fic: come in closer (i want you to) [8/?]
Chapter: viii: to be alone with you - sufjan stevens/to be alone with you, with me
Word count: 5800
Author's notes: *cackles evilly* You guys are going to destroy me for the ending of this chapter~ I JUST HAD TO GET IT TO YOU GUYS, OKAY. I PROMISE SOME SEXY TIMES. CHAPTER 9 WON'T TAKE SO LONG, I SWEAR. KISSES XXXXXXXX
From, your obnoxious fic writer.
"Soundtrack" (not really) for this chapter: to be alone with you - sufjan stevens
At AO3
When Jesse arrives home he dawdles downstairs and keeps his mom company for a bit whilst she prepares dinner, but goes upstairs to his room after she and his dad start discussing the difference between fruits and vegetables (“Really? Call me when dinner’s ready.” “But Jesse, cucumbers and tomatoes have seeds -“).
He pops his head into Hallie Kate’s room. She’s sitting on the floor reading a book. He smiles at the sight and turns to leave when she calls out, “Hey, Jesse.”
He turns back to her. “Hey, Hallie Kate.”
She puts her book down. “I miss swimming.” Hallie Kate stares up at him sadly.
“Classes start in a week, don’t they?”
“Two weeks, Jesse!”
“Do you want me to do something?”
“Yeah, take me to the pool.”
“But the pool’s closed.”
“No. The public pool. Where Andrew took you to learn how to swim!” She giggles.
Jesse blinks. That day -
“Can Carina come too? Please Jesse, it’d be so much fun!”
-when Andrew looked at him and then Jesse was basically naked and they went home and -
“You can bring Andrew if you like.”
- oh.
“Okay.”
(no stalls)
(in those change-rooms)
She squeals and jumps up, hugging him around his waist. Oh Hallie Kate. He hugs her back and she starts chattering. “When can we go? Can we go tomorrow? Can you tell Mom? Can you ask Carina’s mom? Can I sleep over at Carina’s afterwards? Do you think Mom would say yes to that?”
Jesse laughs. “We’ll ask together over dinner, okay? Now get back to your book. What are you reading anyway?”
Hallie Kate looks happy. “Black Beauty! It’s about a horse called Black Beauty. I like it a lot. Have you read it?”
Andrew likes horses. “No, I haven’t. Should I?”
“Maybe. The writing is big so maybe it’s not for grown up kids, but you could like it. Did you know that Aunty Ari and Uncle Peter own a ranch and they have horses?”
“Do they?”
“Yeah, I told Mom I wanted a horse like Black Beauty and she said that they have one now.”
(oh?)
(interesting)
“Cool. Well, I’ll let you get back to it.”
Hallie Kate sits back down but as Jesse enters his room, he hears her yell “Don’t forget we’re going to ask Mom about swimming!”
Yeah, swimming. That could be a sweet idea. He finally takes off his winter clothing - it was getting hot inside the house, why was he still wearing it anyway? - and gets changed into something lighter. Falling onto his bed, he takes his phone out of his pocket. Oh? He has a text from Joe. He’ll read it just after he sends this one…
Andrew:
hallie kate wants to go swimming with carina
some time this week, come with?
After sending it off, he opens up the text from Joe.
From Joe:
btw, dnt no if u realised, but u have the beginnings of a hickey on ur neck
A what? What’s a ‘hickey’? Frowning, Jesse moves to stand in front of the mirror, twisting his head to peer at the -
Large bruising on the right side of his neck, just below his jaw line.
He stares at it.
What.
He presses lightly at it and oh, it hurts. Jesse grimaces and his phone beeps.
From Andrew:
Sure, I’d love to Jess! Just tell me whenever. Can I see you tomorrow regardless?
He’s just about to respond to Andrew when he hears, Kerri! Jesse! Hallie Kate! Dinner!
Jesse leaves his phone on his bed and walks downstairs.
It’s only when he’s sitting at the dinner table, next to Kerri and Hallie Kate and opposite his parents that he remembers the hickey is in plain sight.
(oh)
(fuck)
“Jesse, pass the salt would you?” His mom asks. Jesse does so, and then ducks his head to stare at his plate.
Kerri and his parents talk about college, and it’s going okay, until he feels Hallie Kate kick him from beneath the table. He glances sharply at her, wincing slightly because of the bruising on his neck, and she scowls at him and mouths something he doesn’t catch. He shakes his head - what? - and she mouths it again and - oh.
The swimming.
(but)
“Mom, would it be possible for me to take Hallie Kate and Carina to the public pool sometime this week, with Andrew?” Jesse says to his plate.
