A Hero's Life (H/D, 14+)
Title: A Hero's Life
Author: sesheta_66
Rating: 14+
Word Count: 1760
Challenges: September 07's The Challenge at dracoharry100 - all three prompts: "A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her"; the picture prompt; and "It's been awhile, but I can still remember just the way you taste."
Warnings: DH spoilers. Angst.
Summary: Is there such a thing as 'happily ever after' for our wizard hero?
Disclaimer: The characters contained herein are not mine. They belong to JK Rowling and her publishers. No money is being made from this fiction, which is presented for entertainment purposes only.
Harry's mind was a blur. He and Draco had been together now for eight months. It had been the most wonderful time of his life. It had begun shortly after the war. They had met so that Harry could return Draco's wand, and Draco had apologized ... for anything and everything and nothing that had happened over the years. Harry had been amused by this turn of events, had asked who this person was and what he had done with the real Draco Malfoy.
They had had some laughs that day, and they had met again ... and again ... and again. They had become fast friends, with quite a lot in common. Without the imminent threat of war, and no more school house divisions to contend with, they had been free to be who they were. And surprisingly, they quite liked each other.
Friendship made way for romance, as both boys, now men, realized that they preferred other men; specifically, they preferred each other, to the exclusion of all others. From the first tentative kiss to fumbling with each other's clothing to the heated lovemaking they had engaged in, they fell fast - and hard - for each other. Harry was in love, and it felt wonderful. Not at all like the fleeting infatuations of his school days, this was the real thing. He felt it deep in his soul.
And yet ... Draco had called him here to meet at one of their regular restaurants, and he had started talking about marriage. About moving on with their lives. But not together ...
" ... we both want children," Draco continued, unaware that Harry's thoughts had been wandering. "I know you do, and you would live to regret not having them. I am the last Malfoy and I need, I want an heir, someone to carry on the name. I have no intention of letting all my hard work at clearing the name go to waste. The Malfoy and the Potter bloodlines will carry on. You know you want this, Harry."
"I know I want you," Harry said, confused at this turn of events. What had he done? Didn't Draco feel the same way about him? Had this all been some sort of sick joke, a game to him?
"And I want you, too. But it's not meant to be."
"How can you say that? How, after all that we've been through, can you say that what we have isn't right, isn't what's meant to be?" Harry asked, not caring how desperate he sounded.
"Because we are not like everyone else. No one will accept us being together, the Saviour and the Death Eater. You know that and I know that."
"But why should that matter?"
"Eventually the outside pressure would affect us, Harry. It would chip away at our happiness."
"I love you, Draco. Shouldn't that count for something?"
"Of course it counts for something. It means the world to me. And I will be able to live my life knowing that I was loved."
"But how can you throw that away? How can just knowing that be enough for you?"
"It has to be, Harry. We will each move on, marry and have children. It's the way it has to be."
"So you are going to be miserable for the rest of your life, deny who you are, because you want an heir?"
"A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her, Harry. I don't plan to be miserable, and you shouldn't either. And I'm not denying who I am. Remember that I am a pureblood Malfoy. That is who I am too, and to deny myself an heir would be to deny that part of me."
"So that's it then? It's over. There's nothing I can say to change your mind? Should I even bother?" Harry asked, the anger and hurt welling up inside him.
"Please don't, Harry. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. But I know that it's right. And in time, you will know that too. I love you, Harry."
"Don't say that to me. Just ... don't." And he was gone.
As he wandered through the car park, the weight of Draco's decision hit him like a tidal wave, and he leaned against one of the cars, unable to hold himself up as a wave of nausea poured over him. "Oh, God, what have I done?"
The days, weeks, months and years went by, and Harry lived his life as he was expected to. For all the world to see, he was a devoted husband, loving father, hard worker, and spokesperson for numerous causes. Still revered as the Saviour of the Wizarding World, he attended functions, made speeches, accepted honours bestowed upon him, Ginny on his arm and sometimes the children in tow.
And he was miserable. There was an emptiness inside him that had grown more vast as the years went by. His children went a long way towards filling that void, and he dedicated himself to making their lives as full of love as possible. Ginny was a caring mother, but Harry - well, Harry made up for his lost childhood by totally immersing himself in theirs, but the more independent they became, the more lost Harry found himself.
