Seven Days
From: aestheticdaydrm
Title: Seven Days
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 33,400
Prompt: Iktsuarpok: the anticipation you feel when you’re waiting for someone to show up at your house.
Warning/s: Mentions of heterosexual relationship with original character
Summary: "You say you’re scared you’ll miss it even before summer starts, what you don’t know, my summer arrived because of you.”
The clock on the wall reads 9:30 p.m. Just another half an hour until closing time. He had already sent all of his employees home and was just waiting for the last set of customers to leave the café. He palms his face as he sighs; it’s been a long day, actually one of the busiest of the week. His best barista had called in sick and unfortunately no one had been able to cover his shift, leaving him no choice but to step in himself.
It isn’t like he hasn’t done it before. It’s his business after all and in the beginning he had to do most of the work. He’d built it up far enough that now he could actually lay back and just check in from time to time, he didn’t need to be there, he could very well do other things without having the stress that he had in the beginning. However he chose to be there for many reasons.
The smell of freshly brewed coffee always took him back to his younger years. His mother making a fresh batch every morning, the bitter yet invitingly warm aroma filling the atmosphere, making its way up to his room and invading his senses. He’d always sit up on his bed, gently rubbing his eyes and yawning as he made his way over to the window; blanket still wrapped around him, there he’d see his mother sitting on the steps of their cozy beach cottage, staring into the sunrise. The ocean as calming as ever and the smell of the salt in the air infused with the strong aroma of coffee beans made for a great wake up call.
She always woke up so early, he thought. And even though she’d tried her best to be as quiet as she possibly could for she’d hate to wake him up, the aroma of the coffee she made never failed to do the job for her. I have to check in with her, he reminded himself.
The sound of a teacup shattering on the floor broke his reverie, “Luhan, I’m so sorry, I thought I could handle carrying all of them at once, I guess I overextended myself.” Yixing chuckled embarrassingly.
Yixing was his right hand man. He had befriended him during their college years and eventually recruited him and they became business partners. By now they were more like brothers, rather than anything else.
“Ah, don’t worry about it Xing, it’s happened to me more times than I can count. Have I told you about the time I tripped while holding an entire tray of espresso cups? Yea, I do not want to relive that again. Thank God those days are over,” he said as he locked the door behind the last customers and hung up the “Closed” sign on the door.
“I hope Minnie feels better by tomorrow though, today was stressful I don’t know how he manages every day,” he continued as he wiped down the tables, “I should probably increase his pay.”
“Honestly, he’s like a robot sometimes, but he’s truly amazing at what he does,” folding his hands together, Yixing closes his eyes as he looks up and shouts “Universe, please cure Minseok of whatever illness he has, so he can come back tomorrow! Please! I can’t break any more teacups and Luhan will die of exhaustion! We are still too young to die!”
Luhan chuckled as he lifts the chairs up on top of the tables and turns off the lights on the main floor. “Its not that bad! I mean you and I could handle this again Xing, we’ve done it before you know.” He smiles to his friend as he grabs the garbage bags taking them to the back door and dumping them on the pavement. He locks up and heads back to the front. He meets his friend who’s still picking up the last of the small pieces of china off the floor.
“Do you want to die at an early age?” he earnestly asks. “And yea, that was when we only had like ten customers per day, now we have thirty times the amount, there’s just no way! We would die if we handled this ourselves again. Ok, we would die. D-I-E Lu, die”
Luhan’s ardent laughter echoed against the walls of the cafe, his friend never ceases to amaze him, he wipes a little tear from his eyes, laughter failing to subside as he looks at Yixing’s completely bewildered expression.
“It's not that funny.” Yixing pouts and trails behind Luhan as they grab their coat and head outside.
Luhan breathes in the night air as he looks up at the sky, face filled with melancholy, “I really hate the city sometimes,” he sighs, “back home I’d look up and I was able to see as many stars as my eyes could see. Here I can barely spot Sirius.” he closes the zipper of his coat and let his hands melt in the warmness of its pockets.
“Do you want a ride home?” Yixing asks, walking towards his car.
“No, I’m ok, I wanted to walk today. I feel like sometimes we get so used to all the perks that we forget about the simple things in life, like a walk in the park. I’m just 10 minutes away, don’t worry, get home safely and hopefully I wont have to see you tomorrow,” he sticks his tongue out as he walks away.
“Yah! I don’t want to see your ugly face tomorrow either! Hopefully someone up there heard my prayers.” Yixing mumbles as he gets into his car and drives away.
It was a brisk night, considering summer was just around the corner. Most of the shops in the neighborhood were closing up, Luhan inhaled the crisp breeze that came his way, I can’t wait to get home and shower, he thought. He had such a busy day; he had completely forgotten to check his cellphone.
Pulling it out of his back pocket he noticed he had 3 missed calls from Junni, his girlfriend and surprisingly, one missed called from his mother. She must have read my mind, he smiled. He unlocked his phone and immediately called her back.
Three rings later, she picked up, “My beautiful, beautiful son!” Luhan could picture his mother’s warm smile on the other end of the phone.
“Hi, mom, I’m sorry I missed your call, work was so hectic I barely got a minute to breathe. I’ve missed you so much! How have you been?” His mother yelped on the other side of the phone, shocking Luhan “Mom, is everything ok?” he asked, concerned at his mom’s small outburst.
“Yes darling, I’m sorry, I’m just so happy that you said that! I have a surprise for you! But first, I need you to promise me that you will say yes!”
Luhan rolled his eyes, feeling lucky that his mom wasn’t able to see him, “Mom, I can’t just say yes to something without knowing what it is. I have commitments you know, but depending on what it is, I will think about it ok? Now tell me, what is it?”
He heard his mom sigh on the other end of the phone, “Ok, well summer is in two weeks and I’ve invited the Oh’s to spend it here. Luhan, we haven’t seen them in four years and it will be really great if we could all reunite and have a wonderful summer! Please say yes, I haven’t see you in months baby and I really miss you, plus Hunnie will be here and it will be like old times!”
Definitely not like old times.
“Mom, I cannot guarantee you that I will be there, but I will definitely try my best ok, I have to go now, I love you, I will call you back tomorrow and let you know what I decide.”
After a hundred ‘I love you’s’ from his mom, they finally hung up. It was then that he realized he was outside of his apartment door. Shit I have to call Junni back; she probably thought I was ignoring her all day.
After an exhausting phone call with his girlfriend, he stripped off his clothes and walked over to his bathroom, turned on the water adjusting the temperature, hot shower, the hotter the better, he thought. He didn’t know when it had become this way.
It must have been the first couple of times he and Junni had argued that he was so upset, he thought a hot shower would relieve him of any stress. It had worked, so now after any sort of argument he was inclined to take a hot shower. She’s made me into a masochist, he thought as the steam filled the room. He got in and inhaled as the heat from the water drops touched his skin. He ran his palms through his hair and leaned forward so the water fell on his back.
Ugh why is she frustrating? He leaned his body closer to the water. He and Junni had been dating for about 8 months. He met her at the café. She had ordered a double cappuccino and a cherry cream scone. She had been flirting with Luhan, who unluckily had to cover a shift for Minseok that day. The girl who introduced herself as Junni was 21 years old, although she was pretty; she wasn’t Luhan’s type. He always considered himself a good judge of character and this girl was loud and boisterous, not to mention pretentious.
Luhan was very much intrigued by someone who was demure and modest. The type of individual exuding profoundness, one that made you want to guess what was on their mind and this girl was anything but, voicing her unwanted opinions and demands left and right. So when she asked Luhan out, he was quick to decline. Luhan would soon find out how persistent the girl was. Eventually after weeks of her practically harassing him at work, he agreed to go out with her. The first couple of months were bearable, he found out that she could be rather funny and he enjoyed her company when she wasn’t overzealous or trying too hard to impress him.
Soon after the day they had been intimate for the first time, he noticed a change in her. She was constantly checking up on him, she would accuse him of not going to work and going somewhere else. When had he given her the impression that he could have been cheating on her? Regardless of her accusing attitude, he had always remained loyal and not simply because his job demanded ninety perfect of his time, but because that’s just who he was.
This is getting ridiculous, he thought as he lathered his body with his favorite raspberry-vanilla scented wash. He hadn’t even been intimate with her for the past couple of months. She tried countless of times, but he just wasn’t interested. She probably thinks I’m cheating on her because we haven’t fucked in months. He’d used the excuse that he was tired from a long day of work and most of the times that had been the case, but if Luhan had been completely honest with himself, he would know it was much more than that.
He grabbed his sponge and ran it across his neck, lathering through the expanse of his chest, down his arms and stomach. Hot water cascading down the length of his back. His mind drifted to the conversation he had with his mom earlier. It was true, he had not seen her in almost three months, and work was taking over his life. He barely had time to visit her. Being a business owner didn’t leave much room for leisure. He barely even had time for his nagging girlfriend. It wasn’t like they were so far away from each other either. He lived and worked in the city, which was only about an hour drive from the shore.
“I’ve invited the Oh’s to spend the summer here.” Images of his teenage years bombarded his mind. The Oh’s… the only thing that had kept him sane during those long hot summer days was his little dongsaeng. Hunnie… he let his mind drift away as the water caressed his body.
Hunnie… why didn’t I keep in touch? Where are you living now? What became of you? Was I that busy that I completely ignored your existence? I miss your smile… God I miss your smile...
He remembered the radiant smile he loved so much, the iridescent honey brown locks of hair that brightened in the sunlight. The carefree boy running across the sand calling out to him. The Intensity of the warmth he radiated could give him heat for days. They had been childhood friends; his mom brought Hunnie over every summer since he was old enough to tie his own shoes.
Luhan’s mother owned a cozy beachfront property that ran about .3 acres across, 3 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms, swimming pool, and an amazing view of the ocean, god Luhan missed it so much. He and Hunnie were inseparable, living in their own world and forgetting anyone else even existed. It was they and the infinite expanse of sea and water. The summers he wished were endless, the summers that warmed not only his flesh and bones but his heart as well.
He thought back to the last time he saw him. Hunnie was 18 and Luhan was 22, he remembers when they arrived that summer, how much Hunnie had changed; he was a bit taller than the year before, a lot more handsome too. But he seemed distant; his mind seemed to always be preoccupied and Luhan often wondered where the boy’s mind and thoughts were fixated on.
This time around, things were unfamiliar. Hunnie was quiet; he didn’t want to do the things they used to do. Playing hide and seek in the dark, running in the sand- and although Luhan was much older, he always spoiled Hunnie, he would always give in and do what the younger wanted to do, he was after all like his little brother. Luhan secretly enjoyed the moments, but he wouldn’t ever admit it to anyone.
It wasn’t until this particular year that he realized how much he looked forward to seeing Hunnie. He brought out the kid in him. The carefree spirit that he possessed, the way his smile made all of Luhan’s worries drift away. He didn’t know how he was able to do that but Luhan loved that about him, the sound of his laughter and the sounds of innocence.
He knew the day would come when his little dongsaeng wouldn’t want to play childish games anymore, but Luhan hadn’t expected it to be so soon. This year, he was quiet and shy and Luhan would catch himself staring at the handsome boy as he sat by the shore reading a book, writing or listening to music. So quiet, so mysterious. What are you thinking about? He wondered what had changed his Hunnie. Instead of swimming or playing, he’d rather sit on the steps of the beach house and write.
