Fic: The Ties That Bind (3/4)
Title: The Ties That Bind (3/4)
Author: sc_angel72
Pairing/Characters: Ronon Dex/Jennifer Keller
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: Everything since Quarantine
Disclaimers: Not mine. I just like to play in the sandbox.
A/N: Okay, so this isn't going to be the last chapter after all. Ronon and Jennifer hijacked the story and decided there were a few more issues to be dealt with. Who am I to argue? Oh, and ps, sorry for the horrible self-beta job on the last chapter. Sheesh. Hopefully this one is a little cleaner.
Jennifer was lost and she was pretty sure she didn't want to be found. Ever. The look in Ronon's eyes as he leaned towards her made her feel like the most beautiful, most cherished, luckiest woman in at least two galaxies. And that was all before his lips met hers.
Everything else just ceased to exist once they connected. It was simply Ronon, Jennifer and the incredible need that stole her breath as surely as his soft lips moving over hers. Not just a physical need, either, but something so much bigger than she was prepared for. She wanted to love him and protect him and fight with him and laugh with him and so, so much more.
The gentleness of the kiss left her utterly defenseless. She'd braced herself for something totally different, as brash and no-nonsense as the man himself, but the way he was taking nothing for granted, asking silent questions and waiting for her to respond stunned her. Letting go and melting against him wasn't a conscious thought. It was just right.
Clearly understanding her silent surrender, Ronon deepened the kiss, one of his hands sliding into her hair as his tongue carefully slid into her mouth. Her potential for complete abandon in his arms surprised her, but the thought was faint, chased away as she lost herself in the taste of him. The flavor was as unique as the man himself: a hint of musk, leather, a fleeting sharp tang of the alien metal of his weapon drifting from scent into sensation on her tongue.
She lifted her arms and wrapped them around his neck, molding herself against his chest. The warm ache low in her stomach demanded she be as close as possible, and almost sentient itself, cursed the clothing in place that kept them from being skin to skin, one and complete. Conscious thought was a thing that existed in her murky past, and without it, shifting herself to be in Ronon's lap, her body pressed against his and her ankles locked at the small of his back was no difficult feat.
Ronon groaned, his mouth moving to her jaw and to the side of her neck, teeth carefully grazing the delicate skin there. Jennifer shuddered and rocked her hips forward, shuddering as the feel of his erection against her sent a new wave of heat flaming through her body.
He growled low in his throat, his long, strong fingers moving down her sides to grasp her hips. A breathless moan forced its way up and out of her as he pulled her even more tightly against him, thrusting forward, the friction teasing her, making it clear that what she really wanted was to feel him moving inside her. The feeling was so completely alien and so completely right at the same time.
She was so caught up in the moment that the sudden loss of contact left her confused and shivering. Shivering because the room was cool compared to the heat of Ronon's body and confused because he'd put a few feet between them and was watching her warily.
The shocked silence -- at least on Jennifer's part -- lasted long enough for coherence and reality to set in. She felt the blood drain from her face as she realized what she'd just done. He'd kissed her, yes, but she'd thrown herself at him in the most appalling way. God, she'd been rubbing up against him like a cat in heat, ready to scream because he wasn't naked yet.
Feeling horribly exposed, she pulled her knees up against her chest as she fought the urge to cry. Keeping the tears at bay was literally painful, her throat throbbing at the effort. Stupid, stupid, stupid. She'd known this was going to happen. God knew she'd lived it before. And now here she was, ripped up and mortified and she'd done it to herself.
If there was a God, Ronon would just walk out and not make her say anything. That would be easier for both of them. Words were just disguised razors when they were spoken under circumstances like the current ones. But either God wasn't listening or didn't care, because Ronon was still standing there staring at her, his expression unreadable.
Finally, because she had to do something, she looked away and found her voice. "I ... I'm sorry."
****************
Ronon stared at Jennifer as his heart tried to pound its way out of his chest. Never in a million years would he have thought that she would respond the way that she had. He'd expected her to be tentative and unsure, not sliding into his lap and rubbing against him in a way that had him ready to flip her over and bury himself inside her between one breath and the next.