The initial pain of his and Draco's parting was overwhelming. It had been comparable to the Cruciatus Curse in its intensity, if not the actual physical pain. In time the hurt subsided, but the longing never did; in fact, it became worse. At first being with Ginny - he did love her after all - eased the pain, distracted him from his thoughts, and gave him focus. It was she who had coaxed him into fulfilling his dream of becoming an Auror, although the attraction of it had faded considerably after the war. He had initially wanted nothing to do with fighting, but then he found himself floundering, not knowing what he wanted. It was Ginny that gave him focus. And training for the job, along with the first few years of field work, had provided him with the necessary diversion from his wayward thoughts.
However, his reprieve was short-lived. It wasn't long before his thoughts once again became focussed on that which he could not have - not any more. His mind betrayed him, his heart ached with loss, and he plummeted into depression. No longer did he feel. All his senses were numbed. He became a mere shell, a shadow of his former self. And there was nothing, no one that could reach him, not even his children.
He longed for freedom, for choice, for happiness. He knew it was no one's fault but his own. He had loved and had lost. He had accepted his path, and had moved ahead as he was supposed to do. He had felt, perhaps mistakenly, that everyone expected this of him, and that it was his place to live the happy life that he had been destined for. But he wasn't happy. This wasn't his life. He knew that now. Through the haze that was his mind these days, he had this one clear revelation. This had never been his choice, though he had chosen it. He wasn't in love with Ginny, though he loved her. He wanted to give his children the family he never had, though he was unable to give them his all, because somewhere along the way he lost sight of who he was.
Ginny tried to be supportive but, like everyone else, couldn't reach him. So she had pulled away too. He knew that he had not been fair to her, that she deserved better than a life with a husband whose heart belonged to another. He knew that he needed to do something ... but what?
It was Albus' first day at Hogwarts, and they all gathered to see him and James off at King's Cross. Harry was distantly saddened by the upcoming separation from his boys when he suddenly met up with his past.
The first glimpse Harry caught of Draco felt like a knife to his gut, twisting and turning, tearing away at his insides. Oh, yes. He remembered this pain well. Well, at least he was feeling something.
He watched the Hogwarts Express disappear into the distance, and he made up his mind. He told Ginny to go on ahead with Lily. "There's something I need to do. I'll meet you back home." She reluctantly agreed, leaving the station with Ron and Hermione.
Harry made his way over to where Draco was standing with his wife. Grey eyes went wide as he approached, looking almost afraid of what Harry was going to do or say. If Harry hadn't felt so terrible, he would have laughed at the sight. "Draco, I presume this is your wife?" he asked courteously, smiling at the woman who had shared Draco's life, shared his bed for all these years instead of him.
Visibly relieved, Draco hastily introduced them, though Harry's ears were ringing so much that he didn't catch her name, and didn't care enough to ask. She politely excused herself, to give them a chance to 'catch up.'
They watched her leave the platform, and suddenly they were alone. For the first time since they had parted ways all those years ago, they were alone together. Harry closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. "You know, it's been awhile, but I can still remember just the way you taste."
"Harry, don't ... please ... we can't ... " Draco implored him.
"I know," he said, opening his eyes again and gazing into Draco's. "But I need you to know. I never should have listened to you."
Draco made to interrupt him, but Harry held up a hand to stop him. "I'm lost without you, Draco. I don't regret for a moment my life with my children, but I can't pretend that I'm happy. I can't pretend that I don't feel cheated."
"Harry, I'm sorry."
"Don't be. You made a choice, and I let you go. Against everything that my heart was telling me, and without really understanding why I had agreed, I let you go, I walked away. A day hasn't gone by when I haven't regretted that decision. More than any other in my life. But what's done is done. I just need you to know that I love you. I've never stopped loving you."
"Harry -- "
"Don't, Draco. Don't say things you don't mean, and don't make promises you can't keep. We made our choices, and now we live with them. There are no happy endings in real life, no 'happily ever after' for this hero. I should have figured that out long before I fell in love with you. But perhaps now, after all these years, I can accept that, learn to live with it, move on."