Intrigued, Luhan had asked him one day, “What are you writing?”
“My thoughts.” was all he said. God did Luhan want to know his thoughts so bad, he was tempted to look at the writing, but he respected the younger’s privacy.
“Will you let me read them?” he asked with a charming smile.
“You wish.” Hunnie had answered him, eyes never tearing away from his book.
“Why you little-“ He had snatched the book and ran as fast as his feet would take him, he heard the countless “hyung’s” behind him, the “hyung stop!” but he ran, smile never faltering, laughter filling the air.
He loved it, he loved the chase and he loved when his Hunnie would go after him because he would never be able to catch him, he was always faster but he always slowed down purposely so the younger could catch up. He’d always fake being tired, and he’d always let his Hunnie catch him.
He came to a stop, placing his hands on his knees for support, taking short breaths, his head hung low as the sweat dripped from his hair. He tilted his head to see his little dongsaeng approaching, but not stopping.
“Sehunnie-“ he said out of breath, but before he could utter another word, Hunnie toppled him onto the sand, snatching his book away and rolling over next to him. Breathless and staring at the clear blue sky, Luhan looked over at his little dongsaeng, who was now laughing.
His eyes had turned into the most beautiful crescents and he had the biggest smile on his face.That smile, he thought. He rolled over on top of his little dongsaeng pinning his arms against the sand and his smile faltered.
“Hyung- what- what are you doing?” he asked, eyes fixed on Luhan and brooding with apprehension as his chest heaved up and down, out of breath and taken by surprise.
“What’s so special about that book that you wont let me see huh?” he asked, but Hunnie was quiet. Hunnie was staring into his eyes and for a moment, Luhan got lost in them. He realized the position that they were in, but instead of pulling away from him, he only pushed his body closer and his own breath hitched. Hunnie let out a soft growl, he closed his eyes, and Luhan was lost, lost in this moment. Hunnie’s eyes opened, but they were no longer locked with his. They were now locked on his lips.
Luhan felt complete and utter bliss among confusion as he witnessed the boy under him lick and bite his lower lip. He felt foreign shivers through his entire being as he lost control of his senses, his body pulling even closer, hips thrusting against the other on their own.
His eyes caught sight of his little dongsaeng’s lips. His mouth parted as he inhaled, his bottom lip so pink and plump. Luhan didn’t know why he felt the sudden need to know what they would feel like against his own.
“Will you… let me see?” he breathed out, barely a whisper as his face inched closer. His lips lingered over Hunnie’s, just one centimeter away…
“Boys!” his mother called out, pulling both of them from their trance, “Dinner’s ready!”
Luhan pushed himself off his little dongsaeng and brushed the sand off his clothes. What just happened? He stretched his hand out for Hunnie, but the younger ignored it as he got up by himself, dusted the sand off and mumbled, “Tell her I’m not hungry” as he walked away towards the shore. Luhan wanted to go after him and question what almost happened but he wasn’t sure he wanted to know.
After that, the rest of the summer was spent with Hunnie giving him the cold shoulder. Luhan couldn’t help but search for him, he’d wanted to ask him what was wrong, but instead he’d just stare at the boy, who’d give him cold glares whenever he’d catch him staring, an electric current running through his veins as they’d maintain eye contact. He wondered if Hunnie also felt it.
He never looked away, Luhan realized it now; it was always me that had to look away. There was so much in his eyes that he couldn’t read, he had already changed so much. And so, they spent their summer stealing glances and staring at each other as opposed to building sandcastles or chasing after the other.
As the hot water burned his skin, he could only think about that day… those eyes and how deep they stared into his soul. Those lips that he had wanted to taste.
His right hand that was wrapped around his neck, slid down the length of his wet body and before he knew it he was stroking himself to the thought of his little dongsaeng. Why am i only realizing this now? He tilted his head back against the wall, as he sighed and moaned, his hands starting off gently, but increasing slightly at the thought of having that boy in his arms.
Could I have had him in my arms? Would he have wanted me to? God I want to.
What would have been the alluring, sweet scent of his little dongsaeng’s hair, the taste of his lips? The softness of his skin as he rubbed against his own? His senses were deprived. He let his mind wander, recreating a memory to suit his needs.
He’d leaned down and tasted the sweet, sweet nectar of those lips. He’d gently bite his neck as his Hunnie moaned underneath him. He’d leave little bite marks as he sucked on his lithe neck and kissed his way around his porcelain like skin. He’d nibbled at his collarbones as he thrusted his hips against him, the younger writhing underneath his touch, wanting, needing so much more.
He increased the speed of his movements as his moans filled the shower. The heat of the water increasing his lust, thoughts of pulling down his little dongsaengs shorts and the inclination of feeling his hardness below him. God he wanted to feel it so bad.
He’d rubbed the younger with his palm, feeling the thickness and softness and god he looked so beautiful, he was so wrecked and all he could do was moan, it was a mess of the most beautiful moans he had ever heard. His eyes filled with immense ardor and clouded with lust. He wanted more, so much more than this figment he had created.
He longed for him. He needed him.
I need him.
A tear escaped his eyes as he came undone. Fuck, he cursed as he came down from the exhilarating high, his heart pounding against his chest. He didn’t think he had ever felt so much passion before. The thought that Hunnie could gave him so much to desire, the way he was able to affect him though they haven’t seen or touched each other in years. This boy was like a drug. This boy was an aphrodisiac.
At that moment he realized he has never wanted someone so much in his entire twenty-six years of existence.
And to think I had him.
He cleaned himself, turned off the water; grabbed his towel and wrapped it around his waist as he headed towards his room. His mind filled with thoughts of a boy that he once knew so well, a boy that he hadn’t seen in years, a boy he now longed to see so bad. He grabbed his cellphone, dialed it and waited for the other line to pick up.
“Hello mom? Sorry to call you so late, I’ll be there. The reunion mom… I’ll be there.”
~
He watched the raindrops fall from the sky and run down his living room window as Façades filled his entire apartment. Phillip Glass was whom he’d listened to if the sky decided to pour its unexpressed emotions onto the earth. The pitter-patter of the rain had always soothed him. There was something morbid about the sky crying.
How much pain must it feel that it needs to weep until it runs dry?
He had just gotten off the phone with his mom who had informed him of their little summer getaway. He had completely refused. There was no way he was going.
“If you don’t go, I’ll make sure to move in to that vacant apartment across the hall from yours Sehun-ah. You know very damn well I am not joking, we’d get to be neighbors and I’d get to see my son everyday!” His mother had threatened. Sehun wouldn’t put it past her to do it either, so he’d told his mom he’d think about it.
He looked out into the city as he sat contemplating on what to do. If he went, he’d have to see him again. If he didn’t go, he knew he would live to regret it.
It’s been four fucking years; you have got to be kidding me, his mind a jumbled mess. Four fucking years and not a single word from him! Not a stupid ‘hey, how are you? How’s your life going?’ sure, he hadn’t tried to reach out either but how could he? He didn’t want to be a nuisance.
He knew how hard his hyung had worked to start his own business. He knew he didn’t have time for anyone. This was a crucial state in his life that would determine whether or not he was a success. Sehun knew enough to understand how important this was for Luhan. He never held it against him, the fact that his dream essentially took from the time they would spend together. Sehun couldn’t be selfish. He was out of touch with his Hyung but he had kept tabs on him and his mother never failed to update him.
“Luhan is working so hard! Your auntie says he barely even visits her anymore!’ ‘Sehun! Hannie’s business is doing great, you should go and congratulate him!’ ‘Oh! Luhan’s café was named one of the top 10 in the region!’”
Now how could there have possibly been any room for me? There was never any room for me. Sure, he missed his hyung but he wasn’t stupid enough to waltz up to him and say ‘hey, remember me?’ Stupid! Of course he’d remember you. Wouldn’t he? You’re his childhood friend after all. You’re his little dongsaeng. He can’t possibly forget the scrawny little boy who followed him everywhere. Well it feels like he has. Sehun was having a mental battle.
He recalled all those summers, well most of them anyway. They were the same old summers he’d look forward to all year long. He got to visit his favorite hyung, he had the time of his life, he couldn’t have asked for a better childhood. He wouldn’t change anything about it, nothing except for one thing. If he could go back and change the day he fell head over heals in love with his stupid hyung he would. It had caused him so much heartache. He realized it when he was seventeen. It was like one of those things that you don’t see coming. Like a truck hitting you right when you least expect it, not that you’d expect it.
It was the last day they would spend together before he had to go home. They were playing soccer in the sand and his stupid hyung, with his stupid perfect face and the way he dribbled the stupid soccer ball on his stupid knees and the way he did his stupid tricks. The way the sun radiated off of his skin, the way his eyes lit up knowing that he was showing off, that stupid dimple that only appeared when he was truly happy, that stupid smile that shot daggers into his heart and just like that Sehun felt sick to his stomach. He made his way back to the cottage as he mumbled ”stupid, stupid!”
“Hunnie? Hunnie- wait! What’s wrong?” his hyung had asked as he dropped the ball.
“Don’t feel well, going to go lay down before we leave.” he had answered. Before he knew it they were on their way home and Sehun didn’t know what to feel.
“Why are you so quiet?” his mother had asked.
“No reason just tired.” He lied as he stared out the window.
The following seasons were a wreck for Sehun. He wished he’d established his feelings for the older a bit sooner than the actual day of their departure, that way he could have spent his time trying to figure out whether his hyung might have possibly felt the same way towards him.
Fall meant a new school year, he carried on as he usually did, he made new friends, his grades were always phenomenal and he had no complaints, except for one. He missed his hyung.
Winter came and Sehun tried his best to forget about his summer memories, he had tried dating a couple of times but they were just no match. His partners always said Sehun was distant, that he was always in another world. He didn’t blame them when they’d break off whatever so called ‘relationship’ they had tried to build. He couldn’t give them what they wanted, not when everything he had, he’d wanted to give to someone else.
He was eighteen when spring came and Sehun grew taller and more handsome. The girls at school called him “Prince Oh” they said he was regal, that he carried himself with such elegance and class. He’d always be reading, or writing, or listening to mellifluous instrumentals.
I like to daydream of a certain someone; he always seems to occupy my mind. Since when was that considered regal? He honestly didn’t care. While most people spoke to him, the most enchanting smile and the most alluring eyes always entertained his mind.
His friends were loyal so even though they’d notice a change in him they’d still hang out with him, he had just become ‘the quiet one’. His best friend Jongin was the only one who knew about his dilemma.
“Sehun, just call him” he’d advised. “There’s no harm in even texting the guy.”
“I can’t do that Jongin, you don’t understand, he’s in college now, he has no time to waste on someone like me.”
For three seasons he had lived with that mentality. When it was time to face him again, he was nonetheless apprehensive, but he needed to keep in mind that this was his hyung, practically his older brother and that things didn’t have to change. His hyung was obviously unaware of his feelings, so as long as he doesn’t act any differently around him then things should go on like they always have.
Easier said than done. Never underestimate the amount of influence the heart can have on your mind. He’d thought he would be okay, but the minute he laid eyes on his handsome, tall, lean and beautiful, he’s beautiful how can he possibly be beautiful? Universe how? charming hyung, his whole resolve had crumbled. His hair got longer, he noticed as those beautiful golden wavy curls bounced as he ran to say hello to them.
“Dongsaeng!” he’d shouted. He thought he wouldn’t be able to make it through the summer. Not like this.