(andrew)
(andrew)
(his ass)
(voice)
Jesse feels slightly giddy.
“I’m sorry dear, I didn’t understand. You’ll have to put your head up.”
(oh shit)
Jesse looks up but casually starts scratching his neck - ow. Not a good plan. He tries to lean against his hand, but the posture is awkward and the hickey fucking hurts. Shit.
He settles with hovering his right hand over the bruise and smiling awkwardly at his parents, as he repeats what he said earlier.
“So could you call Sophia or whatever?”
Hallie Kate is beaming.
Jesse’s hickey has decided that now is the right time to start being painful.
Mom looks amused.
“Sure. However, I think I remember Sophia saying something about Italian family coming over this week, so we’ll have to see. I’ll call her up after dinner, if you like?”
Hallie Kate nods eagerly and Jesse is pleased that she is pleased. Kerri is discussing something with Dad and Jesse is finding it difficult eating with solely his left hand. It’s fine, except near the end of his meal he gets distracted by Mom and Hallie Kate’s conversation about horses, so he finishes his glass of water using his other hand and is starting to stand up when his mom gasps -
“Jesse! What’s that on your neck? Are you okay?”
And the whole family turns and looks at him.
(oh)
(fuck)
“Um.”
Kerri stares at him like she knows what it is. She probably does.
“It’s a bruise.” Jesse mumbles.
Despite the fact that Kerri is now gaping at him, his parents just look confused. Hallie Kate has already turned back to her dinner and is trying to talk to his mom about the swimming.
Jesse picks up his plate and glass and hurries to the kitchen, stacking them in the dishwasher before he returns to his room, climbing the stairs two at a time. Once in, he locks the door and sighs heavily. Fucking hell. Jesse picks up his phone, intending to reply to Andrew, but there’s a text from Kristen.
From Kristen:
Hey, you and JT are coming over tomorrow.
No, you can’t invite Andrew. Bye.(but)
(dating?)
Well, I suppose that settles that then, he thinks. Sorry Andrew. Soon…
Shit, how is he going to explain the hickey?
He should probably do some homework, get ready for when school starts again, but the most he can bring himself to do is lie on his bed.
(andrew)
(hickey)
(swimming)
(tomorrow)
(dating)
(kissing andrew)
Perhaps 20 minutes pass, and his mind keeps drifting to the image of -
Jesse slips a hand into his underwear.
Andrew’s legs and his shoulders and oh, the soft skin of his ass and oh the way it had felt to have his dick rub against Andrew’s dick,
(too soon?)
and, and -
He presses the bruise lightly with his unoccupied hand.
When Andrew’s lips were sucking and biting on Jesse’s neck and the way he would moan.
Jesse’s dick is half-hard. He strokes at it carelessly, wishing Andrew were on top of him right now, rubbing against him right now, whispering in his ear right now…
“Jesse?”
Kerri.
“Ah, yes?”
He whips his hand out of his underwear and sits up straight. He looks down. Okay. Sweats aren’t tenting. Good.
“Open the door.”
Jesse stalks over to the door and unlocks it.
“Hi Kerri, what’s -“
Kerri pushes past him and sits on his bed.
“Explain.”
“Explain what?”
Jesse goes for puzzled but curious. Kerri’s not buying it.
“That gigantic hickey on your neck!”
Jesse winces and closes the door, muttering, “Keep your voice down! What did Mum and Dad say?”
Kerri snorts. “They were baffled, but I think they get the idea. Probably won’t ask about it though. Mum’s on the phone to Sophia. Now stop avoiding the question and tell me why you have a hickey on your neck!”
This is definitely the most awkward situation he has ever been in, and the most humiliating. And scary. More awkward and scarier than meeting Andrew and dry humping him and then ignoring him and then being basically naked around him and admitting he likes him and then kissing him and sleeping in the same bed with him and then rubbing his dick against Andrew’s and -
“Stop it. Just talk to me.” Kerri lowers her voice. “Sit.”
Jesse sits next to her.
She peers at the bruising and actually makes a sound like she’s impressed. “Jesse, that is one intense hickey. I would congratulate you if it weren’t for the fact that I am extremely confused at the moment.”
“Why are you confused? You know it’s a hickey.”
And Kerri actually laughs at him. “Oh, little brother. You always were good at avoiding the most important questions.”
(yeah…)
(like, is he gay?)
(what does he want from andrew?)
(what’s going to happen in the future?)
(what the fuck is he doing?)