Draco watched Harry leave the train station. Leave him. Forever.
Author: sesheta_66
Rating: 14+
Word Count: 1760
Challenges: September 07's The Challenge at dracoharry100 - all three prompts: "A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her"; the picture prompt; and "It's been awhile, but I can still remember just the way you taste."
Warnings: DH spoilers. Angst.
Summary: Is there such a thing as 'happily ever after' for our wizard hero?
Disclaimer: The characters contained herein are not mine. They belong to JK Rowling and her publishers. No money is being made from this fiction, which is presented for entertainment purposes only.
Harry's mind was a blur. He and Draco had been together now for eight months. It had been the most wonderful time of his life. It had begun shortly after the war. They had met so that Harry could return Draco's wand, and Draco had apologized ... for anything and everything and nothing that had happened over the years. Harry had been amused by this turn of events, had asked who this person was and what he had done with the real Draco Malfoy.
They had had some laughs that day, and they had met again ... and again ... and again. They had become fast friends, with quite a lot in common. Without the imminent threat of war, and no more school house divisions to contend with, they had been free to be who they were. And surprisingly, they quite liked each other.
Friendship made way for romance, as both boys, now men, realized that they preferred other men; specifically, they preferred each other, to the exclusion of all others. From the first tentative kiss to fumbling with each other's clothing to the heated lovemaking they had engaged in, they fell fast - and hard - for each other. Harry was in love, and it felt wonderful. Not at all like the fleeting infatuations of his school days, this was the real thing. He felt it deep in his soul.
And yet ... Draco had called him here to meet at one of their regular restaurants, and he had started talking about marriage. About moving on with their lives. But not together ...
" ... we both want children," Draco continued, unaware that Harry's thoughts had been wandering. "I know you do, and you would live to regret not having them. I am the last Malfoy and I need, I want an heir, someone to carry on the name. I have no intention of letting all my hard work at clearing the name go to waste. The Malfoy and the Potter bloodlines will carry on. You know you want this, Harry."
"I know I want you," Harry said, confused at this turn of events. What had he done? Didn't Draco feel the same way about him? Had this all been some sort of sick joke, a game to him?
"And I want you, too. But it's not meant to be."
"How can you say that? How, after all that we've been through, can you say that what we have isn't right, isn't what's meant to be?" Harry asked, not caring how desperate he sounded.
"Because we are not like everyone else. No one will accept us being together, the Saviour and the Death Eater. You know that and I know that."
"But why should that matter?"
"Eventually the outside pressure would affect us, Harry. It would chip away at our happiness."
"I love you, Draco. Shouldn't that count for something?"
"Of course it counts for something. It means the world to me. And I will be able to live my life knowing that I was loved."
"But how can you throw that away? How can just knowing that be enough for you?"
"It has to be, Harry. We will each move on, marry and have children. It's the way it has to be."
"So you are going to be miserable for the rest of your life, deny who you are, because you want an heir?"
"A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her, Harry. I don't plan to be miserable, and you shouldn't either. And I'm not denying who I am. Remember that I am a pureblood Malfoy. That is who I am too, and to deny myself an heir would be to deny that part of me."
"So that's it then? It's over. There's nothing I can say to change your mind? Should I even bother?" Harry asked, the anger and hurt welling up inside him.
"Please don't, Harry. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. But I know that it's right. And in time, you will know that too. I love you, Harry."
"Don't say that to me. Just ... don't." And he was gone.
As he wandered through the car park, the weight of Draco's decision hit him like a tidal wave, and he leaned against one of the cars, unable to hold himself up as a wave of nausea poured over him. "Oh, God, what have I done?"
The days, weeks, months and years went by, and Harry lived his life as he was expected to. For all the world to see, he was a devoted husband, loving father, hard worker, and spokesperson for numerous causes. Still revered as the Saviour of the Wizarding World, he attended functions, made speeches, accepted honours bestowed upon him, Ginny on his arm and sometimes the children in tow.
And he was miserable. There was an emptiness inside him that had grown more vast as the years went by. His children went a long way towards filling that void, and he dedicated himself to making their lives as full of love as possible. Ginny was a caring mother, but Harry - well, Harry made up for his lost childhood by totally immersing himself in theirs, but the more independent they became, the more lost Harry found himself.
