of the continuous pop-culture references.
Teyla shook her head at something Halling said and both of them turned as the stargate activated, Sergeant Campbell confirming the obvious a moment later.
Kate turned to go back to her office, nodding at Elizabeth, who was overlooking the gateroom from the balcony, her go-ahead not really needed for the Athosians.
If there was a chance to help Teyla adapt to her changed circumstances, Kate would gladly help in any way she could, but as she wasn't asked, Kate had no choice but to watch and wait. For now.
***
Kate was finishing one of the evaluation reports -- quite useless as long as they didn't have any connection to Earth, but it gave her something to do to take her mind off the Wraith ships -- when John Sheppard knocked on her doorframe and entered her office.
"May I?" he asked with a small forced smile.
"Yes, please, Major," Kate beamed. "Make yourself comfortable." She wondered if it was Christmas, or if she was dreaming (Major I-don't-talk-about-feelings Sheppard in her office!), and if she was dreaming, if it was a dream or a nightmare.
"Sure." He perched on a chair in front of her desk before relaxing into his usual slouch. "Look, I don't usually talk about these things, so...."
She smiled encouragingly (maybe a little too eagerly, but hey! That was one patient she'd never dreamt of having).
"I think... you should talk to Teyla."
Okay, that wasn't what she had expected. "Why do you think I should talk to Teyla?" she asked carefully.
"Well," he drawled. "She's been distracted recently, has problems sleeping, has nightmares."
"I understand," Kate smiled. "I'll talk to her." With all of the recent stress she'd be surprised if Teyla, or any other member of the expedition, didn't have nightmares. That road she was familiar with.
"Thanks," Sheppard said and left her office with a last obligatory smile.
***
The next time Kate ran across Teyla she was sitting on the mess balcony picking at her food. Kate made sure she wore a practiced pleasant expression and walked over to Teyla with her own breakfast tray.
"Teyla?"
There wasn't the slightest hint of recognition on the Athosian woman's face, not that they had spent a lot of time together after that first unfortunate encounter.
"Hi," Teyla said apparently trying to cover her lack of recognition.
"Kate. Heightmeyer." Obviously Kate's professional self was on her side today, because she didn't even blink at Teyla's 'forgetfulness.'
"Yes. Right. I knew that. I'm sorry." She looked tired. When was the last time she'd slept?
"No problem. Mind if I join you?"
"No. Of course not." Teyla gestured to an empty seat, seeming surprised but not likely to dismiss her, as Kate half expected.
"Strange how the memory just goes away when we're tired," Kate said as she sat down opposite Teyla.
"You are a doctor, right?" Teyla clearly didn't understand what business Kate had with her. Maybe she thought Kate deemed her unfit. Well then, time for some reassurance.
"A psychologist, actually," Kate answered, as bright and unthreatening as she could manage.
"And that is ... different from Doctor Beckett?"
"Quite, yes. Um, I deal with the mind. I try to help people deal with emotional problems like anxiety, depression, post-traumatic distress," Kate clarified.
The look on Teyla's face at hearing that wasn't very reassuring, so maybe it was time to backpedal a little. Kate was well aware that some people thought psychologists were voodoo practitioners who dug into your head and made you a zombie. And even more people didn't know the difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist. "Well, needless to say I've been pretty busy since we got here," she said with another smile.
"I can imagine," Teyla smiled falsely. Clearly Kate's approach wasn't working quite the way she hoped, so she tried another tactic. Maybe it would help make Teyla feel they were equals, doing similar things for their people. She might open up and trust someone who had experiences similar to her own, someone who got it.
"I'm sure you do a lot of the same things for your people that I do. But it must be very hard on you, always having to keep such a brave face." Kate was hoping that would work. Of course she didn't have any illusions that Teyla would break down and cry in her arms like some of her more emotional clients in the past, but at least she'd know Kate understood.
"From strength comes hope. Without hope, my people would be lost." Still keeping the brave face. Not that Kate didn't understand the motivations, but it wasn't quite what she was aiming for.
"You must feel you have to be outwardly strong for us as well. Teyla, I know that your value and your loyalty have been questioned by a few here in the past. What I'm trying to say to you is, if you ever need to talk, I'm here." That was more like it. If she could just connect to Teyla's emotional side....
"Did Major Sheppard ask you to speak with me?" Teyla asked suddenly.
"Yes, he may have--" Kate blurted out, startled.
Teyla practically jumped from her seat. "I am sorry," she said crossly. "I do not mean to be rude, but I'm fine, really." She took her tray and bolted before stopping after a few steps and turning back to Kate. "I appreciate your concern," she said, and that was the most sarcasm that Kate had ever heard from the woman.
Well, that went smoothly, Kate thought, mildly shocked. It wasn't a nice feeling, being dismissed like that, but what was all of her training for? Of course, she was going to try again, use another tactic -- after all, she was interested in helping Teyla manage her stress, just as much or maybe even more than some other expedition members. Sighing, Kate returned her attention to her untouched breakfast -- she still had some time before her next appointment.
***
The door opened, and Kate smiled brightly as Rodney McKay entered her office, a nervous ball of energy as always.
Some people were hard to crack, stoic and with the walls around them that would stop a crusader army, but McKay was certainly not one of them. He was as transparent and predictable in his neuroses as a classical textbook case, and if Kate was still on Earth, getting paid hourly, he would've been a goldmine -- people like him didn't change, not really. They made considerable progress outwardly and said the right phrases. But when it came to really accepting the changes, letting their subconscious take a different route, they just didn't let it go past their conscious mind.
"Um, hi," he said with a lopsided quirk of his lips as he plopped into one of the armchairs.
"Doctor McKay," she answered as she sat down in the chair opposite her client.
"Please, if we are going to do this, you can call me Rodney," he said in a rush.
"Rodney," Kate said, softening her smile. "So, what brings you to me today, Rodney?" she asked leaning forward slightly, at just the right angle to show interest but not invade his personal space.
"Well, um, I think the stress has been getting to me lately what with the Wraith coming, and the incompetent imbeciles trying to blow up the city on an hourly basis, and apparently I'm too valuable to be distracted in this crucial moment, or any moment really, so I thought...." He finally took a breath, pausing his speech mid-stream. "I thought we could talk," he finished, shifting uneasily, his mouth drooping at one side in apparent nerves.
Kate chuckled inwardly. It was so obvious where all of this was going. "Okay," she said. "I'm very glad you've come here, and I'll do all I can to help."
"Yes, well." One side of McKay's mouth lifted in an attempt at a smile. "I've never been comfortable in these offices, they seem too formal, so maybe we could talk somewhere else to make me, you know, relax? Over dinner maybe?"
Fighting an inappropriate smile was getting harder, and Kate coughed into her fist, straining to control herself. "Why are you really here, Rodney?" she asked, going for comforting and understanding.
His shoulders slumped momentarily. "So that's a no then, huh?" he muttered dejectedly.
"I didn't say that." She smiled reassuringly. "I just have to know what I'm dealing with really."
"Oh, come on, I know when I've been rejected," Rodney answered getting animated again. "Sheppard's always telling me to get a life, so I thought before we all die a terrible death...." He sagged down again.
"Are you doing this for Major Sheppard?" Kate asked.
"What? Of course not! I mean I really...." He gulped stopping.
"Do you want Major Sheppard to approve of what you're doing?" she asked, purposefully ignoring what McKay wasn't saying. Better steer him in a safe direction -- or at least safe for her.
"Sometimes, yes, but it's not like he's going to care if I...." McKay's expression turned sour, and Kate smelled blood. She hadn't trained as a couples' therapist for nothing.
"Would it make you feel better if Major Sheppard approved of you asking me out?" she nudged.
"I guess," he said confused. "What does it have to do with," he made a vague gesture between them, "this, anyway?"
Kate smiled, ignoring his question. "What would you feel if it was someone else you were asking out, not me?" she asked instead.
McKay just stared at her blankly.
"Try picturing it."
"Why?" he asked suspiciously.
"Just humor me," Kate smiled.
"Okay." McKay's brow furrowed, his vivid imagination clearly giving him enough details. Kate gave him a couple of moments to get immersed in the picture.
"Now, what would it be like if you were having dinner with Major Sheppard?"
"Fun, I guess. Now, wait a minute!" He jerked up suddenly. "What are you trying to tell me here?" He narrowed his eyes at her.
"I'm not trying to tell you anything, Rodney," Kate looked at him earnestly. "I'm just offering you a way to look inside yourself."
"Oh," he said. "Are you sure you're not," he gestured uncertainly, "you know."
"I'm sure," she answered with a smile that, okay, she copied from a certain Athosian, but it seemed to work.
"I better go then," Rodney said hastily. "Get some work done, save the city again, look inside myself," he babbled.
"If you want to talk again, I'm always here," Kate said as Rodney rose from his chair.
She moved to her desk, took a data pad and did her best to look immersed in making notes, giving Rodney time and space to get back under control.
So of course she almost jumped in startlement -- very smooth -- when she heard another voice in her office. "Doctor Heightmeyer?"
She looked up to the sight of Teyla hesitantly entering her office.
"Teyla," Kate said in greeting, with a smile. "Come in." This was her chance to win Teyla's trust. The woman was here in her office, despite her earlier brusqueness, so maybe if she did it right this time....
***
...and apparently she had, because not only had Teyla told her about her nightmares, she'd also come back after learning that she had some Wraith DNA. So Kate was feeling elated when Dr. Weir caught up with her in the mess hall.
"Dr. Heightmeyer. Would you mind?" Elizabeth smiled, indicating the empty spot opposite Kate.
"No, please join me, Dr. Weir." Kate said warmly. She respected the other woman, and whether she wanted to talk or have a friendly meal together, Kate was glad for the company.
"I wanted to discuss something with you," Elizabeth said.
Kate smiled encouragingly. There was no need to say anything -- she and Elizabeth had a kind of routine, companionable mutual understanding, and any professional phrases would be unnecessary if not outright obstructive.
Elizabeth took a sip of her tea, obviously gathering her thoughts -- a sure sign that Kate wouldn't like what she was going to hear.
"I'm sure you're aware of the recent news of Teyla's... heritage," she said finally.
