AH

[scubaboarder]

so why is it that NOBODY takes responsibility for anything anymore. for me it's always been that i make a mistake and i know i've made it and i never make it again. i dont understand how it just keeps happening and happening and happening. and it's always someone else's fault. "someone did this, someone did that". NO EXCUSE. goddamn why do people

Comments

[laclairisaur]

i think i read that entry 8 times...and i understand where ur coming from. i dont mean to sound spoiled or always play the victim. but somehow whenever i say something thats the way it comes out. i'm sorry for it sounding that way because i know i'm defintally not the victim. i'm the victim in other things that are going on in my life right now but not when it is concerning you. and your right. you always sort of put ur foot down. so everytime i scrwed up i got forgiven. thats where we went wrong. because somehow i always got you back. except for this time. aand its really hard to accept. i hate this so much because i'm so mad at myself for screwing up something i loved so much. i've taken it for granted in the past, your right. and now that its gone i simply dont know what the hell to do and feel like the most miserable guilty person. i've never felt this terrible in my life as i'm sure u experienced yesterday in ur car. i dont mean to look stupid. i hate crying. and i hate even more crying in front of you. i want to slap myself and

[laclairisaur]

i'm sorry i have put u through this pain. i will never forgive myself. i have cried so much in the past week over this and its making me realize how much i care for you. more than anybody. but i screwed up. and i lost you. i simply dont know what to say or what to do to get you back. so i've settled on changing. i'm hoping you may notice i'm trying. i'm hoping you can still care for me and look out for me and give me a hug and meet me in teh places we used to. i hope you can still spend time with me on the weekends. i need a friend more than anything right now. i was hoping you'd be the friend. thank you for last night. i had a good time. it was much better then sitting at home in bed making myself miserable. i hope you had an ok time also. and i would love to see you today. i'm sorry. i know you hate that word. you think its so overused. i wish it wasnt. because i dont know how else to express it. there is nothing else. i wish it meant something to you. but it doesnt. so all i can say is i'm sorry and i'm going to change. please

[anti_hippie1222]

stay strong derek,
your doing the right thing

[laclairisaur]

ur right he is...i just wish he wasnt...