Gains And Losses- Chapter 3: "And Miles to Go.... " (Havoc)
This is the third chapter of the arc called "Gains and Losses". It is Havoc-centric. It is set in the mangaverse, so if you don't know what happens to Havoc around Chapter 38, then read it before you start this fic.
Title: And Miles to Go...
Author: SeaweedOtter
Characters: Mostly Jean Havoc, Heymans Breda, Roy Mustang and Riza Hawkeye, but others will appear.
Rating: PG for a little language
Disclaimer: Manga Spoilers... Set in the manga, a couple years after the end of chapter 38. Maybe AU?
Summary: Determination had never been his strong point, untill he had a goal worth reaching.
Read all the chapters so far HERE!
The day of the wedding was approaching. Havoc knew that soon, he was going to have to make the arrangements to travel back to Central, a place that had hadnt seen in many months- since he had watched his former commanding officer take the rank of Fuhrer President. It had been a fairly peaceful time for the country, something that a whole generation of its people had not yet seen. The Furher had worked out a deal with Creta, which signed a peace treaty with Amestris, and he was deep in negotiations with Drachma for the same.
The world around Havoc had changed very little. His little Eastern town was still peaceful and quiet, which had suited him fine in the past. When he was a Lt., he had loved to get away from the hustle and bustle of Central to visit this quiet Eden. But this place had since become his tomb, a place he feared that he was doomed to linger in for eternity, unable to get up.. get out.
It is said that those with thier backs to the wall, with nothing to lose, fight the hardest. And perhaps that was what drove the fire in Havoc's soul. Despite the toll financially that it was taking on his family, they insisted that the Xingian doctors stay and continue to work on Havoc's ravaged body. There had been some definate improvements, but no one, short of a deity could work the pace that Havoc truly wanted.
"Sir, try to wiggle your toes for me." One of the Xingian healers said in his broken Amestrian. Havoc had picked up on a little Xingian, to help with the communication barrier that still stood blocking his path to freedom, to movement, to life. Havoc tensed his body, shut his eyes tight and concentrated, willing his body to move, even if just a tiny bit. He barely felt the impulse, the tensing of a muscle, his body trying to repsond to its command. When he opened his eyes, he saw his toe move, just the slightest bit. The smile widened on the healer's face.
"Good boy!" Havoc always thought it was odd, how the healer usually refered to him more like a man would respond to a pet, but it was just one of the many things that he was determined to work thru. He wasn't letting this, or anything else stand in the way of his goal. He would never admit it to any of his friends back in Central, who had only seen his rather lazy, laid back side, but having something tangible to work for was really making him feel good. He had a purpose in life now, and nobody could get him there but himself.
"Thanks, sir." He groaned and cracked his neck, letting out a deep breath. His body was aching, muscles sore, lungs crying out for the nicotine that calmed his jumbled nerves. "Would we be able to take a break for a few minutes?" he asked. "I want to..er.. get some air."
The healer shook his head, muttering softly in Xingeese. "You know those go against your body's healing powers, and may posstpone you getting better." He said softly.
"I know, but I can't help it. I need them. They take the edge off, make me feel better."
"Alright, but dont be long. We still have more treatment to go." Havoc shuddered at that. He knew the 'treatment' well. The pain was etched into his soul. The feeling of a millions needles being pressed into your skin at once. It was worse than the pain of Lust pushing those spears of her fingers straight thru his body, severing his spinal cord. He kept telling himself that if it allowed him to walk, then he would do what he had to. There had been times when the pain had been so intense that he saw white flashes in his vision, his stomach sickened, and dizziness had nearly forced him to pass out. But he fought thru it, trying not to show his pain. He didnt want the healers to stop thier treatments. He had a promise to keep.
The cigaretted couldnt last long enough. He tried to suck it down as slowly as he could, the idea of the pain that he was going to be put thru making his stomach knot. Inevitably, the last of the ash fell off the end of the butt, and there was no more waiting. Sighing, he dropped he butt and rolled over it a couple of times.