“Jesse! Stop! I’m not angry or anything. I’m just curious, interested, you know? In my little brother’s love life. I didn’t know that you….liked anyone. Or had anyone in your life who would…do that.” She gestures at his neck.
Jesse stares at her blankly, because this is ridiculous and was not supposed to happen. He can feel his heart beat beginning to speed up and he starts breathing heavily. How is going to explain this? This is all so wrong, it wasn’t supposed to be like this, he doesn’t know what he’s doing, he likes Andrew and wants to kiss Andrew but how does he tell -
Kerri puts her hands on his cheeks, holding his face, but her finger sweeps across the bruise and he flinches out of her grasp.
“I’m sorry! Woops! Jesse, please don’t panic, it’s okay. I’m not angry. You don’t have to tell me who she is, just -“
The door flings open and Hallie Kate comes running in. She jumps on Kerri and exclaims, “Carina’s mom said we could go swimming together!”
“That’s great! Tomorrow?” Kerri arranges Hallie Kate on her lap and automatically starts playing with her hair.
“No. Carina’s grandparents are coming to visit from Italy! So not tomorrow. But the day after? When’s the third?”
Kerri laughs but Jesse can only offer a tight-lipped smile.
(who she is)
(who HE is)
(andrew)
(andrew)
“Yeah, the day after tomorrow is the third. So is Jesse taking you then?”
Kerri smiles at Jesse, but he can see the unanswered questions in her eyes.
“Yep. I’ll tell Andrew.”
Hallie Kate grins at them both before jumping off Kerri’s lap. She stands in front of Jesse and, like Kerri did, peers at his bruise. Jesse tries not to recoil away.
“I saw that before dinner. Does it hurt a lot?”
“Not too much. Only if I touch it or twist my head weirdly.”
Hallie Kate gazes at him. “Don’t do that then. I’m going now.”
She skips out of his bedroom. Jesse and Kerri watch her leave and once she’s gone Kerri immediately turns back to Jesse.
“I’m sorry about before. Is it really that sensitive?”
Jesse nods.
(andrew)
Kerri nods too and clasps her hands. “I’m sorry if you think I’m pushing you. I don’t mean to. You don’t have to tell me right now if you don’t want. I just didn’t think…well you’ve never showed any interest in anyone before and it’s - well. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t shocked, let’s put it like that!”
Jesse keeps his eyes trained on the floor, because it’s easier this way. Jesse’s shocked too, but he can’t exactly tell Kerri now, because, well -
(you can tell me anything)
(not yet)
Kerri carefully lifts his chin up and makes him look at her. “Just tell me, is it someone you really care about?”
(andrew’s smile)
“Yes.”
“And they really care about you, too?” She asks quietly.
(andrew’s kisses)
(his mind)
(his opinions)
(gentle)
(so gentle)
“Yes.” Jesse says softly.
Kerri’s eyes go blind with tenderness. “I’m glad.”
She stands to leave. “When you’re ready, will you tell me?”
(when he’s ready)
(whenever that is)
“Okay.”
She nods but -
“Oh and Kerri? Don’t tell Mom and Dad, please…”
“Of course! Of course! Yes. I understand. You can trust me.”
She gives him one last smile before leaving and gently closing the door behind her.
He stands up to lock it then flops down on his bed. Great! Well, it could have been worse.
Jesse checks his underwear. He’s still half-hard.
Sighing, he lies back down.
************
After mucking around in his room for an hour or so, Jesse decides he wants to sleep.
Teeth: brushed.
Lights: off.
Door: closed.
Pyjamas: on.
Phone: in Jesse’s hands.
He tells Kristen that he’ll be there tomorrow, but he needs to reply to Andrew too.
(maybe…?)
Jesse clicks into his contacts, then to Andrew’s mobile number. He stares at it for a few seconds. Okay.
He clicks Call and holds the phone to his ear, turning on his side and holding the comforter up to his chin.
“Jesse?” Andrew’s voice sounds tired, but alert.
“Hi. How did you know it was me?”
“My phone told me.” A quiet laugh.
“Did I wake you?”
“No, but I’m in bed and was just about to turn my phone off.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, good-“
“No, no, Jess! It’s okay. I’ve missed you. Why’d you call?”
(missed you too)
“We saw each other today.”
Another quiet laugh. “I know, I know, but you know me…”
“I wanted to talk, I guess.”
Jesse closes his eyes and imagines Andrew smiling now. “Really? That’s nice. I’m glad you called.”
“Um, we can’t see each other tomorrow.”
Now Jesse imagines Andrew’s face falling. “Oh, okay.”
