Punisher: War Zone
What the fuck was that?
(I'd tell you that spoilers may abound, but it's hard to spoil something that sucks.)
I'd be lying if I said I expected the movie to be good, but I didn't expect it to be that bad. The trailer (even the tame one...especially the tame one, I suppose) was suspect, with only the lead actor daring to show his face in this farce. So it had the feel of something that was going straight to video before it even came out. Couple that with what I just saw for two hours and goddamn, I want to kick something soft ona person.
This is the third time The Punisher has been fodder for a movie that could have been good and, for some godforsaken reason, it just made left turn after left turn when a right would do. Of the three, this one is easily the worst, and that's saying a lot, since I thought the Jane one was pretty iffy. Cool posters do not a movie make. Even Cabin Fever had a cool poster and you already know what I thought of it. I am fairly certain the two-gun-spin on the chandelier is the one clip inthe trailer that made me go, "They fucked it up again."
Didn't know Dominic West was in it. Should have put him in the trailer (sans make-up); maybe more than four people would have been in the theater I was. Then again, he probably threatened the company if they used his actual likeness in the advertising.
Ray Stevenson is utterly wasted in this movie, which is sad, since he's the best Punisher to date. Dolph Lundgren had the murky mood right, but was surrounded by madness and shit that was just dumb. Jane was too lightweight, but could act, so the Lord giveth and he taketh away. Stevenson had the package, and was the actor most like the source material, which was awesome. Too bad he was surrounded by stupid characters, over-the-top acting, and a storyline that was essentially ludicrous.
I don't know what it is about the comic book characters that aren't in tights that movies just can't seem to get right. It's almost as if they can't do a comic book movie jstice unless the character has a costume, which is silly, but true. The only just got Batman right after 20 years of trying, "Dick Tracy" also sucked (but so did the comic), and don't even get me started on what The Oracle is telling the villagers in my head about "The Spirit".
Someone in Hollywood deserves an ass-whuppin'. They ran this thing through four wrtiers, so that's part of the problem. But whoever thought it would be a good idea to include:
- Italian gangsters that talk like they've got spaghetti in their mouths,
- a cart-wheeling, roof-jumping gang of hooligans,
- Punisher day care,
- Seminary student?
- again, chandelier spinning
- liver-eating maniac who also has a thing for acrobatics
- acrobatic villains
...needs to be punished themselves.
This could have been good. You'd think after all of the good comic book movies out right now they'd have done a better job on this. You'd be wrong...like me.
(I'd tell you that spoilers may abound, but it's hard to spoil something that sucks.)
I'd be lying if I said I expected the movie to be good, but I didn't expect it to be that bad. The trailer (even the tame one...especially the tame one, I suppose) was suspect, with only the lead actor daring to show his face in this farce. So it had the feel of something that was going straight to video before it even came out. Couple that with what I just saw for two hours and goddamn, I want to kick something soft ona person.
This is the third time The Punisher has been fodder for a movie that could have been good and, for some godforsaken reason, it just made left turn after left turn when a right would do. Of the three, this one is easily the worst, and that's saying a lot, since I thought the Jane one was pretty iffy. Cool posters do not a movie make. Even Cabin Fever had a cool poster and you already know what I thought of it. I am fairly certain the two-gun-spin on the chandelier is the one clip inthe trailer that made me go, "They fucked it up again."
Didn't know Dominic West was in it. Should have put him in the trailer (sans make-up); maybe more than four people would have been in the theater I was. Then again, he probably threatened the company if they used his actual likeness in the advertising.
Ray Stevenson is utterly wasted in this movie, which is sad, since he's the best Punisher to date. Dolph Lundgren had the murky mood right, but was surrounded by madness and shit that was just dumb. Jane was too lightweight, but could act, so the Lord giveth and he taketh away. Stevenson had the package, and was the actor most like the source material, which was awesome. Too bad he was surrounded by stupid characters, over-the-top acting, and a storyline that was essentially ludicrous.
I don't know what it is about the comic book characters that aren't in tights that movies just can't seem to get right. It's almost as if they can't do a comic book movie jstice unless the character has a costume, which is silly, but true. The only just got Batman right after 20 years of trying, "Dick Tracy" also sucked (but so did the comic), and don't even get me started on what The Oracle is telling the villagers in my head about "The Spirit".
Someone in Hollywood deserves an ass-whuppin'. They ran this thing through four wrtiers, so that's part of the problem. But whoever thought it would be a good idea to include:
- Italian gangsters that talk like they've got spaghetti in their mouths,
- a cart-wheeling, roof-jumping gang of hooligans,
- Punisher day care,
- Seminary student?
- again, chandelier spinning
- liver-eating maniac who also has a thing for acrobatics
- acrobatic villains
...needs to be punished themselves.
This could have been good. You'd think after all of the good comic book movies out right now they'd have done a better job on this. You'd be wrong...like me.