If I just read, and write and listen to music, that should be enough of a distraction, I cant be near him, I’ll give myself away, fuck! I wont be able to tear my eyes away from him.
His hyung had no idea how difficult he was making it for Sehun, he’d try to grab the other’s attention, he’d try his best to play with him, but Sehun always rejected him. I’m so sorry, it isn’t that I don’t want to, I do. Believe me, I want to be around you so badly, but I cant. I just cant. Sleeping with him was an even bigger issue.
They had shared Luhan’s room throughout all their childhood, sleeping on the same bed and even camping out by the shore. They’d choose a couple of nights where they’d take some blankets, pillows and a flashlight and they’d walk a couple of feet from the cottage and set up their own little camping ground.
Luhan loved the stars and he’d show Sehun how to find each constellation. Every year Sehun would pretend to forget where they were, so that Luhan could point them out once again. “You’re so forgetful,” he’d comment and Sehun would just smile.
He had opted for sleeping on the floor this time around.
There is no way I’m sleeping next to you. He had used the excuse that Luhan’s bed had become too soft. He could see his hyung pout and it was the cutest thing he had ever seen. Why? How are you so cute? Universe, please!
It wasn’t until the day his hyung had tried to steal his journal. Sehun would have legit had a heart attack had Luhan actually read what was in there. Love confessions and things he wished they would do. He knew he was taking a huge risk writing about his feelings knowing his muse was sometimes just a couple of feet away but he didn’t know what else to do. He’d taken walks on his own to clear his thoughts but it was to no avail. He needed to bleed the words on paper. He carried them everywhere; he’d even sleep with them under his pillow.
So the second his hyung grabbed a hold of them, he panicked and ran like he has never ran before. No, you cant! Please… if you did, you’d never see me the same way, I can’t risk loosing you, please just don’t open it. “Hyung! Hyung stop!
His hyung did stop, but Sehun only had one thing in mind. Before he could stop himself he had toppled over him and snatched the book away. Holy mother of everything that is good!
He just laughed and smiled. Wow! Had that been exhilarating! And his thoughts, his feelings, they were still trapped inside the pages of his journal. He looked up at the sky, heaving and thanking the stars that his secrets were safe again. That was close, that was so close.
His entire body faltered as soon as he felt the weight of his hyung on top of him. Taking him by surprise, his hyung pinned his arms to the sand, his fingers clutching his book for dear life. Breathless and shocked he questioned the actions of his hyung, his nerves getting the best of him.
“What’s so special about that book that you wont let me see huh?” He’d responded.
Reality didn’t exist anymore. Sehun had traveled into one of his daydreams. He was certain. Your eyes… they’re so beautiful, I want to get lost in them... Will you let me?
Luhan had seemed like he was in a trance, maybe it was the adrenaline from running because he had then rubbed his body closer to his own.
Did you just?
The feeling of his hyung’s body pressed up against his was too overwhelming and he couldn’t stop the small whimper that escaped his mouth, he closed his eyes for a moment. I’m daydreaming, I know I am, this isn’t real, but if it isn’t real, then your lips…
He opened his eyes and stared at Luhan’s lips, who were parted and inhaling small puffs of air, exhaling against his own. Can I taste you? He thought as he licked and bit his lower lip, just one taste. Luhan inched closer.
“Will you? Let me see?” He whispered and Sehun could feel himself harden as Luhan’s breath ghosted over his already wet lips.
Oh God, yes I will, I’ll do anything you want, just please…
Needless to say he wasn’t daydreaming if the sound of his auntie calling them in for lunch was anything to go by. Sehun was pissed. What in the actual fuck universe? He’d stormed away and vowed never to get that close to his hyung again, at least for the remainder of the summer.
What was that? He couldn’t read the situation but he was sure that something almost happened. He didn’t want to get his hopes up, so he’d wait and see if his hyung had anything to say about it.
He, of course did not. Days passed, then weeks and his hyung had not even murmured a word about what happened. This just confirmed the fact that it was all in Sehun’s head. His hyung never felt anything beyond brotherly love towards him.
He’d been even more distant than before. He won’t even approach me anymore; I made things awkward, fuck! I crossed the fucking line.
He’d steal glances of him whenever he wasn’t looking. His beautiful hyung, he was masculine but his face said otherwise, he was caring and considerate; he was a soccer player and his body proved it. A college student, at the top of his class he recalled his auntie praising him and how he was working towards owning his own business. He was incredibly charming, and driven and just completely ruining Sehun’s life.
I’m just a scrawny kid in his last year of high school; I don’t even know what to do with my life. What was I thinking?
The lighting bolt that struck brought him back to the present. It was still raining, thunder and lightning now added to the mix. He looked up to the sky, “why are you so upset tonight?”
He sighed as he walked over to his fireplace. So much had changed since then. It had been so many years. If Luhan had felt differently he would have at least tried to reach out to him. But he hadn’t.
Sehun himself had changed so much. He was now a very accomplished twenty-two year old. He was a renowned author, writing everything from fiction to poetry publishing his works under a pen name. He had been deemed ‘The Walt Whitman of the 21st Century.’
He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t influenced at all by his ‘older brother’. After spending that summer writing everyday, it sparked something within him. He felt glued to his pen. His mind created scenarios and vivid images as an escape route from thinking about anything that had to do with that boy, or perhaps it served as a means to make those moments come to life one way or another. Whatever the case, Sehun was certain writing had been his savior.
He poured himself a glass of wine as he walked towards the large Victorian mirror that hung above his fireplace. Sure, he had made a name for himself. He was a young, tall, handsome, wealthy and successful bachelor. He’d be damned if anyone, especially his hyung see him as anything but.
Thinking about it ignited a fire within him. He had spent years trying to get over the puppy love he thought he had for his ‘older brother’. He had written his fantasies away, he had dated many times and the alluring boy had barely even made an appearance or invaded his mind in any way.
Yes, Sehun had learned to suppress his feelings. He still would not build anything serious with anyone for he had his idea of perfect and still no one could match up. He grabbed his phone and flipped through his contacts. ‘Luhan Hyung’ he wondered if he even still had the same phone number.
He wouldn’t dare call me his dongsaeng now would he? In fact, I’m sure now, he wouldn’t be able to resist me even if he tried would he? He smirked as he looked in the mirror.
Years of heartbreak and you never once reached out. I meant nothing to you. I was your summer. I came once a year, I was the warmth that came with the wind. I gave you love, I gave you laughter. But that cold crisp air that ran through your veins, that autumn breeze that tousled your hair carried my spirit away and I was gone and forgotten. I’ll make you remember me. I’ll make you feel sorry for neglecting me. I’ll make you want me the way I wanted you.
He scrolled past his contacts and hit the call button, the phone on the other end ringing out, prompting him to leave a voice message.
“Hey mom, I changed my mind. When do we leave?”
~
The sun was setting in the horizon painting the sky with pink and purple hues as the sound of the gentle waves crashed against each another creating a soft, lulling sound as if they were unwinding from a long day of hard work.
Luhan dug his feet further into the sand as he stood peering into the vastness of the ocean. He felt the chill of the gentle breeze that brushed his hair back and made it twirl and dance along with it, the breeze that took along all of his frustrations of the day. He inhaled the salty air as he closed his eyes and smiled at the thought of summer.
He pulled his cardigan that had slipped past his shoulders and held onto it tighter as the wind picked up a bit making the waves build up speed as they began crashing more violently against the shore. He walked over to his favorite rock that was perched up along the coastline. He always wondered how long that rock had been there, he wondered if perhaps it was one of his ancestor’s favorite spots as well, it was large enough for him to lay and sleep there all night if he’d wanted to. It was his secret spot. He’d come here whenever he wanted to think or meditate on something. He stared out into the horizon and let his mind drift off…
Two weeks until I finally see him again… he had made the decision of coming home early after that night, recalling his last summer with Hunnie. He made arrangements with Yixing to watch over the café while he was back home. He’d also decided to break things off with Junni. It was a long time coming and their relationship was doomed to fail from the beginning.
The only reason why he had even kept it going for so long was because he was too focused on his work. He’d hardly even have time to deal with her. He didn’t blame her antics when she’d accuse him of cheating. “If cheating on you with work counts, then yes! I’m cheating on you. He had thought it was funny but she wasn’t in the least bit amused.
She had confessed to him that she was insecure that someone like him even had the audacity to be with someone like her. Luhan was beautiful, inside and outside and she knew it. She couldn’t risk loosing someone that sublime.
She had always been afraid that his late nights and long days were being spent with someone more worthy than her. Luhan scoffed at her confession, I mean he knew he was handsome, but he thought she was overreacting.
“You don’t see how everyone looks at you,” she had said. “And what’s worse, you don’t see how they look at me when I’m next to you. You’re charming and you light up the room, people are drawn to you… you’re the definition of beautiful, Luhan. Please just give me one more chance. I promise I can change.”
So shallow, Luhan found it amusing really; he had given her many opportunities to change. The morning after every argument they had, she always said she’d try her best to change her accusing attitude. Luhan hated going to sleep almost every night with such negativity. He hated having that sort of weight on his shoulders.
He had always been positive and cheerful. Being with Junni had completely changed that. The only thing that made him feel alive in the past 8 months was the thought of his Hunnie.
He questioned and hated himself for having lost touch with the boy. Was I so engorged in my work that I completely forgot about him? He was fresh out of college the last summer he saw him. He didn’t think Hunnie was aware of his future plans. They never spoke about such matters. With them it was all about having fun and living life in the moment.
But Luhan knew what he wanted to do for quite some time. He was lucky enough to have met Yixing at school and they were both on the same page about owning a business. They eventually opened the doors of Luna Café while Luhan continued to pursue his Masters. His life had become all work and no play. He went through the ups and downs of establishing a career. At one point he had wanted to give up, but he knew he couldn’t. He knew it wouldn’t always be this way.
Being a young, successful business owner, not to mention extremely handsome had its perks. Luhan knew most of his business came from the girls in the city; they’d go in just to catch a glimpse of him. So many approached him through the years, but he just wasn’t interested. Until Junni happened and he was practically forced to go on a date with her, or suffer the pain that was to see her everyday at the café.
At least when they began dating he’d see less and less of her, not by her own will of course, but her parents were making her take a million college courses and well, Luhan was thankful for that.
I’m such an asshole. He thought as he reached home. Junni had been a crying mess after Luhan had uttered the words “You’re a very nice girl Junni and you will find someone else. Someone who can give you all of his love and attention, I promise you that.”
He sighed as he went home and immediately began packing. Mom said 2 weeks; I need to be home before he gets there. The only thing on his mind was his Hunnie.
Thoughts of that young, wild and carefree boy with the most wonderful smile and eyes that turned into crescents when he was happy, just like the waning moon, he’d smiled and whispered. Thoughts of what could have happened. He realized that this boy meant so much more than what he had originally thought. Why couldn’t I see it before?
And so, he found himself perched up on top on his favorite rock staring out into the abyss of the ocean. He wondered when it had all began. When had Hunnie begun planting seeds around his heart? He recalled one particular memory, he was ten and his friend was only six, they were both working on a sandcastle when Luhan heard his mom calling out “Boys, lunch is ready!”
He shouted back, “but mom, we haven’t finished yet!”
His mom frowned and called back “Hannie, you have been working on that sandcastle for two whole hours now come inside, grab some lunch and you can get back to it.”