“Kristen wants me and JT over. And she specifically said that you can’t come, so I’m sorry.”
Silence.
“But um, the day after tomorrow I’m taking Hallie Kate and Carina to the public pool and you can come too and then, we, maybe, we -“
Jesse furrows his eyebrows. “- do you think I could come over again?”
He hears a sharp intake of breath. “I’d like that, Jess. I’d like that a lot. For a sleepover?”
“Yeah, I’d like that, too.”
Jesse reckons he hears Andrew smile again.
(smile)
(his)
(joe)
(dating)
(oh)
“Oh and Andrew?”
“Yes?”
“I’ve got something I want to tell you.” Jesse can do this. He has to do this. Andrew wants this, doesn’t he? Jesse will have to ask but he’s pretty sure -
“Is that so? What is it?”
“Oh, not now. At…your house.”
“Oh.” Andrew’s voice is soft, like he understands. Maybe he does.
They talk, for a while, about things. Jesse tells Andrew about Black Beauty and how his family apparently own a ranch now (“Shit, are you serious?” “Yeah?” “That is so cool…”). Andrew tells Jesse about how bored he was today, and thus his poor attempts at poetry (“What’s so bad about your writing?” “I make it rhyme, but it doesn’t sound good, and then it gets too romantic and I don’t know.” “You’re a romantic person, so what?” “I guess…”).
Jesse listens to Andrew’s breathing. All is dark. Everything is more intense at night, and he knows he’s felt this sometime before. So he can’t help what slips out of his mouth when he’s tired, in bed, on the phone to someone who makes him feel safe yet also very, very scared.
(but in a good way)
“I really like you.” He whispers.
Andrew sighs happily. “I really like you, too.”
Jesse shifts and accidentally knocks his bruise with the phone. He gasps in pain.
“Jess? Are you all right?” Andrew sounds worried.
“Yeah, I’m fine, just knocked a bruise.”
(oh)
Andrew says nothing and Jesse says, “It’s on my neck.”
Andrew is smirking right now, Jesse just knows it. “Is it?”
“Yes. It’s large and it hurts.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. Want me to kiss it better?”
“I think you’ve caused enough damage already.”
“Oh?” Andrew sounds cheeky.
“Yeah, my family saw it.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“What did you tell them?”
“My parents just looked at me but Kerri asked about it. Hallie Kate didn’t care.”
“What did Kerri say?”
“She came to my room and told me to explain. I ended up telling her about you.”
Jesse can hear Andrew go very still. “Really?”
“Well, she knows that there’s some person in my life who I really care about and who really cares about me, but um, I think she thinks you’re a girl.”
“Ah.”
“Yeah.”
They lie in silence for a few moments. Jesse listens, again, to Andrew’s breathing. It’s dark, Jesse is tired, he likes Andrew, Kerri thinks a girl gave him a hickey, his parents are confused but probably suspicious, he’s seeing his best friends tomorrow, Andrew is also his best friend, Hallie Kate likes horses and so does Andrew, he likes Andrew…
(smile)
(voice)
(eyes)
(laugh)
(words)
“I do really care about you, though.” Andrew mumbles.
“I wish you were here.” Jesse blurts out.
Oh.
Andrew chuckles. “I wish I was with you, too.”
“I jerked off twice today after I left because I was thinking about you.”
(what)
Why does Jesse say these things?
“I jerked off today thinking about you as well.” Andrew admits.
“That’s good.”
They both chuckle quietly.
“You know, I used to never jerk off this much before I met you.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
A pause.
“Are you scared?” Andrew is solemn.
“Yep.”
“So am I.”
Another pause.
“I really do wish I was with you.”
Jesse smiles in the dark. “I wish I was sleeping in your bed with you.”
“I wish I was kissing you.”
(nobody else matters)
“I wish that too.”
(i’ll always keep you safe)
“I wish I was holding your hand.”
(there’s only you and me)
“That’d be nice.”
“I wish I was holding you.”
(going to keep you forever)
“You’re such a romantic.”
“Shut up.” Andrew laughs but sounds embarrassed.
“No, I like it. It’s nice. I don’t - I’ve never…this is so new. It’s nice. You should always be with me. No one else. It’s okay. Andrew - yeah. I’m tired.”
Andrew hums. Jesse realizes what he just said.
“The day after tomorrow?”
“Yeah, Jess, the day after tomorrow.”
“Okay.”
Silence.
“I’m going to sleep now.” Jesse is tired, and slightly self-conscious.
“Goodnight.”
“Night.”
A pause.
“I really like you.” Andrew mumbles.