Kate nodded. Elizabeth wasn't a person to start questioning Teyla's loyalty over a few stray patterns in her DNA, so it must have been something more.
"I've been able to translate part of the logs on the experiments the Wraith had been conducting, and there's something that caught my interest." She sipped from her mug again, and Kate wondered if it was time to worry yet. Something was obviously bothering Elizabeth, something she wasn't comfortable with, and usually that meant a hard decision that would affect them all. "It seems... the people the Wraith were experimenting on showed signs of telepathic abilities similar to the Wraith's own."
That didn't surprise Kate as much as it would have a couple of years ago, but still she needed a moment to think.
"Do you think Teyla has these abilities?" she asked. It would certainly explain a few things.
"She might." Elizabeth took another sip of her tea, and Kate decided it was time to worry.
"What do you want her to do?" She was still unsure if this was going where she thought it was. "And what abilities are we talking about exactly?"
Elizabeth sighed setting her mug down. "It seems the test subjects were able to hear Wraith mental communications. I know it's too much to ask, but if Teyla could...." She didn't finish, but looked into Kate's eyes with a mix of hope, scientific curiosity, and guilt.
"It is too much to ask," Kate said. "The human mind isn't made for this type of... communication. I can't even begin to speculate what kind of long-term psychological effects it could have, and are you even sure Teyla can do it? How many generations have passed since the experiments?"
"I'm almost sure," Elizabeth answered. "And I wouldn't ask anything like this in any other situation, but it could affect the fate of this whole city."
***
Kate looked around the gateroom as she prepared to be evacuated. Unlike the last time, she didn't know if there was a chance of getting back, home, her mind supplied absently, and it was a sad thought. Apparently she had come to love the city, and leaving it just felt wrong.
A backpack stood at her feet, only the most necessary personal belongings, things she could carry around without help if needed, and not much more than she had taken for the evacuation during the big storm -- she was still hoping to return.
Things had been hectic with making what preparations they could for the arrival of the Wraith, and most of the expedition was functioning on pure adrenaline. The people who couldn't directly help with defending the city were probably even more anxious than the people gathered in the control room, helplessness being a monster among the many stress factors present. And here she was, ready for one of her rare trips through the gate since stepping onto Atlantis and barely able to contain her own frustration, fear, sadness, and anger.
The gate dialed, and Kate stepped through to the other side, the first thing she heard being the sound of Doctors Simpson and Kavanagh bickering, voices rising by the second.
"Will you two stop it?" a nearby voice snapped. It was Marie, one of the nurses, looking like a thundercloud.
Kate shared the sentiment. In a minute or two she'd be her professional self, talking to the expedition members, helping those who had calmed enough to be able to hear, but at the moment she was still in near shock herself, the dreamlike, muted quality of what she was seeing and hearing a perfect indication.
Even her coping mechanisms, which she considered finely honed, couldn't withstand the onslaught of events and emotions around her. She felt suddenly overwhelmed by fear and anger.
Everyone around her was also afraid, she was certain. But she was taken aback to be feeling so angry. Anger itself was natural, just one of the basic emotions. But the cause for it in her, now, was far from the noble feeling for a city full of people. Kate realized she was angry at herself for going through those horrid hypnosis sessions, angry at Teyla for pushing herself so much, and angry at Elizabeth and Major Sheppard for making Teyla go through it all.
When Major Sheppard was talking about a Wraith control room after that first session Kate was almost ready to slap him, a sentiment that surprised her, and not in a good way. Of course she was concerned for Teyla, and she was scared when a Wraith took control of Teyla's body. But looking at her anger now, Kate hadn't realized that she was that concerned, more protective than was appropriate for any of her patients, and that this same protectiveness was what had made her hands shake when Teyla was lying on the floor stunned by one of the marines.
Kate took a deep breath and let it out slowly, willing herself to calm down and took a look at the camp around her. Doctor Simpson was seated, glaring at Doctor Kavanagh who had moved to watch two scientists putting up a tent, his expression dripping superiority that didn't completely cover his fear.
***
"And how do you feel about it?"
Doctor Bryce frowned at the question. "I want to be part of it," she said after a minute. "Atlantis is home for all of us, and I know I can be as much help as, say... not McKay maybe. As much as he pisses me off sometimes, he is a great scientist. But I can do a lot for the city. Why can't I be there?"
"I'm sure you can be of great help here as well," Kate answered with an understanding smile. "Have you thought of what you can do for the people gathered here? They are all part of Atlantis, we," she paused briefly to add to the effect, "are all part of Atlantis."
"I know this, but--" Doctor Bryce stopped talking as the gate came to life.
Both women turned, anticipating seeing the last group of evacuees step through the rippled surface, but no one emerged, and instead one of the Sergeants, Stackhouse if Kate wasn't mistaken, turned his head down, a hand on his ear.
"Yes, sir!" he said loud and clear, and turned to the camp. "All military personnel are ordered to return to Atlantis immediately!"
There was confused murmur, people looking at each other to see if anyone else knew more than they did.
"SGC has sent reinforcements. The command of military operations was transferred to Colonel Everett," there was a slight frown on Stackhouse's forehead, "and it's his direct order that all military personnel get back now. Also, all civilians who want to help in the fight are welcome."
"Thank god," Doctor Bryce sighed as she stood up. Kate watched as she went to her tent, stepped aside as Doctor Simpson hurried inside, some equipment already in her hands.
"Are you coming?"
Kate turned to look at Marie, bent down so her face was in Kate's line of sight. The woman could materialize out of nowhere, it was scary sometimes.
"I..." Kate shook her head. "I don't think I can be of any help there." She smiled apologetically.
"Up to you," Marie said, straightening back up.
It was easy for her to say. Kate wished she could do something in Atlantis, but the reality was that she could do a lot more here at the Alpha site than in the middle of fighting -- her strength was healing the mind, not handling weapons, or even bandages and antiseptics.
The camp turned into a beehive of activity within minutes -- people striding around with purpose, equipment packed and tossed through the gate, faces busy and determined.
The only one who seemed to be unaffected was Doctor Kavanagh. He leaned against a tentpole, arms folded on his chest, expression sour and superior.
Kate looked away before he could turn his attention to her. Doubts started forming in the back of her mind. Wasn't she like him in her confidence that she was better off here, in the safety of the Alpha site's camp? She shook her head. Her decision was logical, well founded. She'd never held a gun in her life, and her knowledge of human psychology wouldn't help much against the Wraith.
"Everyone ready?" Sergeant Stackhouse's voice carried over the crowd that was now gathered around the gate. "Alright then," he said. "Step back." The crowd moved out of the wormhole splash-zone, and he started dialing.
***
Kate stepped through the gate, back into Atlantis. The city was largely intact, thank goodness, and the gateroom was full of people, talking and shaking hands, shouting orders, and hurrying about with packs and boxes that were still being delivered through the gate.
There was Teyla, among a group of Athosians, touching foreheads with a man whose name Kate couldn't quite remember, and she looked drained. Her hair was tousled, the light not quite catching on the ruffled mass, and the dark circles around her eyes were obvious even from across the room. Kate considered going over to say hello, but the other woman looked like Kate felt, so she just hoped someone would send Teyla off to bed and went to her own quarters.
***
Kate was fighting her way through the morning crowd in the mess when she spotted Teyla.
"Hello," she said cheerfully.
"Hi," Teyla smiled back with a nod, a tray in her hands.
"So." Kate looked at the other woman. She seemed fresher, not exactly rested yet, but alive, the energy returning to her stance. "How are you feeling?" Kate asked.
"I am well, thank you," Teyla nodded again as she lead the way to one of the tables. "Would you like to join me?" she asked as they reached one of the tables on the balcony.
"My pleasure." Kate smiled as she set her tray down. Some time passed in companionable silence as the women ate. "I heard your people are being flown back to the mainland today," Kate said finally.
"Yes, they are." Teyla looked up before taking a bite of her fruit.
"How are they?" Kate continued her careful prodding. "Do you think they'll be alright?"
"My people have been through a lot." Teyla raised her own mug. "I am sure they can cope, especially now that the hope that is Atlantis is back."
"That's good." Kate reached for her pastry. "And how about you? You've been through a lot yourself recently."
"I have," Teyla answered before taking another sip from her mug.
"Are you sleeping well?" Kate continued, although she could see the answer on the other woman's face.
"As well as I can, considering the circumstances." Teyla was still smiling, but there was slight tension behind her expression.
Kate stopped herself before she could say anything else that would trigger Teyla's defenses. "Today's fruit is wonderful," she said instead. "What is it called?"
Teyla visibly relaxed, her easy smile returning.
***
The morning progressed surprisingly well, Kate thought as she looked through her evaluation reports, the ones she'd thought would never see their addressee, when her door chimed. Rodney McKay walked into her office, confidence barely covering the nerves that were clearly visible in his expression and gesturing hands.
"Can I?" he asked before depositing himself in one of her chairs, the same one he'd used before, Kate noticed.
"Of course, Rodney," she answered, actually amused by his rhetorical question.
"So, um..." he said fidgeting as Kate sat opposite him.
"Just relax, Rodney." She smiled. "Take a deep breath."
"Okay, right," he muttered before complying. "All relaxed now," he declared, both hands in his lap, back rigid.
Kate didn't bother saying he wasn't, just kept her smile in check. "So, what brought you here today?"
Rodney opened and closed his mouth several times, and what he finally said was "I can't."
"You can't what?" Kate asked. It was clear from his expression that it had nothing to do with Rodney's apparent inability to find words.
"I mean, I'm always thinking about it, it's distracting, and I can't afford to be distracted." He stopped the rapid flow of words, slumping down in the chair as he ran out of steam.
"What is distracting you, Rodney?" Kate asked, because it was the obvious question, the one he expected her to ask.
"It's the Major," Rodney said, and there was no need to clarify which Major they were talking about. "I-I can't stop -- When we lost the signal from that jumper...."
And yet again Rodney McKay made her smile. It was so perfectly obvious what was going on in his head, but she still needed him to say the words. "What's really bothering you?" she asked in a soft voice. Rodney shot his head up, rigid again, but Kate continued before he could say anything. "You remember that moment, the signal disappearing, that dot off the monitor." He nodded, head going down and to the left, a frown forming between his brows. "And what is it that really bothers you? What do you feel?"