Luhan frowned; didn’t she understand how hard this had been for the both of them? They couldn’t stop, not now when they were almost done. What if the seagulls came and attacked it? Or worse what if the tide…
Luhan didn’t have a chance to finish that thought, because just then the tide swept in and devoured all of their hard work. They watched as the waves crashed against their shovels and pails, taking them along with it.
Luhan was too stunned to react; he could only think about how much work they had done to build it, only to have it disappear forever. The tears were starting to swell in his eyes… threatening to escape when all of a sudden; he felt tiny little hands around his own.
“Its ok, Hannie, we can do it again” A small tear broke free before he looked down; those small hands were now wrapped around his waist, hugging him tightly.
“Don’t be sad Hannie, we can make it even bigger and better next time!” the small boy looked up at him with the brightest smile, his eyes turning into the shape of the moon, and just like that all of his worries and cares were swept away. That smile…
He remembered thinking how the tide was a big old meanie, taking away their shovels and pails. The tide could steal from under them their hard work, but the tide was a loser because the tide had tried to take everything away from them, but it didn’t manage to take away his Hunnie. It had not managed to take away his friend’s beautiful smile, and that smile Luhan could not do without. He shouted at the top of his lungs “In your face loser tide!” as he stuck his tongue out at the ocean.
Had it been from that point? Was that the day you decided to plant your garden in the depths of my heart? Every summer you’d come and water it, every summer they’d bud, but they never bloomed did they? I neglected it. He hated himself for it.
Had Hunnie been aware of what he was doing?
One thing he was certain of was that the seeds had finally bloomed. Oh, how they had bloomed. They couldn’t stop blooming and god, they were the most beautiful flowers in existence. Luhan smiled at the thought as he took a deep breath and looked up to the sky that was now blanketed over with hundreds of twinkling stars, he was so lost in his thoughts, he didn’t realize that the sun had long ago set and the moonlight as beautiful as ever reflected itself among the waves.
He stood up and mumbled a soft two weeks before making his way back to the cozy little cottage that held onto so many memories.
He unlocked the door and walked in, he was surprised to find out his mom wasn’t home. When he had phoned her again, she’d actually told him she would be away until the reunion.
“Honey, I’m so sorry, had I known you would be coming early I wouldn’t have made business plans. But just sit tight, time will fly, and we’ll all be there before you know it.”
Business plans my ass, Luhan thought as he saw the resort pamphlet on the kitchen counter. Oh well, I can just make preparations for next week. Things had to be perfect. He already had everything planned out.
He’d take Hunnie out for walks on the beach, they would go for ice cream during the day, they could even go for a couple of drinks, dance a little and star gaze in his backyard. He’d plan on making his feelings known and prayed that the universe was on his side.
~
On Monday, he ordered a new bed. He spent the day trying out mattresses making sure he picked one that was just perfect. He remembered the last time Hunnie was here, he had mentioned how the bed was too soft and ended up sleeping on a spare mattress on the floor.
He felt lonely in his bed without him, but there was nothing he could do. He wondered if Hunnie would even want to share a bed with him this time around seeing as they were both full-grown adults now, but he was optimistic. He upgraded to a king sized mattress just in case.
On Tuesday, he went to the bookstore. Remembering how his Hunnie had spent most of that last summer reading, he had decided to build a small library in his room. He didn’t know what Hunnie would like to read so he spent countless of hours getting lost in literature and scrolling through countless of bookshelves.
He got a bunch of classics and modern books. People kept glancing at him probably wondering why he had a shopping cart full of books. Can’t a person just have a passion for reading? Isn’t that why you’re here too?
He glared at the lady who was clearly judging him on the checkout line. His eyes caught sight of a book on the ‘best sellers’ table. The cover reminded him of the view he was used to seeing all his life. There was the sand, the shore and a soccer ball next to what looked like a journal. The title read ‘Memoirs of A Lost Summer’ intrigued; he picked it up and added it to his cart full of books.
On Wednesday, his mattress came. After tipping the delivery guys he went back up to his room and sighed as he stood in front of the ginormous bed. At least if he doesn’t want to sleep next to me, there will be plenty of room for him. He realized he had completely forgotten to order bed sheets, blankets and pillows. I’ll have to do that tomorrow, he reminded himself.
On Thursday, he woke up first thing in the morning to hunt down a king sized comforter and bed set. He originally wanted crisp white linen sheets, but opted for black instead. His fair skin contrasting the black would be so sexy, he thought, so he chose a set that was 100% Egyptian cotton. Only the best, he said to himself, but truthfully he just wanted his little dongsaeng to love the bed enough to want share it with him.
He was getting anxious. That night he made his bed, which he admitted looked very alluring. He was having dirty thoughts about his little dongsaeng writhing against him and screaming his name. Ok, get ahold of yourself Luhan! You need to chill, he scolded himself before his heart rate spiked. Just a little less than two weeks left.
On Friday, he worked on the small bookshelf. Sorting through all of them, he wondered if he had gone a bit overboard. He noticed the book that had caught his attention at the store and flung it to his bed. He arranged the rest one by one, a total of 44 when he was finally done. If things go as planned, he wont even have time to read any of these.
He was beginning to feel nervous. Even if he were to tell Hunnie of his feelings, who’s to say they would even be reciprocated? For all he knew Hunnie already had someone in his life. He might just see him as the older brother he had always been to him. If shit goes south, at least I have plan B to keep me busy all summer, he said as he stared at the bookshelf.
On Saturday, he went shopping for a new wardrobe. Luhan was very laid back. Give him a pair of roomy shorts or sweatpants and a tee shirt and he was good to go. He wondered what Hunnie’s style was like? He picked up a couple of jeans and extra tee shirts. It was a good thing he was in shape. He wasn’t overly built but his body was perfectly defined.
Whenever he had a chance to escape he’d go and play soccer with the locals. One time, he left work early to go to the field and Yixing called him hysterical that Junni had shown up and demanded who the whore he was meeting up with was. He laughed at the memory. She sure could go bat shit crazy. He tried on a couple of skinny jeans. He’d chosen some that were very form fitting accentuating his thighs. These will do.
On Sunday, he was having a nervous breakdown. Just one more week, he decided to phone a couple of his friends to get his mind off of things.
“Luhan! When did you get back?” his friend demanded an explanation. How dare he? He’d been gone for so long, only coming back to visit on holidays and he didn’t think he’d mention it?
“I’m sorry Baek, I’ve been busy the past week, I would have called you, but I simply had no time.”
“You blunt asshole!”
Luhan chuckled, “So what are you up to tonight? I need friends.”
“So you’re only using me? You’re an even bigger asshole than I thought.”
“You love me! Now tell me where you are so I can come over.”
“You’re lucky I do. I’m at bar at The Mile with Soo.”
“Be there in 20 minutes.”
He walked over to The Mile, looking through all the restaurants and shops thinking about coming here with Hunnie once he arrived, maybe get some ice cream as they watched the sailboats. He spotted the bar and walked in to his friends giving them the most heart-warming smile. God he’d missed them so much, these were his best childhood friends. The ones he’d remain in touch with at least.
“You gorgeous son of a bitch.” was the first thing Baekhyun had said when he saw him. Byun Baekhyun was known to always speak his mind. He was eccentric, loud and clingy and everything that Luhan finds annoying. But Baekhyun was an exception. Baekhyun was fun, caring and selfless. He was glad to be his friend.
“How could you have possibly gotten any more gorgeous? It isn’t fair Soo!” Baekhyun ruffled his eyebrows while looking at his friend.
“Luhan, you really did, normally he over exaggerates, but he’s not lying hyung. How is it possible?” Kyungsoo was much more mellow and he had this unique outlook on life. He did what he did without fear of being judged. Luhan envied him for that.
“You guys are drunk!” Luhan laughed as he signaled the bartender for a drink. Four beers and six shots later he had completely forgotten what time he had even walked into the bar.
“I think its time I go,” he said looking at the time on his phone. It was already midnight.
“You’re no fun! But mmmkay, lemme phone my Chanyeollieeee so he can pick us up” Baekhyun slurred, taking out his phone.
Park Chanyeol was Baekhyun’s boyfriend. They were high school sweethearts and Luhan wondered how Chanyeol put up with Baekhyun for so long. They’re definitely meant for each other. He thought as he walked out the door.
“S’okay, I’ll walk.” He slurred, stumbling outside.
“Shuddup he was already on his way… he’ll be here in five mins” Baekhyun insisted as he pulled him back and waited to be picked up.
“I haven’t drank like this since I was a sophomore in college,” Luhan said, “My body isn’t used to it anymore.”
“Why did you?” Soo asked, faced down on the table.
“Hunnie is coming to stay with us this summer.”
“And?” Baekhyun asked, unsure why that would lead to his friend getting wasted.
“And, well-“
“You guys are ridiculous.” Chanyeol cut him off, “I leave you alone for a couple of hours and you get completely wasted. Come on, let’s get you home.”
“Thanks babe, love you babe. You’re the best babe. No one is better than you.” Baekhyun mumbled as they all stumbled to the car.
They dropped off Kyungsoo first because the guy had already passed out in the backseat complaining about wanting his bed and his stuffed penguin ‘Mr. Puffin’ that he has slept with since he was six.
What a little baby, so cute, Luhan smiled, he was drunk but not drunk enough to forget that in just seven days his whole life would completely turn upside down. He was feeling sick to his stomach just thinking about it. Or maybe it was all the alcohol, he wasn’t sure.
They dropped him off at the cottage and he stumbled away. Chanyeol called out to him asking if needed help to get to the door but he declined. They waited until they were sure he made it to the entrance.
Luhan blew his friends a kiss and shouted, “Thanks babe, love you babe! You’re the best babe! No one is better than you!” as he pointed in the direction of the car and he heard Baekhyun shout back “I love you too asshole! You better call me tomorrow!”
Luhan chuckled as he unlocked his door, or tried to at least. Stupid keys. He fumbled with them until he dropped them. He bent down to pick them up, grabbing the doorknob for support pushing the door opened. What the fuck, didn’t I lock it?
“Oh well. Must have forgot!” he shouted loudly. He walked in and locked the door behind him. He stumbled to the living room and lay on his couch. This place was too big for him. He was starting to feel lonely. He sighed as he got up to make his way towards his room when he noticed a pair of luggage by the staircase. Oh! Was mom back? He felt relieved; he could totally go for some hangover soup in the morning.
“Mom?” he shouted, but there was no response.
“Mooooooooom???!!! Shit! Fuck!” he realized it was after midnight and she was probably already asleep. He clumsily tiptoed his way up the stairs and made his way into his room. Opening the door to his room his eyes went wide as he gazed upon the most magnificent sight he had ever seen.
There, making his way out of the bathroom was the most gorgeous, no- gorgeous was an understatement. Art. He was art. Luhan was pretty damn sure he was staring at a walking masterpiece.
He was naked, except for a towel that was wrapped around his thin waist. His hair was wet, water drops making their way down to his toned chest and his delicious looking abs. He was at a loss for words, mouth agape he uttered the only thing that came to mind.
“Holy shit. Fuck.”
“Hyung” the tall masterpiece spoke.
It speaks Luhan thought; I didn’t know Art could speak. The Adonis in front of him smirked and opened his mouth to grace the world with his godly voice once again…
“What a dirty little mouth you have.”