Oh, the urge was definitely still there, but he wasn't going to give in to it. Jennifer wasn't just some random woman he took to bed for a laugh and a bit of naked fun. No. He'd known that from the first time he'd almost kissed her in the infirmary. And maybe that's why, despite the excuses he'd given himself about being busy, he hadn't really pursued her since. Somewhere deep down, he knew that if he let it happen, he'd be tied to her so deeply he'd never get untangled.
Ronon wasn't much for self-examination, but he knew he was already lost. The way she'd laughed with him, stood steadfast while he raged, cried with him as he grieved, comforted him with her touch ... it unlocked a deep-seated need that he thought had died a very long time ago. Even Melena hadn't met him in the same way. When his emotions had boiled over, whatever they might have been, more often than not she'd thrown up her hands and given him some space. Not Jennifer. She met him toe to toe, even when he scared her.
Gods help him, he loved her. Was in love with her. And that's why he'd pushed her away. If -- when he made love to her, he didn't want her to have any doubts about it being something that just happened because emotions were running high; just sex. He knew her too well. His Jennifer would doubt and agonize and be afraid to assume anything but the worst.
Her words startled him out of his thoughts. He focused on her, his heart squeezing painfully at the look on her face. She was pale and pulled into such a tight little ball that he wondered how she could breath at all, her eyes focused on a spot on the floor. And if he wasn't mistaken, she was trembling as well.
"What is that supposed to mean?" he asked more gruffly than he meant to. The desire to reach out for her, to touch and taste every inch of her body was so strong that he clenched his fists at his sides.
She wouldn't look at him. "It's okay, Ronon." Her voice sounded incredibly weary and the tiniest bit shaky. "We can just pretend this didn't happen. No harm, no foul, right?"
"What the hell does that mean?" He nearly flinched as the question came out as a demanding roar.
Jennifer did flinch. She still wouldn't look at him, though. "I understand that sometimes ... things happen that people don't mean. We're adults, though. It doesn't have to be a big deal if we don't make it one."
The truth of the matter hit him like a thunderclap. Wasn't he just thinking about how she assumed the worst? He was an idiot. He'd leave the noble bullshit to Sheppard from now on. In one long step he was close enough to lean down and grasp Jennifer's upper arms, pulling her to her feet and against his chest. "You think I stopped because this was a mistake?" he asked incredulously.
She stared at him with wide eyes. Her nervous swallow was audible. "I ... you ... well, didn't you?"
Ronon closed his eyes for a second and prayed for patience. Being painfully aroused and having a coherent conversation at the same time -- without yelling -- wasn't something he was very good at. "For somebody so smart, you can be awfully stupid," he muttered.
Jennifer's mouth dropped open. "Excuse me?"
"You heard what I said," he retorted sharply. "I stopped because in about ten seconds I would have had you naked and under me right there on the floor and that's not how I want this to go.
If the situation were different, Ronon might have laughed at the look of confusion on her face. He watched as she tried to make sense of his words, then had to grit his teeth as her tongue darted out to moisten her lips. In that second he was jealous of her lips. There were so many other places he'd rather see that small, pink tongue, all of them located on his bare skin.
"Jennifer," he groaned helplessly.
She blinked at him. "Wha -- what did I do?"
"You really don't have a clue, do you?"
A hint of irritation joined the thinly veiled hurt in her eyes that had appeared when she thought he was rejecting her. "Ronon, stop talking in circles!"
Completely unable to help himself, he jerked her against him and kissed her fiercely, all the gentleness of that first kiss burned away to leave an embrace that was pure, unadulterated need. A second before he totally lost his grip on sanity, he pushed her away again, but this time kept a grip on her arms. "God, you're killing me."
"But you keep kissing me," she cried, clearly baffled. "I thought you didn't want --"
"You think too much," he muttered, then closed his eyes again and forced himself to take a deep a breath. The words he needed to say were harder than he realized. He was out of his element. With Melena, he hadn't had to explain. They'd grown up together; they knew each other inside and out. And Melena was different from Jennifer in that she'd had a healthy sense of self, both in every day life and in her sexuality. She knew without ever asking that she wasn't just a physical means to an end with him.
When he opened his eyes, Jennifer was watching him solemnly. "I don't understand what you want, Ronon."
