The Grand Illusion (H/D, adult)
Title: The Grand Illusion
Author:
sesheta_66
Rating: Adult
Pairing: HP/DM
Summary: Harry lets Draco into his heart - angst.
Word Count: 626
Genre: ANGST
Warnings: No beta.
A/N: x-posted to
harry_draco &
harrydraco. Originally posted on
hd_boardgame, in response to the "disillusionments" prompt. This is not a happy, fluffy piece.
Disclaimer: The characters and settings are not mine - they belong to JK Rowling. No money made by me - this is only for my fun and hopefully yours.
Returning after sixth year was difficult. But it was even more so because of what had happened in the summer. Harry had received the letter from Dumbledore outlining Snape’s role in things, and had taken some time to mull things over. He had no choice but to accept him. But Draco was another matter.
Snape had been acting under Dumbledore’s orders. He had sworn an unbreakable bond with the headmaster, and was bound to uphold it. In addition, he upheld his bond with Narcissa. Draco had no such bond. He had no such excuse. But he had come as part of the package deal with Snape, and Harry felt that he owed it to the headmaster’s memory to give him another chance. How wrong he had been.
Malfoy had screwed him over royally - both figuratively and literally. He had wormed his way into his home, his life, his bed. Only to betray him in the end. Now Harry was left as a shell of his former self. Left to wonder what had happened to Draco when he had returned to the Dark Lord. Left to contemplate how he could have been under the delusion that Draco had actually cared.
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As Harry entered the school, he felt empty. He wasn’t sure how he was supposed to feel, but he was pretty sure this wasn’t it. He missed Draco, but he knew it was wrong. Not wrong because his feelings were for another boy. Not wrong because it was Draco, his supposed nemesis. But wrong because he had allowed him into his heart, and he had been crushed.
He was the bloody Saviour of the Wizarding World, for Merlin’s sake. He was supposed to be above this. But stupid Dumbledore and his stupid promises, and the stupid prophecy were all conspiring against him.
Maybe one day his life would be his own. Until then, he was closed off. He wasn’t going to let anyone in from now on. It was better that way.
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It had been three weeks. Three long and painful weeks. His heart ached for the love he thought he had found. Whoever said that to have loved and lost is better than to have never loved at all was completely full of shite. This was awful.
Harry had been through bad times before, but he had never left himself so open to being hurt. He had been mistreated as a child, and therefore had built walls around himself. Walls that Draco had slowly taken down, stone by stone, leaving him open for attack.
“Malfoy! What the hell are you doing, showing your face around here?” Ron barked across the Great Hall.
He couldn’t help it. His heart leapt into his throat as he turned to look at him.
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As Harry looked up, he was expecting some sort of acknowledgement from the Slytherin. Well, he got that alright. He found himself on the receiving end of the coldest stare he could ever remember. He felt the vice surrounding his heart tighten and clamp down so hard he could barely breathe. It was a pain such that he had never known before.
It was true. The opposite of love is not hate - he and Draco had had enough of that in their past. No. The opposite of love is apathy. And that cold, blank stare was apathy brought to life. He was being looked at as though he were nothing. After everything they had shared, Harry couldn’t believe it had come to this. The illusion was gone forever.
Harry spent the night in the washroom, not able to move after being sick until he had nothing left in him … and then for a little while longer. He had just died inside.