Can I get away with this? (Ruminations on clothing and mindset)
Yesterday, after a delightful brunch with matt_ruff and lisagold (and the ever assertive Sophie Sestina) and an afternoon of work, I went downtown for movies with bedii and ladyjestocostMy bus brought me downtown about a half hour earlier than I had to be at the movie theater, so in the wake of this weekend's experiments with clothing, I decided to stop into a store I've never been
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There's a lot of processing going on here--as I'm sure you can see. I suspect I'm not done with any of it yet, but this particular issue has been rising to the surface quite a bit the last few days so it seemed like the time to unpack it a bit and see where I ended up.
Part of this has to do with my oncoming 49 birthday. My doctor recently made a point of telling me that, at my age, I'm almost certainly perimenopausal (despite my continuing clockwork menstrual cycle) and I should be trying to monitor the physical changes. I keep looking in the mirror and thinking, "You're cute. But you don't get to keep this." The weight loss is partly to try to avoid getting the world-class wattle that my grandmother developed in later years. It's partly to keep my cycle as strong and regular as possible through this period of my life. It's partly because I really do want to be healthier, especially given the medical history in my family. And it's partly because I'm tired of being dismissed by men as a result of my weight. (They're idiots if that's why they dismiss me, but that's another post entirely.) I suppose the short version is that this is a sort of midlife crisis, but that almost doesn't matter. I'm losing weight and learning to see myself differently. That's the big thing.
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