Ducking his head he rolled himself back into the house, tensing at the thought of what was to come.
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"So, are you ready, chief?" Breda looked like he hadnt slept in about a week. He had lost a little bit of weight, but Havoc wasnt sure if that was from trying to fit into a tuxedo, or if it was just from worry and work.
"Yeah. You know, you didnt have to come yourself. I know that you are busy with the wedding. You could have sent Armstrong down here. He has been here before and knows how to find me. I am sure you have about a million things that you could be doing at home." Havoc replied with a wide grin, taking another deep puff on the quickly dwindling cigarette. He knew it was his last for a while, and wanted to savor it.
"Well, yeah, but honestly, this is a nice way to get away from all the craziness, even if just for a couple of days. " Breda said, walking past Havoc and depositing the last of thier luggage in the car.
"Doesn't Janet miss you?"
"Yeah, we miss each other." Breda got a wide grin on his face. "Thanks. That reminds me that I have to call her before we go." He closed the car door and turned back towards the house. "She understands that you are my best friend, and that you being at the wedding, and a part of it, is very important to me. Besides, she got to choose the maid of honor, so it is fair."
"Hey Breda, about that promise I made. The one months ago, at the noodle shop in Central." Havoc's face went unusually serious.
"Yeah, I remember. What about it?"
"Well, I have been doing as much as I can with the healers, and they have helped me a long ways along, but I still have a way to go. " He sighed and took a long draw off his quickly dwindling cigarette. "I dont think I am going to able to stand for you for the ceremony." Havoc looked, and felt, likes someone had just ran over his dog. He felt nothing short of a lowlife for disapointing his friend.
"It is alright, Jean. I know it is hard. You May not know it, but I realize how much pain you have been going through for this. I appreciate that you tried to heal faster for me, but you need to do this for yourself. You have come a long way. And I am proud of ya." Breda shrugged and smiled, taking the butt of Havoc's cigarette out of his mouth and throwing it on the ground. "Come on. I hear the train whistle. We need to go."
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"Hmm. So here we are again." Havoc stretched his arms out and arched his back as best he could in his chair, trying to work the kinks out from the long train ride. Breda nodded and wheeled his friend off the train and out to where his fiancee was waiting with the car.
The car ride, like the train ride down, was much more pleasant than the last time he had come. It seemed to be the opposite this time from before. Breda, preoccupied with the dozens of things that had to be done before the wedding in 3 days, was pretty quiet, while Havoc seemed to be in an unusually good mood. Breda had noticed, and he wondered if Havoc had something to tell him, something he was hiding from him, or if he was just happy for his best friend getting married. Either way, Havoc was being very tight lipped about that. Breda shrugged and guessed that he would know when he was told. He had more pressing matters that were demanding his attention at the moment.
There were a few places they had to run around to, to get some flowers, to make sure the cake would be ready, and to make sure the photographer was going to be available. Breda noticed that Havoc seemed to be interested in the photographer. He had never known his friend to take an interest in photography before, which made it doubly suspicious. What in the world was his friend plotting, he wondered? He shrugged again. Havoc had never been one to be terribly predictable, prone to getting wild ideas, then dropping them a short time later. Maybe he was thinking about taking over the gaping hole that had been let when Brigadeer General Hughes had died a few years ago. Maybe he just wanted something to get his mind off being stuck in that damn chair. Or maybe it was just Havoc being his usual goofball self. He figured it was probably the latter, and continued on with a smile.
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The day that nobody ever thought would get there finally arrived. The big day. Breda had had his last night of freedom, and the bodies strewn about his living room floor in various states of dress would attest to the fun that was had. The bodies were slow to get moving, but one by one they rose, took quick showers and tried to down enough asprin to get rid of the headaches that were threatning to split thier skulls apart.