~
Part 2
Title: Seven Days
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 33,400
Prompt: Iktsuarpok: the anticipation you feel when you’re waiting for someone to show up at your house.
Warning/s: Mentions of heterosexual relationship with original character
Summary: "You say you’re scared you’ll miss it even before summer starts, what you don’t know, my summer arrived because of you.”
The clock on the wall reads 9:30 p.m. Just another half an hour until closing time. He had already sent all of his employees home and was just waiting for the last set of customers to leave the café. He palms his face as he sighs; it’s been a long day, actually one of the busiest of the week. His best barista had called in sick and unfortunately no one had been able to cover his shift, leaving him no choice but to step in himself.
It isn’t like he hasn’t done it before. It’s his business after all and in the beginning he had to do most of the work. He’d built it up far enough that now he could actually lay back and just check in from time to time, he didn’t need to be there, he could very well do other things without having the stress that he had in the beginning. However he chose to be there for many reasons.
The smell of freshly brewed coffee always took him back to his younger years. His mother making a fresh batch every morning, the bitter yet invitingly warm aroma filling the atmosphere, making its way up to his room and invading his senses. He’d always sit up on his bed, gently rubbing his eyes and yawning as he made his way over to the window; blanket still wrapped around him, there he’d see his mother sitting on the steps of their cozy beach cottage, staring into the sunrise. The ocean as calming as ever and the smell of the salt in the air infused with the strong aroma of coffee beans made for a great wake up call.
She always woke up so early, he thought. And even though she’d tried her best to be as quiet as she possibly could for she’d hate to wake him up, the aroma of the coffee she made never failed to do the job for her. I have to check in with her, he reminded himself.
The sound of a teacup shattering on the floor broke his reverie, “Luhan, I’m so sorry, I thought I could handle carrying all of them at once, I guess I overextended myself.” Yixing chuckled embarrassingly.
Yixing was his right hand man. He had befriended him during their college years and eventually recruited him and they became business partners. By now they were more like brothers, rather than anything else.
“Ah, don’t worry about it Xing, it’s happened to me more times than I can count. Have I told you about the time I tripped while holding an entire tray of espresso cups? Yea, I do not want to relive that again. Thank God those days are over,” he said as he locked the door behind the last customers and hung up the “Closed” sign on the door.
“I hope Minnie feels better by tomorrow though, today was stressful I don’t know how he manages every day,” he continued as he wiped down the tables, “I should probably increase his pay.”
“Honestly, he’s like a robot sometimes, but he’s truly amazing at what he does,” folding his hands together, Yixing closes his eyes as he looks up and shouts “Universe, please cure Minseok of whatever illness he has, so he can come back tomorrow! Please! I can’t break any more teacups and Luhan will die of exhaustion! We are still too young to die!”
Luhan chuckled as he lifts the chairs up on top of the tables and turns off the lights on the main floor. “Its not that bad! I mean you and I could handle this again Xing, we’ve done it before you know.” He smiles to his friend as he grabs the garbage bags taking them to the back door and dumping them on the pavement. He locks up and heads back to the front. He meets his friend who’s still picking up the last of the small pieces of china off the floor.
“Do you want to die at an early age?” he earnestly asks. “And yea, that was when we only had like ten customers per day, now we have thirty times the amount, there’s just no way! We would die if we handled this ourselves again. Ok, we would die. D-I-E Lu, die”
Luhan’s ardent laughter echoed against the walls of the cafe, his friend never ceases to amaze him, he wipes a little tear from his eyes, laughter failing to subside as he looks at Yixing’s completely bewildered expression.
“It's not that funny.” Yixing pouts and trails behind Luhan as they grab their coat and head outside.
Luhan breathes in the night air as he looks up at the sky, face filled with melancholy, “I really hate the city sometimes,” he sighs, “back home I’d look up and I was able to see as many stars as my eyes could see. Here I can barely spot Sirius.” he closes the zipper of his coat and let his hands melt in the warmness of its pockets.
“Do you want a ride home?” Yixing asks, walking towards his car.
“No, I’m ok, I wanted to walk today. I feel like sometimes we get so used to all the perks that we forget about the simple things in life, like a walk in the park. I’m just 10 minutes away, don’t worry, get home safely and hopefully I wont have to see you tomorrow,” he sticks his tongue out as he walks away.
“Yah! I don’t want to see your ugly face tomorrow either! Hopefully someone up there heard my prayers.” Yixing mumbles as he gets into his car and drives away.
It was a brisk night, considering summer was just around the corner. Most of the shops in the neighborhood were closing up, Luhan inhaled the crisp breeze that came his way, I can’t wait to get home and shower, he thought. He had such a busy day; he had completely forgotten to check his cellphone.
Pulling it out of his back pocket he noticed he had 3 missed calls from Junni, his girlfriend and surprisingly, one missed called from his mother. She must have read my mind, he smiled. He unlocked his phone and immediately called her back.
Three rings later, she picked up, “My beautiful, beautiful son!” Luhan could picture his mother’s warm smile on the other end of the phone.
“Hi, mom, I’m sorry I missed your call, work was so hectic I barely got a minute to breathe. I’ve missed you so much! How have you been?” His mother yelped on the other side of the phone, shocking Luhan “Mom, is everything ok?” he asked, concerned at his mom’s small outburst.
“Yes darling, I’m sorry, I’m just so happy that you said that! I have a surprise for you! But first, I need you to promise me that you will say yes!”
Luhan rolled his eyes, feeling lucky that his mom wasn’t able to see him, “Mom, I can’t just say yes to something without knowing what it is. I have commitments you know, but depending on what it is, I will think about it ok? Now tell me, what is it?”
He heard his mom sigh on the other end of the phone, “Ok, well summer is in two weeks and I’ve invited the Oh’s to spend it here. Luhan, we haven’t seen them in four years and it will be really great if we could all reunite and have a wonderful summer! Please say yes, I haven’t see you in months baby and I really miss you, plus Hunnie will be here and it will be like old times!”
Definitely not like old times.
“Mom, I cannot guarantee you that I will be there, but I will definitely try my best ok, I have to go now, I love you, I will call you back tomorrow and let you know what I decide.”
After a hundred ‘I love you’s’ from his mom, they finally hung up. It was then that he realized he was outside of his apartment door. Shit I have to call Junni back; she probably thought I was ignoring her all day.
After an exhausting phone call with his girlfriend, he stripped off his clothes and walked over to his bathroom, turned on the water adjusting the temperature, hot shower, the hotter the better, he thought. He didn’t know when it had become this way.
It must have been the first couple of times he and Junni had argued that he was so upset, he thought a hot shower would relieve him of any stress. It had worked, so now after any sort of argument he was inclined to take a hot shower. She’s made me into a masochist, he thought as the steam filled the room. He got in and inhaled as the heat from the water drops touched his skin. He ran his palms through his hair and leaned forward so the water fell on his back.
Ugh why is she frustrating? He leaned his body closer to the water. He and Junni had been dating for about 8 months. He met her at the café. She had ordered a double cappuccino and a cherry cream scone. She had been flirting with Luhan, who unluckily had to cover a shift for Minseok that day. The girl who introduced herself as Junni was 21 years old, although she was pretty; she wasn’t Luhan’s type. He always considered himself a good judge of character and this girl was loud and boisterous, not to mention pretentious.
Luhan was very much intrigued by someone who was demure and modest. The type of individual exuding profoundness, one that made you want to guess what was on their mind and this girl was anything but, voicing her unwanted opinions and demands left and right. So when she asked Luhan out, he was quick to decline. Luhan would soon find out how persistent the girl was. Eventually after weeks of her practically harassing him at work, he agreed to go out with her. The first couple of months were bearable, he found out that she could be rather funny and he enjoyed her company when she wasn’t overzealous or trying too hard to impress him.
Soon after the day they had been intimate for the first time, he noticed a change in her. She was constantly checking up on him, she would accuse him of not going to work and going somewhere else. When had he given her the impression that he could have been cheating on her? Regardless of her accusing attitude, he had always remained loyal and not simply because his job demanded ninety perfect of his time, but because that’s just who he was.
This is getting ridiculous, he thought as he lathered his body with his favorite raspberry-vanilla scented wash. He hadn’t even been intimate with her for the past couple of months. She tried countless of times, but he just wasn’t interested. She probably thinks I’m cheating on her because we haven’t fucked in months. He’d used the excuse that he was tired from a long day of work and most of the times that had been the case, but if Luhan had been completely honest with himself, he would know it was much more than that.
He grabbed his sponge and ran it across his neck, lathering through the expanse of his chest, down his arms and stomach. Hot water cascading down the length of his back. His mind drifted to the conversation he had with his mom earlier. It was true, he had not seen her in almost three months, and work was taking over his life. He barely had time to visit her. Being a business owner didn’t leave much room for leisure. He barely even had time for his nagging girlfriend. It wasn’t like they were so far away from each other either. He lived and worked in the city, which was only about an hour drive from the shore.
“I’ve invited the Oh’s to spend the summer here.” Images of his teenage years bombarded his mind. The Oh’s… the only thing that had kept him sane during those long hot summer days was his little dongsaeng. Hunnie… he let his mind drift away as the water caressed his body.
Hunnie… why didn’t I keep in touch? Where are you living now? What became of you? Was I that busy that I completely ignored your existence? I miss your smile… God I miss your smile...
He remembered the radiant smile he loved so much, the iridescent honey brown locks of hair that brightened in the sunlight. The carefree boy running across the sand calling out to him. The Intensity of the warmth he radiated could give him heat for days. They had been childhood friends; his mom brought Hunnie over every summer since he was old enough to tie his own shoes.
Luhan’s mother owned a cozy beachfront property that ran about .3 acres across, 3 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms, swimming pool, and an amazing view of the ocean, god Luhan missed it so much. He and Hunnie were inseparable, living in their own world and forgetting anyone else even existed. It was they and the infinite expanse of sea and water. The summers he wished were endless, the summers that warmed not only his flesh and bones but his heart as well.
He thought back to the last time he saw him. Hunnie was 18 and Luhan was 22, he remembers when they arrived that summer, how much Hunnie had changed; he was a bit taller than the year before, a lot more handsome too. But he seemed distant; his mind seemed to always be preoccupied and Luhan often wondered where the boy’s mind and thoughts were fixated on.
This time around, things were unfamiliar. Hunnie was quiet; he didn’t want to do the things they used to do. Playing hide and seek in the dark, running in the sand- and although Luhan was much older, he always spoiled Hunnie, he would always give in and do what the younger wanted to do, he was after all like his little brother. Luhan secretly enjoyed the moments, but he wouldn’t ever admit it to anyone.
It wasn’t until this particular year that he realized how much he looked forward to seeing Hunnie. He brought out the kid in him. The carefree spirit that he possessed, the way his smile made all of Luhan’s worries drift away. He didn’t know how he was able to do that but Luhan loved that about him, the sound of his laughter and the sounds of innocence.
He knew the day would come when his little dongsaeng wouldn’t want to play childish games anymore, but Luhan hadn’t expected it to be so soon. This year, he was quiet and shy and Luhan would catch himself staring at the handsome boy as he sat by the shore reading a book, writing or listening to music. So quiet, so mysterious. What are you thinking about? He wondered what had changed his Hunnie. Instead of swimming or playing, he’d rather sit on the steps of the beach house and write.