“Go to sleep, Andrew.”
“I really like you.” He repeats.
(oh)
“I really like you, too.” Jesse whispers.
He thinks he hears Andrew repeating himself again, so he quickly murmurs goodnight and hangs up.
Jesse sleeps well tonight.
************
“Hey Jesse, aren’t you going to -“
Kerri pauses.
“Oh, Jesse.”
He frowns at her.
“Don’t Kristen and JT know?”
He shakes his head.
Kerri giggles and closes the door behind her. Jesse is sitting on his bed, wearing a turtleneck from five years ago. It’s too small.
She sits next to him. “May I?”
He nods.
Kerri gingerly unrolls the turtleneck to reveal the hickey, as splotchy and dark as it was yesterday.
“What am I going to do?” Jesse whines. “It still hurts.”
“Well firstly, you’re going to take the turtleneck off because you look ridiculous.”
He goes to take it off but Kerri is sitting on his bed, staring at him.
“Oh my god, Jesse, I’m your big sister!”
Jesse glares at her.
“Fine, fine.” She turns around.
(but shirtless)
(at pool)
(andrew)
He pulls the turtleneck off with difficulty, wincing when it slides past the bruise, and puts his pyjama shirt back on.
“Now what?”
“I guess you could wear a scarf. That’s what people do to hide hickeys, don’t they?”
“But we’ll be sitting inside.”
“Okay, so your options are: wear a scarf inside and refuse to take it off, or, take the scarf off to reveal the hickey. Either way, your friends will guess.”
(no)
(can’t)
(no no no no)
“No, please, Kerri, help me, I can’t have them guessing.”
Kerri raises her eyebrows but concedes. Sighing, she stands up. “All right. Well, you’re a boy. You could wear a nice scarf, as an accessory or something, instead of just a winter scarf but - yeah okay, I know, don’t look at me like that. Maybe Dad has some turtlenecks that will actually fit you?”
“Could you check?” Jesse asks very quietly.
She sneaks off to their parents’ room and Jesse groans to himself. Why did he let himself get carried away? He likes Andrew but maybe they -
(ass)
(lips)
- moved too fast.
(but jesse!)
(people move ‘too fast’ all the time!)
Kerri returns, holding a black turtleneck. “Here. Turns out he has one.”
Jesse takes it from her grudgingly. “Thanks, Kerri.”
She turns to leave but says, “Next time, be a bit smarter. Okay?”
(next time)
(with andrew)
He nods and she leaves. He puts the turtleneck on and it’s too big, because his dad goes to the gym and Jesse doesn’t, but it’s better than too small.
Jesse sighs and stands up. This is going to be a great day.
************
Kristen and JT are lying on Kristen’s bed, whilst Jesse sits on the desk chair. They’ve been lounging about the entire day and no one has asked about the turtleneck.
Upon arrival, Kristen had announced that she’d invited the both of them for a general ‘chill-out’ session, and because she felt liked she hadn’t hung out with ‘just’ JT and Jesse in a long time.
And Jesse had to agree with her on that one.
“Is that why Andrew couldn’t come?” He’d inquired and she’d nodded.
“I knew you’d want to invite him so I specifically said no. Now shut up and enjoy my company.”
So they’d hung out together, like when they were younger - played video games, listened to music, eaten food, the usual.
JT declared he wanted to sleep so they’d moved back to Kristen’s room.
It’s mostly quiet until Kristen asks, “When do you guys reckon is the best time to have sex?”
JT pipes up. “At night.”
Kristen whacks him on the stomach. “Hey!”
“I mean for the first time, you idiot.”
“Night’s still good.”
Jesse laughs when Kristen whacks him again. “Stop it!”
“Stop being a dick then.”
“I think the best time to have sex with someone is when you know you feel comfortable naked in front of them.” Jesse says.
(what?)
“You’d hope so.” JT laughs at them.
“It makes sense though.” Kristen agrees. “But like, when is that?”
Jesse thinks. “Um, well, when you trust them and you’ve talked about it and you both know you’re comfortable with being naked and having…their parts inserted in you. Or vice versa.”
(jesse would take it)
(andrew would take it)
(pounding -)
His friends hum in agreement.
“How would you know that you do, though?” JT says seriously.
Kristen sits up. “You’d probably have had to done other things.” She scrunches up her face and turns to JT. “You’re a virgin, right, JT?”
Emma and JT? No…
He sits up as well and looks down at his lap. “I’d have told you guys, if me and Emma did it.”
They stare at him.
