It's Not Me (5/?) Scott/Logan
Title: It's Not Me
Fandom: X-Men
Pairing: Scott/Logan
Rating: NC-17.
Word Count: 7,005
Summary: Sequel to Starting Over. Coming home again is never easy especially when changes and secrets are all around you. Scott and Logan deal with their beginnings and an uncertain future when an old threat emerges to challenge their future together. *Slash*
Shivers radiated through Scott's body, sending bristling sensations over his skin now that he stood outside the old bedroom he once shared with Jean. While he hadn't been inside since his departure that morning she'd called to him to the lake, there was something pulling him back in. It was haunting him, reverberating in his brain with the phantom sound of her voice. While he was certain he couldn't have heard her, he felt her inside of him, seeking him out from within. She was beckoning him, bringing him back to the one place he'd vowed to avoid in his return.
"Scott," her voice echoed in his mind, desperate and needy as he looked around the hallway. A chill crept in over him, carrying goose bumps over the back of his neck with the sensation her memory awakened in him.
"Jean?" he questioned again, feeling a ripple of a breeze carry over him, guiding him forward to reach for the doorknob. His fingers shook, palm trembling with fear over what was still inside. It was a representation of all they'd lost, a memory that he'd fought to avoid after their reunion on the water, yet in thinking about the man he was before he'd left the school, he couldn't turn away from it. He couldn't overlook the tortured history that had lead to the changes in his life. She had taken everything from him, changed him, turned him away from the life he'd fought like hell to hold onto. It was something that had altered everything, yet with the memory of their life together a few footsteps away, Scott knew he had to face it. He had to confront the past and allow himself to truly let go.
Thinking back to the last time he had a vision of Jean, Scott was overtaken by a new sensation in the pit of his stomach. When Victor had him captive, ready to tear Scott to pieces, Jean had entered into his mind, becoming a part of his dream when she'd offered him forgiveness. She'd told him it was time to let go, to move forward, yet she'd spun things around, confusing him with her pleas for forgiveness, for her broken request that…
"You can do this," Scott mouthed to himself, seizing the door tighter within his grasp. It was silly not to be able to brave the past and finally take the step towards moving forward, he thought to himself. He should be able to finally free himself from the nightmare that he'd been surrounded by after her sacrifice. Time and time again he'd told himself that he'd made peace with his ending with Jean, with what had happened between them, yet in the back of his mind he knew there was still a part of him that was afraid, ashamed of what he had done to hurt her.
"You failed her," the old familiar voice of conscience had taunted him more times then he'd cared to admit over and over again. It was always there pressing into him, making him wish he could've done things differently. Everyone said they didn't blame him for Jean's meltdown, but Scott blamed himself for what happened. Logan had tried to write off Jean's madness as a result of the crumbling wall that Charles had put up in her mind to suppress Phoenix, but Scott knew full well he had been the thing that had taken her over the edge. Closing his eyes he thought back to their time together.
"I thought you'd be back here sooner," Jean looked up from the medical journal she'd been reading in their bed. She set it down on top of the blanket, placing it over her lap as she reached for her glasses. Pulling them off she set them on the nightstand before searching his features worriedly, "You were with Logan, weren't you?"
"I know I said I wouldn't, but I couldn't just stand by and not say anything," Scott had explained slamming the door shut behind his arrival in their bedroom. "The guy just finds new ways to get under my skin with each twist and turn."
"You shouldn't let him bother you like you do," Jean's lips curved downward in the beginnings of a scowl. "He's just as confused about things as we are. We're all on the same team Scott."
"It sure as hell doesn't feel that way when he's always hitting on my girl. His flirting is unwelcome and…," Scott's jealousy revealed itself in his tone. He began to unbutton the top of his shirt, making his way over to the closet before pouting further, "I don't like it."
"You're not supposed to like it," Jean set her medical journal aside on the nightstand, "but at the same time you're not supposed to let it consume you either Scott. Logan's just a flirt by nature."
"So let him flirt with someone else," Scott pushed his shirt off of his shoulders, tossing it across his closet defiantly. He groaned thinking about how he should give in to his anger and leave the rumpled shirt down on the bottom of the closet to linger as a sign of his trepidation over Logan's presence at the school. However, knowing it was completely childish and inappropriate, Scott moved forward bending down to pick up his shirt and fold it tightly. His nostrils flared, breath coming out in an uneven sweep when he stomped out of the closet to discard the shirt in the laundry bin.
"What really has you so upset Scott?" Jean had questioned curiously, her dark auburn hair framing her face when she pushed the blankets away from her body. The movement revealed the silken negligee she'd been wearing, revealing her long legs to Scott in an obvious attempt at distracting him. "Logan's flirting or his insubordination where you're concerned?"
"He doesn't work well as a team member. He can't take an order and…" Scott threw his hands up in the air, seeing the amusement that carried over her in the moment, "You're amused by all of this, aren't you?"
"How can I not be?" she teased with the beginnings of laughter in her voice. "It's not every day I see someone get a rise out of the man I love."
"He hasn't created any kind of rise out of me," Scott pouted defiantly, turning his back to her. He marched back into their closet reaching for a modest, dark colored pajama set before undoing the loop on his belt.
"Oh no of course not," Jean's voice grew nearer still, her words cloaked in amusement when Scott felt her step into the closet behind him. She draped her arms around his waist, her chin resting on his shoulder when she pressed a kiss over the side of his neck seductively, "and here I thought I was the only one who could get you so hot and bothered."
"I'm not hot and…" Scott had opened his mouth in protest, hoping to convey his annoyance with Logan, but instead he was surrounded by the feel of taking Jean in his arms, by the way it felt to hold her now that she'd worked to free him from the thoughts of Logan that had consumed him.
Letting out a gasp Scott released the doorknob refusing to go forward into the room when the memory that had awakened in his subconscious worked to betray that feeling of loyalty he'd felt to Jean. Yes, that night he'd come to the room upset and agitated about Logan, but he hadn't been truthful with her. He hadn't at all been up front about what had upset him, but when she'd provided him with an out, taking advantage of the moment, he had fallen into it. He'd made love to her, no questions asked despite the fury that he'd felt burning inside of him. That night she'd said he surprised her with his passion, impressed her with how he'd rechanneled his anger, but what she hadn't realized was the truth. Even then he'd been ashamed to reveal it to himself, let alone Jean. Now standing in the middle of the hallway, he found himself hit by another memory from earlier in that evening.
"You completely disregarded a direct order Logan," Scott snapped following Logan into the changing room. Although Jean had urged Scott earlier to let it go, to get over the notion that Logan's insubordination mattered in the grand scheme of things, Scott knew he wouldn't be able to simply ignore Logan's attitude. "I told you going in there that we needed to work together as a team. I specifically told you that if we were going to do this…"
"Everything worked out, didn't it?" Logan shrugged his shoulders, opting to be casual about the latest mission they'd gone on as a team. "Like everything that happened before when we were working together, it all sorted itself out."
"No thanks to you," Scott huffed impatiently, folding his arms in front of his chest, "Someone could've gotten hurt. When we don't follow protocol someone dies Logan. Maybe you're okay with that, but I'm not. I care about my team and…"
"Hey the way I see it, there was no harm, no foul," Logan remarked dismissively, "I mean if you think about it the last time we went out as a team, I took most of the brunt of the damages."
"Even so I don't want to have to lose any of my team members," Scott grumbled with a shake of his head, his eyes hidden behind his glasses now that Logan walked over to the locker, keeping his back to Scott.
"Aww, I didn't know you were growing sweet on me Slim," Logan teased turning over his shoulder to offer up a playful wink. He laughed mockingly, his lips curving in the beginnings of an air kiss before he shook his head, "I think I'm touched."
"Don't be," Scott felt his face grow red with embarrassment over the way that Logan was mocking him, "because when I give a direct order, I expect you to follow it. That's what keeps us safe. That's what gives us the opportunity to live to fight another day."