Intrigued, Luhan had asked him one day, “What are you writing?”
“My thoughts.” was all he said. God did Luhan want to know his thoughts so bad, he was tempted to look at the writing, but he respected the younger’s privacy.
“Will you let me read them?” he asked with a charming smile.
“You wish.” Hunnie had answered him, eyes never tearing away from his book.
“Why you little-“ He had snatched the book and ran as fast as his feet would take him, he heard the countless “hyung’s” behind him, the “hyung stop!” but he ran, smile never faltering, laughter filling the air.
He loved it, he loved the chase and he loved when his Hunnie would go after him because he would never be able to catch him, he was always faster but he always slowed down purposely so the younger could catch up. He’d always fake being tired, and he’d always let his Hunnie catch him.
He came to a stop, placing his hands on his knees for support, taking short breaths, his head hung low as the sweat dripped from his hair. He tilted his head to see his little dongsaeng approaching, but not stopping.
“Sehunnie-“ he said out of breath, but before he could utter another word, Hunnie toppled him onto the sand, snatching his book away and rolling over next to him. Breathless and staring at the clear blue sky, Luhan looked over at his little dongsaeng, who was now laughing.
His eyes had turned into the most beautiful crescents and he had the biggest smile on his face.That smile, he thought. He rolled over on top of his little dongsaeng pinning his arms against the sand and his smile faltered.
“Hyung- what- what are you doing?” he asked, eyes fixed on Luhan and brooding with apprehension as his chest heaved up and down, out of breath and taken by surprise.
“What’s so special about that book that you wont let me see huh?” he asked, but Hunnie was quiet. Hunnie was staring into his eyes and for a moment, Luhan got lost in them. He realized the position that they were in, but instead of pulling away from him, he only pushed his body closer and his own breath hitched. Hunnie let out a soft growl, he closed his eyes, and Luhan was lost, lost in this moment. Hunnie’s eyes opened, but they were no longer locked with his. They were now locked on his lips.
Luhan felt complete and utter bliss among confusion as he witnessed the boy under him lick and bite his lower lip. He felt foreign shivers through his entire being as he lost control of his senses, his body pulling even closer, hips thrusting against the other on their own.
His eyes caught sight of his little dongsaeng’s lips. His mouth parted as he inhaled, his bottom lip so pink and plump. Luhan didn’t know why he felt the sudden need to know what they would feel like against his own.
“Will you… let me see?” he breathed out, barely a whisper as his face inched closer. His lips lingered over Hunnie’s, just one centimeter away…
“Boys!” his mother called out, pulling both of them from their trance, “Dinner’s ready!”
Luhan pushed himself off his little dongsaeng and brushed the sand off his clothes. What just happened? He stretched his hand out for Hunnie, but the younger ignored it as he got up by himself, dusted the sand off and mumbled, “Tell her I’m not hungry” as he walked away towards the shore. Luhan wanted to go after him and question what almost happened but he wasn’t sure he wanted to know.
After that, the rest of the summer was spent with Hunnie giving him the cold shoulder. Luhan couldn’t help but search for him, he’d wanted to ask him what was wrong, but instead he’d just stare at the boy, who’d give him cold glares whenever he’d catch him staring, an electric current running through his veins as they’d maintain eye contact. He wondered if Hunnie also felt it.
He never looked away, Luhan realized it now; it was always me that had to look away. There was so much in his eyes that he couldn’t read, he had already changed so much. And so, they spent their summer stealing glances and staring at each other as opposed to building sandcastles or chasing after the other.
As the hot water burned his skin, he could only think about that day… those eyes and how deep they stared into his soul. Those lips that he had wanted to taste.
His right hand that was wrapped around his neck, slid down the length of his wet body and before he knew it he was stroking himself to the thought of his little dongsaeng. Why am i only realizing this now? He tilted his head back against the wall, as he sighed and moaned, his hands starting off gently, but increasing slightly at the thought of having that boy in his arms.
Could I have had him in my arms? Would he have wanted me to? God I want to.
What would have been the alluring, sweet scent of his little dongsaeng’s hair, the taste of his lips? The softness of his skin as he rubbed against his own? His senses were deprived. He let his mind wander, recreating a memory to suit his needs.
He’d leaned down and tasted the sweet, sweet nectar of those lips. He’d gently bite his neck as his Hunnie moaned underneath him. He’d leave little bite marks as he sucked on his lithe neck and kissed his way around his porcelain like skin. He’d nibbled at his collarbones as he thrusted his hips against him, the younger writhing underneath his touch, wanting, needing so much more.
He increased the speed of his movements as his moans filled the shower. The heat of the water increasing his lust, thoughts of pulling down his little dongsaengs shorts and the inclination of feeling his hardness below him. God he wanted to feel it so bad.
He’d rubbed the younger with his palm, feeling the thickness and softness and god he looked so beautiful, he was so wrecked and all he could do was moan, it was a mess of the most beautiful moans he had ever heard. His eyes filled with immense ardor and clouded with lust. He wanted more, so much more than this figment he had created.
He longed for him. He needed him.
I need him.
A tear escaped his eyes as he came undone. Fuck, he cursed as he came down from the exhilarating high, his heart pounding against his chest. He didn’t think he had ever felt so much passion before. The thought that Hunnie could gave him so much to desire, the way he was able to affect him though they haven’t seen or touched each other in years. This boy was like a drug. This boy was an aphrodisiac.
At that moment he realized he has never wanted someone so much in his entire twenty-six years of existence.
And to think I had him.
He cleaned himself, turned off the water; grabbed his towel and wrapped it around his waist as he headed towards his room. His mind filled with thoughts of a boy that he once knew so well, a boy that he hadn’t seen in years, a boy he now longed to see so bad. He grabbed his cellphone, dialed it and waited for the other line to pick up.
“Hello mom? Sorry to call you so late, I’ll be there. The reunion mom… I’ll be there.”
~
He watched the raindrops fall from the sky and run down his living room window as Façades filled his entire apartment. Phillip Glass was whom he’d listened to if the sky decided to pour its unexpressed emotions onto the earth. The pitter-patter of the rain had always soothed him. There was something morbid about the sky crying.
How much pain must it feel that it needs to weep until it runs dry?
He had just gotten off the phone with his mom who had informed him of their little summer getaway. He had completely refused. There was no way he was going.
“If you don’t go, I’ll make sure to move in to that vacant apartment across the hall from yours Sehun-ah. You know very damn well I am not joking, we’d get to be neighbors and I’d get to see my son everyday!” His mother had threatened. Sehun wouldn’t put it past her to do it either, so he’d told his mom he’d think about it.
He looked out into the city as he sat contemplating on what to do. If he went, he’d have to see him again. If he didn’t go, he knew he would live to regret it.
It’s been four fucking years; you have got to be kidding me, his mind a jumbled mess. Four fucking years and not a single word from him! Not a stupid ‘hey, how are you? How’s your life going?’ sure, he hadn’t tried to reach out either but how could he? He didn’t want to be a nuisance.
He knew how hard his hyung had worked to start his own business. He knew he didn’t have time for anyone. This was a crucial state in his life that would determine whether or not he was a success. Sehun knew enough to understand how important this was for Luhan. He never held it against him, the fact that his dream essentially took from the time they would spend together. Sehun couldn’t be selfish. He was out of touch with his Hyung but he had kept tabs on him and his mother never failed to update him.
“Luhan is working so hard! Your auntie says he barely even visits her anymore!’ ‘Sehun! Hannie’s business is doing great, you should go and congratulate him!’ ‘Oh! Luhan’s café was named one of the top 10 in the region!’”
Now how could there have possibly been any room for me? There was never any room for me. Sure, he missed his hyung but he wasn’t stupid enough to waltz up to him and say ‘hey, remember me?’ Stupid! Of course he’d remember you. Wouldn’t he? You’re his childhood friend after all. You’re his little dongsaeng. He can’t possibly forget the scrawny little boy who followed him everywhere. Well it feels like he has. Sehun was having a mental battle.
He recalled all those summers, well most of them anyway. They were the same old summers he’d look forward to all year long. He got to visit his favorite hyung, he had the time of his life, he couldn’t have asked for a better childhood. He wouldn’t change anything about it, nothing except for one thing. If he could go back and change the day he fell head over heals in love with his stupid hyung he would. It had caused him so much heartache. He realized it when he was seventeen. It was like one of those things that you don’t see coming. Like a truck hitting you right when you least expect it, not that you’d expect it.
It was the last day they would spend together before he had to go home. They were playing soccer in the sand and his stupid hyung, with his stupid perfect face and the way he dribbled the stupid soccer ball on his stupid knees and the way he did his stupid tricks. The way the sun radiated off of his skin, the way his eyes lit up knowing that he was showing off, that stupid dimple that only appeared when he was truly happy, that stupid smile that shot daggers into his heart and just like that Sehun felt sick to his stomach. He made his way back to the cottage as he mumbled ”stupid, stupid!”
“Hunnie? Hunnie- wait! What’s wrong?” his hyung had asked as he dropped the ball.
“Don’t feel well, going to go lay down before we leave.” he had answered. Before he knew it they were on their way home and Sehun didn’t know what to feel.
“Why are you so quiet?” his mother had asked.
“No reason just tired.” He lied as he stared out the window.
The following seasons were a wreck for Sehun. He wished he’d established his feelings for the older a bit sooner than the actual day of their departure, that way he could have spent his time trying to figure out whether his hyung might have possibly felt the same way towards him.
Fall meant a new school year, he carried on as he usually did, he made new friends, his grades were always phenomenal and he had no complaints, except for one. He missed his hyung.
Winter came and Sehun tried his best to forget about his summer memories, he had tried dating a couple of times but they were just no match. His partners always said Sehun was distant, that he was always in another world. He didn’t blame them when they’d break off whatever so called ‘relationship’ they had tried to build. He couldn’t give them what they wanted, not when everything he had, he’d wanted to give to someone else.
He was eighteen when spring came and Sehun grew taller and more handsome. The girls at school called him “Prince Oh” they said he was regal, that he carried himself with such elegance and class. He’d always be reading, or writing, or listening to mellifluous instrumentals.
I like to daydream of a certain someone; he always seems to occupy my mind. Since when was that considered regal? He honestly didn’t care. While most people spoke to him, the most enchanting smile and the most alluring eyes always entertained his mind.
His friends were loyal so even though they’d notice a change in him they’d still hang out with him, he had just become ‘the quiet one’. His best friend Jongin was the only one who knew about his dilemma.
“Sehun, just call him” he’d advised. “There’s no harm in even texting the guy.”
“I can’t do that Jongin, you don’t understand, he’s in college now, he has no time to waste on someone like me.”
For three seasons he had lived with that mentality. When it was time to face him again, he was nonetheless apprehensive, but he needed to keep in mind that this was his hyung, practically his older brother and that things didn’t have to change. His hyung was obviously unaware of his feelings, so as long as he doesn’t act any differently around him then things should go on like they always have.
Easier said than done. Never underestimate the amount of influence the heart can have on your mind. He’d thought he would be okay, but the minute he laid eyes on his handsome, tall, lean and beautiful, he’s beautiful how can he possibly be beautiful? Universe how? charming hyung, his whole resolve had crumbled. His hair got longer, he noticed as those beautiful golden wavy curls bounced as he ran to say hello to them.
“Dongsaeng!” he’d shouted. He thought he wouldn’t be able to make it through the summer. Not like this.