"I know," he sighed, forcing back his raging desire for her in favor of gently pulling her close, tucking her head under his chin. She came willingly enough, but he still felt the tension in her. She was so ready to be rejected.
"Jennifer, this ... I ..." He stopped, frowned and started again. He didn't have flowery words or smooth moves like Sheppard. He needed to just say it plainly. "I want you so bad it hurts. I just want to do it right, and going at it on the floor didn't seem ... right."
She went rigid in his arms. He waited, trying his damndest to be patient. A minute later her shoulders slumped and she pushed away from him. She met his eyes for just a second before her gaze skittered away. "I ... I don't know if that's a good idea. I'm not very ... good at this."
"Haven't we already had this conversation?" he asked, trying not to sigh. He could already feel the gods or the cosmos or whatever laughing at him, knowing this woman was going to teach him some patience whether he liked it or not. That was probably fair since he'd probably irritate the hell out of her sometimes, too.
She gave him a pleading look, like he was supposed to figure it out all on his own. Since she wasn't in his arms anymore, he crossed them over his chest and just arched a brow at her.
Defeat wilted her again. "Ronon, I'm not ... god, this is hard." She took a deep breath and stared at the ceiling. "Being intimate. Sex. I'm not good at it."
He couldn't help it. He snorted with laughter.
Jennifer glared.
"Sorry," he chuckled. It was when he realized that her eyes were swimming with tears that it hit him that she really believed that. "You want to explain that to me?"
"Not really," she said in a strained voice.
"Jennifer." Ronon reached out and gently gripped her chin, forcing to her look at him. "Tell me."
She shrugged away. "There's nothing to tell. I'm just not good at that sort of thing."
"Give me his name. He'll be dead in two days."
Jennifer whirled around. "What?"
"The bastard who told you you were no good in bed." He was surprised how cold his fury was at the faceless man who'd evidently scarred her so badly. "I'm going to kill him."
"Why? Because he told the truth?"
"Jen, any man who tells a woman she's bad at sex is only doing it to cover up the fact that he doesn't have a fucking clue what he's doing," he sighed.
Her eyes popped wide again. Ronon wasn't sure if it was at the language or the comment itself. He reached out twined her fingers between his. "So why do you think he said it?"
Her pale cheeks were suddenly rosy with obvious embarrassment. The desire to kill the stupid bastard got even stronger. "Jen?" He could feel the internal battle she was fighting, not wanting to tell him, but probably figuring out that he wasn't going to let it go. "There's nothing you can't tell me. You know, that, right?
"It's just really embarrassing," she murmured, her voice barely audible.
Ronon squeezed her hand, but otherwise waited. He was starting to figure out that just shutting up and letting her stew got him the answers he wanted.
She sighed heavily. "He said there something wrong with me because I couldn't ... I couldn't ... I mean ..."
"Because you couldn't come?" he supplied helpfully.
Jennifer's face flamed even more brightly red as she nodded silently.
Well, that explained a lot, but he was still curious. "With him or anybody?"
"Anybody. Not that there's exactly been a lot of anybodies," she mumbled. "But I'm not completely clueless, either. I mean, I'm a grown woman, Ronon. I have a vibrator and I know how to use it."
He was torn between laughter at her embarrassed but defiant comment and a white-hot shot of lust straight to the pit of his gut at the idea of Jennifer, alone, touching -- He had to stop that thought right there, otherwise he'd never focus. He cleared his throat. "How many, exactly?"
"Um ... three."
Ronon stared at her. How was that even possible? Were men on Earth blind or just stupid? He shook his head. Both, he figured. And dead if he ever got a name. Stupid bastards had made her feel like less because they didn't know what to do with her. The understanding made him grit his teeth.
"What about you?"
Jennifer's question brought him right back to the present, and his mouth kicked in before his brain. "I don't think I can count that high."
"Oh."
He could've shot himself. That was a really, really stupid answer. Talk about stupid bastards. He used their still-entwined fingers to pull her back to him. She resisted a little, but he tugged hard enough to pull her off balance. "Jennifer, there's only been one who mattered, though, and you know about her."
She nodded. "Melena."
"Yeah." Funny, but it didn't hurt to hear her name anymore; not like it had for such a long time.