"It's also what makes you a complete and total tight ass," Logan rolled his eyes in response, "All your constant bitching makes you no fun Cyclops. Then again I can see why Jean would go out of her way for a little excitement given the stick you have wedged up your…"
"Listen you," Scott had given in to his emotions, allowed the anger to penetrate his otherwise unyielding wall of control when he rushed forward to slam his fists into Logan's back.
Logan hadn't been expecting it when Scott's fist impacted his body. It sent Logan face forward into the locker in the middle of changing. Now with a snarl Logan stood up straighter, turning around to glare at Scott with wild, feral eyes. His uniform was unzipped down over his chest, just beyond the middle of his abdomen to reveal his heaving chest. Anger surged through the room, their eyes connecting in an unspoken battle. Logan snarled involuntarily, enough to indicate to Scott that he'd pushed the wrong button.
"No you listen," Logan snapped, lunging forward and seizing Scott in his grasp. In an instant, Logan shoved Scott across the room, moving with him until Scott was pressed into the lockers. Logan's eyes penetrated Scott, wild with fury when he grabbed Scott's collar in warning, "Don't presume just because you were given the role of fearless leader to the others that you have any say on what I do or don't do. You aren't the one calling the shots as far as I'm concerned Summers, so learn that you won't be given my unyielding compliance. I do what I do and if you don't like it, tough."
"It doesn't work that way Logan," Scott spat up at him, bringing his arms up to tear Logan's hands away from his collar. He shoved Logan again with a huff, "I don't work that way and if you want to be a part of this team, then…"
"Who said I wanted to be a part of your stupid team?" Logan rolled his eyes and started to turn away from Scott. "It's not my thing especially with you as their leader."
"Of course it isn't because it would require commitment and dedication to something greater than yourself," Scott taunted, still shaken by Logan's earlier hold on him. Now standing against the lockers watching Logan peel the uniform off of his shoulders, down over his arms, Scott couldn't help, but feel a bit hot under the collar.
"That's right," Logan groaned outwardly. He threw his hands up in the air and turned around to face Scott fully, "it's been a few hours without your condescending, holier than thou speech about the greater good, so obviously it's my time for another headache. Tell me something, does it ever get exhausting being such a pompous ass? Does anyone actually ever give a shit about your idealism Summers or are they merely pretending to care to shut you up given how full of yourself you are?"
"Everything I do, I do it for the team," Scott continued in an impassioned tone, "Every sacrifice I've made…"
"You've done it to play the role of the martyr," Logan snarled, pushing his uniform down past his hips ever so slightly. He paused meeting Scott's eyes again in a challenge, "but rest assured it's a role you'll be able to perfect when Jean finally comes to me."
"You son of a…" Scott snapped, rushing across the room to attack Logan with fists flailing. He pounded into Logan's shoulders, striking him in the chest and face, not caring about the fact that Logan's adamantium-laced frame could more then take the blows without any real sense of pain or torment. Logan merely laughed in Scott's face, taking the attack in stride and using it to provoke Scott further.
"Is that all that you've got Cyclops?" Logan's voice roared with amusement.
"I'm going to destroy you," Scott shouted, his voice cracked with rage, "To hell with having you on the team. You're not at all cut out to be…"
"To be what?" Logan finally collected Scott in his arms, doing his best to prevent Scott's latest hit. In an instant, he tumbled Scott to the floor, pinning him down beneath Logan's heavy body. He hovered above Scott, his mouth curved downward in warning, "A follower?"
"It's about doing something more for the world around you," Scott spoke up behind gritted teeth, preparing to launch another punch to Logan's face when the jarring movement between them caused Scott's glasses to slip from his eyes, sliding across the room out of his reach. Immediately Scott closed his eyes, feeling himself powerless in the moment with Logan hovering over him.
"And yet when presented with the opportunity to destroy me," Logan's lips curved upward in the beginnings of a smirk, "you choose to back down hoping you can still persuade me into doing something for the greater good that you support."
"I don't care what you do," Scott spat up at him defiantly, "If it wasn't for everyone else…"
"Everyone else isn't here trying to convince me of anything. You are," Logan's voice hinted at something darker, something more primitive as Scott felt the feral press in over him more intimately. It was then that Scott felt the first stirring of uneasiness in his stomach. The realization that Logan's uniform had slipped down further leaving no mistake about Logan's nearly naked form pressed into Scott. Scott gulped down hard, pretending not to notice that Logan's aroused form was now pushing in against his thigh, hard and ready for a different kind of action. Scott gulped telling himself that Logan's response was clearly the result of their fight. It was something that happened in the heat of combat, yet…
"I…" Scott tried to complete his thought, to remember what he'd wanted to scream at Logan, but he was caught off guard by the involuntary brush of Logan's body over his. He felt Logan's hot breath over him, his mouth a few inches away from Scott. Even with Scott's eyes closed tightly, he knew that there was no denying Logan's domineering presence. It was part of what had infuriated Scott, yet with Logan shifting over him again, Scott found himself in a completely unfamiliar situation-one that he'd never anticipated experiencing in this lifetime.
"Cat got your tongue Cyclops?" Logan spoke his name in a mocking tone, his words intended for insult, yet when Scott felt Logan's hips press in further against his body, bringing life to Scott's pounding heart, Scott knew he was in trouble. Lust hadn't been something that had come readily for Scott. He was more evolved than that to admit to such feelings. Yes, he and Jean had a normal, active sex life with one another, but he hadn't dared to make blatant displays in front of the others. His and Jean's dalliances were more refined, best left to the confines of their private bedroom. Although there was one time when they'd made love outdoors when no one was around, yet…
Scott's thoughts returned from their tangent to the moment with Logan's hard, muscled contours pushing down into him in an involuntary grind. It took everything in Scott's power not to react, not to admit to the strange sensation that had overtaken his body. The combination of sweat and Logan's scent filled his senses, invading his mind with carnal thoughts of the man Scott had grown to despise. Now vulnerable and laid out on the floor beneath Logan, Scott couldn't help but gulp. He'd hoped things would play out differently between them, but once their fight had gone considerably in Logan's favor, Scott had believed it would simply end with them both in disagreement about what was expected. However, what Scott had anticipated wasn't at all what had played out between them.
"So tell me Cyclops," Logan's voice taunted, his breath striking the side of Scott's neck in a daring fashion. Scott could feel the heat of Logan above him, the faint brush of stubble against his neck when Logan continued to speak, "since you're all about dishing out orders, how are you at taking them?"
"Whether you like my position of leadership or not doesn't make me any less in charge of things Logan," Scott quipped defiantly, not allowing himself to lose control of their conversation. "When I ask something of you…"
"You weren't asking it of me," Logan corrected with a shake of his head. Scott felt the bristling stubble against the side of his face once more. He could've sworn that Logan was smelling him, taking in his scent in an animalistic fashion when Logan leaned in closer yet to whisper in Scott's ear, "you were telling me. I don't like to be told what to do."
"Being polite doesn't work with you," Scott bit down on his lip, fighting to stay focused now that his body was starting to betray him. With Logan's hard length laid out over his body, pressing in against his slacks Scott gulped. It was bad enough that the man Scott despised was over him nearly naked with a blatant hard on, clearly enjoying gaining the upper hand in their disagreement, but what made matters worse was that Scott too had felt a rise in underneath his slacks.
"Fuck," Scott silently cursed under his breath hoping Logan didn't notice his aroused state. Scott tried to write it off as a simple response to the heat of the moment, but when Scott felt Logan slide downward, caging him more completely on the ground, Scott knew full well that Logan couldn't have not noticed. Tipping his head back, Scott let out a breath he hadn't been aware that he'd been holding.
"So tell me something Summers," Logan's voice taunted readily, "if you could give me any order right now, assuming I'd take it, what would it be?"
"I'd ask you to get off of me so that I could get my glasses and leave," Scott spoke up behind gritted teeth. Trying to still the furious pounding of his heart, Scott tried to sound smooth and even in the moment. "This was clearly a waste of time."