“No! Yes! I am! A virgin.” JT glares at them. “Jeez, thanks guys. You know I’m not that type of guy, right? We’ve only been dating for like, two months, or something. And anyway…I don’t think I’m ready.”
Jesse and Kristen both nod.
“How about you, Kristen?” JT smirks.
She narrows her eyes. “Really? No. I mean, yes, I’m a virgin. Me and Rob - well. No. I’m not ready. He isn’t either.”
“How do you know?” Jesse asks.
(andrew?)
“We’ve done…stuff.” Jesse looks alarmed and she waves her hands about. “No, Jesse, not a lot. I haven’t been naked around him or anything.”
(jesse’s been basically naked)
(what)
“But you’ve done…stuff.” JT reiterates.
(andrew)
(rubbing against -)
She nods, and then says, “God, we are such - there are people at school who have had sex tons of times.”
“So?” Jesse asks.
“Yeah.” Kristen responds.
No one even thinks to ask Jesse.
JT lies back down and remarks, “Whatever. I’m going to wait.”
“Yeah, but for how long? How long are you supposed to wait to have sex?” Kristen plays with her hair.
“I dunno. Maybe four to six months.”
“That’s pretty exact. You’ve been reading about it?” Kristen teases.
Jesse smiles when JT flushes. “I want to do this right with Emma, you know?”
(yeah)
(same)
Jesse wonders if Joe’s had sex with Patrick.
His phone beeps. He checks it as Kristen and JT talk quietly.
From Andrew:
Hey, we still good for tomorrow?
Jesse replies yeah. Andrew responds almost immediately.
From Andrew:
What are you doing? I miss you.
Jesse tells Andrew about lounging around in Kristen’s room, and after thinking furiously for a few seconds, tacks on I miss you too at the end. He drops the phone into his lap and looks up when Kristen addresses him.
“Hey Jesse, JT and I were wondering -“
Beep!
How quick is this guy? Kristen pauses when Jesse looks at his phone.
From Andrew:
I can’t wait until tomorrow. I want to kiss you so badly.
Would you hold it against me if I told you my hand’s in my pants
right now and I’m thinking about your lips?
Jesse chokes and his friends look at him sharply.
“I’m fine. Nothing.”
“Who is it?” Kristen narrows her eyes.
“Uh, Andrew.”
“What’d he say?” JT asks.
“Nothing. Don’t worry.”
Thankfully they back down, but now all Jesse can think about is Andrew jerking off to the thought of Jesse’s lips. That’s weird, he considers, I don’t really have nice lips -
“Jesse!”
“What!”
“Do you want to watch a movie?”
Not really, but okay.
“Sure.”
“I’m choosing!” JT runs out of the room and Kristen chases after him, laughing.
Jesse sends off a text before following his friends out to the living room.
Andrew:
no i wont, but you can hold yourself against me tomorrow, if you want
************
Hallie Kate hums and Jesse carries the bags. He’s wearing an old winter scarf and Hallie Kate wears her powder-blue beanie.
“I don’t understand why you want to go swimming anyway. It’s freezing.”
They walk up to Andrew’s door.
“The pool’s heated, isn’t it?”
Hallie Kate knocks.
“Yeah, but still.”
Jesse hears loud footsteps and an I’ll get it!
Andrew opens the door, clutching his black sports bag. He wears an enthusiastic grin.
“Hi!”
“Hey Andrew.”
“Andrew!”
“Hey Hallie Kate!” Andrew bends down to hug the girl.
“Can I have a piggyback like last time?”
Andrew straightens. “Sure! Just let me…”
He yells out I’m going, bye! and steps out of the house, shutting the door behind him. Jesse takes a few paces backwards when Andrew bends down and Hallie Kate clambers onto his back. He lifts her easily. The sports bag dangles from his clasped hands.
As they walk to Carina’s house, two houses away, Andrew says, “A scarf, huh?” There’s a glint in his eyes.
“Ah, yeah, it’s pretty…chilly.” Jesse responds and Hallie Kate giggles.
Andrew marches up to Carina’s front door, letting Hallie Kate knock.
Jesse watches from the fence as Sophia opens the door and Carina comes rushing out. A few words are exchanged and Jesse can see that Sophia is simply beaming at Andrew. Jesse allows himself a soft smile.
(so beautiful)
Even in the gloomy weather
(so infatuated)
Andrew looks like
(all this desire)
he’s shining.
The golden boy and two young girls reach Jesse and Jesse’s about to start walking, but Hallie Kate says, “Jesse, you need to give Carina a piggyback now, too.”
Carina smiles up at him shyly.
Um.
