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[seularen]

There's a stereotype: when talking about a problem, men will more likely look for a solution while women apparently don't. That is, women will talk about a problem seeking sympathy while men will only talk about a problem if they want to "fix it." I see this on Reddit all the time. I also saw it today in the comments of a Lifehacker article. The

Comments

[airie_fairy]

This has just got me thinking about my tendency to try to help people through the problems they present to me and how I'm trying to train myself to just understand their feelings and mirror their frustration; partly because I'm trying to hone the ability to know what to say when people are upset 'cause I fear I'm shit at it. I guess I don't know which way is better, but I think I feel more there for people when trying to just be sympathetic. Which is weird, 'cause I'm coming from a position where I'm used to trying to be useful and thinking "what good are platitudes going to do anyone" and realizing that if you respond with care, it's more than just that.

[huggyrei]

The odd thing about this from my point of view is that it's the other way around with H and me. I try and suggest solutions when he actually wants me to listen and offer sympathy and cuddles, and I get frustrated when I tell him about my problems and he's not helping me fix them. We've been gradually getting used to each other though, so I think we both now do more of a mix of the two.

[silver_chipmunk]

In my 12-step program, being a "fixer" is widely recognized as being an _illogical_, very emotional attitude, because in most cases you _can't_ fix whatever the problem is. Yet we keep trying because that's the effect our situation has had on us. It's irrational and insane.