"Was it?" Logan questioned with obvious amusement.
"Of course it was. You aren't any closer to listening and I'm clearly nowhere near getting through to you," Scott sighed, forcing his head up to meet Logan's face. Although he couldn't see Logan, he could sense him, could feel the smirk that Logan was undoubtedly carrying with him in the moment of having subdued Scott.
"I don't know about that," Logan shifted again in a half shrug, "I might be more compelled to listen if you give me a good reason to."
"I've been giving you plenty of reasons Logan," Scott's frown intensified, his lip curving downward in protest when Logan's hand dropped down over his thigh.
"Obviously not the right one," Logan's nose nuzzled the side of Scott's neck, causing warning bells to go off in Scott's mind. He kept his eyes closed tightly, fighting to control his hammering heart when Logan's leg shifted ever so slightly, centering in over Scott's growing length. With a subtle movement, Scott felt Logan make contact with his distended flesh.
"Logan," Scott hissed Logan's name, unable to hold back on the involuntary groan that built in the back of his throat. While Scott had been trying to hide what was happening, he knew it was no use. Logan had to have realized that Scott was aroused, oddly turned on by the encounter although Scott hadn't ever had that response to another man before.
"Yes?" Logan questioned lazily, increasing the pressure of his thigh against Scott's body, watching Scott squirm with the movement.
"I have to go," Scott managed to get out, his face growing hot with embarrassment in the moment. "I need…"
"How about that order Summers?" Logan suggested in a throaty whisper, his words laced with the same flirty tone that Scott had witnessed Logan using on Jean. Only unlike the moments when Scott had found himself in a rage over Logan's inability to accept boundaries, Scott found himself wondering just how far Logan would push the limit. Laying helpless on the floor left Scott open and vulnerable to Logan's attack-whatever shape or form it may take between them.
"I already told you…" Scott gulped harder than before, "I wanted you to get…"
"You off…" Logan mused with a hint of laughter in his tone, "Yes, I realize that's quite a tall order, but it's one that…"
"I said get off of me," Scott whined, attempting to pull himself up off of the ground in a final, fleeting moment of desperation.
"Make me," Logan challenged causing Scott's blood to pump through his body in a combination of lust and anger.
"Fine," Scott decided bringing his arms out from underneath Logan. He prepared to pound his fists into Logan's head when he felt Logan increase the pressure on his groin, causing an unmatchable feeling of desire and exquisite agony to carry over Scott. Feeling defeated Scott's closed eyes rolled back into his head, his chin raising just enough to allow him to sink to the ground in surrender. He twisted his head to the side, hating himself completely in the moment when Logan's leg continued to press into his body in a slow, determined movement. Scott felt Logan's thigh rise and fall, grinding and pressing, soft, then hard, sliding in short, then elongated movements, causing Scott's breath to grow uneven.
"Logan," Scott spat out his name, unable to hold back on the horrible feeling of desire that had consumed him. Scott hadn't been one for shameless displays of sex acts let alone with another man, yet with Logan's nearly naked form hovering over him, thigh working Scott's flesh in ways that Scott hadn't even dared to do with his own hand, Scott couldn't help, but whimper in half protest, half encouragement.
"Yes?" Logan questioned lazily, his voice cocky and amused when Scott's hips involuntary rose up off of the floor, pretending to protest Logan's weight upon him. In reality they began to grind further against Logan, allowing the feral to continue to work on getting him off in the moment. It wasn't until Scott felt Logan's hand press in over his slacks that the reality of the situation overtook him. He felt Logan's fingers pull on the zipper, causing Scott's body to reveal its shamefully aroused self to Logan's curious eyes. Although Scott couldn't see him, he knew that Logan was inspecting him, carefully contemplating his next move now that Scott lay before him like a wild, wanton animal in heat ready and longing for release.
"Very nice," Logan mouthed approvingly, catching Scott off guard with his admission. A moment later Scott felt Logan's lips over the side of his neck, his teeth grazing the skin, fingers wrapping around Scott's thick length preparing to finish the job he'd started with his thigh when a noise surrounded them in the moment.
"Is anyone in here?" Bobby's voice questioned pulling Scott from the moment, snapping him out of the daze he'd been in. Immediately his face grew hot with embarrassment, flushed with realization in knowing how uncalled for his behavior had been. To even consider allowing Logan to touch him that way, to turn him out from within when he was in love with Jean, in a relationship with the woman who had held his heart from day one, was wrong on every level imaginable. Taking in a breath, Scott felt Logan push off of him, springing up from the ground to give Scott the opportunity to zip his pants back up. In a pitiful attempt at reclaiming what little dignity he had left, Scott managed to reach out to one of the benches and slide up onto it before Bobby joined him and Logan.
"There you are," Scott heard Bobby calling out to them. "The Professor was looking for you both."
"We were caught up discussing our last mission," Logan covered, his voice calm and even despite the situation that had taken place between them moments earlier. Even now Scott was certain he was a thousand different shades of crimson, face flushed with colors that would match the beams from his eyes, yet Logan seemed completely in control.
"Oh, well he was hoping to have a word with you before you went to bed," Bobby paused, an unusual silence carrying over the moment until he spoke up again with confusion in his tone, "Looks like you dropped your glasses."
"Thanks," Scott managed to get out quietly when Bobby nudged him, offering up the lenses that Scott had dropped. Scott quickly positioned them on his head and opened his eyes only to discover Logan covered up again with his uniform zipped up over his waist. Letting out a relieved breath Scott relaxed ever so slightly knowing only too well that he'd almost allowed himself to be made a fool. He'd been impulsive and foolish, somehow attracted to the one person he hated more than anything and in doing so he'd almost betrayed the woman he loved.
"No problem," Bobby looked between the two men, clearly catching onto the vibe that something was wrong.
"We'll be down to see the Professor in a few minutes," Logan explained turning his attention to his locker. "You can tell him that."
"Fair enough," Bobby agreed satisfied with the answer before leaving Scott and Logan alone once more.
Taking in a breath, Scott brought his fingers up through his tousled hair, desperately trying to make sense of the situation. He cocked his head to the side seeing that Logan appeared to be unphased by the situation that had taken place. If Scott didn't know better, he would've sworn that it hadn't happened, that he hadn't almost let Logan get him off in the middle of the locker room like a passion-starved, hormonal teenager. Thoughts of Jean consumed Scott and he sprang up off of the bench to snap at Logan.
"If you want to be a member of this team, then you need to start acting like it. Otherwise don't let the door hit you on the way out," Scott had stomped off, hoping to find an escape before reality came crashing in upon him, bringing him to face what he'd almost allowed to happen. It was easier to avoid Logan altogether, he'd decided. Yes, that was certainly the best approach.
Now standing outside of the bedroom he once shared with Jean, Scott found himself weighed down by guilt, by the memory of how he'd wanted nothing more then to allow Logan to take him that day. He'd been in denial at the time, but lust had filled his heart, causing him to embrace the want and desire that being around Logan had stirred up inside of him. That night after their confrontation in the locker room, Scott and Logan had gone to see Charles, to take the lecture Charles had given them about putting their animosities aside for the greater good. It was something that they had grudgingly agreed to do, both pretending as if nothing had transpired between them. Hell, Scott had fought like mad to banish the thought, even used his anger to keep Jean from reading his thoughts and seeing how close to betraying her he'd been. It took everything in his power not to show how flustered he'd truly been, but Jean had made it easy for him to downplay the situation. That night he'd uncharacteristically channeled his mixed feelings into Jean. He'd made love to her in the hopes of banishing his thoughts of Logan, of erasing his eagerness to allow Logan to touch him, to do things that should be reserved for Jean alone. It was wrong on so many levels, forbidden, yet Scott had longed for it. He'd found himself consumed with thoughts of Logan, using Jean as an escape night after night when seeing Logan brought him to longing. Yes, when Logan had left for a while it made things easier, but there was no denying Scott's naughty thoughts.