If I just read, and write and listen to music, that should be enough of a distraction, I cant be near him, I’ll give myself away, fuck! I wont be able to tear my eyes away from him.
His hyung had no idea how difficult he was making it for Sehun, he’d try to grab the other’s attention, he’d try his best to play with him, but Sehun always rejected him. I’m so sorry, it isn’t that I don’t want to, I do. Believe me, I want to be around you so badly, but I cant. I just cant. Sleeping with him was an even bigger issue.
They had shared Luhan’s room throughout all their childhood, sleeping on the same bed and even camping out by the shore. They’d choose a couple of nights where they’d take some blankets, pillows and a flashlight and they’d walk a couple of feet from the cottage and set up their own little camping ground.
Luhan loved the stars and he’d show Sehun how to find each constellation. Every year Sehun would pretend to forget where they were, so that Luhan could point them out once again. “You’re so forgetful,” he’d comment and Sehun would just smile.
He had opted for sleeping on the floor this time around.
There is no way I’m sleeping next to you. He had used the excuse that Luhan’s bed had become too soft. He could see his hyung pout and it was the cutest thing he had ever seen. Why? How are you so cute? Universe, please!
It wasn’t until the day his hyung had tried to steal his journal. Sehun would have legit had a heart attack had Luhan actually read what was in there. Love confessions and things he wished they would do. He knew he was taking a huge risk writing about his feelings knowing his muse was sometimes just a couple of feet away but he didn’t know what else to do. He’d taken walks on his own to clear his thoughts but it was to no avail. He needed to bleed the words on paper. He carried them everywhere; he’d even sleep with them under his pillow.
So the second his hyung grabbed a hold of them, he panicked and ran like he has never ran before. No, you cant! Please… if you did, you’d never see me the same way, I can’t risk loosing you, please just don’t open it. “Hyung! Hyung stop!
His hyung did stop, but Sehun only had one thing in mind. Before he could stop himself he had toppled over him and snatched the book away. Holy mother of everything that is good!
He just laughed and smiled. Wow! Had that been exhilarating! And his thoughts, his feelings, they were still trapped inside the pages of his journal. He looked up at the sky, heaving and thanking the stars that his secrets were safe again. That was close, that was so close.
His entire body faltered as soon as he felt the weight of his hyung on top of him. Taking him by surprise, his hyung pinned his arms to the sand, his fingers clutching his book for dear life. Breathless and shocked he questioned the actions of his hyung, his nerves getting the best of him.
“What’s so special about that book that you wont let me see huh?” He’d responded.
Reality didn’t exist anymore. Sehun had traveled into one of his daydreams. He was certain. Your eyes… they’re so beautiful, I want to get lost in them... Will you let me?
Luhan had seemed like he was in a trance, maybe it was the adrenaline from running because he had then rubbed his body closer to his own.
Did you just?
The feeling of his hyung’s body pressed up against his was too overwhelming and he couldn’t stop the small whimper that escaped his mouth, he closed his eyes for a moment. I’m daydreaming, I know I am, this isn’t real, but if it isn’t real, then your lips…
He opened his eyes and stared at Luhan’s lips, who were parted and inhaling small puffs of air, exhaling against his own. Can I taste you? He thought as he licked and bit his lower lip, just one taste. Luhan inched closer.
“Will you? Let me see?” He whispered and Sehun could feel himself harden as Luhan’s breath ghosted over his already wet lips.
Oh God, yes I will, I’ll do anything you want, just please…
Needless to say he wasn’t daydreaming if the sound of his auntie calling them in for lunch was anything to go by. Sehun was pissed. What in the actual fuck universe? He’d stormed away and vowed never to get that close to his hyung again, at least for the remainder of the summer.
What was that? He couldn’t read the situation but he was sure that something almost happened. He didn’t want to get his hopes up, so he’d wait and see if his hyung had anything to say about it.
He, of course did not. Days passed, then weeks and his hyung had not even murmured a word about what happened. This just confirmed the fact that it was all in Sehun’s head. His hyung never felt anything beyond brotherly love towards him.
He’d been even more distant than before. He won’t even approach me anymore; I made things awkward, fuck! I crossed the fucking line.
He’d steal glances of him whenever he wasn’t looking. His beautiful hyung, he was masculine but his face said otherwise, he was caring and considerate; he was a soccer player and his body proved it. A college student, at the top of his class he recalled his auntie praising him and how he was working towards owning his own business. He was incredibly charming, and driven and just completely ruining Sehun’s life.
I’m just a scrawny kid in his last year of high school; I don’t even know what to do with my life. What was I thinking?
The lighting bolt that struck brought him back to the present. It was still raining, thunder and lightning now added to the mix. He looked up to the sky, “why are you so upset tonight?”
He sighed as he walked over to his fireplace. So much had changed since then. It had been so many years. If Luhan had felt differently he would have at least tried to reach out to him. But he hadn’t.
Sehun himself had changed so much. He was now a very accomplished twenty-two year old. He was a renowned author, writing everything from fiction to poetry publishing his works under a pen name. He had been deemed ‘The Walt Whitman of the 21st Century.’
He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t influenced at all by his ‘older brother’. After spending that summer writing everyday, it sparked something within him. He felt glued to his pen. His mind created scenarios and vivid images as an escape route from thinking about anything that had to do with that boy, or perhaps it served as a means to make those moments come to life one way or another. Whatever the case, Sehun was certain writing had been his savior.
He poured himself a glass of wine as he walked towards the large Victorian mirror that hung above his fireplace. Sure, he had made a name for himself. He was a young, tall, handsome, wealthy and successful bachelor. He’d be damned if anyone, especially his hyung see him as anything but.
Thinking about it ignited a fire within him. He had spent years trying to get over the puppy love he thought he had for his ‘older brother’. He had written his fantasies away, he had dated many times and the alluring boy had barely even made an appearance or invaded his mind in any way.
Yes, Sehun had learned to suppress his feelings. He still would not build anything serious with anyone for he had his idea of perfect and still no one could match up. He grabbed his phone and flipped through his contacts. ‘Luhan Hyung’ he wondered if he even still had the same phone number.
He wouldn’t dare call me his dongsaeng now would he? In fact, I’m sure now, he wouldn’t be able to resist me even if he tried would he? He smirked as he looked in the mirror.
Years of heartbreak and you never once reached out. I meant nothing to you. I was your summer. I came once a year, I was the warmth that came with the wind. I gave you love, I gave you laughter. But that cold crisp air that ran through your veins, that autumn breeze that tousled your hair carried my spirit away and I was gone and forgotten. I’ll make you remember me. I’ll make you feel sorry for neglecting me. I’ll make you want me the way I wanted you.
He scrolled past his contacts and hit the call button, the phone on the other end ringing out, prompting him to leave a voice message.
“Hey mom, I changed my mind. When do we leave?”
~
The sun was setting in the horizon painting the sky with pink and purple hues as the sound of the gentle waves crashed against each another creating a soft, lulling sound as if they were unwinding from a long day of hard work.
Luhan dug his feet further into the sand as he stood peering into the vastness of the ocean. He felt the chill of the gentle breeze that brushed his hair back and made it twirl and dance along with it, the breeze that took along all of his frustrations of the day. He inhaled the salty air as he closed his eyes and smiled at the thought of summer.
He pulled his cardigan that had slipped past his shoulders and held onto it tighter as the wind picked up a bit making the waves build up speed as they began crashing more violently against the shore. He walked over to his favorite rock that was perched up along the coastline. He always wondered how long that rock had been there, he wondered if perhaps it was one of his ancestor’s favorite spots as well, it was large enough for him to lay and sleep there all night if he’d wanted to. It was his secret spot. He’d come here whenever he wanted to think or meditate on something. He stared out into the horizon and let his mind drift off…
Two weeks until I finally see him again… he had made the decision of coming home early after that night, recalling his last summer with Hunnie. He made arrangements with Yixing to watch over the café while he was back home. He’d also decided to break things off with Junni. It was a long time coming and their relationship was doomed to fail from the beginning.
The only reason why he had even kept it going for so long was because he was too focused on his work. He’d hardly even have time to deal with her. He didn’t blame her antics when she’d accuse him of cheating. “If cheating on you with work counts, then yes! I’m cheating on you. He had thought it was funny but she wasn’t in the least bit amused.
She had confessed to him that she was insecure that someone like him even had the audacity to be with someone like her. Luhan was beautiful, inside and outside and she knew it. She couldn’t risk loosing someone that sublime.
She had always been afraid that his late nights and long days were being spent with someone more worthy than her. Luhan scoffed at her confession, I mean he knew he was handsome, but he thought she was overreacting.
“You don’t see how everyone looks at you,” she had said. “And what’s worse, you don’t see how they look at me when I’m next to you. You’re charming and you light up the room, people are drawn to you… you’re the definition of beautiful, Luhan. Please just give me one more chance. I promise I can change.”
So shallow, Luhan found it amusing really; he had given her many opportunities to change. The morning after every argument they had, she always said she’d try her best to change her accusing attitude. Luhan hated going to sleep almost every night with such negativity. He hated having that sort of weight on his shoulders.
He had always been positive and cheerful. Being with Junni had completely changed that. The only thing that made him feel alive in the past 8 months was the thought of his Hunnie.
He questioned and hated himself for having lost touch with the boy. Was I so engorged in my work that I completely forgot about him? He was fresh out of college the last summer he saw him. He didn’t think Hunnie was aware of his future plans. They never spoke about such matters. With them it was all about having fun and living life in the moment.
But Luhan knew what he wanted to do for quite some time. He was lucky enough to have met Yixing at school and they were both on the same page about owning a business. They eventually opened the doors of Luna Café while Luhan continued to pursue his Masters. His life had become all work and no play. He went through the ups and downs of establishing a career. At one point he had wanted to give up, but he knew he couldn’t. He knew it wouldn’t always be this way.
Being a young, successful business owner, not to mention extremely handsome had its perks. Luhan knew most of his business came from the girls in the city; they’d go in just to catch a glimpse of him. So many approached him through the years, but he just wasn’t interested. Until Junni happened and he was practically forced to go on a date with her, or suffer the pain that was to see her everyday at the café.
At least when they began dating he’d see less and less of her, not by her own will of course, but her parents were making her take a million college courses and well, Luhan was thankful for that.
I’m such an asshole. He thought as he reached home. Junni had been a crying mess after Luhan had uttered the words “You’re a very nice girl Junni and you will find someone else. Someone who can give you all of his love and attention, I promise you that.”
He sighed as he went home and immediately began packing. Mom said 2 weeks; I need to be home before he gets there. The only thing on his mind was his Hunnie.
Thoughts of that young, wild and carefree boy with the most wonderful smile and eyes that turned into crescents when he was happy, just like the waning moon, he’d smiled and whispered. Thoughts of what could have happened. He realized that this boy meant so much more than what he had originally thought. Why couldn’t I see it before?
And so, he found himself perched up on top on his favorite rock staring out into the abyss of the ocean. He wondered when it had all began. When had Hunnie begun planting seeds around his heart? He recalled one particular memory, he was ten and his friend was only six, they were both working on a sandcastle when Luhan heard his mom calling out “Boys, lunch is ready!”
He shouted back, “but mom, we haven’t finished yet!”
His mom frowned and called back “Hannie, you have been working on that sandcastle for two whole hours now come inside, grab some lunch and you can get back to it.”