"What about the others?"
Feeling a bit suddenly and unexpectedly ashamed of himself, Ronon shrugged. "It was like going out and shooting something. It was fun and took the edge off. That's it."
Jennifer sighed softly. "I ... I can't ... I'm sorry, Ronon, but I can't be casual like that. I just ... I can't. Too much of me gets tied up in being that intimate." She focused on some point just over his shoulder. "I don't want anything you don't want to give, but I can't --"
"Never said that's what I wanted," he pointed out irritably. "But if that's what you assumed, I guess you don't think very much of me, huh?"
"No!" She sounded shocked. "That wasn't it at all. It's me. I told you I'm not good at this." Her voice got higher as the words tumbled out. "I mean, look at just tonight. We could've had a perfectly nice time doing ... having ... being together, but instead, I end up talking about my abysmal sexual history and intimacy issues."
"I don't think there's anything wrong with not wanting to be just a quick fuck."
She flinched at the crudity. Ronon almost grinned. That's exactly why he'd said it that way.
"But why?" she asked wearily. "What do you possibly see in me that makes you want more than ..." She hesitated, then threw his own words back at him, a twist of sarcasm in her tone. " ... a quick fuck?"
He did grin, then. The word just sounded so wrong rolling off her tongue, but it was one more example of how, even in her insecurities, she stood toe to toe with him. He'd about had his fill of talking in circles, though.
"Oh, I can tell you, but the thing is, Jen, you're stubborn as hell. You're not going to believe it unless you see it, so I'm going to have to show you. That's going to take time, though. Fine by me." He backed her up against the wall as he talked. "The thing is, I want you. Want you like I haven't wanted anybody before, I think. And I'm not just talking about sex, although I want that too. Lots of it."
He braced his arms on either side of her shoulders, caging her in. "The rest is up to you. We can start this off fast or slow. Your call." He didn't mention that if she picked the slow road, she'd probably end up treating him for hypothermia from all the cold showers he'd have to take. The point was that as hard as it might be for him to do it, he had to let her take the lead. He was fairly certain that hat was the only way she'd truly believe in his feelings for her.
"So, Doc, what's it going to be?"
tbc
Author: sc_angel72
Pairing/Characters: Ronon Dex/Jennifer Keller
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: Everything since Quarantine
Disclaimers: Not mine. I just like to play in the sandbox.
A/N: Okay, so this isn't going to be the last chapter after all. Ronon and Jennifer hijacked the story and decided there were a few more issues to be dealt with. Who am I to argue? Oh, and ps, sorry for the horrible self-beta job on the last chapter. Sheesh. Hopefully this one is a little cleaner.
Jennifer was lost and she was pretty sure she didn't want to be found. Ever. The look in Ronon's eyes as he leaned towards her made her feel like the most beautiful, most cherished, luckiest woman in at least two galaxies. And that was all before his lips met hers.
Everything else just ceased to exist once they connected. It was simply Ronon, Jennifer and the incredible need that stole her breath as surely as his soft lips moving over hers. Not just a physical need, either, but something so much bigger than she was prepared for. She wanted to love him and protect him and fight with him and laugh with him and so, so much more.
The gentleness of the kiss left her utterly defenseless. She'd braced herself for something totally different, as brash and no-nonsense as the man himself, but the way he was taking nothing for granted, asking silent questions and waiting for her to respond stunned her. Letting go and melting against him wasn't a conscious thought. It was just right.
Clearly understanding her silent surrender, Ronon deepened the kiss, one of his hands sliding into her hair as his tongue carefully slid into her mouth. Her potential for complete abandon in his arms surprised her, but the thought was faint, chased away as she lost herself in the taste of him. The flavor was as unique as the man himself: a hint of musk, leather, a fleeting sharp tang of the alien metal of his weapon drifting from scent into sensation on her tongue.
She lifted her arms and wrapped them around his neck, molding herself against his chest. The warm ache low in her stomach demanded she be as close as possible, and almost sentient itself, cursed the clothing in place that kept them from being skin to skin, one and complete. Conscious thought was a thing that existed in her murky past, and without it, shifting herself to be in Ronon's lap, her body pressed against his and her ankles locked at the small of his back was no difficult feat.