"And she must've known," Scott sighed thinking about Jean's decline into madness. Shamefully he hung his head wondering why he hadn't realized how obvious he'd been in craving Logan, "If only…"
"Scott," he heard a voice call out to him, pulling him from his guilt. Looking up Scott spotted Charles before him, eyeing him expectantly, "is everything alright?"
"No," Scott finally admitted poignantly, "everything's not alright. It hasn't been right in a very long time."
XXXXX
"Thank you for covering for Scott," Storm started with relief in her voice, "although you shouldn't have had to."
"It was no problem," Logan shrugged when she tossed a can of juice over to Logan before motioning for him to follow her out of the kitchen back onto the porch. Logan grudgingly followed, feeling his body tense after the workout he'd put the children through. He hadn't planned on running the exercise, but after Storm's pleading, he'd felt obligated, needing to do something until Scott arrived. It went against his every instinct not to seek out Scott, but he stayed true to his promise to help. Now sensing Storm's apprehension, he had a feeling that the juice was going to be undoubtedly the last gesture of kindness in the moment.
"What's going on with him Logan?" she demanded turning around to face Logan fully. While she'd always been firm, fair and demanding in her approach with the students, Logan had to hand it to her that she was direct. "What's happening?"
"Nothing's happening," Logan shrugged simply. He extended his claws stabbing one into the top of the can before releasing it and taking a long swig of the juice.
"Don't give me that," Storm ignored his behavior when normally she might've lectured him on popping open the top of a can. Instead she went for the jugular where Scott was concerned, "He's not the same Logan. We can all see that and…"
"Hey, if you are so curious ask him," Logan shrugged his shoulders again. He finished off his juice and tossed the can into the trash, "thanks for the drink."
"Not so fast," Storm warned watching Logan turn to leave the patio, "I don't need to ask him because I'm asking you."
"There's nothing to tell," Logan frowned feeling an uneasiness overtake him. He reached out for the doors only to watch them close with a gust of wind. Groaning he turned around to face Storm with a scowl, "Really? You're resorting to holding me captive now?"
"Something isn't right with Scott," Storm asserted making a small, scrutinizing step towards him, "There hasn't been since his return, so I think it's time you spilled what's going on."
"It's not my place to spill anything," Logan folded his arms in front of his chest defiantly, "that is if there was anything to say to begin with."
"You weren't up front about finding him alive when you did. You held out on all of us while you were in Ohio," her eyes penetrated him suspiciously. "You didn't think twice about calling to let us know that…"
"I thought about it, but I couldn't," Logan corrected simply. "I promised Scott that…"
"That what? That you'd allow him to live out there in a world that wasn't his? In a place where he couldn't have possibly felt accepted? That you'd be an enabler for him when what he really needed was our help?" fury creased in her brow. "Do you have any idea how close your silence came to causing him death for real this time? We almost lost him Logan because he was unprotected and…"
"Don't you think I realize that?" Logan threw his hands up in the air, opting to give up on diplomacy. "Don't you think I see how wrong everything played out? You forget that I almost lost him as well. I'm the one that stood there watching the ceiling and walls crumble down over him. I'm the one that believed that I was going to have to spend the rest of my miserable life without the man I loved. Losing him would've killed me-it almost did, but no one is asking how that impacted me."
Storm's eyes widened with surprise and astonishment, the weight of Logan's words filtering into her mind, "You…you love him?"
"Yes," Logan nodded defiantly, not bothering to care about what the declaration would mean, "I sure as hell do and the last thing I want is anyone giving him a hard time. His well being is important to me-more so then it is to everyone else who decided it was easier to just forget he existed."
"That's not fair Logan," she protested preparing to defend her actions after Scott disappeared, "you know that we…"
"…were all too willing to be focused on finding Jean, but Scott-he didn't even rank on our radar, did he? We didn't even stay around searching for him. We just assumed the worst and left him out there in a state of God knows what alone and abandoned. He went through hell, but no one here even gave a damn or thought twice to search for him again."
"No one, but you…" guilt ate away at her statement, her voice softening in the moment.
"I failed him just as much as everyone else did, but I won't do it again," Logan stated firmly. He paused shifting gears on their conversation, "I realize that everyone here is still kind of stuck in what once was with Scott and Jean. I kind of expected it given their history, but I'm not the bad guy. I love him every bit as much as Jean did, perhaps more even. I would never hurt him intentionally. I want what's best for him, so for people to challenge that, well, they're out of line. I'm not the one who almost destroyed him. I didn't take everything from him…"
"No one ever said you did," she offered up in an apologetic tone.
"You didn't have to," Logan let out an ironic laugh, "I could see it from the moment we returned together. Scott sees it as well."
"That's not why I questioned you. I can just see that Scott has something going on, something that prevented him from coming back to us to begin with," she explained drawing in a breath. "Why else would he not have wanted to be here again?"
"His world crumbled to pieces after what happened with Jean," Logan defended Scott's actions, "He wasn't the same. He felt there wasn't a place for him anymore."
"There was always a place for him," she paused seeing the anger flash behind his eyes, "Just like there is always a place for you."
"Are you sure about that?" Logan raised a skeptic brow.
"Of course I'm sure. Logan, when we thought the Professor and Scott were dead, you were the rock around here. You kept us all strong and moving forward. I wouldn't have been able to accomplish all that I did without your help and support," she informed him with a sudden seriousness, "I know you're a good man."
"But not good enough for Scott, right?" Logan asked rhetorically, "Face it people aren't able to accept that things have changed. We've all changed and we can't go back to being what we once were. Life doesn't work that way."
"No, I'm afraid it doesn't," she agreed softening her tone, "which was why I had reason for concern. When Scott didn't show up today I started thinking about before-about when Jean died…"
"We all failed him then," Logan conceded feeling the weight of the blame on himself as well. "He was descending into her darkness, but we were all caught up in our own agendas to pull him out of it. We were all pretending that everything was alright when it wasn't. It was far from it."
"We were all just so numb after Jean sacrificed herself like she did," she noted poignantly. "I suppose we simply forgot about what impact it had on the rest of us especially Scott."
"It killed him to have experienced that. It was tearing him to pieces, but when she was inside of his head-pulling him away from us, we weren't able to stand up and be what he needed," Logan sighed heavily, feeling the weight of the past hanging over his head. "I refuse to go there again. I won't fail him twice in a lifetime."
"You never failed him Logan," she decided raising her chin up to meet his eyes, "because if anything you've given him something that I don't think he ever imagined possible before you."
"A royal headache I know," Logan half teased thinking about the complicated relationship he and Scott had with one another from the beginning.
"On the contrary, despite the uncharacteristic anger at times, I've never seen him so relaxed, so opposite of rigid that it's a bit unnerving," she admitted bringing her hand up through her white hair, "It's one thing to see that out of someone you've grown up with who was casual and easygoing, but Scott's never been relaxed. He's always been on top of everything, readily available to push aside his feelings and dreams to place the team above all else. He's been unstoppable and…"
"He's still all of those things," Logan interrupted, "only now he's doing what he should've done for himself years ago. He's learning to enjoy life a little bit."
"With your help undoubtedly," she couldn't help, but crack a teasing grin, "after all it's not every day that someone can boast having the affection of the mighty Wolverine."
"Don't start," Logan turned to walk away again.
"I know he loves you too Logan," she called out to him in a desperate attempt to capture his attention, "which is why I know if anyone can reach him and bring him through whatever is still happening inside of him, it's you. He trusts and respects you as well."
"He's going to be just fine," Logan promised reaching for the door and opening it up.
"I certainly hope so," she mouthed under her breath leaving Logan to wonder if perhaps there was something worth worrying about. Yes, Scott missing a training session wouldn't be a big deal if it was anyone else, but knowing it was Scott was all the more reason for Logan to be on edge. In the past that kind of mix-up had lead to Scott's destruction, but now, well, Logan just hoped the explanation was a hell of a lot simpler for all of them.