The initial pain of his and Draco's parting was overwhelming. It had been comparable to the Cruciatus Curse in its intensity, if not the actual physical pain. In time the hurt subsided, but the longing never did; in fact, it became worse. At first being with Ginny - he did love her after all - eased the pain, distracted him from his thoughts, and gave him focus. It was she who had coaxed him into fulfilling his dream of becoming an Auror, although the attraction of it had faded considerably after the war. He had initially wanted nothing to do with fighting, but then he found himself floundering, not knowing what he wanted. It was Ginny that gave him focus. And training for the job, along with the first few years of field work, had provided him with the necessary diversion from his wayward thoughts.
However, his reprieve was short-lived. It wasn't long before his thoughts once again became focussed on that which he could not have - not any more. His mind betrayed him, his heart ached with loss, and he plummeted into depression. No longer did he feel. All his senses were numbed. He became a mere shell, a shadow of his former self. And there was nothing, no one that could reach him, not even his children.
He longed for freedom, for choice, for happiness. He knew it was no one's fault but his own. He had loved and had lost. He had accepted his path, and had moved ahead as he was supposed to do. He had felt, perhaps mistakenly, that everyone expected this of him, and that it was his place to live the happy life that he had been destined for. But he wasn't happy. This wasn't his life. He knew that now. Through the haze that was his mind these days, he had this one clear revelation. This had never been his choice, though he had chosen it. He wasn't in love with Ginny, though he loved her. He wanted to give his children the family he never had, though he was unable to give them his all, because somewhere along the way he lost sight of who he was.
Ginny tried to be supportive but, like everyone else, couldn't reach him. So she had pulled away too. He knew that he had not been fair to her, that she deserved better than a life with a husband whose heart belonged to another. He knew that he needed to do something ... but what?
It was Albus' first day at Hogwarts, and they all gathered to see him and James off at King's Cross. Harry was distantly saddened by the upcoming separation from his boys when he suddenly met up with his past.
The first glimpse Harry caught of Draco felt like a knife to his gut, twisting and turning, tearing away at his insides. Oh, yes. He remembered this pain well. Well, at least he was feeling something.
He watched the Hogwarts Express disappear into the distance, and he made up his mind. He told Ginny to go on ahead with Lily. "There's something I need to do. I'll meet you back home." She reluctantly agreed, leaving the station with Ron and Hermione.
Harry made his way over to where Draco was standing with his wife. Grey eyes went wide as he approached, looking almost afraid of what Harry was going to do or say. If Harry hadn't felt so terrible, he would have laughed at the sight. "Draco, I presume this is your wife?" he asked courteously, smiling at the woman who had shared Draco's life, shared his bed for all these years instead of him.
Visibly relieved, Draco hastily introduced them, though Harry's ears were ringing so much that he didn't catch her name, and didn't care enough to ask. She politely excused herself, to give them a chance to 'catch up.'
They watched her leave the platform, and suddenly they were alone. For the first time since they had parted ways all those years ago, they were alone together. Harry closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. "You know, it's been awhile, but I can still remember just the way you taste."
"Harry, don't ... please ... we can't ... " Draco implored him.
"I know," he said, opening his eyes again and gazing into Draco's. "But I need you to know. I never should have listened to you."
Draco made to interrupt him, but Harry held up a hand to stop him. "I'm lost without you, Draco. I don't regret for a moment my life with my children, but I can't pretend that I'm happy. I can't pretend that I don't feel cheated."
"Harry, I'm sorry."
"Don't be. You made a choice, and I let you go. Against everything that my heart was telling me, and without really understanding why I had agreed, I let you go, I walked away. A day hasn't gone by when I haven't regretted that decision. More than any other in my life. But what's done is done. I just need you to know that I love you. I've never stopped loving you."
"Harry -- "
"Don't, Draco. Don't say things you don't mean, and don't make promises you can't keep. We made our choices, and now we live with them. There are no happy endings in real life, no 'happily ever after' for this hero. I should have figured that out long before I fell in love with you. But perhaps now, after all these years, I can accept that, learn to live with it, move on."
Draco watched Harry leave the train station. Leave him. Forever.