Ronon groaned, his mouth moving to her jaw and to the side of her neck, teeth carefully grazing the delicate skin there. Jennifer shuddered and rocked her hips forward, shuddering as the feel of his erection against her sent a new wave of heat flaming through her body.
He growled low in his throat, his long, strong fingers moving down her sides to grasp her hips. A breathless moan forced its way up and out of her as he pulled her even more tightly against him, thrusting forward, the friction teasing her, making it clear that what she really wanted was to feel him moving inside her. The feeling was so completely alien and so completely right at the same time.
She was so caught up in the moment that the sudden loss of contact left her confused and shivering. Shivering because the room was cool compared to the heat of Ronon's body and confused because he'd put a few feet between them and was watching her warily.
The shocked silence -- at least on Jennifer's part -- lasted long enough for coherence and reality to set in. She felt the blood drain from her face as she realized what she'd just done. He'd kissed her, yes, but she'd thrown herself at him in the most appalling way. God, she'd been rubbing up against him like a cat in heat, ready to scream because he wasn't naked yet.
Feeling horribly exposed, she pulled her knees up against her chest as she fought the urge to cry. Keeping the tears at bay was literally painful, her throat throbbing at the effort. Stupid, stupid, stupid. She'd known this was going to happen. God knew she'd lived it before. And now here she was, ripped up and mortified and she'd done it to herself.
If there was a God, Ronon would just walk out and not make her say anything. That would be easier for both of them. Words were just disguised razors when they were spoken under circumstances like the current ones. But either God wasn't listening or didn't care, because Ronon was still standing there staring at her, his expression unreadable.
Finally, because she had to do something, she looked away and found her voice. "I ... I'm sorry."
****************
Ronon stared at Jennifer as his heart tried to pound its way out of his chest. Never in a million years would he have thought that she would respond the way that she had. He'd expected her to be tentative and unsure, not sliding into his lap and rubbing against him in a way that had him ready to flip her over and bury himself inside her between one breath and the next.
Oh, the urge was definitely still there, but he wasn't going to give in to it. Jennifer wasn't just some random woman he took to bed for a laugh and a bit of naked fun. No. He'd known that from the first time he'd almost kissed her in the infirmary. And maybe that's why, despite the excuses he'd given himself about being busy, he hadn't really pursued her since. Somewhere deep down, he knew that if he let it happen, he'd be tied to her so deeply he'd never get untangled.
Ronon wasn't much for self-examination, but he knew he was already lost. The way she'd laughed with him, stood steadfast while he raged, cried with him as he grieved, comforted him with her touch ... it unlocked a deep-seated need that he thought had died a very long time ago. Even Melena hadn't met him in the same way. When his emotions had boiled over, whatever they might have been, more often than not she'd thrown up her hands and given him some space. Not Jennifer. She met him toe to toe, even when he scared her.
Gods help him, he loved her. Was in love with her. And that's why he'd pushed her away. If -- when he made love to her, he didn't want her to have any doubts about it being something that just happened because emotions were running high; just sex. He knew her too well. His Jennifer would doubt and agonize and be afraid to assume anything but the worst.
Her words startled him out of his thoughts. He focused on her, his heart squeezing painfully at the look on her face. She was pale and pulled into such a tight little ball that he wondered how she could breath at all, her eyes focused on a spot on the floor. And if he wasn't mistaken, she was trembling as well.
"What is that supposed to mean?" he asked more gruffly than he meant to. The desire to reach out for her, to touch and taste every inch of her body was so strong that he clenched his fists at his sides.
She wouldn't look at him. "It's okay, Ronon." Her voice sounded incredibly weary and the tiniest bit shaky. "We can just pretend this didn't happen. No harm, no foul, right?"
"What the hell does that mean?" He nearly flinched as the question came out as a demanding roar.
Jennifer did flinch. She still wouldn't look at him, though. "I understand that sometimes ... things happen that people don't mean. We're adults, though. It doesn't have to be a big deal if we don't make it one."
The truth of the matter hit him like a thunderclap. Wasn't he just thinking about how she assumed the worst? He was an idiot. He'd leave the noble bullshit to Sheppard from now on. In one long step he was close enough to lean down and grasp Jennifer's upper arms, pulling her to her feet and against his chest. "You think I stopped because this was a mistake?" he asked incredulously.