Havoc, ever the slouch, was the last to wake up. He found himself groggily shaking himself awake, draped over the couch, one useless leg falling out of the blanket and off the side of the couch, dragging the floor. He had always been a little too tall for his own good, and this was no exception. He was way too long for Breda's small piece of furniture.
It was the time of day that Havoc dreaded the most. He felt so fucking helpless, not able to do any of the simplest things in life- like getting to the sink to wash and brush himself, getting in and out of the shower, and getting dressed. That was time of day that he felt the most useless, and the reason that he was usually in a bad mood the rest of the day. Having to rely on others to get you up and ready for the day, showing him how little you could really do, was his constant reminder, his curse, his reason for enduring the pain of trying to get better.
Havoc was very glad when he, and everyone else, had gotten thier tuxedos on and were ready to head out to the parade grounds for the wedding. It had been easy convincing the Fuhrer that he would be safer staying on the military base where it would be easier to guard him, and besides, this was a military wedding. Breda was a Major, and Janet worked as a civilian on the base- in the telephone department, under Fuery. The guest list had gotten a bit out of hand, less because of the bride and groom and more because of people that a certain very important person in thier party had to invite. Roy had been very apologetic, and even helped with alot of the costs caused by his addendums to the guest list, but they had been very understanding. They had figured with the President in the wedding party things would be- unusual to say the least.
The limo that the wedding party- minus the Fuhrer, who had to adjourn back to his fiancee and home early in the evening- was the first that most of them had been in, including Havoc. Even after almost 3 years in a chair, he was still getting used to not being the one driving. He had enjoyed the time that he drove Mustang, and even Ed around. I gave him a great excuse to lounge outsde on beautiful days and smoke as much as he wanted. Which reminded him, in all the excitement he hadnt had anything to smoke, and he didn't take a pack with him. He sighed. so far this was turning out to be a somewhat lousy day.
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Everything had been wonderful. Janet looked stunning in her gown of pure white- a strapless dress that hung off her narrow shoulders and accentuated her tiny waist (How did such a big guy find such a petite woman? Havoc wondered). Her long, chestnut brown hair was perfect, falling over her shoulders and down her back. Her brown eyes shone with moisture as they traded vows. There was not a dry eye in the house by the time it was over, and the newly married couple shared thier first kiss, and thier first walk together down the aisle as husband and wife. Havoc hoped that the jealousy that was stewing deep in his heart couldn't be read thru the smile that was plastered on his face.
It took a while to get everone settled and the food served under a large white tent on the parade ground. Havoc, as the best man, shared a table with Mustang, Fuery, Falman, Armstrong, and Al- the other groomsmen. He knew that it was time to start making speeches, and the first one was going to him. He raised his glass and used a spoon to clink on it a few times, hushing the crowd. Havoc took a deep breath, put his glass down and steadied himself by placing his palms flat on the table.
"I never thought I would see alot of things in my life." He started, his arms starting to shake. He put his weight on the table and started to push upwards. "I never thought I would be confined to a chair." His body moved upwards a little. Despite the looks of surprise, and concern, he continued. "I never thought my colonel would really make it to Fuhrer and make this a wonderful place to live." He leaned forward a little, sweat forming on his brow as he continued to speak while moving towards a standng position. "I never thought I would see three people who are very special to me plan to get married." He stopped for a moment, catching his balance. Fuery, to his left, had already knocked his chair back and was standing up, moving to his side. Falman, on his right was doing the same. Breda, with a look somewhere between 'I am about to get run over' and 'I am so happy he could burst', was starting to stand as well. "And I never thought that miracles could happen." He ducked his head down, his strength quickly leaving him. He knew he had to do this fast before he collapsed. His legs were not ready to support his weight again, not yet. Quickly, he took his glass with one unsteady hand, raised it a few inches, and said "To new beginnings." He let out a deep sigh and wasn't able to put his glass down fast enough before he had to drop it to the table and collapse, crumpling back like a lump into his chair.