"I'm in shock," he said, obviously still in the memory. Then his head shot up again. "But I'm not in shock anymore. You can't be in shock for that long, right?"
"No, you can't," Kate agreed as she lifted a pen, Rodney's eyes following the movement. "But there is something that's still bothering you." She moved the pen slowly as she spoke, down and to her right. "What is it, Rodney? What are you thinking?"
"I almost lost him," he said, back in the memory. "I mean, we almost lost him, the rest--"
"We're not talking about everyone else here, Rodney," Kate interrupted, her voice soft so she wouldn't pull him out of his state. "We're talking about your thoughts, not theirs."
"So, I," he conceded with a sigh, "almost lost him. I thought I did. And I couldn't think about anything else, I still can't think of anything else. I'm stuck, aren't I?" He lifted his head again.
"And why is that, do you think?" Kate asked, a small smile on her lips that she couldn't completely stifle.
"I don't know!" Rodney exclaimed, his arms flying in exasperation.
"I don't think it's true." Kate smiled in earnest. "Why is it that you're thinking about losing Major Sheppard?" she asked risking a direct question.
"Because I care!" he exclaimed. "Look, why do you-- Oh." He stopped abruptly, a corner of his mouth drooping. "And what do I do now?" he asked, unhappy, as he sank into his chair.
"What do you want to do?" Kate asked.
"I don't know, I mean it doesn't help my distraction," he muttered, not quite with her anymore.
"Look." She searched his eyes. "If you promise not to sweep it all under the carpet we can try a quick technique that can help with your distraction."
"Okay, sure," Rodney answered, too eager.
"Promise first," Kate prompted.
"Alright, alright, I promise, no sweeping it under the carpet." Rodney said with a roll of his eyes. The too-eager look was still there though, and Kate had to stifle a laugh.
"So." She lifted her right hand. "Imagine this is a TV set..."
***
Kate sighed as she rubbed the back of her neck. As satisfying as it was to know that her reports wouldn't have to gather dust anymore, spending hours in one position looking through them wasn't doing anything good to her back. A quick look at her watch showed that it was already lunchtime, so she stretched and headed for the door. She was almost to the transporter when Teyla rounded a corner, a fresh bandage on her hand.
"Are you okay?" Kate asked with a frown. She had a sudden urge to take Teyla's hand and examine the wound covered by sterile white.
"Oh," Teyla looked at her hand. "It is nothing," she said, a little sheepish. "I got scratched on a crate."
"Oh," Kate said in turn, embarrassed by her previous reaction. Her most recent session came to mind. What was it McKay had said? Because I care. Apparently Kate had her own carpet to look under.
***
The senior staff had left almost a week ago, and things were calm and quiet, maybe too quiet. Sure, half of the city was twitchy about the fate of their military command, but the other half was dead certain that, if anything, General O'Neill would protect his favorite protege.
Kate was smiling to herself as she sailed through the corridors, a bar of chocolate in her hands, the one she'd been saving for a special occasion. With the promise of regular Daedalus runs she thought the sacrifice was justified. She ran a hand through her hair, reminded herself that this was definitely not a date, and slid her hand over the panel at her hostess's door. Teyla answered a moment later, looking serene, a waft of herbs trailing from the room.
"Hi," Kate smiled.
Teyla smiled back in greeting. "It is good to see you," she said taking a step back so Kate could enter.
"Thanks." Kate spotted two cups and a steaming pot on a low table and turned to give Teyla the chocolate. "I hope it goes well with the tea," she said. "It's not too sweet, I thought you might like it." To Kate's mind, the exquisite dark chocolate with a hint of chili pepper certainly suited Teyla's character.
"Thank you." Teyla accepted the gift and moved to the table, where they both settled to drink their cups of tea and just enjoy each other's company, small talk flowing -- news from different parts of the city, the recent discovery the botany section had made, the latest rumors of romance in the city, and somehow, absolutely expectedly, the conversation turned to their senior staff currently on Earth.
"I do not understand," Teyla said. "Major Sheppard is a great leader. He has done so much for all of us -- the people of Atlantis, my people, and many others on different worlds. Why do your superiors question his command when he is obviously right for his place?" She looked mostly confused, but there was definite concern in her expression.
Kate sighed. "The military structure has its own rules, and from the military point of view many of Major Sheppard's actions weren't justified. He's not a perfect example of military discipline."
Teyla frowned at that.
"Of course it doesn't say anything about his leadership skills or his dedication to the city," Kate continued, "but some of his superiors don't see him the way we do."
"I still don't understand," Teyla said.
Kate smiled. Teyla looked so confused, the frown making her oddly adorable, and Kate had to shake her head before she did something unreasonable like taking Teyla's hand. "'Don't think about it today,'" she said instead. "'Think about it tomorrow.' Oh, it's a quote," Kate clarified when Teyla looked even more confused.
"Oh." Teyla sipped her tea, clearly uncomfortable.
"Tell you what." Kate beamed leaning forward. "We're having movie night tomorrow, and I know the marine biologist who has Gone with the Wind, so you'll see for yourself what the quote is about."
"That would be enlightening," Teyla said with a smile.
"Yes, it would," Kate agreed. "And the boys would just have to suffer."
Teyla gave her another confused frown, but Kate just beamed in answer.
***
People were gathering in the room that had been home to movie nights in Atlantis since the expedition arrived, and Kate smiled as she looked at the front of the room. There was Miko Kusanagi in what looked like a deadly fight with numerous cables, her determined expression spoiled by a flush that made her look like a child.
"Couldn't anyone help her?" she asked one of the physicists, a familiar face she'd seen more than once in her office after the woman was repeatedly bullied into tears by McKay.
"She's the best in the room," the woman answered with an apologetic smile. "And Doctor Zelenka swore on the theory of relativity that he wouldn't set foot in here today." She snickered.
Finally Doctor Kusanagi managed to connect her laptop to the large screen, and the sound of Gone with the Wind's opening theme filled the room. Kate looked around in time to see Teyla enter, a little out of breath. Kate waved her hand so Teyla could join her on one of the couches.
"I am sorry," Teyla said in a hushed tone. "I had to consult Sergeant Stackhouse about tomorrow's visit to the mainland."
"Don't worry," Kate answered with a smile. "You're just in time, it's just started."
Teyla gave Kate a smile of her own and settled in to watch the movie.
***
Hours later they were in the mess hall, and Kate was answering the flood of questions Teyla unleashed on her. The historical ones were easy if not always comfortable -- the concept of entire civilizations based on slavery for instance had put Teyla in a state of deeply confused disapproval -- but Teyla was just as interested in the characters themselves, and her view of them was uniquely interesting.
"Scarlett is an example of a strong woman," Kate was explaining, "who would do anything to get what she wants, including forgetting about morals."
"I understand," Teyla nodded, "but is it not weakness to forget about the worth of people? Especially in times of war."
Kate smiled. "Not everyone is as strong as you," she said. "A lot of people would forget about everyone else in favor of their own goals. It takes a strong and beautiful spirit to care about others in drastic circumstances like war."
Teyla smiled her cryptic little smile, and Kate frowned and thought back, trying to figure out what she might have said that was funny.
"Thank you," Teyla said finally, and Kate felt herself blush as she finally got what she'd told her companion.
***
Kate looked around the gateroom. It was full of new recruits from Earth, people carrying their luggage and various pieces of equipment, the buzz of voices talking and commands being given, and Atlantis herself was humming happily as she was filled with life.
There was Teyla talking to her team leader, the newly promoted Lieutenant Colonel, and Kate took a moment to look: Teyla looked relaxed, obviously happy to see her friend return -- her smile a little wider than Kate was used to seeing it, small crinkles at the corners of her eyes. Kate was cheered by the sight.
It was good to see Teyla so relieved at having now-Colonel Sheppard back, but at the same time Kate couldn't help the slightly bitter aftertaste in her mouth that came with her certainty that her own time with Teyla would be curtailed as she was back with her team. Shaking the unnecessary thoughts from her head Kate made her way over to the pair.
"Hello, Teyla, Colonel," she said with an emphasized nod and an amused smile in Sheppard's direction. Teyla smiled, and Sheppard almost beamed at hearing his new title.
"Colonel Sheppard wanted your assistance with something," Teyla said with an amused look.
"What can I help you with, Colonel?" Kate asked after sharing a glance with Teyla.
Sheppard looked to the side before looking at Kate. "I thought maybe I should write an orientation pamphlet or something," he drawled. "To let people know what they're getting themselves into."
"That's a nice thought," Kate said, expression serious, which only managed to make Teyla's smile even wider.
"He has a weakness for lost causes once they are really lost," Teyla said, making Kate grin.
"What? I'm not that bad at writing," he complained, looking between the women with a mix of confusion and suspicion.
"Of course you're not," Teyla placated. "It is just that our worlds can offer a lot more than you could cover in a pamphlet."
"True," he conceded but still looked suspiciously between the two women as they shared a conspiratorial look.
***
Kate carefully balanced her breakfast tray in her arms as she made her way through the morning crowd. The new members of the Atlantis expedition had all settled in by now, at least as well as they could, considering, and enthusiastic chatter filled the room, people getting to know each other and all too eager to meet another day.
Which couldn't be said about Kate herself. As much as she prided herself on being a professional, she wasn't currently very proud of herself, what with recent events.
She'd been so sure when she practically forced McKay to share the control of his body. It had seemed so obvious -- two people in one body using it equally, both with the same rights. Apparently it wasn't that simple.
Keeping a neutrally friendly smile on her face Kate looked for an unoccupied table, a task that had become a lot harder since the arrival of the new personnel.
"Kate, over here!" She turned in the direction of the voice, and there was Teyla, a soft smile on her face and a bowl in front of her.
"Good morning," Kate said, her smile brighter than before.
"Good morning," Teyla answered, her smile brightening as well.
"Is this... cereal?" Kate was mildly surprised to see a bowlful of Froot Loops.