Fandom: X-Men
Pairing: Scott/Logan
Rating: NC-17.
Word Count: 7,005
Summary: Sequel to Starting Over. Coming home again is never easy especially when changes and secrets are all around you. Scott and Logan deal with their beginnings and an uncertain future when an old threat emerges to challenge their future together. *Slash*
Shivers radiated through Scott's body, sending bristling sensations over his skin now that he stood outside the old bedroom he once shared with Jean. While he hadn't been inside since his departure that morning she'd called to him to the lake, there was something pulling him back in. It was haunting him, reverberating in his brain with the phantom sound of her voice. While he was certain he couldn't have heard her, he felt her inside of him, seeking him out from within. She was beckoning him, bringing him back to the one place he'd vowed to avoid in his return.
"Scott," her voice echoed in his mind, desperate and needy as he looked around the hallway. A chill crept in over him, carrying goose bumps over the back of his neck with the sensation her memory awakened in him.
"Jean?" he questioned again, feeling a ripple of a breeze carry over him, guiding him forward to reach for the doorknob. His fingers shook, palm trembling with fear over what was still inside. It was a representation of all they'd lost, a memory that he'd fought to avoid after their reunion on the water, yet in thinking about the man he was before he'd left the school, he couldn't turn away from it. He couldn't overlook the tortured history that had lead to the changes in his life. She had taken everything from him, changed him, turned him away from the life he'd fought like hell to hold onto. It was something that had altered everything, yet with the memory of their life together a few footsteps away, Scott knew he had to face it. He had to confront the past and allow himself to truly let go.
Thinking back to the last time he had a vision of Jean, Scott was overtaken by a new sensation in the pit of his stomach. When Victor had him captive, ready to tear Scott to pieces, Jean had entered into his mind, becoming a part of his dream when she'd offered him forgiveness. She'd told him it was time to let go, to move forward, yet she'd spun things around, confusing him with her pleas for forgiveness, for her broken request that…
"You can do this," Scott mouthed to himself, seizing the door tighter within his grasp. It was silly not to be able to brave the past and finally take the step towards moving forward, he thought to himself. He should be able to finally free himself from the nightmare that he'd been surrounded by after her sacrifice. Time and time again he'd told himself that he'd made peace with his ending with Jean, with what had happened between them, yet in the back of his mind he knew there was still a part of him that was afraid, ashamed of what he had done to hurt her.
"You failed her," the old familiar voice of conscience had taunted him more times then he'd cared to admit over and over again. It was always there pressing into him, making him wish he could've done things differently. Everyone said they didn't blame him for Jean's meltdown, but Scott blamed himself for what happened. Logan had tried to write off Jean's madness as a result of the crumbling wall that Charles had put up in her mind to suppress Phoenix, but Scott knew full well he had been the thing that had taken her over the edge. Closing his eyes he thought back to their time together.
"I thought you'd be back here sooner," Jean looked up from the medical journal she'd been reading in their bed. She set it down on top of the blanket, placing it over her lap as she reached for her glasses. Pulling them off she set them on the nightstand before searching his features worriedly, "You were with Logan, weren't you?"
"I know I said I wouldn't, but I couldn't just stand by and not say anything," Scott had explained slamming the door shut behind his arrival in their bedroom. "The guy just finds new ways to get under my skin with each twist and turn."
"You shouldn't let him bother you like you do," Jean's lips curved downward in the beginnings of a scowl. "He's just as confused about things as we are. We're all on the same team Scott."
"It sure as hell doesn't feel that way when he's always hitting on my girl. His flirting is unwelcome and…," Scott's jealousy revealed itself in his tone. He began to unbutton the top of his shirt, making his way over to the closet before pouting further, "I don't like it."
"You're not supposed to like it," Jean set her medical journal aside on the nightstand, "but at the same time you're not supposed to let it consume you either Scott. Logan's just a flirt by nature."
"So let him flirt with someone else," Scott pushed his shirt off of his shoulders, tossing it across his closet defiantly. He groaned thinking about how he should give in to his anger and leave the rumpled shirt down on the bottom of the closet to linger as a sign of his trepidation over Logan's presence at the school. However, knowing it was completely childish and inappropriate, Scott moved forward bending down to pick up his shirt and fold it tightly. His nostrils flared, breath coming out in an uneven sweep when he stomped out of the closet to discard the shirt in the laundry bin.
"What really has you so upset Scott?" Jean had questioned curiously, her dark auburn hair framing her face when she pushed the blankets away from her body. The movement revealed the silken negligee she'd been wearing, revealing her long legs to Scott in an obvious attempt at distracting him. "Logan's flirting or his insubordination where you're concerned?"
"He doesn't work well as a team member. He can't take an order and…" Scott threw his hands up in the air, seeing the amusement that carried over her in the moment, "You're amused by all of this, aren't you?"
"How can I not be?" she teased with the beginnings of laughter in her voice. "It's not every day I see someone get a rise out of the man I love."
"He hasn't created any kind of rise out of me," Scott pouted defiantly, turning his back to her. He marched back into their closet reaching for a modest, dark colored pajama set before undoing the loop on his belt.
"Oh no of course not," Jean's voice grew nearer still, her words cloaked in amusement when Scott felt her step into the closet behind him. She draped her arms around his waist, her chin resting on his shoulder when she pressed a kiss over the side of his neck seductively, "and here I thought I was the only one who could get you so hot and bothered."
"I'm not hot and…" Scott had opened his mouth in protest, hoping to convey his annoyance with Logan, but instead he was surrounded by the feel of taking Jean in his arms, by the way it felt to hold her now that she'd worked to free him from the thoughts of Logan that had consumed him.
Letting out a gasp Scott released the doorknob refusing to go forward into the room when the memory that had awakened in his subconscious worked to betray that feeling of loyalty he'd felt to Jean. Yes, that night he'd come to the room upset and agitated about Logan, but he hadn't been truthful with her. He hadn't at all been up front about what had upset him, but when she'd provided him with an out, taking advantage of the moment, he had fallen into it. He'd made love to her, no questions asked despite the fury that he'd felt burning inside of him. That night she'd said he surprised her with his passion, impressed her with how he'd rechanneled his anger, but what she hadn't realized was the truth. Even then he'd been ashamed to reveal it to himself, let alone Jean. Now standing in the middle of the hallway, he found himself hit by another memory from earlier in that evening.
"You completely disregarded a direct order Logan," Scott snapped following Logan into the changing room. Although Jean had urged Scott earlier to let it go, to get over the notion that Logan's insubordination mattered in the grand scheme of things, Scott knew he wouldn't be able to simply ignore Logan's attitude. "I told you going in there that we needed to work together as a team. I specifically told you that if we were going to do this…"
"Everything worked out, didn't it?" Logan shrugged his shoulders, opting to be casual about the latest mission they'd gone on as a team. "Like everything that happened before when we were working together, it all sorted itself out."
"No thanks to you," Scott huffed impatiently, folding his arms in front of his chest, "Someone could've gotten hurt. When we don't follow protocol someone dies Logan. Maybe you're okay with that, but I'm not. I care about my team and…"
"Hey the way I see it, there was no harm, no foul," Logan remarked dismissively, "I mean if you think about it the last time we went out as a team, I took most of the brunt of the damages."
"Even so I don't want to have to lose any of my team members," Scott grumbled with a shake of his head, his eyes hidden behind his glasses now that Logan walked over to the locker, keeping his back to Scott.
"Aww, I didn't know you were growing sweet on me Slim," Logan teased turning over his shoulder to offer up a playful wink. He laughed mockingly, his lips curving in the beginnings of an air kiss before he shook his head, "I think I'm touched."
"Don't be," Scott felt his face grow red with embarrassment over the way that Logan was mocking him, "because when I give a direct order, I expect you to follow it. That's what keeps us safe. That's what gives us the opportunity to live to fight another day."