Title: And Miles to Go...
Author: SeaweedOtter
Characters: Mostly Jean Havoc, Heymans Breda, Roy Mustang and Riza Hawkeye, but others will appear.
Rating: PG for a little language
Disclaimer: Manga Spoilers... Set in the manga, a couple years after the end of chapter 38. Maybe AU?
Summary: Determination had never been his strong point, untill he had a goal worth reaching.
Read all the chapters so far HERE!
The day of the wedding was approaching. Havoc knew that soon, he was going to have to make the arrangements to travel back to Central, a place that had hadnt seen in many months- since he had watched his former commanding officer take the rank of Fuhrer President. It had been a fairly peaceful time for the country, something that a whole generation of its people had not yet seen. The Furher had worked out a deal with Creta, which signed a peace treaty with Amestris, and he was deep in negotiations with Drachma for the same.
The world around Havoc had changed very little. His little Eastern town was still peaceful and quiet, which had suited him fine in the past. When he was a Lt., he had loved to get away from the hustle and bustle of Central to visit this quiet Eden. But this place had since become his tomb, a place he feared that he was doomed to linger in for eternity, unable to get up.. get out.
It is said that those with thier backs to the wall, with nothing to lose, fight the hardest. And perhaps that was what drove the fire in Havoc's soul. Despite the toll financially that it was taking on his family, they insisted that the Xingian doctors stay and continue to work on Havoc's ravaged body. There had been some definate improvements, but no one, short of a deity could work the pace that Havoc truly wanted.
"Sir, try to wiggle your toes for me." One of the Xingian healers said in his broken Amestrian. Havoc had picked up on a little Xingian, to help with the communication barrier that still stood blocking his path to freedom, to movement, to life. Havoc tensed his body, shut his eyes tight and concentrated, willing his body to move, even if just a tiny bit. He barely felt the impulse, the tensing of a muscle, his body trying to repsond to its command. When he opened his eyes, he saw his toe move, just the slightest bit. The smile widened on the healer's face.
"Good boy!" Havoc always thought it was odd, how the healer usually refered to him more like a man would respond to a pet, but it was just one of the many things that he was determined to work thru. He wasn't letting this, or anything else stand in the way of his goal. He would never admit it to any of his friends back in Central, who had only seen his rather lazy, laid back side, but having something tangible to work for was really making him feel good. He had a purpose in life now, and nobody could get him there but himself.
"Thanks, sir." He groaned and cracked his neck, letting out a deep breath. His body was aching, muscles sore, lungs crying out for the nicotine that calmed his jumbled nerves. "Would we be able to take a break for a few minutes?" he asked. "I want to..er.. get some air."
The healer shook his head, muttering softly in Xingeese. "You know those go against your body's healing powers, and may posstpone you getting better." He said softly.
"I know, but I can't help it. I need them. They take the edge off, make me feel better."
"Alright, but dont be long. We still have more treatment to go." Havoc shuddered at that. He knew the 'treatment' well. The pain was etched into his soul. The feeling of a millions needles being pressed into your skin at once. It was worse than the pain of Lust pushing those spears of her fingers straight thru his body, severing his spinal cord. He kept telling himself that if it allowed him to walk, then he would do what he had to. There had been times when the pain had been so intense that he saw white flashes in his vision, his stomach sickened, and dizziness had nearly forced him to pass out. But he fought thru it, trying not to show his pain. He didnt want the healers to stop thier treatments. He had a promise to keep.
The cigaretted couldnt last long enough. He tried to suck it down as slowly as he could, the idea of the pain that he was going to be put thru making his stomach knot. Inevitably, the last of the ash fell off the end of the butt, and there was no more waiting. Sighing, he dropped he butt and rolled over it a couple of times.
Ducking his head he rolled himself back into the house, tensing at the thought of what was to come.