"I wanted to try traditional Earth food," Teyla said, her smile turning a little uncertain. "Is it not proper?"
"No, no, it's fine," Kate hurried to reassure. "I just thought it'd be too sweet for you."
That earned her a smile that was just a little bit crooked. "It is," Teyla said as she put her spoon into the bowl.
Kate chuckled. That was one of the reasons she liked spending time with Teyla -- her sheer presence made Kate forget all of the mishaps of the day. Unfortunately thinking this made her latest dilemma return to the front of her mind.
"Is something bothering you?" Teyla asked between stoic mouthfuls of her cereal.
"It's nothing, really," Kate said earning herself a raised brow. "I don't want to bother you," she amended.
"It is no bother to help a friend ease their mind."
Kate warmed at the phrase, grateful and touched. "It's..." She took a breath, getting her thoughts into order. "I'm not sure I did the right thing with Doctor McKay and Lieutenant Cadman."
Teyla's answering frown made Kate elaborate. "I pushed Doctor McKay to share control of his body with Lieutenant Cadman, and it made it a lot harder to separate them later. I could have killed them both."
"You did what you thought was right," Teyla answered.
"And that's what's bothering me." Kate sighed. "What kind of decisions do I make? I rely heavily on my knowledge and experience, but most of the time... let's face it, they're useless here. The situations are too different, the stress levels make people behave in ways I've never encountered before, and that's not taking into account all of the surprises from this galaxy. I'm starting to think I'm not as competent as I thought."
"I have to admit..." Teyla stopped for a moment before continuing. "I did not have a very high opinion of you at first."
Kate shrank down in her chair. But Teyla continued, "However, then I learned that you truly care about all of the people, not only your own, but everyone who crosses paths with you. That is why you try so hard to help those around you, and that is the best help you can offer."
Kate was silent for a moment, basking in the praise, happy despite herself.
It wasn't the answer though. "Even with the best intentions in mind, getting someone killed isn't much help," she said, smiling a little bitterly.
"We are not perfect," Teyla said with a smile that would have been patronizing on someone else, but on her it was safe, reassuring. "It is our intentions that define who we are, and everything else can be learned."
Kate pondered that for a minute. "Thank you," she said finally. It still didn't give her the answer, but it showed her the way to reach it.
***
Kate was pleasantly surprised when her door chimed and McKay strode straight to his usual chair. She was half expecting him to ditch their appointment after what she'd called "the McCadman fiasco" in her head, but here he was in his seat, a ball of energy as always.
He was one of the surprises this galaxy had thrown at her -- despite her initial expectations, he used as much determination to work on his inner self as he did on everything else, and the only thing that spoiled the image of a perfect client was the direction he had chosen for his efforts.
"So," he began after the greetings, "I did well, I think. I didn't snap at him more than usual, I didn't avoid him. I think I can still be his friend without, you know, saying something... stupid. So, I just wanted to tell you this." He looked at Kate expectantly.
"That's very good, Rodney," she said. It was good, in a way.
McKay had managed to go from freak-out to acceptance in the first couple of sessions after his promise, and had then decided, completely logically, that it just wasn't worth it, that Sheppard's friendship, their working relationship, and their careers were more important than McKay's unwanted attraction.
Ever since then, she'd been working with McKay on getting him to behave normally with the Colonel, to acknowledge the attraction but leave it alone, to not let it affect his actions or judgment.
So far the progress he'd made had been more than impressive, but it still made Kate feel sad. Wasn't there a way for these two to be together? Was it really not worth the risk? The romantic in her screamed that she should do everything in her power to make them accept each other -- but it wasn't her decision.
"I'll get going then." He patted the armrests of his chair as he got up.
Kate smiled and wished him luck, making no attempt to stop him though she knew McKay wouldn't be returning for his regular sessions, then sighed as the door closed behind him. Was it really not worth it?
She shook her head. She was way too worried about McKay's personal life, and why exactly was that, she wondered? It wasn't about him, not really. Then what was it about this situation? There were certain similarities with her own life.... Wasn't she just substituting a wish for her client's happiness for her own? So there was the real question. Was it worth it for her?
***
Kate rearranged her table for the fifth time. It wasn't like this was new -- she and Teyla had been meeting for tea in each other's quarters for quite some time now, sitting on the floor in Teyla's room or on the bed in Kate's, talking, watching the few movies Kate had on her laptop -- but she couldn't suppress her restless nerves at the thought of what she was planning for this evening.
It was a huge risk, sure, but it was easier to deal with the regrets of doing something than the ones of not doing something, and if she had at least the slightest chance....
The door chimed, and Kate let Teyla in, a smile on her face. And was just slightly surprised when Teyla went for the Athosian greeting, touching her forehead to Kate's.
"Come in," Kate said when Teyla let go of her arms, a little dazed from the proximity, her cheeks feeling warm.
Teyla passed her with a nod and sat down on the edge of the bed.
"So. How was your day?" Kate asked, feeling stupid and out of it.
"It was most pleasant, thank you," Teyla answered with a smile. "I had a very satisfying training session with Ronon."
"Oh," Kate said as she busied herself with the tea. "How is he settling in?" she asked. "I haven't had a chance to talk to him yet." She handed Teyla a cup and got a nod of thanks in return.
"He finds some of the Earth traditions... surprising." Teyla's smile changed for a moment, mirth dancing in her eyes. "And he is very blunt about his surprise."
"I can imagine," Kate answered with a smile of her own. "Is there something in particular?"
"It is nothing," Teyla said, her face tightening in what looked like an attempt to hold a wider grin in check. "He asked why Colonel Sheppard and Doctor McKay were not sharing quarters."
Kate couldn't help chuckling as she settled on the bed beside Teyla.
"That was very perceptive of him," she said with a straight face before exchanging another amused look with Teyla.
"Then he asked something else," Teyla continued, her expression changing again, searching Kate's face.
"What did he ask?" Kate said, smiling still but well aware of the change in mood, little flares of hope licking at the edges of her mind.
"He asked... if there was any connection between you and me."
"And is there?" Kate said, searching for any hints on the face opposite her.
"Do you want there to be?" Teyla asked, with a small smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.
"It would be... very nice, yes," Kate managed to answer, nodding.
"Then so be it." Teyla smiled in earnest and set her cup on the floor before taking one of Kate's hands.
"So be it," Kate repeated and felt her cheeks go warm for the second time that evening as Teyla tugged her hand to plant a small kiss on the knuckles.
***
Epilogue
It was a lovely evening, the light from the setting sun filtering through the windows and painting the room rich shades of ochre and orange.
Fingers gently carding through a mane of light hair, golden in the early evening light, Teyla smiled, easy and indulgent, as relaxed as she had been in days. Kate stirred, her head in Teyla's lap.
"S'nice," Kate murmured as she shifted to look at Teyla, sleepy and content.
Teyla's expression was tender and mildly amused as she continued petting Kate's hair. "Rest," she said softly.
Kate looked exhausted, which wasn't surprising after the day she'd had. One after another people had been coming to her office, seeking advice or an ear, and Teyla had had to throw a menacing glare at Doctor Brown, one of the new botanists who had been making her way to Kate's office when Teyla was there to drag her to a much-needed dinner.
Teyla was sure that Kate deserved at least that much of a break. Kate's dedication to her duties was admirable, but skipping meals was not a way to maintain one's health and efficiency, or at least that was what Teyla had come to believe.
The dinner had been easy, filled with pleasant, unimportant conversations and comfortable silences. Teyla had watched Kate as she pushed a strand of hair behind her ear or tore pieces off her bread, and Kate's expression had softened every time their eyes met.
For the evening, they had planned to share tea, which had almost become a tradition. One Teyla wanted to uphold, but as soon as Kate had entered Teyla's room she'd headed straight for the bed, to rest her eyes, as she had put it. So there they were, Kate's head resting on the folds of Teyla's skirt, breath warm on Teyla's wrist as she stroked Kate's hair in long, soothing motions.
This woman in her lap was a true wonder. Although she had a certain overconfident streak -- perhaps not unlike one of the members of Teyla's team -- she was caring and open enough to admit her mistakes and move forward.
She was willing to learn and improve herself in ways Teyla would have believed impossible when she first met this Doctor Heightmeyer. Thinking back to their initial meeting, the awkwardness and insincere smiles, Teyla never would have believed so much change was possible. Teyla wasn't sure how it had happened, how she'd gone from hardly noticing Kate to admiration, growing respect, and finally, to this....
Yet here she was, admiring Kate's adaptability, reveling in the softness of her hair, and praising the Ancestors for the gift that was dozing in her lap.
Author: kaworu_renritsu
Recipient: fai_dust
Pairing: Teyla Emmagan/Kate Heightmeyer with a side-dish of presumably one-sided McShep
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not mine unfortunately.
Word count: ~8700
Beta: skaredykat
Author's Notes: Sincerest thanks to my beta for putting up with me and for all of the very helpful suggestions. Some lines of dialogue in this story were taken directly from The Gift.
Summary: When they first meet, Teyla doesn't have time for Kate Heightmeyer. But over the course of the first year in Atlantis, with all of its everyday excitements and major crises, things change....
Prologue
The first time Kate saw Teyla she looked like a rogue princess. The long mane of hair, auburn in the setting sun filtering through the stained-glass Atlantis windows looked rich as pure gold, and the mildly tattered clothes gave her the quality of wilderness, primitive strength, though underneath it was a serenity worthy of one of the wonderfully drawn pictures hanging on the walls of a yoga class Kate had attended back on Earth.
Kate shook her head, chasing the image away. Now was not the time to get lost in her own head -- especially not sounding like an impressionable teen. These Athosians, the new residents of Atlantis, were probably traumatized by their move, and the long strings of events before that (maybe all of their lives), and she had to make sure they at least settled in smoothly. Maybe some of them would even consider her help in dealing with some of the most traumatic events from their past. Plastering on her friendliest professional smile Kate strode over to the newcomers.
"Hello," she said while still a few paces from Teyla, careful not to startle her by sudden approach.
"Greetings," Teyla smiled politely with a small inclination of her head. "How can I help you?"
"Actually, I was hoping I could help you." Kate's smile faltered at Teyla's raised brow. "My name's Kate. Kate Heightmeyer."