She stared at him with wide eyes. Her nervous swallow was audible. "I ... you ... well, didn't you?"
Ronon closed his eyes for a second and prayed for patience. Being painfully aroused and having a coherent conversation at the same time -- without yelling -- wasn't something he was very good at. "For somebody so smart, you can be awfully stupid," he muttered.
Jennifer's mouth dropped open. "Excuse me?"
"You heard what I said," he retorted sharply. "I stopped because in about ten seconds I would have had you naked and under me right there on the floor and that's not how I want this to go.
If the situation were different, Ronon might have laughed at the look of confusion on her face. He watched as she tried to make sense of his words, then had to grit his teeth as her tongue darted out to moisten her lips. In that second he was jealous of her lips. There were so many other places he'd rather see that small, pink tongue, all of them located on his bare skin.
"Jennifer," he groaned helplessly.
She blinked at him. "Wha -- what did I do?"
"You really don't have a clue, do you?"
A hint of irritation joined the thinly veiled hurt in her eyes that had appeared when she thought he was rejecting her. "Ronon, stop talking in circles!"
Completely unable to help himself, he jerked her against him and kissed her fiercely, all the gentleness of that first kiss burned away to leave an embrace that was pure, unadulterated need. A second before he totally lost his grip on sanity, he pushed her away again, but this time kept a grip on her arms. "God, you're killing me."
"But you keep kissing me," she cried, clearly baffled. "I thought you didn't want --"
"You think too much," he muttered, then closed his eyes again and forced himself to take a deep a breath. The words he needed to say were harder than he realized. He was out of his element. With Melena, he hadn't had to explain. They'd grown up together; they knew each other inside and out. And Melena was different from Jennifer in that she'd had a healthy sense of self, both in every day life and in her sexuality. She knew without ever asking that she wasn't just a physical means to an end with him.
When he opened his eyes, Jennifer was watching him solemnly. "I don't understand what you want, Ronon."
"I know," he sighed, forcing back his raging desire for her in favor of gently pulling her close, tucking her head under his chin. She came willingly enough, but he still felt the tension in her. She was so ready to be rejected.
"Jennifer, this ... I ..." He stopped, frowned and started again. He didn't have flowery words or smooth moves like Sheppard. He needed to just say it plainly. "I want you so bad it hurts. I just want to do it right, and going at it on the floor didn't seem ... right."
She went rigid in his arms. He waited, trying his damndest to be patient. A minute later her shoulders slumped and she pushed away from him. She met his eyes for just a second before her gaze skittered away. "I ... I don't know if that's a good idea. I'm not very ... good at this."
"Haven't we already had this conversation?" he asked, trying not to sigh. He could already feel the gods or the cosmos or whatever laughing at him, knowing this woman was going to teach him some patience whether he liked it or not. That was probably fair since he'd probably irritate the hell out of her sometimes, too.
She gave him a pleading look, like he was supposed to figure it out all on his own. Since she wasn't in his arms anymore, he crossed them over his chest and just arched a brow at her.
Defeat wilted her again. "Ronon, I'm not ... god, this is hard." She took a deep breath and stared at the ceiling. "Being intimate. Sex. I'm not good at it."
He couldn't help it. He snorted with laughter.
Jennifer glared.
"Sorry," he chuckled. It was when he realized that her eyes were swimming with tears that it hit him that she really believed that. "You want to explain that to me?"
"Not really," she said in a strained voice.
"Jennifer." Ronon reached out and gently gripped her chin, forcing to her look at him. "Tell me."
She shrugged away. "There's nothing to tell. I'm just not good at that sort of thing."
"Give me his name. He'll be dead in two days."
Jennifer whirled around. "What?"
"The bastard who told you you were no good in bed." He was surprised how cold his fury was at the faceless man who'd evidently scarred her so badly. "I'm going to kill him."
"Why? Because he told the truth?"
"Jen, any man who tells a woman she's bad at sex is only doing it to cover up the fact that he doesn't have a fucking clue what he's doing," he sighed.
Her eyes popped wide again. Ronon wasn't sure if it was at the language or the comment itself. He reached out twined her fingers between his. "So why do you think he said it?"
