Sorry, but this one was too good not to. I was standing with my mom in the lobby of the hotel this morning when the following conversation took place ( Read more... )

I haven’t written on this thing in forever, I realize, and being in the extreme state of disrepair and neglect it’s in, I would hope to have something better to post here this morning, but alas, I feel the well’s run dry. It could simply be that I’ve been living the life of a retired person for the last three weeks. For those of you who have any ( Read more... )

The Kentucky Derby ( Read more... )

By all accounts, up until last week, Jeremiah Newton had never failed to deliver. He had gotten me in to hear Ang Lee speak about “Brokeback Mountain” a month before it hit theaters, and thoroughly surprised me with both “Brick” and “A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints”. On a lesser note, he got me in to see “Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning” ( Read more... )

I’m trying to write this paper, but it’s not going to well, so I’ve decided to draft some rules for the official “Grey’s Anatomy” season premier tonight. Mind you, these rules are specific to tonight’s episode and shouldn’t be taken lightly. I’ve written them up so as we can get good and tanked before the premier of Jackass 2 tonight. So, if you’re ( Read more... )

Jacob: “Could you pass me the Seltzer, Dan ( Read more... )

Normally I don’t like to update so soon after I already have because I like to weed through the boring shit that I might find interesting at the time but really turns out to be nonsense. However, certain events have occurred and fatal omissions were made in the last update, so I almost feel obligated to ( Read more... )

It could just be my surly disposition, or maybe it’s my overbearing sense of ever-present pessimism, but it seems like there’s a rain cloud constantly over my head ( Read more... )

"It's all just a big fuzzy mystery to me ( Read more... )

"I have to go home and punish my wife ( Read more... )