"Teyla Emmagan."
"Right," Kate mumbled, more nervous than professional now, then cleared her throat before continuing in her professional tone again, the one that was supposed to make her clients trust her. "I am a person people usually talk to when, you know, they have to talk to someone..." The raised brow was back, making Kate trail off before getting a grip on herself again. "So, if you or any of your people have any problems you would like to talk about, I'm always there." She smiled brightly, knowing it looked a lot more forced than she'd intended.
"I will keep that in mind." Teyla inclined her head again. "Now, if you will excuse us."
The group moved again leaving Kate with a feeling she'd been politely brushed off.
***
Some time had passed since their first meeting. Kate watched as Teyla touched foreheads with Halling among a small party of Athosians ready to go off-world on a trading trip, calm and confident, and wondered how Teyla could be so strong, how much unease she'd been suppressing since her arrival to Atlantis.
It couldn't have been easy with all of the suspicions -- over a simple pendant, no less -- and her people leaving for the mainland.
Teyla should've felt alone, isolated, might have closed off. But instead she seemed to be settling in well on Major Sheppard's team, as much of a leader as Sheppard himself, and her dynamic with Lieutenant Ford seemed interesting, an unexpected friendship between people who were so different.
If she had to use a label, Kate would say that Teyla's relationship with Ford was that of a sister, and Kate wondered if Teyla had any siblings, contemplated asking someone, maybe Lieutenant Ford. He was simultaneously a good and a bad influence on Teyla -- on one hand he helped her become part of the expedition, told her things that helped Teyla understand Earth cultures, but on the other... Kate was sure Teyla could live without some of the continuous pop-culture references.
Teyla shook her head at something Halling said and both of them turned as the stargate activated, Sergeant Campbell confirming the obvious a moment later.
Kate turned to go back to her office, nodding at Elizabeth, who was overlooking the gateroom from the balcony, her go-ahead not really needed for the Athosians.
If there was a chance to help Teyla adapt to her changed circumstances, Kate would gladly help in any way she could, but as she wasn't asked, Kate had no choice but to watch and wait. For now.
***
Kate was finishing one of the evaluation reports -- quite useless as long as they didn't have any connection to Earth, but it gave her something to do to take her mind off the Wraith ships -- when John Sheppard knocked on her doorframe and entered her office.
"May I?" he asked with a small forced smile.
"Yes, please, Major," Kate beamed. "Make yourself comfortable." She wondered if it was Christmas, or if she was dreaming (Major I-don't-talk-about-feelings Sheppard in her office!), and if she was dreaming, if it was a dream or a nightmare.
"Sure." He perched on a chair in front of her desk before relaxing into his usual slouch. "Look, I don't usually talk about these things, so...."
She smiled encouragingly (maybe a little too eagerly, but hey! That was one patient she'd never dreamt of having).
"I think... you should talk to Teyla."
Okay, that wasn't what she had expected. "Why do you think I should talk to Teyla?" she asked carefully.
"Well," he drawled. "She's been distracted recently, has problems sleeping, has nightmares."
"I understand," Kate smiled. "I'll talk to her." With all of the recent stress she'd be surprised if Teyla, or any other member of the expedition, didn't have nightmares. That road she was familiar with.
"Thanks," Sheppard said and left her office with a last obligatory smile.
***
The next time Kate ran across Teyla she was sitting on the mess balcony picking at her food. Kate made sure she wore a practiced pleasant expression and walked over to Teyla with her own breakfast tray.
"Teyla?"
There wasn't the slightest hint of recognition on the Athosian woman's face, not that they had spent a lot of time together after that first unfortunate encounter.
"Hi," Teyla said apparently trying to cover her lack of recognition.
"Kate. Heightmeyer." Obviously Kate's professional self was on her side today, because she didn't even blink at Teyla's 'forgetfulness.'
"Yes. Right. I knew that. I'm sorry." She looked tired. When was the last time she'd slept?
"No problem. Mind if I join you?"
"No. Of course not." Teyla gestured to an empty seat, seeming surprised but not likely to dismiss her, as Kate half expected.
"Strange how the memory just goes away when we're tired," Kate said as she sat down opposite Teyla.
"You are a doctor, right?" Teyla clearly didn't understand what business Kate had with her. Maybe she thought Kate deemed her unfit. Well then, time for some reassurance.
"A psychologist, actually," Kate answered, as bright and unthreatening as she could manage.
"And that is ... different from Doctor Beckett?"
"Quite, yes. Um, I deal with the mind. I try to help people deal with emotional problems like anxiety, depression, post-traumatic distress," Kate clarified.
The look on Teyla's face at hearing that wasn't very reassuring, so maybe it was time to backpedal a little. Kate was well aware that some people thought psychologists were voodoo practitioners who dug into your head and made you a zombie. And even more people didn't know the difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist. "Well, needless to say I've been pretty busy since we got here," she said with another smile.
"I can imagine," Teyla smiled falsely. Clearly Kate's approach wasn't working quite the way she hoped, so she tried another tactic. Maybe it would help make Teyla feel they were equals, doing similar things for their people. She might open up and trust someone who had experiences similar to her own, someone who got it.
"I'm sure you do a lot of the same things for your people that I do. But it must be very hard on you, always having to keep such a brave face." Kate was hoping that would work. Of course she didn't have any illusions that Teyla would break down and cry in her arms like some of her more emotional clients in the past, but at least she'd know Kate understood.
"From strength comes hope. Without hope, my people would be lost." Still keeping the brave face. Not that Kate didn't understand the motivations, but it wasn't quite what she was aiming for.
"You must feel you have to be outwardly strong for us as well. Teyla, I know that your value and your loyalty have been questioned by a few here in the past. What I'm trying to say to you is, if you ever need to talk, I'm here." That was more like it. If she could just connect to Teyla's emotional side....
"Did Major Sheppard ask you to speak with me?" Teyla asked suddenly.
"Yes, he may have--" Kate blurted out, startled.
Teyla practically jumped from her seat. "I am sorry," she said crossly. "I do not mean to be rude, but I'm fine, really." She took her tray and bolted before stopping after a few steps and turning back to Kate. "I appreciate your concern," she said, and that was the most sarcasm that Kate had ever heard from the woman.
Well, that went smoothly, Kate thought, mildly shocked. It wasn't a nice feeling, being dismissed like that, but what was all of her training for? Of course, she was going to try again, use another tactic -- after all, she was interested in helping Teyla manage her stress, just as much or maybe even more than some other expedition members. Sighing, Kate returned her attention to her untouched breakfast -- she still had some time before her next appointment.
***
The door opened, and Kate smiled brightly as Rodney McKay entered her office, a nervous ball of energy as always.
Some people were hard to crack, stoic and with the walls around them that would stop a crusader army, but McKay was certainly not one of them. He was as transparent and predictable in his neuroses as a classical textbook case, and if Kate was still on Earth, getting paid hourly, he would've been a goldmine -- people like him didn't change, not really. They made considerable progress outwardly and said the right phrases. But when it came to really accepting the changes, letting their subconscious take a different route, they just didn't let it go past their conscious mind.
"Um, hi," he said with a lopsided quirk of his lips as he plopped into one of the armchairs.
"Doctor McKay," she answered as she sat down in the chair opposite her client.
"Please, if we are going to do this, you can call me Rodney," he said in a rush.
"Rodney," Kate said, softening her smile. "So, what brings you to me today, Rodney?" she asked leaning forward slightly, at just the right angle to show interest but not invade his personal space.
"Well, um, I think the stress has been getting to me lately what with the Wraith coming, and the incompetent imbeciles trying to blow up the city on an hourly basis, and apparently I'm too valuable to be distracted in this crucial moment, or any moment really, so I thought...." He finally took a breath, pausing his speech mid-stream. "I thought we could talk," he finished, shifting uneasily, his mouth drooping at one side in apparent nerves.
Kate chuckled inwardly. It was so obvious where all of this was going. "Okay," she said. "I'm very glad you've come here, and I'll do all I can to help."
"Yes, well." One side of McKay's mouth lifted in an attempt at a smile. "I've never been comfortable in these offices, they seem too formal, so maybe we could talk somewhere else to make me, you know, relax? Over dinner maybe?"
Fighting an inappropriate smile was getting harder, and Kate coughed into her fist, straining to control herself. "Why are you really here, Rodney?" she asked, going for comforting and understanding.
His shoulders slumped momentarily. "So that's a no then, huh?" he muttered dejectedly.
"I didn't say that." She smiled reassuringly. "I just have to know what I'm dealing with really."
"Oh, come on, I know when I've been rejected," Rodney answered getting animated again. "Sheppard's always telling me to get a life, so I thought before we all die a terrible death...." He sagged down again.
"Are you doing this for Major Sheppard?" Kate asked.
"What? Of course not! I mean I really...." He gulped stopping.
"Do you want Major Sheppard to approve of what you're doing?" she asked, purposefully ignoring what McKay wasn't saying. Better steer him in a safe direction -- or at least safe for her.
"Sometimes, yes, but it's not like he's going to care if I...." McKay's expression turned sour, and Kate smelled blood. She hadn't trained as a couples' therapist for nothing.
"Would it make you feel better if Major Sheppard approved of you asking me out?" she nudged.
"I guess," he said confused. "What does it have to do with," he made a vague gesture between them, "this, anyway?"
Kate smiled, ignoring his question. "What would you feel if it was someone else you were asking out, not me?" she asked instead.
McKay just stared at her blankly.
"Try picturing it."
"Why?" he asked suspiciously.
"Just humor me," Kate smiled.
"Okay." McKay's brow furrowed, his vivid imagination clearly giving him enough details. Kate gave him a couple of moments to get immersed in the picture.
"Now, what would it be like if you were having dinner with Major Sheppard?"
"Fun, I guess. Now, wait a minute!" He jerked up suddenly. "What are you trying to tell me here?" He narrowed his eyes at her.
"I'm not trying to tell you anything, Rodney," Kate looked at him earnestly. "I'm just offering you a way to look inside yourself."
"Oh," he said. "Are you sure you're not," he gestured uncertainly, "you know."