Her pale cheeks were suddenly rosy with obvious embarrassment. The desire to kill the stupid bastard got even stronger. "Jen?" He could feel the internal battle she was fighting, not wanting to tell him, but probably figuring out that he wasn't going to let it go. "There's nothing you can't tell me. You know, that, right?
"It's just really embarrassing," she murmured, her voice barely audible.
Ronon squeezed her hand, but otherwise waited. He was starting to figure out that just shutting up and letting her stew got him the answers he wanted.
She sighed heavily. "He said there something wrong with me because I couldn't ... I couldn't ... I mean ..."
"Because you couldn't come?" he supplied helpfully.
Jennifer's face flamed even more brightly red as she nodded silently.
Well, that explained a lot, but he was still curious. "With him or anybody?"
"Anybody. Not that there's exactly been a lot of anybodies," she mumbled. "But I'm not completely clueless, either. I mean, I'm a grown woman, Ronon. I have a vibrator and I know how to use it."
He was torn between laughter at her embarrassed but defiant comment and a white-hot shot of lust straight to the pit of his gut at the idea of Jennifer, alone, touching -- He had to stop that thought right there, otherwise he'd never focus. He cleared his throat. "How many, exactly?"
"Um ... three."
Ronon stared at her. How was that even possible? Were men on Earth blind or just stupid? He shook his head. Both, he figured. And dead if he ever got a name. Stupid bastards had made her feel like less because they didn't know what to do with her. The understanding made him grit his teeth.
"What about you?"
Jennifer's question brought him right back to the present, and his mouth kicked in before his brain. "I don't think I can count that high."
"Oh."
He could've shot himself. That was a really, really stupid answer. Talk about stupid bastards. He used their still-entwined fingers to pull her back to him. She resisted a little, but he tugged hard enough to pull her off balance. "Jennifer, there's only been one who mattered, though, and you know about her."
She nodded. "Melena."
"Yeah." Funny, but it didn't hurt to hear her name anymore; not like it had for such a long time.
"What about the others?"
Feeling a bit suddenly and unexpectedly ashamed of himself, Ronon shrugged. "It was like going out and shooting something. It was fun and took the edge off. That's it."
Jennifer sighed softly. "I ... I can't ... I'm sorry, Ronon, but I can't be casual like that. I just ... I can't. Too much of me gets tied up in being that intimate." She focused on some point just over his shoulder. "I don't want anything you don't want to give, but I can't --"
"Never said that's what I wanted," he pointed out irritably. "But if that's what you assumed, I guess you don't think very much of me, huh?"
"No!" She sounded shocked. "That wasn't it at all. It's me. I told you I'm not good at this." Her voice got higher as the words tumbled out. "I mean, look at just tonight. We could've had a perfectly nice time doing ... having ... being together, but instead, I end up talking about my abysmal sexual history and intimacy issues."
"I don't think there's anything wrong with not wanting to be just a quick fuck."
She flinched at the crudity. Ronon almost grinned. That's exactly why he'd said it that way.
"But why?" she asked wearily. "What do you possibly see in me that makes you want more than ..." She hesitated, then threw his own words back at him, a twist of sarcasm in her tone. " ... a quick fuck?"
He did grin, then. The word just sounded so wrong rolling off her tongue, but it was one more example of how, even in her insecurities, she stood toe to toe with him. He'd about had his fill of talking in circles, though.
"Oh, I can tell you, but the thing is, Jen, you're stubborn as hell. You're not going to believe it unless you see it, so I'm going to have to show you. That's going to take time, though. Fine by me." He backed her up against the wall as he talked. "The thing is, I want you. Want you like I haven't wanted anybody before, I think. And I'm not just talking about sex, although I want that too. Lots of it."
He braced his arms on either side of her shoulders, caging her in. "The rest is up to you. We can start this off fast or slow. Your call." He didn't mention that if she picked the slow road, she'd probably end up treating him for hypothermia from all the cold showers he'd have to take. The point was that as hard as it might be for him to do it, he had to let her take the lead. He was fairly certain that hat was the only way she'd truly believe in his feelings for her.
"So, Doc, what's it going to be?"
tbc