Andrew snorts and Jesse wants to elbow him in the ribs, but Hallie Kate’s on his back, and his ribs are inaccessible at the moment.
(later)
When he bends down Carina eagerly climbs on and so as Jesse and Andrew walk, Hallie Kate and Carina gossip together. The boys keep silent, but every so often Andrew will purposely bump into Jesse - the girls will laugh and Jesse (feels giddy) pretends to scowl at Andrew’s adoring expression.
(his eyes)
************
Jesse had to take the winter scarf off.
When he eventually makes his way over to the general activity pool, where Andrew and the girls are currently splashing about in, Andrew whistles.
Jesse slides into the heated pool quickly and Andrew whispers in his ear. “What do you think of my handiwork?”
“Shut up. It still hurts.”
Andrew chuckles to himself and leans casually on the side of the pool next to Jesse. Jesse rubs his hands together and lets himself sink deeper into the pool, so that only his head is peeping out from the water.
Hallie Kate and Carina play about a couple of yards in front of them.
“You’re coming back to mine after we drop Hallie Kate off at Carina’s, yeah?”
“Yes.”
“Good.”
Jesse sees, out of the corner of his eye, Andrew smile.
(beautiful)
“I’m going to kiss you on your lips.” Andrew says coolly.
(yep)
(what?)
“Keep your voice down!” Jesse hisses.
Andrew lowers his voice and tips his head towards Jesse. “Then I’m going to kiss you on your hickey, because I made that hickey.”
Jesse stares straight ahead. He doesn’t know why Andrew is doing this, but Jesse
(likes it)
thinks he’s being too public.
(basically naked though -)
“If you do that, it’ll hurt.”
“I’ll be gentle.”
Jesse says nothing. Andrew makes a soft sound, and then Jesse feels a hand bumping against his in the water.
(too public?)
(but)
(want)
(andrew)
(no)
(yes )
(tell him)
(want)
“What are you doing?” Jesse says instead.
“You said you had something to tell me.” Andrew replies.
Oh, yeah. That.
“At your house.” He mumbles.
(want)
Andrew settles with that.
“Andrew! Come play with us!” Hallie Kate yells.
Jesse laughs but shakes his head when Andrew says come with me. Andrew shrugs his shoulders and moves away to reach the girls. His body brushes past Jesse’s hip and Jesse jolts.
(my body)
(on his body)
As he moves away, Andrew looks back at Jesse knowingly.
************
The change-rooms are the same as they were when Jesse came here last time with Andrew - still no toilet stalls for him to get changed in.
Andrew is towelling down his legs, Jesse is sitting on the bench next to him. He’s fidgeting because he suddenly realizes how naked Andrew practically is, and he’s acutely aware of how much more naked he’s going to be in a second.
This isn’t going to end well.
(you get erections because of me)
(golden)
(yes)
Jesse rests his hands over his crotch.
(naked)
(soaked erection)
(rubbing)
He squirms.
(hickey)
(sounds from andrew’s mouth)
(soft lips)
(soft ass -)
(they still have to take the girls home!)
Jesse breathes loudly and Andrew looks over at him.
(be open)
(you tell me what you’re feeling)
“Why do you get naked?”
Andrew pauses. “What?”
Um.
“How are you comfortable with getting naked in the change-room?”
“Jess?”
“I mean, okay, those swim briefs don’t exactly cover up much -“ (ass) “- but then when you get changed you just take them off, like it’s not a big deal that your dick is just there for everyone to see, including me.”
Jesse’s face is going red, isn’t it?
“Jess.”
“And, you know, are you so inconsiderate that you don’t realize that maybe you being naked next to me is going to give me an -“ Shut up!
Jesse stands up and walks away to the opposite corner of the change-room. The change-room is empty, which is good, because Jesse is standing against the bench, facing the wall like a loser.
Andrew’s laugh echoes around him.
A few minutes pass.
“You need to get changed, Jesse.”
Jesse turns around and Andrew is right behind him, so Jesse startles.
(he’s clothed)
(but)
(jesse isn’t exactly)
“Oh shit, Andrew, don’t do that.” Jesse laughs nervously, but Andrew merely smirks and edges closer.
(what)
“You like me, right?”
“Andrew, we’re in a public change-room.”
The backs of Jesse’s legs are being pressed against the bench because Andrew is pressed against him.
(public!)
“There’s no one here.” Andrew’s lips curl.
Jesse gulps, stuttering out, “That’s - that’s true.”
Andrew puts his hands on the wall behind Jesse, bracketing Jesse in.