"I'm sure," she answered with a smile that, okay, she copied from a certain Athosian, but it seemed to work.
"I better go then," Rodney said hastily. "Get some work done, save the city again, look inside myself," he babbled.
"If you want to talk again, I'm always here," Kate said as Rodney rose from his chair.
She moved to her desk, took a data pad and did her best to look immersed in making notes, giving Rodney time and space to get back under control.
So of course she almost jumped in startlement -- very smooth -- when she heard another voice in her office. "Doctor Heightmeyer?"
She looked up to the sight of Teyla hesitantly entering her office.
"Teyla," Kate said in greeting, with a smile. "Come in." This was her chance to win Teyla's trust. The woman was here in her office, despite her earlier brusqueness, so maybe if she did it right this time....
***
...and apparently she had, because not only had Teyla told her about her nightmares, she'd also come back after learning that she had some Wraith DNA. So Kate was feeling elated when Dr. Weir caught up with her in the mess hall.
"Dr. Heightmeyer. Would you mind?" Elizabeth smiled, indicating the empty spot opposite Kate.
"No, please join me, Dr. Weir." Kate said warmly. She respected the other woman, and whether she wanted to talk or have a friendly meal together, Kate was glad for the company.
"I wanted to discuss something with you," Elizabeth said.
Kate smiled encouragingly. There was no need to say anything -- she and Elizabeth had a kind of routine, companionable mutual understanding, and any professional phrases would be unnecessary if not outright obstructive.
Elizabeth took a sip of her tea, obviously gathering her thoughts -- a sure sign that Kate wouldn't like what she was going to hear.
"I'm sure you're aware of the recent news of Teyla's... heritage," she said finally.
Kate nodded. Elizabeth wasn't a person to start questioning Teyla's loyalty over a few stray patterns in her DNA, so it must have been something more.
"I've been able to translate part of the logs on the experiments the Wraith had been conducting, and there's something that caught my interest." She sipped from her mug again, and Kate wondered if it was time to worry yet. Something was obviously bothering Elizabeth, something she wasn't comfortable with, and usually that meant a hard decision that would affect them all. "It seems... the people the Wraith were experimenting on showed signs of telepathic abilities similar to the Wraith's own."
That didn't surprise Kate as much as it would have a couple of years ago, but still she needed a moment to think.
"Do you think Teyla has these abilities?" she asked. It would certainly explain a few things.
"She might." Elizabeth took another sip of her tea, and Kate decided it was time to worry.
"What do you want her to do?" She was still unsure if this was going where she thought it was. "And what abilities are we talking about exactly?"
Elizabeth sighed setting her mug down. "It seems the test subjects were able to hear Wraith mental communications. I know it's too much to ask, but if Teyla could...." She didn't finish, but looked into Kate's eyes with a mix of hope, scientific curiosity, and guilt.
"It is too much to ask," Kate said. "The human mind isn't made for this type of... communication. I can't even begin to speculate what kind of long-term psychological effects it could have, and are you even sure Teyla can do it? How many generations have passed since the experiments?"
"I'm almost sure," Elizabeth answered. "And I wouldn't ask anything like this in any other situation, but it could affect the fate of this whole city."
***
Kate looked around the gateroom as she prepared to be evacuated. Unlike the last time, she didn't know if there was a chance of getting back, home, her mind supplied absently, and it was a sad thought. Apparently she had come to love the city, and leaving it just felt wrong.
A backpack stood at her feet, only the most necessary personal belongings, things she could carry around without help if needed, and not much more than she had taken for the evacuation during the big storm -- she was still hoping to return.
Things had been hectic with making what preparations they could for the arrival of the Wraith, and most of the expedition was functioning on pure adrenaline. The people who couldn't directly help with defending the city were probably even more anxious than the people gathered in the control room, helplessness being a monster among the many stress factors present. And here she was, ready for one of her rare trips through the gate since stepping onto Atlantis and barely able to contain her own frustration, fear, sadness, and anger.
The gate dialed, and Kate stepped through to the other side, the first thing she heard being the sound of Doctors Simpson and Kavanagh bickering, voices rising by the second.
"Will you two stop it?" a nearby voice snapped. It was Marie, one of the nurses, looking like a thundercloud.
Kate shared the sentiment. In a minute or two she'd be her professional self, talking to the expedition members, helping those who had calmed enough to be able to hear, but at the moment she was still in near shock herself, the dreamlike, muted quality of what she was seeing and hearing a perfect indication.
Even her coping mechanisms, which she considered finely honed, couldn't withstand the onslaught of events and emotions around her. She felt suddenly overwhelmed by fear and anger.
Everyone around her was also afraid, she was certain. But she was taken aback to be feeling so angry. Anger itself was natural, just one of the basic emotions. But the cause for it in her, now, was far from the noble feeling for a city full of people. Kate realized she was angry at herself for going through those horrid hypnosis sessions, angry at Teyla for pushing herself so much, and angry at Elizabeth and Major Sheppard for making Teyla go through it all.
When Major Sheppard was talking about a Wraith control room after that first session Kate was almost ready to slap him, a sentiment that surprised her, and not in a good way. Of course she was concerned for Teyla, and she was scared when a Wraith took control of Teyla's body. But looking at her anger now, Kate hadn't realized that she was that concerned, more protective than was appropriate for any of her patients, and that this same protectiveness was what had made her hands shake when Teyla was lying on the floor stunned by one of the marines.
Kate took a deep breath and let it out slowly, willing herself to calm down and took a look at the camp around her. Doctor Simpson was seated, glaring at Doctor Kavanagh who had moved to watch two scientists putting up a tent, his expression dripping superiority that didn't completely cover his fear.
***
"And how do you feel about it?"
Doctor Bryce frowned at the question. "I want to be part of it," she said after a minute. "Atlantis is home for all of us, and I know I can be as much help as, say... not McKay maybe. As much as he pisses me off sometimes, he is a great scientist. But I can do a lot for the city. Why can't I be there?"
"I'm sure you can be of great help here as well," Kate answered with an understanding smile. "Have you thought of what you can do for the people gathered here? They are all part of Atlantis, we," she paused briefly to add to the effect, "are all part of Atlantis."
"I know this, but--" Doctor Bryce stopped talking as the gate came to life.
Both women turned, anticipating seeing the last group of evacuees step through the rippled surface, but no one emerged, and instead one of the Sergeants, Stackhouse if Kate wasn't mistaken, turned his head down, a hand on his ear.
"Yes, sir!" he said loud and clear, and turned to the camp. "All military personnel are ordered to return to Atlantis immediately!"
There was confused murmur, people looking at each other to see if anyone else knew more than they did.
"SGC has sent reinforcements. The command of military operations was transferred to Colonel Everett," there was a slight frown on Stackhouse's forehead, "and it's his direct order that all military personnel get back now. Also, all civilians who want to help in the fight are welcome."
"Thank god," Doctor Bryce sighed as she stood up. Kate watched as she went to her tent, stepped aside as Doctor Simpson hurried inside, some equipment already in her hands.
"Are you coming?"
Kate turned to look at Marie, bent down so her face was in Kate's line of sight. The woman could materialize out of nowhere, it was scary sometimes.
"I..." Kate shook her head. "I don't think I can be of any help there." She smiled apologetically.
"Up to you," Marie said, straightening back up.
It was easy for her to say. Kate wished she could do something in Atlantis, but the reality was that she could do a lot more here at the Alpha site than in the middle of fighting -- her strength was healing the mind, not handling weapons, or even bandages and antiseptics.
The camp turned into a beehive of activity within minutes -- people striding around with purpose, equipment packed and tossed through the gate, faces busy and determined.
The only one who seemed to be unaffected was Doctor Kavanagh. He leaned against a tentpole, arms folded on his chest, expression sour and superior.
Kate looked away before he could turn his attention to her. Doubts started forming in the back of her mind. Wasn't she like him in her confidence that she was better off here, in the safety of the Alpha site's camp? She shook her head. Her decision was logical, well founded. She'd never held a gun in her life, and her knowledge of human psychology wouldn't help much against the Wraith.
"Everyone ready?" Sergeant Stackhouse's voice carried over the crowd that was now gathered around the gate. "Alright then," he said. "Step back." The crowd moved out of the wormhole splash-zone, and he started dialing.
***
Kate stepped through the gate, back into Atlantis. The city was largely intact, thank goodness, and the gateroom was full of people, talking and shaking hands, shouting orders, and hurrying about with packs and boxes that were still being delivered through the gate.
There was Teyla, among a group of Athosians, touching foreheads with a man whose name Kate couldn't quite remember, and she looked drained. Her hair was tousled, the light not quite catching on the ruffled mass, and the dark circles around her eyes were obvious even from across the room. Kate considered going over to say hello, but the other woman looked like Kate felt, so she just hoped someone would send Teyla off to bed and went to her own quarters.
***
Kate was fighting her way through the morning crowd in the mess when she spotted Teyla.
"Hello," she said cheerfully.
"Hi," Teyla smiled back with a nod, a tray in her hands.
"So." Kate looked at the other woman. She seemed fresher, not exactly rested yet, but alive, the energy returning to her stance. "How are you feeling?" Kate asked.
"I am well, thank you," Teyla nodded again as she lead the way to one of the tables. "Would you like to join me?" she asked as they reached one of the tables on the balcony.
"My pleasure." Kate smiled as she set her tray down. Some time passed in companionable silence as the women ate. "I heard your people are being flown back to the mainland today," Kate said finally.
"Yes, they are." Teyla looked up before taking a bite of her fruit.
"How are they?" Kate continued her careful prodding. "Do you think they'll be alright?"
"My people have been through a lot." Teyla raised her own mug. "I am sure they can cope, especially now that the hope that is Atlantis is back."
"That's good." Kate reached for her pastry. "And how about you? You've been through a lot yourself recently."
"I have," Teyla answered before taking another sip from her mug.
"Are you sleeping well?" Kate continued, although she could see the answer on the other woman's face.
"As well as I can, considering the circumstances." Teyla was still smiling, but there was slight tension behind her expression.
Kate stopped herself before she could say anything else that would trigger Teyla's defenses. "Today's fruit is wonderful," she said instead. "What is it called?"