____________________________________________________________
"So, are you ready, chief?" Breda looked like he hadnt slept in about a week. He had lost a little bit of weight, but Havoc wasnt sure if that was from trying to fit into a tuxedo, or if it was just from worry and work.
"Yeah. You know, you didnt have to come yourself. I know that you are busy with the wedding. You could have sent Armstrong down here. He has been here before and knows how to find me. I am sure you have about a million things that you could be doing at home." Havoc replied with a wide grin, taking another deep puff on the quickly dwindling cigarette. He knew it was his last for a while, and wanted to savor it.
"Well, yeah, but honestly, this is a nice way to get away from all the craziness, even if just for a couple of days. " Breda said, walking past Havoc and depositing the last of thier luggage in the car.
"Doesn't Janet miss you?"
"Yeah, we miss each other." Breda got a wide grin on his face. "Thanks. That reminds me that I have to call her before we go." He closed the car door and turned back towards the house. "She understands that you are my best friend, and that you being at the wedding, and a part of it, is very important to me. Besides, she got to choose the maid of honor, so it is fair."
"Hey Breda, about that promise I made. The one months ago, at the noodle shop in Central." Havoc's face went unusually serious.
"Yeah, I remember. What about it?"
"Well, I have been doing as much as I can with the healers, and they have helped me a long ways along, but I still have a way to go. " He sighed and took a long draw off his quickly dwindling cigarette. "I dont think I am going to able to stand for you for the ceremony." Havoc looked, and felt, likes someone had just ran over his dog. He felt nothing short of a lowlife for disapointing his friend.
"It is alright, Jean. I know it is hard. You May not know it, but I realize how much pain you have been going through for this. I appreciate that you tried to heal faster for me, but you need to do this for yourself. You have come a long way. And I am proud of ya." Breda shrugged and smiled, taking the butt of Havoc's cigarette out of his mouth and throwing it on the ground. "Come on. I hear the train whistle. We need to go."
________________________________________________________________
"Hmm. So here we are again." Havoc stretched his arms out and arched his back as best he could in his chair, trying to work the kinks out from the long train ride. Breda nodded and wheeled his friend off the train and out to where his fiancee was waiting with the car.
The car ride, like the train ride down, was much more pleasant than the last time he had come. It seemed to be the opposite this time from before. Breda, preoccupied with the dozens of things that had to be done before the wedding in 3 days, was pretty quiet, while Havoc seemed to be in an unusually good mood. Breda had noticed, and he wondered if Havoc had something to tell him, something he was hiding from him, or if he was just happy for his best friend getting married. Either way, Havoc was being very tight lipped about that. Breda shrugged and guessed that he would know when he was told. He had more pressing matters that were demanding his attention at the moment.
There were a few places they had to run around to, to get some flowers, to make sure the cake would be ready, and to make sure the photographer was going to be available. Breda noticed that Havoc seemed to be interested in the photographer. He had never known his friend to take an interest in photography before, which made it doubly suspicious. What in the world was his friend plotting, he wondered? He shrugged again. Havoc had never been one to be terribly predictable, prone to getting wild ideas, then dropping them a short time later. Maybe he was thinking about taking over the gaping hole that had been let when Brigadeer General Hughes had died a few years ago. Maybe he just wanted something to get his mind off being stuck in that damn chair. Or maybe it was just Havoc being his usual goofball self. He figured it was probably the latter, and continued on with a smile.
____________________________________________________________
The day that nobody ever thought would get there finally arrived. The big day. Breda had had his last night of freedom, and the bodies strewn about his living room floor in various states of dress would attest to the fun that was had. The bodies were slow to get moving, but one by one they rose, took quick showers and tried to down enough asprin to get rid of the headaches that were threatning to split thier skulls apart.
