In which I lament of myself

[scarlettina]

San Francisco trip: I had this idea I was going to finish blogging about the San Francisco trip. Events (and my own laziness) have conspired against me and I have not done so. I'm afraid that a lot of trip detail has been lost in the days intervening between today and my homecoming. I am disappointed with myself in this omission.

Food and me: I

Comments

[suricattus]

renovation advice: about midway through, book a room for yourself at a nice hotel Just a night, to get away from the chaos.

(BT, didn't do that and regretted it)

[scarlettina]

That's a great suggestion. That thought actually did occur to me a couple of days ago. I may yet do it.

[herself_nyc]

Don't know if you saw this in the NY Times about weight loss/regain, but I found it interesting, reassuring, and helpful to my attitude - different I know from yours - of laissez-faire at this point in my life. A lot of the info wasn't new to me but it's a great summarization.

[scarlettina]

Yeah, there have been a couple of articles on this subject in the news lately. My big issue at this point is trying to a) eat mindfully--less sugar, more fiber and vegetables, and b) trying not to be hard on myself. Saturday night was a major aberration; it felt freakish and it scared me. It felt like I was trying to hurt myself. I need to not do that.

[herself_nyc]

Yes, we both do!

I've found in the last couple years that on the rare occasions when I do something binge-y, it's an isolated incident, and the more I let it just be that, and don't respond by imposing deprivation of any kind afterwards, the better it goes. Suggest focusing on how you were feeling and how you might feel better, rather than on the eating behavior. Also, as I learned in the last few months of high anxiety, that some times you're not going to feel better right away, but it's a source of self-esteem to keep on showing up for myself as much as I can even if I feel like crap and even if I'm not thrilled with how often and how much I may eat.

Care and meds and stuff

[the_same_andrew]

Glad to read that you're still here, on the proper side of the dirt. This "sixth decade of life" is certainly not a period during which one just forgives oneself at every opportunity-- so far (in my experience anyway) quite the opposite.

Glad you're doing at least well enough to write about it.

Re: Care and meds and stuff

[scarlettina]

This "sixth decade of life" is certainly not a period during which one just forgives oneself at every opportunity-- so far (in my experience anyway) quite the opposite.

That has been my experience as well. For me, it's a question of feeling the press of time. There are a lot of things I wanted in this life that I never got. Of course, as long as I'm alive some of them are still possible. But I find it harder and harder to let things just go. At this point, staying on the proper side of the dirt is a regular challenge; that's why the meds are so important. There are a number of things that keep me here, not the least of which is the idea that my brother would have to explain to my niece why I'm not. Neither of them would ever forgive me for punching my own ticket.

Lame reassurance

[the_same_andrew]

Yup. To the (admittedly limited) extent that I could possibly know what you mean, I know what you mean!

By so many measures, my life has never been as good as it is now; although my body has begun to sag, my improvments in mental health more than make up for it in my ability to enjoy things.

But if everything is so good, why do I feel so hideous? Of course, I'm not the first person to ask that, nor would the answer take me by surprise.