"It's also what makes you a complete and total tight ass," Logan rolled his eyes in response, "All your constant bitching makes you no fun Cyclops. Then again I can see why Jean would go out of her way for a little excitement given the stick you have wedged up your…"
"Listen you," Scott had given in to his emotions, allowed the anger to penetrate his otherwise unyielding wall of control when he rushed forward to slam his fists into Logan's back.
Logan hadn't been expecting it when Scott's fist impacted his body. It sent Logan face forward into the locker in the middle of changing. Now with a snarl Logan stood up straighter, turning around to glare at Scott with wild, feral eyes. His uniform was unzipped down over his chest, just beyond the middle of his abdomen to reveal his heaving chest. Anger surged through the room, their eyes connecting in an unspoken battle. Logan snarled involuntarily, enough to indicate to Scott that he'd pushed the wrong button.
"No you listen," Logan snapped, lunging forward and seizing Scott in his grasp. In an instant, Logan shoved Scott across the room, moving with him until Scott was pressed into the lockers. Logan's eyes penetrated Scott, wild with fury when he grabbed Scott's collar in warning, "Don't presume just because you were given the role of fearless leader to the others that you have any say on what I do or don't do. You aren't the one calling the shots as far as I'm concerned Summers, so learn that you won't be given my unyielding compliance. I do what I do and if you don't like it, tough."
"It doesn't work that way Logan," Scott spat up at him, bringing his arms up to tear Logan's hands away from his collar. He shoved Logan again with a huff, "I don't work that way and if you want to be a part of this team, then…"
"Who said I wanted to be a part of your stupid team?" Logan rolled his eyes and started to turn away from Scott. "It's not my thing especially with you as their leader."
"Of course it isn't because it would require commitment and dedication to something greater than yourself," Scott taunted, still shaken by Logan's earlier hold on him. Now standing against the lockers watching Logan peel the uniform off of his shoulders, down over his arms, Scott couldn't help, but feel a bit hot under the collar.
"That's right," Logan groaned outwardly. He threw his hands up in the air and turned around to face Scott fully, "it's been a few hours without your condescending, holier than thou speech about the greater good, so obviously it's my time for another headache. Tell me something, does it ever get exhausting being such a pompous ass? Does anyone actually ever give a shit about your idealism Summers or are they merely pretending to care to shut you up given how full of yourself you are?"
"Everything I do, I do it for the team," Scott continued in an impassioned tone, "Every sacrifice I've made…"
"You've done it to play the role of the martyr," Logan snarled, pushing his uniform down past his hips ever so slightly. He paused meeting Scott's eyes again in a challenge, "but rest assured it's a role you'll be able to perfect when Jean finally comes to me."
"You son of a…" Scott snapped, rushing across the room to attack Logan with fists flailing. He pounded into Logan's shoulders, striking him in the chest and face, not caring about the fact that Logan's adamantium-laced frame could more then take the blows without any real sense of pain or torment. Logan merely laughed in Scott's face, taking the attack in stride and using it to provoke Scott further.
"Is that all that you've got Cyclops?" Logan's voice roared with amusement.
"I'm going to destroy you," Scott shouted, his voice cracked with rage, "To hell with having you on the team. You're not at all cut out to be…"
"To be what?" Logan finally collected Scott in his arms, doing his best to prevent Scott's latest hit. In an instant, he tumbled Scott to the floor, pinning him down beneath Logan's heavy body. He hovered above Scott, his mouth curved downward in warning, "A follower?"
"It's about doing something more for the world around you," Scott spoke up behind gritted teeth, preparing to launch another punch to Logan's face when the jarring movement between them caused Scott's glasses to slip from his eyes, sliding across the room out of his reach. Immediately Scott closed his eyes, feeling himself powerless in the moment with Logan hovering over him.
"And yet when presented with the opportunity to destroy me," Logan's lips curved upward in the beginnings of a smirk, "you choose to back down hoping you can still persuade me into doing something for the greater good that you support."
"I don't care what you do," Scott spat up at him defiantly, "If it wasn't for everyone else…"
"Everyone else isn't here trying to convince me of anything. You are," Logan's voice hinted at something darker, something more primitive as Scott felt the feral press in over him more intimately. It was then that Scott felt the first stirring of uneasiness in his stomach. The realization that Logan's uniform had slipped down further leaving no mistake about Logan's nearly naked form pressed into Scott. Scott gulped down hard, pretending not to notice that Logan's aroused form was now pushing in against his thigh, hard and ready for a different kind of action. Scott gulped telling himself that Logan's response was clearly the result of their fight. It was something that happened in the heat of combat, yet…
"I…" Scott tried to complete his thought, to remember what he'd wanted to scream at Logan, but he was caught off guard by the involuntary brush of Logan's body over his. He felt Logan's hot breath over him, his mouth a few inches away from Scott. Even with Scott's eyes closed tightly, he knew that there was no denying Logan's domineering presence. It was part of what had infuriated Scott, yet with Logan shifting over him again, Scott found himself in a completely unfamiliar situation-one that he'd never anticipated experiencing in this lifetime.
"Cat got your tongue Cyclops?" Logan spoke his name in a mocking tone, his words intended for insult, yet when Scott felt Logan's hips press in further against his body, bringing life to Scott's pounding heart, Scott knew he was in trouble. Lust hadn't been something that had come readily for Scott. He was more evolved than that to admit to such feelings. Yes, he and Jean had a normal, active sex life with one another, but he hadn't dared to make blatant displays in front of the others. His and Jean's dalliances were more refined, best left to the confines of their private bedroom. Although there was one time when they'd made love outdoors when no one was around, yet…
Scott's thoughts returned from their tangent to the moment with Logan's hard, muscled contours pushing down into him in an involuntary grind. It took everything in Scott's power not to react, not to admit to the strange sensation that had overtaken his body. The combination of sweat and Logan's scent filled his senses, invading his mind with carnal thoughts of the man Scott had grown to despise. Now vulnerable and laid out on the floor beneath Logan, Scott couldn't help but gulp. He'd hoped things would play out differently between them, but once their fight had gone considerably in Logan's favor, Scott had believed it would simply end with them both in disagreement about what was expected. However, what Scott had anticipated wasn't at all what had played out between them.
"So tell me Cyclops," Logan's voice taunted, his breath striking the side of Scott's neck in a daring fashion. Scott could feel the heat of Logan above him, the faint brush of stubble against his neck when Logan continued to speak, "since you're all about dishing out orders, how are you at taking them?"
"Whether you like my position of leadership or not doesn't make me any less in charge of things Logan," Scott quipped defiantly, not allowing himself to lose control of their conversation. "When I ask something of you…"
"You weren't asking it of me," Logan corrected with a shake of his head. Scott felt the bristling stubble against the side of his face once more. He could've sworn that Logan was smelling him, taking in his scent in an animalistic fashion when Logan leaned in closer yet to whisper in Scott's ear, "you were telling me. I don't like to be told what to do."
"Being polite doesn't work with you," Scott bit down on his lip, fighting to stay focused now that his body was starting to betray him. With Logan's hard length laid out over his body, pressing in against his slacks Scott gulped. It was bad enough that the man Scott despised was over him nearly naked with a blatant hard on, clearly enjoying gaining the upper hand in their disagreement, but what made matters worse was that Scott too had felt a rise in underneath his slacks.
"Fuck," Scott silently cursed under his breath hoping Logan didn't notice his aroused state. Scott tried to write it off as a simple response to the heat of the moment, but when Scott felt Logan slide downward, caging him more completely on the ground, Scott knew full well that Logan couldn't have not noticed. Tipping his head back, Scott let out a breath he hadn't been aware that he'd been holding.
"So tell me something Summers," Logan's voice taunted readily, "if you could give me any order right now, assuming I'd take it, what would it be?"
"I'd ask you to get off of me so that I could get my glasses and leave," Scott spoke up behind gritted teeth. Trying to still the furious pounding of his heart, Scott tried to sound smooth and even in the moment. "This was clearly a waste of time."