Havoc, ever the slouch, was the last to wake up. He found himself groggily shaking himself awake, draped over the couch, one useless leg falling out of the blanket and off the side of the couch, dragging the floor. He had always been a little too tall for his own good, and this was no exception. He was way too long for Breda's small piece of furniture.
It was the time of day that Havoc dreaded the most. He felt so fucking helpless, not able to do any of the simplest things in life- like getting to the sink to wash and brush himself, getting in and out of the shower, and getting dressed. That was time of day that he felt the most useless, and the reason that he was usually in a bad mood the rest of the day. Having to rely on others to get you up and ready for the day, showing him how little you could really do, was his constant reminder, his curse, his reason for enduring the pain of trying to get better.
Havoc was very glad when he, and everyone else, had gotten thier tuxedos on and were ready to head out to the parade grounds for the wedding. It had been easy convincing the Fuhrer that he would be safer staying on the military base where it would be easier to guard him, and besides, this was a military wedding. Breda was a Major, and Janet worked as a civilian on the base- in the telephone department, under Fuery. The guest list had gotten a bit out of hand, less because of the bride and groom and more because of people that a certain very important person in thier party had to invite. Roy had been very apologetic, and even helped with alot of the costs caused by his addendums to the guest list, but they had been very understanding. They had figured with the President in the wedding party things would be- unusual to say the least.
The limo that the wedding party- minus the Fuhrer, who had to adjourn back to his fiancee and home early in the evening- was the first that most of them had been in, including Havoc. Even after almost 3 years in a chair, he was still getting used to not being the one driving. He had enjoyed the time that he drove Mustang, and even Ed around. I gave him a great excuse to lounge outsde on beautiful days and smoke as much as he wanted. Which reminded him, in all the excitement he hadnt had anything to smoke, and he didn't take a pack with him. He sighed. so far this was turning out to be a somewhat lousy day.
________________________________________________________________
Everything had been wonderful. Janet looked stunning in her gown of pure white- a strapless dress that hung off her narrow shoulders and accentuated her tiny waist (How did such a big guy find such a petite woman? Havoc wondered). Her long, chestnut brown hair was perfect, falling over her shoulders and down her back. Her brown eyes shone with moisture as they traded vows. There was not a dry eye in the house by the time it was over, and the newly married couple shared thier first kiss, and thier first walk together down the aisle as husband and wife. Havoc hoped that the jealousy that was stewing deep in his heart couldn't be read thru the smile that was plastered on his face.
It took a while to get everone settled and the food served under a large white tent on the parade ground. Havoc, as the best man, shared a table with Mustang, Fuery, Falman, Armstrong, and Al- the other groomsmen. He knew that it was time to start making speeches, and the first one was going to him. He raised his glass and used a spoon to clink on it a few times, hushing the crowd. Havoc took a deep breath, put his glass down and steadied himself by placing his palms flat on the table.
"I never thought I would see alot of things in my life." He started, his arms starting to shake. He put his weight on the table and started to push upwards. "I never thought I would be confined to a chair." His body moved upwards a little. Despite the looks of surprise, and concern, he continued. "I never thought my colonel would really make it to Fuhrer and make this a wonderful place to live." He leaned forward a little, sweat forming on his brow as he continued to speak while moving towards a standng position. "I never thought I would see three people who are very special to me plan to get married." He stopped for a moment, catching his balance. Fuery, to his left, had already knocked his chair back and was standing up, moving to his side. Falman, on his right was doing the same. Breda, with a look somewhere between 'I am about to get run over' and 'I am so happy he could burst', was starting to stand as well. "And I never thought that miracles could happen." He ducked his head down, his strength quickly leaving him. He knew he had to do this fast before he collapsed. His legs were not ready to support his weight again, not yet. Quickly, he took his glass with one unsteady hand, raised it a few inches, and said "To new beginnings." He let out a deep sigh and wasn't able to put his glass down fast enough before he had to drop it to the table and collapse, crumpling back like a lump into his chair.