A different species

[scrivener13]

I had a promising date this evening. Had. He has now cancelled as Scotland is playing soccer (footie) tonight and he has to meet his friends to watch it. I am interested in what other women would have done in this situation, both in Britain and Canada

Comments

[tobyaw]

Is it because it is a sporting event that you think it is so disrespectful?

If he'd said "Sorry, I'm double-booked this evening and I have a long-standing commitment to see some old friends - can we get together another night?" would you have accepted that?

[scrivener13]

No, that is not it all. I am angry because he said yes he would be there and then cancels. Totally different to the process of making plans and saying that isn't a good night for him during the organising. If he had said to me when we were organising it all that he couldn't make it as he wanted to watch this game with friends, then fine, we would have made it another time. It's that he made the plans, and then cancelled on the day that I find disrespectful. I gave up several things to meet him tonight, went to some trouble to arrange it and I find it disrespectful that he would do this

[tobyaw]

Do you know him? Is he a friend? Are you interested in him? If so, you should be able to accept, forgive, and reschedule.

If you don't know him that well, then it is understandable that his friends should take precedence over a first date with a relative stranger.

Did you think about inviting yourself along to watch the footie with him? Most people respond very positively to someone showing an interest in their hobbies. Even if the games bores you, seeing him relaxing with his friends, and enjoying his pastimes, would be much more revealing and personal than going on a date - and a much better building-block for the future.

[scrivener13]

Thanks as always for your support, Toby.

No, I don't know him - it was a *first* date with good possibilities. The one moment when you want to make a good impression and actually start something worthwhile.

I was indeed interested in him, but he is not apparently interested enough in me to treat me with the respect due to any human being on this earth.

I don't treat people this way and I don't expect to be treated this way. If I make a date with someone, I move heaven and earth to be there - that's called having integrity and respect and I believe highly in that.

In the future, I would have offered to go and watch games with him, but for the first time, what would be the point? He would be chatting with friends and focussing on the game, not on the chat between us.

It's obvious to me that you don't agree with me and that's fine. Your opinion is valid; I don't agree with it however.

[skullculture]

I'm with you actually. If at this stage he's not excited enough about meeting you to put off his friends one time, stuff him. It's not harsh, it's filtering out losers.

[scrivener13]

Thanks for this. After my friend above who doesn't agree with me, this makes me feel a bit better. I don't want to spend a whole bunch of time with a guy who will blow me off for sports all the time. I have no interest in being a 'sports widow'. I appreciate you saying this.

I hope you have a great weekend.

[skullculture]

I hope you have a great weekend.

Poker, beer, fireworks, photography and hours of web and print design -- I will be content.

Dunno if you've seen badcasedates, an awe-inspiring collection of stories. I read the entire site when I found it.

[scrivener13]

Will do. I will check it this weekend some time. Your options look fun mostly. Mine include things like roller derby, dinner, dancing tomorrow night for my birthday, pyjama day on Sunday. Tonight films and board games at friends. It's all good and there's always a silver lining.