Teyla visibly relaxed, her easy smile returning.
***
The morning progressed surprisingly well, Kate thought as she looked through her evaluation reports, the ones she'd thought would never see their addressee, when her door chimed. Rodney McKay walked into her office, confidence barely covering the nerves that were clearly visible in his expression and gesturing hands.
"Can I?" he asked before depositing himself in one of her chairs, the same one he'd used before, Kate noticed.
"Of course, Rodney," she answered, actually amused by his rhetorical question.
"So, um..." he said fidgeting as Kate sat opposite him.
"Just relax, Rodney." She smiled. "Take a deep breath."
"Okay, right," he muttered before complying. "All relaxed now," he declared, both hands in his lap, back rigid.
Kate didn't bother saying he wasn't, just kept her smile in check. "So, what brought you here today?"
Rodney opened and closed his mouth several times, and what he finally said was "I can't."
"You can't what?" Kate asked. It was clear from his expression that it had nothing to do with Rodney's apparent inability to find words.
"I mean, I'm always thinking about it, it's distracting, and I can't afford to be distracted." He stopped the rapid flow of words, slumping down in the chair as he ran out of steam.
"What is distracting you, Rodney?" Kate asked, because it was the obvious question, the one he expected her to ask.
"It's the Major," Rodney said, and there was no need to clarify which Major they were talking about. "I-I can't stop -- When we lost the signal from that jumper...."
And yet again Rodney McKay made her smile. It was so perfectly obvious what was going on in his head, but she still needed him to say the words. "What's really bothering you?" she asked in a soft voice. Rodney shot his head up, rigid again, but Kate continued before he could say anything. "You remember that moment, the signal disappearing, that dot off the monitor." He nodded, head going down and to the left, a frown forming between his brows. "And what is it that really bothers you? What do you feel?"
"I'm in shock," he said, obviously still in the memory. Then his head shot up again. "But I'm not in shock anymore. You can't be in shock for that long, right?"
"No, you can't," Kate agreed as she lifted a pen, Rodney's eyes following the movement. "But there is something that's still bothering you." She moved the pen slowly as she spoke, down and to her right. "What is it, Rodney? What are you thinking?"
"I almost lost him," he said, back in the memory. "I mean, we almost lost him, the rest--"
"We're not talking about everyone else here, Rodney," Kate interrupted, her voice soft so she wouldn't pull him out of his state. "We're talking about your thoughts, not theirs."
"So, I," he conceded with a sigh, "almost lost him. I thought I did. And I couldn't think about anything else, I still can't think of anything else. I'm stuck, aren't I?" He lifted his head again.
"And why is that, do you think?" Kate asked, a small smile on her lips that she couldn't completely stifle.
"I don't know!" Rodney exclaimed, his arms flying in exasperation.
"I don't think it's true." Kate smiled in earnest. "Why is it that you're thinking about losing Major Sheppard?" she asked risking a direct question.
"Because I care!" he exclaimed. "Look, why do you-- Oh." He stopped abruptly, a corner of his mouth drooping. "And what do I do now?" he asked, unhappy, as he sank into his chair.
"What do you want to do?" Kate asked.
"I don't know, I mean it doesn't help my distraction," he muttered, not quite with her anymore.
"Look." She searched his eyes. "If you promise not to sweep it all under the carpet we can try a quick technique that can help with your distraction."
"Okay, sure," Rodney answered, too eager.
"Promise first," Kate prompted.
"Alright, alright, I promise, no sweeping it under the carpet." Rodney said with a roll of his eyes. The too-eager look was still there though, and Kate had to stifle a laugh.
"So." She lifted her right hand. "Imagine this is a TV set..."
***
Kate sighed as she rubbed the back of her neck. As satisfying as it was to know that her reports wouldn't have to gather dust anymore, spending hours in one position looking through them wasn't doing anything good to her back. A quick look at her watch showed that it was already lunchtime, so she stretched and headed for the door. She was almost to the transporter when Teyla rounded a corner, a fresh bandage on her hand.
"Are you okay?" Kate asked with a frown. She had a sudden urge to take Teyla's hand and examine the wound covered by sterile white.
"Oh," Teyla looked at her hand. "It is nothing," she said, a little sheepish. "I got scratched on a crate."
"Oh," Kate said in turn, embarrassed by her previous reaction. Her most recent session came to mind. What was it McKay had said? Because I care. Apparently Kate had her own carpet to look under.
***
The senior staff had left almost a week ago, and things were calm and quiet, maybe too quiet. Sure, half of the city was twitchy about the fate of their military command, but the other half was dead certain that, if anything, General O'Neill would protect his favorite protege.
Kate was smiling to herself as she sailed through the corridors, a bar of chocolate in her hands, the one she'd been saving for a special occasion. With the promise of regular Daedalus runs she thought the sacrifice was justified. She ran a hand through her hair, reminded herself that this was definitely not a date, and slid her hand over the panel at her hostess's door. Teyla answered a moment later, looking serene, a waft of herbs trailing from the room.
"Hi," Kate smiled.
Teyla smiled back in greeting. "It is good to see you," she said taking a step back so Kate could enter.
"Thanks." Kate spotted two cups and a steaming pot on a low table and turned to give Teyla the chocolate. "I hope it goes well with the tea," she said. "It's not too sweet, I thought you might like it." To Kate's mind, the exquisite dark chocolate with a hint of chili pepper certainly suited Teyla's character.
"Thank you." Teyla accepted the gift and moved to the table, where they both settled to drink their cups of tea and just enjoy each other's company, small talk flowing -- news from different parts of the city, the recent discovery the botany section had made, the latest rumors of romance in the city, and somehow, absolutely expectedly, the conversation turned to their senior staff currently on Earth.
"I do not understand," Teyla said. "Major Sheppard is a great leader. He has done so much for all of us -- the people of Atlantis, my people, and many others on different worlds. Why do your superiors question his command when he is obviously right for his place?" She looked mostly confused, but there was definite concern in her expression.
Kate sighed. "The military structure has its own rules, and from the military point of view many of Major Sheppard's actions weren't justified. He's not a perfect example of military discipline."
Teyla frowned at that.
"Of course it doesn't say anything about his leadership skills or his dedication to the city," Kate continued, "but some of his superiors don't see him the way we do."
"I still don't understand," Teyla said.
Kate smiled. Teyla looked so confused, the frown making her oddly adorable, and Kate had to shake her head before she did something unreasonable like taking Teyla's hand. "'Don't think about it today,'" she said instead. "'Think about it tomorrow.' Oh, it's a quote," Kate clarified when Teyla looked even more confused.
"Oh." Teyla sipped her tea, clearly uncomfortable.
"Tell you what." Kate beamed leaning forward. "We're having movie night tomorrow, and I know the marine biologist who has Gone with the Wind, so you'll see for yourself what the quote is about."
"That would be enlightening," Teyla said with a smile.
"Yes, it would," Kate agreed. "And the boys would just have to suffer."
Teyla gave her another confused frown, but Kate just beamed in answer.
***
People were gathering in the room that had been home to movie nights in Atlantis since the expedition arrived, and Kate smiled as she looked at the front of the room. There was Miko Kusanagi in what looked like a deadly fight with numerous cables, her determined expression spoiled by a flush that made her look like a child.
"Couldn't anyone help her?" she asked one of the physicists, a familiar face she'd seen more than once in her office after the woman was repeatedly bullied into tears by McKay.
"She's the best in the room," the woman answered with an apologetic smile. "And Doctor Zelenka swore on the theory of relativity that he wouldn't set foot in here today." She snickered.
Finally Doctor Kusanagi managed to connect her laptop to the large screen, and the sound of Gone with the Wind's opening theme filled the room. Kate looked around in time to see Teyla enter, a little out of breath. Kate waved her hand so Teyla could join her on one of the couches.
"I am sorry," Teyla said in a hushed tone. "I had to consult Sergeant Stackhouse about tomorrow's visit to the mainland."
"Don't worry," Kate answered with a smile. "You're just in time, it's just started."
Teyla gave Kate a smile of her own and settled in to watch the movie.
***
Hours later they were in the mess hall, and Kate was answering the flood of questions Teyla unleashed on her. The historical ones were easy if not always comfortable -- the concept of entire civilizations based on slavery for instance had put Teyla in a state of deeply confused disapproval -- but Teyla was just as interested in the characters themselves, and her view of them was uniquely interesting.
"Scarlett is an example of a strong woman," Kate was explaining, "who would do anything to get what she wants, including forgetting about morals."
"I understand," Teyla nodded, "but is it not weakness to forget about the worth of people? Especially in times of war."
Kate smiled. "Not everyone is as strong as you," she said. "A lot of people would forget about everyone else in favor of their own goals. It takes a strong and beautiful spirit to care about others in drastic circumstances like war."
Teyla smiled her cryptic little smile, and Kate frowned and thought back, trying to figure out what she might have said that was funny.
"Thank you," Teyla said finally, and Kate felt herself blush as she finally got what she'd told her companion.
***
Kate looked around the gateroom. It was full of new recruits from Earth, people carrying their luggage and various pieces of equipment, the buzz of voices talking and commands being given, and Atlantis herself was humming happily as she was filled with life.
There was Teyla talking to her team leader, the newly promoted Lieutenant Colonel, and Kate took a moment to look: Teyla looked relaxed, obviously happy to see her friend return -- her smile a little wider than Kate was used to seeing it, small crinkles at the corners of her eyes. Kate was cheered by the sight.
It was good to see Teyla so relieved at having now-Colonel Sheppard back, but at the same time Kate couldn't help the slightly bitter aftertaste in her mouth that came with her certainty that her own time with Teyla would be curtailed as she was back with her team. Shaking the unnecessary thoughts from her head Kate made her way over to the pair.
"Hello, Teyla, Colonel," she said with an emphasized nod and an amused smile in Sheppard's direction. Teyla smiled, and Sheppard almost beamed at hearing his new title.
"Colonel Sheppard wanted your assistance with something," Teyla said with an amused look.
"What can I help you with, Colonel?" Kate asked after sharing a glance with Teyla.
