1. He might not have published in a while, but he’s traveled to different planets. 2. And he’s learned a few more languages too. 3. “This is what a dead language sounds like, millennia after it’s stopped being spoken. Oh yes, and this is my wife.” 4. Actually, he really wishes he could tell them that he’d had a wife, he’d really gotten married, and she’d died and he’s really, really tired of everyone he loves leaving him. 5. It’s a cliché. He doesn’t care. He wishes he could tell them that he loves them.
These are terrific. I love the delivery/timing of #3. And in both #3 and #1, the way Daniel's sense-of-wonder comes through, the eager way a kid wants to tell his parents about the totally cool things he's gotten to do and learn ... but also the sense that he's been in a dialogue with his parents about his career for his whole life. And #4 is very heart-tugging -- just the right tone to convey the little boy who must live inside the experience-hardened man somewhere ... who would think that anything sappy is kind of icky but is angry and bewildered about having his heart broken and could really use a hug from his mom and dad.
who would think that anything sappy is kind of icky but is angry and bewildered about having his heart broken and could really use a hug from his mom and dad.
In the original version, I was going to put that he wanted a hug--but, like you said, it seemed too sappy/out of context.
There's so much packed into a wonderfully spare few sentences here. I especially love the way that even though this is in the Five Things list format, the items overlap and flow into each other. #4 just weighs a lot -- it feels exhausting. Lovely.
2. And he’s learned a few more languages too.
3. “This is what a dead language sounds like, millennia after it’s stopped being spoken. Oh yes, and this is my wife.”
4. Actually, he really wishes he could tell them that he’d had a wife, he’d really gotten married, and she’d died and he’s really, really tired of everyone he loves leaving him.
5. It’s a cliché. He doesn’t care. He wishes he could tell them that he loves them.
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In the original version, I was going to put that he wanted a hug--but, like you said, it seemed too sappy/out of context.
I'm so glad these worked!
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Thanks so much!
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