"Was it?" Logan questioned with obvious amusement.
"Of course it was. You aren't any closer to listening and I'm clearly nowhere near getting through to you," Scott sighed, forcing his head up to meet Logan's face. Although he couldn't see Logan, he could sense him, could feel the smirk that Logan was undoubtedly carrying with him in the moment of having subdued Scott.
"I don't know about that," Logan shifted again in a half shrug, "I might be more compelled to listen if you give me a good reason to."
"I've been giving you plenty of reasons Logan," Scott's frown intensified, his lip curving downward in protest when Logan's hand dropped down over his thigh.
"Obviously not the right one," Logan's nose nuzzled the side of Scott's neck, causing warning bells to go off in Scott's mind. He kept his eyes closed tightly, fighting to control his hammering heart when Logan's leg shifted ever so slightly, centering in over Scott's growing length. With a subtle movement, Scott felt Logan make contact with his distended flesh.
"Logan," Scott hissed Logan's name, unable to hold back on the involuntary groan that built in the back of his throat. While Scott had been trying to hide what was happening, he knew it was no use. Logan had to have realized that Scott was aroused, oddly turned on by the encounter although Scott hadn't ever had that response to another man before.
"Yes?" Logan questioned lazily, increasing the pressure of his thigh against Scott's body, watching Scott squirm with the movement.
"I have to go," Scott managed to get out, his face growing hot with embarrassment in the moment. "I need…"
"How about that order Summers?" Logan suggested in a throaty whisper, his words laced with the same flirty tone that Scott had witnessed Logan using on Jean. Only unlike the moments when Scott had found himself in a rage over Logan's inability to accept boundaries, Scott found himself wondering just how far Logan would push the limit. Laying helpless on the floor left Scott open and vulnerable to Logan's attack-whatever shape or form it may take between them.
"I already told you…" Scott gulped harder than before, "I wanted you to get…"
"You off…" Logan mused with a hint of laughter in his tone, "Yes, I realize that's quite a tall order, but it's one that…"
"I said get off of me," Scott whined, attempting to pull himself up off of the ground in a final, fleeting moment of desperation.
"Make me," Logan challenged causing Scott's blood to pump through his body in a combination of lust and anger.
"Fine," Scott decided bringing his arms out from underneath Logan. He prepared to pound his fists into Logan's head when he felt Logan increase the pressure on his groin, causing an unmatchable feeling of desire and exquisite agony to carry over Scott. Feeling defeated Scott's closed eyes rolled back into his head, his chin raising just enough to allow him to sink to the ground in surrender. He twisted his head to the side, hating himself completely in the moment when Logan's leg continued to press into his body in a slow, determined movement. Scott felt Logan's thigh rise and fall, grinding and pressing, soft, then hard, sliding in short, then elongated movements, causing Scott's breath to grow uneven.
"Logan," Scott spat out his name, unable to hold back on the horrible feeling of desire that had consumed him. Scott hadn't been one for shameless displays of sex acts let alone with another man, yet with Logan's nearly naked form hovering over him, thigh working Scott's flesh in ways that Scott hadn't even dared to do with his own hand, Scott couldn't help, but whimper in half protest, half encouragement.
"Yes?" Logan questioned lazily, his voice cocky and amused when Scott's hips involuntary rose up off of the floor, pretending to protest Logan's weight upon him. In reality they began to grind further against Logan, allowing the feral to continue to work on getting him off in the moment. It wasn't until Scott felt Logan's hand press in over his slacks that the reality of the situation overtook him. He felt Logan's fingers pull on the zipper, causing Scott's body to reveal its shamefully aroused self to Logan's curious eyes. Although Scott couldn't see him, he knew that Logan was inspecting him, carefully contemplating his next move now that Scott lay before him like a wild, wanton animal in heat ready and longing for release.
"Very nice," Logan mouthed approvingly, catching Scott off guard with his admission. A moment later Scott felt Logan's lips over the side of his neck, his teeth grazing the skin, fingers wrapping around Scott's thick length preparing to finish the job he'd started with his thigh when a noise surrounded them in the moment.
"Is anyone in here?" Bobby's voice questioned pulling Scott from the moment, snapping him out of the daze he'd been in. Immediately his face grew hot with embarrassment, flushed with realization in knowing how uncalled for his behavior had been. To even consider allowing Logan to touch him that way, to turn him out from within when he was in love with Jean, in a relationship with the woman who had held his heart from day one, was wrong on every level imaginable. Taking in a breath, Scott felt Logan push off of him, springing up from the ground to give Scott the opportunity to zip his pants back up. In a pitiful attempt at reclaiming what little dignity he had left, Scott managed to reach out to one of the benches and slide up onto it before Bobby joined him and Logan.
"There you are," Scott heard Bobby calling out to them. "The Professor was looking for you both."
"We were caught up discussing our last mission," Logan covered, his voice calm and even despite the situation that had taken place between them moments earlier. Even now Scott was certain he was a thousand different shades of crimson, face flushed with colors that would match the beams from his eyes, yet Logan seemed completely in control.
"Oh, well he was hoping to have a word with you before you went to bed," Bobby paused, an unusual silence carrying over the moment until he spoke up again with confusion in his tone, "Looks like you dropped your glasses."
"Thanks," Scott managed to get out quietly when Bobby nudged him, offering up the lenses that Scott had dropped. Scott quickly positioned them on his head and opened his eyes only to discover Logan covered up again with his uniform zipped up over his waist. Letting out a relieved breath Scott relaxed ever so slightly knowing only too well that he'd almost allowed himself to be made a fool. He'd been impulsive and foolish, somehow attracted to the one person he hated more than anything and in doing so he'd almost betrayed the woman he loved.
"No problem," Bobby looked between the two men, clearly catching onto the vibe that something was wrong.
"We'll be down to see the Professor in a few minutes," Logan explained turning his attention to his locker. "You can tell him that."
"Fair enough," Bobby agreed satisfied with the answer before leaving Scott and Logan alone once more.
Taking in a breath, Scott brought his fingers up through his tousled hair, desperately trying to make sense of the situation. He cocked his head to the side seeing that Logan appeared to be unphased by the situation that had taken place. If Scott didn't know better, he would've sworn that it hadn't happened, that he hadn't almost let Logan get him off in the middle of the locker room like a passion-starved, hormonal teenager. Thoughts of Jean consumed Scott and he sprang up off of the bench to snap at Logan.
"If you want to be a member of this team, then you need to start acting like it. Otherwise don't let the door hit you on the way out," Scott had stomped off, hoping to find an escape before reality came crashing in upon him, bringing him to face what he'd almost allowed to happen. It was easier to avoid Logan altogether, he'd decided. Yes, that was certainly the best approach.
Now standing outside of the bedroom he once shared with Jean, Scott found himself weighed down by guilt, by the memory of how he'd wanted nothing more then to allow Logan to take him that day. He'd been in denial at the time, but lust had filled his heart, causing him to embrace the want and desire that being around Logan had stirred up inside of him. That night after their confrontation in the locker room, Scott and Logan had gone to see Charles, to take the lecture Charles had given them about putting their animosities aside for the greater good. It was something that they had grudgingly agreed to do, both pretending as if nothing had transpired between them. Hell, Scott had fought like mad to banish the thought, even used his anger to keep Jean from reading his thoughts and seeing how close to betraying her he'd been. It took everything in his power not to show how flustered he'd truly been, but Jean had made it easy for him to downplay the situation. That night he'd uncharacteristically channeled his mixed feelings into Jean. He'd made love to her in the hopes of banishing his thoughts of Logan, of erasing his eagerness to allow Logan to touch him, to do things that should be reserved for Jean alone. It was wrong on so many levels, forbidden, yet Scott had longed for it. He'd found himself consumed with thoughts of Logan, using Jean as an escape night after night when seeing Logan brought him to longing. Yes, when Logan had left for a while it made things easier, but there was no denying Scott's naughty thoughts.