Sheppard looked to the side before looking at Kate. "I thought maybe I should write an orientation pamphlet or something," he drawled. "To let people know what they're getting themselves into."
"That's a nice thought," Kate said, expression serious, which only managed to make Teyla's smile even wider.
"He has a weakness for lost causes once they are really lost," Teyla said, making Kate grin.
"What? I'm not that bad at writing," he complained, looking between the women with a mix of confusion and suspicion.
"Of course you're not," Teyla placated. "It is just that our worlds can offer a lot more than you could cover in a pamphlet."
"True," he conceded but still looked suspiciously between the two women as they shared a conspiratorial look.
***
Kate carefully balanced her breakfast tray in her arms as she made her way through the morning crowd. The new members of the Atlantis expedition had all settled in by now, at least as well as they could, considering, and enthusiastic chatter filled the room, people getting to know each other and all too eager to meet another day.
Which couldn't be said about Kate herself. As much as she prided herself on being a professional, she wasn't currently very proud of herself, what with recent events.
She'd been so sure when she practically forced McKay to share the control of his body. It had seemed so obvious -- two people in one body using it equally, both with the same rights. Apparently it wasn't that simple.
Keeping a neutrally friendly smile on her face Kate looked for an unoccupied table, a task that had become a lot harder since the arrival of the new personnel.
"Kate, over here!" She turned in the direction of the voice, and there was Teyla, a soft smile on her face and a bowl in front of her.
"Good morning," Kate said, her smile brighter than before.
"Good morning," Teyla answered, her smile brightening as well.
"Is this... cereal?" Kate was mildly surprised to see a bowlful of Froot Loops.
"I wanted to try traditional Earth food," Teyla said, her smile turning a little uncertain. "Is it not proper?"
"No, no, it's fine," Kate hurried to reassure. "I just thought it'd be too sweet for you."
That earned her a smile that was just a little bit crooked. "It is," Teyla said as she put her spoon into the bowl.
Kate chuckled. That was one of the reasons she liked spending time with Teyla -- her sheer presence made Kate forget all of the mishaps of the day. Unfortunately thinking this made her latest dilemma return to the front of her mind.
"Is something bothering you?" Teyla asked between stoic mouthfuls of her cereal.
"It's nothing, really," Kate said earning herself a raised brow. "I don't want to bother you," she amended.
"It is no bother to help a friend ease their mind."
Kate warmed at the phrase, grateful and touched. "It's..." She took a breath, getting her thoughts into order. "I'm not sure I did the right thing with Doctor McKay and Lieutenant Cadman."
Teyla's answering frown made Kate elaborate. "I pushed Doctor McKay to share control of his body with Lieutenant Cadman, and it made it a lot harder to separate them later. I could have killed them both."
"You did what you thought was right," Teyla answered.
"And that's what's bothering me." Kate sighed. "What kind of decisions do I make? I rely heavily on my knowledge and experience, but most of the time... let's face it, they're useless here. The situations are too different, the stress levels make people behave in ways I've never encountered before, and that's not taking into account all of the surprises from this galaxy. I'm starting to think I'm not as competent as I thought."
"I have to admit..." Teyla stopped for a moment before continuing. "I did not have a very high opinion of you at first."
Kate shrank down in her chair. But Teyla continued, "However, then I learned that you truly care about all of the people, not only your own, but everyone who crosses paths with you. That is why you try so hard to help those around you, and that is the best help you can offer."
Kate was silent for a moment, basking in the praise, happy despite herself.
It wasn't the answer though. "Even with the best intentions in mind, getting someone killed isn't much help," she said, smiling a little bitterly.
"We are not perfect," Teyla said with a smile that would have been patronizing on someone else, but on her it was safe, reassuring. "It is our intentions that define who we are, and everything else can be learned."
Kate pondered that for a minute. "Thank you," she said finally. It still didn't give her the answer, but it showed her the way to reach it.
***
Kate was pleasantly surprised when her door chimed and McKay strode straight to his usual chair. She was half expecting him to ditch their appointment after what she'd called "the McCadman fiasco" in her head, but here he was in his seat, a ball of energy as always.
He was one of the surprises this galaxy had thrown at her -- despite her initial expectations, he used as much determination to work on his inner self as he did on everything else, and the only thing that spoiled the image of a perfect client was the direction he had chosen for his efforts.
"So," he began after the greetings, "I did well, I think. I didn't snap at him more than usual, I didn't avoid him. I think I can still be his friend without, you know, saying something... stupid. So, I just wanted to tell you this." He looked at Kate expectantly.
"That's very good, Rodney," she said. It was good, in a way.
McKay had managed to go from freak-out to acceptance in the first couple of sessions after his promise, and had then decided, completely logically, that it just wasn't worth it, that Sheppard's friendship, their working relationship, and their careers were more important than McKay's unwanted attraction.
Ever since then, she'd been working with McKay on getting him to behave normally with the Colonel, to acknowledge the attraction but leave it alone, to not let it affect his actions or judgment.
So far the progress he'd made had been more than impressive, but it still made Kate feel sad. Wasn't there a way for these two to be together? Was it really not worth the risk? The romantic in her screamed that she should do everything in her power to make them accept each other -- but it wasn't her decision.
"I'll get going then." He patted the armrests of his chair as he got up.
Kate smiled and wished him luck, making no attempt to stop him though she knew McKay wouldn't be returning for his regular sessions, then sighed as the door closed behind him. Was it really not worth it?
She shook her head. She was way too worried about McKay's personal life, and why exactly was that, she wondered? It wasn't about him, not really. Then what was it about this situation? There were certain similarities with her own life.... Wasn't she just substituting a wish for her client's happiness for her own? So there was the real question. Was it worth it for her?
***
Kate rearranged her table for the fifth time. It wasn't like this was new -- she and Teyla had been meeting for tea in each other's quarters for quite some time now, sitting on the floor in Teyla's room or on the bed in Kate's, talking, watching the few movies Kate had on her laptop -- but she couldn't suppress her restless nerves at the thought of what she was planning for this evening.
It was a huge risk, sure, but it was easier to deal with the regrets of doing something than the ones of not doing something, and if she had at least the slightest chance....
The door chimed, and Kate let Teyla in, a smile on her face. And was just slightly surprised when Teyla went for the Athosian greeting, touching her forehead to Kate's.
"Come in," Kate said when Teyla let go of her arms, a little dazed from the proximity, her cheeks feeling warm.
Teyla passed her with a nod and sat down on the edge of the bed.
"So. How was your day?" Kate asked, feeling stupid and out of it.
"It was most pleasant, thank you," Teyla answered with a smile. "I had a very satisfying training session with Ronon."
"Oh," Kate said as she busied herself with the tea. "How is he settling in?" she asked. "I haven't had a chance to talk to him yet." She handed Teyla a cup and got a nod of thanks in return.
"He finds some of the Earth traditions... surprising." Teyla's smile changed for a moment, mirth dancing in her eyes. "And he is very blunt about his surprise."
"I can imagine," Kate answered with a smile of her own. "Is there something in particular?"
"It is nothing," Teyla said, her face tightening in what looked like an attempt to hold a wider grin in check. "He asked why Colonel Sheppard and Doctor McKay were not sharing quarters."
Kate couldn't help chuckling as she settled on the bed beside Teyla.
"That was very perceptive of him," she said with a straight face before exchanging another amused look with Teyla.
"Then he asked something else," Teyla continued, her expression changing again, searching Kate's face.
"What did he ask?" Kate said, smiling still but well aware of the change in mood, little flares of hope licking at the edges of her mind.
"He asked... if there was any connection between you and me."
"And is there?" Kate said, searching for any hints on the face opposite her.
"Do you want there to be?" Teyla asked, with a small smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.
"It would be... very nice, yes," Kate managed to answer, nodding.
"Then so be it." Teyla smiled in earnest and set her cup on the floor before taking one of Kate's hands.
"So be it," Kate repeated and felt her cheeks go warm for the second time that evening as Teyla tugged her hand to plant a small kiss on the knuckles.
***
Epilogue
It was a lovely evening, the light from the setting sun filtering through the windows and painting the room rich shades of ochre and orange.
Fingers gently carding through a mane of light hair, golden in the early evening light, Teyla smiled, easy and indulgent, as relaxed as she had been in days. Kate stirred, her head in Teyla's lap.
"S'nice," Kate murmured as she shifted to look at Teyla, sleepy and content.
Teyla's expression was tender and mildly amused as she continued petting Kate's hair. "Rest," she said softly.
Kate looked exhausted, which wasn't surprising after the day she'd had. One after another people had been coming to her office, seeking advice or an ear, and Teyla had had to throw a menacing glare at Doctor Brown, one of the new botanists who had been making her way to Kate's office when Teyla was there to drag her to a much-needed dinner.
Teyla was sure that Kate deserved at least that much of a break. Kate's dedication to her duties was admirable, but skipping meals was not a way to maintain one's health and efficiency, or at least that was what Teyla had come to believe.
The dinner had been easy, filled with pleasant, unimportant conversations and comfortable silences. Teyla had watched Kate as she pushed a strand of hair behind her ear or tore pieces off her bread, and Kate's expression had softened every time their eyes met.
For the evening, they had planned to share tea, which had almost become a tradition. One Teyla wanted to uphold, but as soon as Kate had entered Teyla's room she'd headed straight for the bed, to rest her eyes, as she had put it. So there they were, Kate's head resting on the folds of Teyla's skirt, breath warm on Teyla's wrist as she stroked Kate's hair in long, soothing motions.
This woman in her lap was a true wonder. Although she had a certain overconfident streak -- perhaps not unlike one of the members of Teyla's team -- she was caring and open enough to admit her mistakes and move forward.
She was willing to learn and improve herself in ways Teyla would have believed impossible when she first met this Doctor Heightmeyer. Thinking back to their initial meeting, the awkwardness and insincere smiles, Teyla never would have believed so much change was possible. Teyla wasn't sure how it had happened, how she'd gone from hardly noticing Kate to admiration, growing respect, and finally, to this....
Yet here she was, admiring Kate's adaptability, reveling in the softness of her hair, and praising the Ancestors for the gift that was dozing in her lap.