Comments | scarlettina: Can I get away with this? (Ruminations on clothing and mindset)

scarlettina

Can I get away with this? (Ruminations on clothing and mindset)

Jul 04, 2011 08:58

Yesterday, after a delightful brunch with matt_ruff and lisagold (and the ever assertive Sophie Sestina) and an afternoon of work, I went downtown for movies with bedii and ladyjestocostMy bus brought me downtown about a half hour earlier than I had to be at the movie theater, so in the wake of this weekend's experiments with clothing, I decided to stop into a store I've never been ( Read more... )

weight loss, shopping, clothes, essays

Comments 14

madrobins July 4 2011, 16:06:50 UTC

A friend of mine who lost about 100 pounds has become a weight loss guru of sorts, with a whole program for which he is now a consultant. One of his tenets is that you deserve clothes that look good and make you feel good at any weight. His tone gets a little crunchy-granola-life-coachish for me, but I think the point is really important.

FWIW, I go through the same run down of questions and voices whenever I buy clothes. I do think there are some things which are less age appropriate than others (going shopping with a fifteen year old I have to keep pointing out that, even if something looks okay, I'm not a fifteen year old, and...yeah), but I'm not ready to adopt a velour track suit and running shoes just yet.

But look: you've done this amazing thing, losing weight. The big women with whom you've felt sorority are not going to feel betrayed if you buy yourself something nice (unless their problems run a lot deeper than dress size). And you deserve to reap the fruits of all your hard work and reworking of lifestyle. Go for

scarlettina July 5 2011, 05:52:51 UTC

I do think there are some things which are less age appropriate than others ...

Fair enough. As I looked through the All Saint's web site, it was clear that the catalog is intended to skew younger than me and, certainly, there were things I really couldn't have gotten away with at my age and size. And it's true that there are clothes I've passed up as being too young on other occasions. But as for the rest of of it, well, yes, I'm going to buy what looks good and enjoy the smaller me. I hope to get smaller still. We'll just go from here....

girasole July 4 2011, 16:11:58 UTC

It gets worse. Or better. I am a very short person, and I spent the years until I was 22, and then about a half decade in my early 30s, being very small indeed. So my vision of myself is actually not the small very round person I actually am.

Then I turned 60. And then, older. A couple of summers ago I bought myself a sundress - white, lacy, the thinnest of cottons - and it looked damn good. Or maybe it didn't. I couldn't bring myself to wear it. Was I too old? Did it really look OK? Who did I think I was? Who did I think I was?

I gave it away, unworn.

This post really touched me. I am grateful to you for writing it and sharing it.

scarlettina July 4 2011, 16:58:49 UTC

You're welcome. I'm sorry you gave away that dress. It sounds like it's still a loss. You should find yourself something else you love and look good in, and damn the voices in your head ( ... )

ghilledhu July 4 2011, 17:04:30 UTC

If you feel good about yourself in an article of clothing AND you think that you will wear it, then buy it. The price will be offset by the number of times you wear it. I almost didn't pick up a sundress last summer for pricing reasons, but the number of times I've worn it has made it a cost-effective garment ( ... )

twilight2000 July 4 2011, 17:08:09 UTC

Gods - I thought it was just me with the Northeast mum in my head :>. Mine never *said* any of those things (I *was* that young girl and nymph while she was alive) - it was in how she shopped for herself - with all of those questions either outloud or apparent on her face - and explained to me if I asked - "Can I get away with this" is a very powerful question - and one I *think* I've been careful not to ask in front of my daughter for just that reason...

New England has it's pluses - but it has it's negatives too ;>

e_bourne July 4 2011, 17:20:27 UTC

Self image is tough. Maybe you should go shopping with a friend for awhile to work on that -- I know it will take time to get rid of the beast, after all, it has likely taken years to grown on you. It will be hard to shed those self-perceptions, in part because they are defensive ( ... )

joycemocha July 4 2011, 17:52:34 UTC

What Elizabeth said. Buy good, buy quality. If you can't bring yourself to pay for it new, then go to a quality resale shop. Next time you're in PDX, let's go shopping! I know of at least one killer shop and then there's always Goodwill up the street.

Seriously, having finally lost the weight (and working on keeping it off), I find the big challenge is how my body shape has changed in menopause.

I remember the first time I realized that I did not have to automatically grab for the "big girl" sizes. It took me several years to get past those buying habits (and another weight gain/loss cycle). I also find the newer, kickier styles and adapt them for my preference. Work clothes have to be somewhat conservative due to the middle school teacher thing, but I do try to find pieces that add a little bit of flair, no matter what my weight.

It's also worth it to scan More magazine if you're interested in styling while being age and size appropriate. While they tend to go with younger and skinnier models, they also offer dressing ( ... )