"And she must've known," Scott sighed thinking about Jean's decline into madness. Shamefully he hung his head wondering why he hadn't realized how obvious he'd been in craving Logan, "If only…"
"Scott," he heard a voice call out to him, pulling him from his guilt. Looking up Scott spotted Charles before him, eyeing him expectantly, "is everything alright?"
"No," Scott finally admitted poignantly, "everything's not alright. It hasn't been right in a very long time."
XXXXX
"Thank you for covering for Scott," Storm started with relief in her voice, "although you shouldn't have had to."
"It was no problem," Logan shrugged when she tossed a can of juice over to Logan before motioning for him to follow her out of the kitchen back onto the porch. Logan grudgingly followed, feeling his body tense after the workout he'd put the children through. He hadn't planned on running the exercise, but after Storm's pleading, he'd felt obligated, needing to do something until Scott arrived. It went against his every instinct not to seek out Scott, but he stayed true to his promise to help. Now sensing Storm's apprehension, he had a feeling that the juice was going to be undoubtedly the last gesture of kindness in the moment.
"What's going on with him Logan?" she demanded turning around to face Logan fully. While she'd always been firm, fair and demanding in her approach with the students, Logan had to hand it to her that she was direct. "What's happening?"
"Nothing's happening," Logan shrugged simply. He extended his claws stabbing one into the top of the can before releasing it and taking a long swig of the juice.
"Don't give me that," Storm ignored his behavior when normally she might've lectured him on popping open the top of a can. Instead she went for the jugular where Scott was concerned, "He's not the same Logan. We can all see that and…"
"Hey, if you are so curious ask him," Logan shrugged his shoulders again. He finished off his juice and tossed the can into the trash, "thanks for the drink."
"Not so fast," Storm warned watching Logan turn to leave the patio, "I don't need to ask him because I'm asking you."
"There's nothing to tell," Logan frowned feeling an uneasiness overtake him. He reached out for the doors only to watch them close with a gust of wind. Groaning he turned around to face Storm with a scowl, "Really? You're resorting to holding me captive now?"
"Something isn't right with Scott," Storm asserted making a small, scrutinizing step towards him, "There hasn't been since his return, so I think it's time you spilled what's going on."
"It's not my place to spill anything," Logan folded his arms in front of his chest defiantly, "that is if there was anything to say to begin with."
"You weren't up front about finding him alive when you did. You held out on all of us while you were in Ohio," her eyes penetrated him suspiciously. "You didn't think twice about calling to let us know that…"
"I thought about it, but I couldn't," Logan corrected simply. "I promised Scott that…"
"That what? That you'd allow him to live out there in a world that wasn't his? In a place where he couldn't have possibly felt accepted? That you'd be an enabler for him when what he really needed was our help?" fury creased in her brow. "Do you have any idea how close your silence came to causing him death for real this time? We almost lost him Logan because he was unprotected and…"
"Don't you think I realize that?" Logan threw his hands up in the air, opting to give up on diplomacy. "Don't you think I see how wrong everything played out? You forget that I almost lost him as well. I'm the one that stood there watching the ceiling and walls crumble down over him. I'm the one that believed that I was going to have to spend the rest of my miserable life without the man I loved. Losing him would've killed me-it almost did, but no one is asking how that impacted me."
Storm's eyes widened with surprise and astonishment, the weight of Logan's words filtering into her mind, "You…you love him?"
"Yes," Logan nodded defiantly, not bothering to care about what the declaration would mean, "I sure as hell do and the last thing I want is anyone giving him a hard time. His well being is important to me-more so then it is to everyone else who decided it was easier to just forget he existed."
"That's not fair Logan," she protested preparing to defend her actions after Scott disappeared, "you know that we…"
"…were all too willing to be focused on finding Jean, but Scott-he didn't even rank on our radar, did he? We didn't even stay around searching for him. We just assumed the worst and left him out there in a state of God knows what alone and abandoned. He went through hell, but no one here even gave a damn or thought twice to search for him again."
"No one, but you…" guilt ate away at her statement, her voice softening in the moment.
"I failed him just as much as everyone else did, but I won't do it again," Logan stated firmly. He paused shifting gears on their conversation, "I realize that everyone here is still kind of stuck in what once was with Scott and Jean. I kind of expected it given their history, but I'm not the bad guy. I love him every bit as much as Jean did, perhaps more even. I would never hurt him intentionally. I want what's best for him, so for people to challenge that, well, they're out of line. I'm not the one who almost destroyed him. I didn't take everything from him…"
"No one ever said you did," she offered up in an apologetic tone.
"You didn't have to," Logan let out an ironic laugh, "I could see it from the moment we returned together. Scott sees it as well."
"That's not why I questioned you. I can just see that Scott has something going on, something that prevented him from coming back to us to begin with," she explained drawing in a breath. "Why else would he not have wanted to be here again?"
"His world crumbled to pieces after what happened with Jean," Logan defended Scott's actions, "He wasn't the same. He felt there wasn't a place for him anymore."
"There was always a place for him," she paused seeing the anger flash behind his eyes, "Just like there is always a place for you."
"Are you sure about that?" Logan raised a skeptic brow.
"Of course I'm sure. Logan, when we thought the Professor and Scott were dead, you were the rock around here. You kept us all strong and moving forward. I wouldn't have been able to accomplish all that I did without your help and support," she informed him with a sudden seriousness, "I know you're a good man."
"But not good enough for Scott, right?" Logan asked rhetorically, "Face it people aren't able to accept that things have changed. We've all changed and we can't go back to being what we once were. Life doesn't work that way."
"No, I'm afraid it doesn't," she agreed softening her tone, "which was why I had reason for concern. When Scott didn't show up today I started thinking about before-about when Jean died…"
"We all failed him then," Logan conceded feeling the weight of the blame on himself as well. "He was descending into her darkness, but we were all caught up in our own agendas to pull him out of it. We were all pretending that everything was alright when it wasn't. It was far from it."
"We were all just so numb after Jean sacrificed herself like she did," she noted poignantly. "I suppose we simply forgot about what impact it had on the rest of us especially Scott."
"It killed him to have experienced that. It was tearing him to pieces, but when she was inside of his head-pulling him away from us, we weren't able to stand up and be what he needed," Logan sighed heavily, feeling the weight of the past hanging over his head. "I refuse to go there again. I won't fail him twice in a lifetime."
"You never failed him Logan," she decided raising her chin up to meet his eyes, "because if anything you've given him something that I don't think he ever imagined possible before you."
"A royal headache I know," Logan half teased thinking about the complicated relationship he and Scott had with one another from the beginning.
"On the contrary, despite the uncharacteristic anger at times, I've never seen him so relaxed, so opposite of rigid that it's a bit unnerving," she admitted bringing her hand up through her white hair, "It's one thing to see that out of someone you've grown up with who was casual and easygoing, but Scott's never been relaxed. He's always been on top of everything, readily available to push aside his feelings and dreams to place the team above all else. He's been unstoppable and…"
"He's still all of those things," Logan interrupted, "only now he's doing what he should've done for himself years ago. He's learning to enjoy life a little bit."
"With your help undoubtedly," she couldn't help, but crack a teasing grin, "after all it's not every day that someone can boast having the affection of the mighty Wolverine."
"Don't start," Logan turned to walk away again.
"I know he loves you too Logan," she called out to him in a desperate attempt to capture his attention, "which is why I know if anyone can reach him and bring him through whatever is still happening inside of him, it's you. He trusts and respects you as well."
"He's going to be just fine," Logan promised reaching for the door and opening it up.
"I certainly hope so," she mouthed under her breath leaving Logan to wonder if perhaps there was something worth worrying about. Yes, Scott missing a training session wouldn't be a big deal if it was anyone else, but knowing it was Scott was all the more reason for Logan to be on edge. In the past that kind of mix-up had lead to Scott's destruction, but now, well, Logan just hoped the explanation was a hell of a lot simpler for all of them.