Genderfail, identification, corrective measures, and the ongoing discussion

[scarlettina]

I was going to make a "Five Things..." post this morning. But one of those five things was provoked by Trish Sullivan's post about sexism in SF and the Rod Rees debacle, which I still haven't been able to find anything about online; my Google-fu has failed me. But the Google brought up the Resnick/Malzberg genderfail, and it quickly overcame the

Comments

[malkingrey]

You're far more gracious in the face of correction than, I fear, I could ever be. I have yet to be the recipient of a public scolding, thank goodness, but I doubt I'll be that fortunate forever -- I know that the done thing these days is to express gratitude for the lessoning, but I suspect that when my time comes, I'll be doing well to preserve a dignified silence.

At least I can thank Resnick and Malzberg for a salutary example of what can happen when someone doesn't.

[scarlettina]

In the moment, I was bewildered and peeved, frankly. It's only after some thought that I'm glad for the correction. But I have been the object of regular correction from some directions and I'm not always gracious or grateful for it, especially in situations where I don't agree or where I'm tired of hearing how wrong I am. I may have a higher tolerance as a result of certain ingrained insecurities, but I do get set off every now and then. This was only one case. I have been known to deliver a smackdown when appropriate.

[mcjulie]

This made me laugh. Being told to smile has been one of my pet peeves since early childhood, but until recently I thought it was just this thing that bugs me, in particular, because I'm me.

I assumed that other people must like being told to smile, or at least not mind it, because otherwise why would it be so common?

[scarlettina]

I don't mind being told to smile--which is one of the reasons being told that doing same Is Not OK was such a surprise. I am, by nature, theatrical; I'm more vain than most people suspect (and I suspect most people who know me have at least a little sense of that vanity); and I rarely mind a camera pointed in my direction. Furthermore, I'm enough of a show-off that a moment in the spotlight--for the right reasons--is more likely to make me preen than scoff, object, or cower. But this telling someone to smile is not for everyone, and it can communicate the message that if you don't smile, you're not worth paying attention to, which isn't an acceptable message.

[ghilledhu]

It's not just you. I've always hated it when random people on the street told me to smile - how do they know what's going on in my head and heart? Maybe I've had a horrible day. Maybe I've just lost my job, or a relationship, or someone close to me. It always smacked of being told how I should feel, which felt very presumptuous. I realize that that's not how they mean it, so I bite back the snappy remarks, but that's always how it feels.

[joycemocha]

I'm still chewing over my own response to this whole issue (but I think I'm riffing off of Gini Koch's lovely response about why she writes what she does and the characters she does

[ex_triciasu]

"I think that one of the lessons to come out of the Resnick/Malzberg genderfail is that we must remain aware and elastic in our learning and our perspective. We must question our assumptions. We must learn from our mistakes, yea, even into our 70s and 80s."

Yes!

About my post this morning, sorry, didn't mean to be coy, just was rushing so didn't link. http://www.jofletcherbooks.com/2013/06/can-male-writers-successfully-write-female-characters-by-rod-rees/ and foz meadows takes him down here: http://fozmeadows.wordpress.com/2013/06/26/rageblogging-the-rod-rees-edition/

[matociquala]

Janna, I love you.

[scarlettina]

What we got goin' on here is a mutual admiration society, girlfriend. :-)