Luhan frowned; didn’t she understand how hard this had been for the both of them? They couldn’t stop, not now when they were almost done. What if the seagulls came and attacked it? Or worse what if the tide…
Luhan didn’t have a chance to finish that thought, because just then the tide swept in and devoured all of their hard work. They watched as the waves crashed against their shovels and pails, taking them along with it.
Luhan was too stunned to react; he could only think about how much work they had done to build it, only to have it disappear forever. The tears were starting to swell in his eyes… threatening to escape when all of a sudden; he felt tiny little hands around his own.
“Its ok, Hannie, we can do it again” A small tear broke free before he looked down; those small hands were now wrapped around his waist, hugging him tightly.
“Don’t be sad Hannie, we can make it even bigger and better next time!” the small boy looked up at him with the brightest smile, his eyes turning into the shape of the moon, and just like that all of his worries and cares were swept away. That smile…
He remembered thinking how the tide was a big old meanie, taking away their shovels and pails. The tide could steal from under them their hard work, but the tide was a loser because the tide had tried to take everything away from them, but it didn’t manage to take away his Hunnie. It had not managed to take away his friend’s beautiful smile, and that smile Luhan could not do without. He shouted at the top of his lungs “In your face loser tide!” as he stuck his tongue out at the ocean.
Had it been from that point? Was that the day you decided to plant your garden in the depths of my heart? Every summer you’d come and water it, every summer they’d bud, but they never bloomed did they? I neglected it. He hated himself for it.
Had Hunnie been aware of what he was doing?
One thing he was certain of was that the seeds had finally bloomed. Oh, how they had bloomed. They couldn’t stop blooming and god, they were the most beautiful flowers in existence. Luhan smiled at the thought as he took a deep breath and looked up to the sky that was now blanketed over with hundreds of twinkling stars, he was so lost in his thoughts, he didn’t realize that the sun had long ago set and the moonlight as beautiful as ever reflected itself among the waves.
He stood up and mumbled a soft two weeks before making his way back to the cozy little cottage that held onto so many memories.
He unlocked the door and walked in, he was surprised to find out his mom wasn’t home. When he had phoned her again, she’d actually told him she would be away until the reunion.
“Honey, I’m so sorry, had I known you would be coming early I wouldn’t have made business plans. But just sit tight, time will fly, and we’ll all be there before you know it.”
Business plans my ass, Luhan thought as he saw the resort pamphlet on the kitchen counter. Oh well, I can just make preparations for next week. Things had to be perfect. He already had everything planned out.
He’d take Hunnie out for walks on the beach, they would go for ice cream during the day, they could even go for a couple of drinks, dance a little and star gaze in his backyard. He’d plan on making his feelings known and prayed that the universe was on his side.
~
On Monday, he ordered a new bed. He spent the day trying out mattresses making sure he picked one that was just perfect. He remembered the last time Hunnie was here, he had mentioned how the bed was too soft and ended up sleeping on a spare mattress on the floor.
He felt lonely in his bed without him, but there was nothing he could do. He wondered if Hunnie would even want to share a bed with him this time around seeing as they were both full-grown adults now, but he was optimistic. He upgraded to a king sized mattress just in case.
On Tuesday, he went to the bookstore. Remembering how his Hunnie had spent most of that last summer reading, he had decided to build a small library in his room. He didn’t know what Hunnie would like to read so he spent countless of hours getting lost in literature and scrolling through countless of bookshelves.
He got a bunch of classics and modern books. People kept glancing at him probably wondering why he had a shopping cart full of books. Can’t a person just have a passion for reading? Isn’t that why you’re here too?
He glared at the lady who was clearly judging him on the checkout line. His eyes caught sight of a book on the ‘best sellers’ table. The cover reminded him of the view he was used to seeing all his life. There was the sand, the shore and a soccer ball next to what looked like a journal. The title read ‘Memoirs of A Lost Summer’ intrigued; he picked it up and added it to his cart full of books.
On Wednesday, his mattress came. After tipping the delivery guys he went back up to his room and sighed as he stood in front of the ginormous bed. At least if he doesn’t want to sleep next to me, there will be plenty of room for him. He realized he had completely forgotten to order bed sheets, blankets and pillows. I’ll have to do that tomorrow, he reminded himself.
On Thursday, he woke up first thing in the morning to hunt down a king sized comforter and bed set. He originally wanted crisp white linen sheets, but opted for black instead. His fair skin contrasting the black would be so sexy, he thought, so he chose a set that was 100% Egyptian cotton. Only the best, he said to himself, but truthfully he just wanted his little dongsaeng to love the bed enough to want share it with him.
He was getting anxious. That night he made his bed, which he admitted looked very alluring. He was having dirty thoughts about his little dongsaeng writhing against him and screaming his name. Ok, get ahold of yourself Luhan! You need to chill, he scolded himself before his heart rate spiked. Just a little less than two weeks left.
On Friday, he worked on the small bookshelf. Sorting through all of them, he wondered if he had gone a bit overboard. He noticed the book that had caught his attention at the store and flung it to his bed. He arranged the rest one by one, a total of 44 when he was finally done. If things go as planned, he wont even have time to read any of these.
He was beginning to feel nervous. Even if he were to tell Hunnie of his feelings, who’s to say they would even be reciprocated? For all he knew Hunnie already had someone in his life. He might just see him as the older brother he had always been to him. If shit goes south, at least I have plan B to keep me busy all summer, he said as he stared at the bookshelf.
On Saturday, he went shopping for a new wardrobe. Luhan was very laid back. Give him a pair of roomy shorts or sweatpants and a tee shirt and he was good to go. He wondered what Hunnie’s style was like? He picked up a couple of jeans and extra tee shirts. It was a good thing he was in shape. He wasn’t overly built but his body was perfectly defined.
Whenever he had a chance to escape he’d go and play soccer with the locals. One time, he left work early to go to the field and Yixing called him hysterical that Junni had shown up and demanded who the whore he was meeting up with was. He laughed at the memory. She sure could go bat shit crazy. He tried on a couple of skinny jeans. He’d chosen some that were very form fitting accentuating his thighs. These will do.
On Sunday, he was having a nervous breakdown. Just one more week, he decided to phone a couple of his friends to get his mind off of things.
“Luhan! When did you get back?” his friend demanded an explanation. How dare he? He’d been gone for so long, only coming back to visit on holidays and he didn’t think he’d mention it?
“I’m sorry Baek, I’ve been busy the past week, I would have called you, but I simply had no time.”
“You blunt asshole!”
Luhan chuckled, “So what are you up to tonight? I need friends.”
“So you’re only using me? You’re an even bigger asshole than I thought.”
“You love me! Now tell me where you are so I can come over.”
“You’re lucky I do. I’m at bar at The Mile with Soo.”
“Be there in 20 minutes.”
He walked over to The Mile, looking through all the restaurants and shops thinking about coming here with Hunnie once he arrived, maybe get some ice cream as they watched the sailboats. He spotted the bar and walked in to his friends giving them the most heart-warming smile. God he’d missed them so much, these were his best childhood friends. The ones he’d remain in touch with at least.
“You gorgeous son of a bitch.” was the first thing Baekhyun had said when he saw him. Byun Baekhyun was known to always speak his mind. He was eccentric, loud and clingy and everything that Luhan finds annoying. But Baekhyun was an exception. Baekhyun was fun, caring and selfless. He was glad to be his friend.
“How could you have possibly gotten any more gorgeous? It isn’t fair Soo!” Baekhyun ruffled his eyebrows while looking at his friend.
“Luhan, you really did, normally he over exaggerates, but he’s not lying hyung. How is it possible?” Kyungsoo was much more mellow and he had this unique outlook on life. He did what he did without fear of being judged. Luhan envied him for that.
“You guys are drunk!” Luhan laughed as he signaled the bartender for a drink. Four beers and six shots later he had completely forgotten what time he had even walked into the bar.
“I think its time I go,” he said looking at the time on his phone. It was already midnight.
“You’re no fun! But mmmkay, lemme phone my Chanyeollieeee so he can pick us up” Baekhyun slurred, taking out his phone.
Park Chanyeol was Baekhyun’s boyfriend. They were high school sweethearts and Luhan wondered how Chanyeol put up with Baekhyun for so long. They’re definitely meant for each other. He thought as he walked out the door.
“S’okay, I’ll walk.” He slurred, stumbling outside.
“Shuddup he was already on his way… he’ll be here in five mins” Baekhyun insisted as he pulled him back and waited to be picked up.
“I haven’t drank like this since I was a sophomore in college,” Luhan said, “My body isn’t used to it anymore.”
“Why did you?” Soo asked, faced down on the table.
“Hunnie is coming to stay with us this summer.”
“And?” Baekhyun asked, unsure why that would lead to his friend getting wasted.
“And, well-“
“You guys are ridiculous.” Chanyeol cut him off, “I leave you alone for a couple of hours and you get completely wasted. Come on, let’s get you home.”
“Thanks babe, love you babe. You’re the best babe. No one is better than you.” Baekhyun mumbled as they all stumbled to the car.
They dropped off Kyungsoo first because the guy had already passed out in the backseat complaining about wanting his bed and his stuffed penguin ‘Mr. Puffin’ that he has slept with since he was six.
What a little baby, so cute, Luhan smiled, he was drunk but not drunk enough to forget that in just seven days his whole life would completely turn upside down. He was feeling sick to his stomach just thinking about it. Or maybe it was all the alcohol, he wasn’t sure.
They dropped him off at the cottage and he stumbled away. Chanyeol called out to him asking if needed help to get to the door but he declined. They waited until they were sure he made it to the entrance.
Luhan blew his friends a kiss and shouted, “Thanks babe, love you babe! You’re the best babe! No one is better than you!” as he pointed in the direction of the car and he heard Baekhyun shout back “I love you too asshole! You better call me tomorrow!”
Luhan chuckled as he unlocked his door, or tried to at least. Stupid keys. He fumbled with them until he dropped them. He bent down to pick them up, grabbing the doorknob for support pushing the door opened. What the fuck, didn’t I lock it?
“Oh well. Must have forgot!” he shouted loudly. He walked in and locked the door behind him. He stumbled to the living room and lay on his couch. This place was too big for him. He was starting to feel lonely. He sighed as he got up to make his way towards his room when he noticed a pair of luggage by the staircase. Oh! Was mom back? He felt relieved; he could totally go for some hangover soup in the morning.
“Mom?” he shouted, but there was no response.
“Mooooooooom???!!! Shit! Fuck!” he realized it was after midnight and she was probably already asleep. He clumsily tiptoed his way up the stairs and made his way into his room. Opening the door to his room his eyes went wide as he gazed upon the most magnificent sight he had ever seen.
There, making his way out of the bathroom was the most gorgeous, no- gorgeous was an understatement. Art. He was art. Luhan was pretty damn sure he was staring at a walking masterpiece.
He was naked, except for a towel that was wrapped around his thin waist. His hair was wet, water drops making their way down to his toned chest and his delicious looking abs. He was at a loss for words, mouth agape he uttered the only thing that came to mind.
“Holy shit. Fuck.”
“Hyung” the tall masterpiece spoke.
It speaks Luhan thought; I didn’t know Art could speak. The Adonis in front of him smirked and opened his mouth to grace the world with his godly voice once again…
“What a dirty little mouth you have.”
~
Part 2