1. He might not have published in a while, but he’s traveled to different planets. 2. And he’s learned a few more languages too. 3. “This is what a dead language sounds like, millennia after it’s stopped being spoken. Oh yes, and this is my wife.” 4. Actually, he really wishes he could tell them that he’d had a wife, he’d really gotten married, and she’d died and he’s really, really tired of everyone he loves leaving him. 5. It’s a cliché. He doesn’t care. He wishes he could tell them that he loves them.
These are terrific. I love the delivery/timing of #3. And in both #3 and #1, the way Daniel's sense-of-wonder comes through, the eager way a kid wants to tell his parents about the totally cool things he's gotten to do and learn ... but also the sense that he's been in a dialogue with his parents about his career for his whole life. And #4 is very heart-tugging -- just the right tone to convey the little boy who must live inside the experience-hardened man somewhere ... who would think that anything sappy is kind of icky but is angry and bewildered about having his heart broken and could really use a hug from his mom and dad.
who would think that anything sappy is kind of icky but is angry and bewildered about having his heart broken and could really use a hug from his mom and dad.
In the original version, I was going to put that he wanted a hug--but, like you said, it seemed too sappy/out of context.
1) That he was glad of the chance to live in Egypt as a young boy. That life prepared him for life on Abydos, something he wouldn't trade for all the knowledge in the universe
( ... )
I love the idea of #1, that he's thankful for the start they gave him in life. Love how #2 talks about Sha're as she'd have related to his parents and how his parents would have reacted to his effect on her, instead of just how he felt about her. #3 gave me a smile just when I needed it, and I can totally imagine Daniel wondering about #4 and concluding exactly that. And #5! That last sentence is wonderful and so sad.
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2. And he’s learned a few more languages too.
3. “This is what a dead language sounds like, millennia after it’s stopped being spoken. Oh yes, and this is my wife.”
4. Actually, he really wishes he could tell them that he’d had a wife, he’d really gotten married, and she’d died and he’s really, really tired of everyone he loves leaving him.
5. It’s a cliché. He doesn’t care. He wishes he could tell them that he loves them.
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In the original version, I was going to put that he wanted a hug--but, like you said, it seemed too sappy/out of context.
I'm so glad these worked!
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and #3 is so poignant and i love how you write his interaction with sha'uri.
and his repsonse to nick's death feels very him.
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