(oh god)
His lips are curled, but his eyes -
“Is this okay?” Andrew whispers.
(no)
(but)
Jesse fidgets.
Dammit.
Andrew hovers his lips above Jesse’s.
“Is this okay?” He repeats.
(don’t -)
(can’t -)
(yes)
“Yeah.” He breathes.
Andrew reacts immediately, closing his eyes and pressing his lips to Jesse’s.
(yes)
Soft and warm.
(yes)
Jesse pushes into Andrew. His fingers find their way into Andrew’s damp hair and the kiss quickly turns desperate.
(hunger)
(all this hunger)
(and desire)
Andrew pushes against Jesse and Jesse can feel his wet swim shorts beginning to soak Andrew’s pants where Andrew is pushing against him and then -
He’s sitting on the bench and Andrew is actually straddling him. Jesse’s neck is bent upwards at an awkward angle as Andrew breathes into his mouth. Andrew kisses him harshly, and rocks against Jesse’s erection.
(desire)
Jesse untangles one hand and slides it into Andrew’s pants, lightly cupping Andrew’s ass. Andrew moans when Jesse squeezes and fuck, that moan. Jesse squeezes again and Andrew paws at Jesse’s bare chest with one hand, balancing himself with the other.
(public!)
(but desire)
Jesse’s aware of a vaguely painful sensation, probably from the hickey, but right now he’s simply consumed by lust and there’s nothing he can do about -
“Andrew! Jesse! What’s taking you so long!” Hallie Kate’s voice comes from outside the entrance to the boy’s change-room.
(oh shit)
Andrew pulls away and stares down at Jesse.
“Don’t come in!” Jesse actually yells back.
(what)
“Why would we do that? This is the change-room for boys!” Hallie Kate and Carina giggle, but their voices are dangerously close and -
Andrew leaps off Jesse and smiles anxiously, before grabbing his bag from the other end of the change-room. When he walks past Jesse to leave, he pauses.
Jesse hasn’t moved.
They eye each other.
(breathe)
(breathe)
“To be continued.” Andrew mutters.
part ix
Word count: 5800
Author's notes: *cackles evilly* You guys are going to destroy me for the ending of this chapter~ I JUST HAD TO GET IT TO YOU GUYS, OKAY. I PROMISE SOME SEXY TIMES. CHAPTER 9 WON'T TAKE SO LONG, I SWEAR. KISSES XXXXXXXX
From, your obnoxious fic writer.
"Soundtrack" (not really) for this chapter: to be alone with you - sufjan stevens
At AO3
When Jesse arrives home he dawdles downstairs and keeps his mom company for a bit whilst she prepares dinner, but goes upstairs to his room after she and his dad start discussing the difference between fruits and vegetables (“Really? Call me when dinner’s ready.” “But Jesse, cucumbers and tomatoes have seeds -“).
He pops his head into Hallie Kate’s room. She’s sitting on the floor reading a book. He smiles at the sight and turns to leave when she calls out, “Hey, Jesse.”
He turns back to her. “Hey, Hallie Kate.”
She puts her book down. “I miss swimming.” Hallie Kate stares up at him sadly.
“Classes start in a week, don’t they?”
“Two weeks, Jesse!”
“Do you want me to do something?”
“Yeah, take me to the pool.”
“But the pool’s closed.”
“No. The public pool. Where Andrew took you to learn how to swim!” She giggles.
Jesse blinks. That day -
“Can Carina come too? Please Jesse, it’d be so much fun!”
-when Andrew looked at him and then Jesse was basically naked and they went home and -
“You can bring Andrew if you like.”
- oh.
“Okay.”
(no stalls)
(in those change-rooms)
She squeals and jumps up, hugging him around his waist. Oh Hallie Kate. He hugs her back and she starts chattering. “When can we go? Can we go tomorrow? Can you tell Mom? Can you ask Carina’s mom? Can I sleep over at Carina’s afterwards? Do you think Mom would say yes to that?”
Jesse laughs. “We’ll ask together over dinner, okay? Now get back to your book. What are you reading anyway?”
Hallie Kate looks happy. “Black Beauty! It’s about a horse called Black Beauty. I like it a lot. Have you read it?”
Andrew likes horses. “No, I haven’t. Should I?”
“Maybe. The writing is big so maybe it’s not for grown up kids, but you could like it. Did you know that Aunty Ari and Uncle Peter own a ranch and they have horses?”
“Do they?”
“Yeah, I told Mom I wanted a horse like Black Beauty and she said that they have one now.”
(oh?)
(interesting)
“Cool. Well, I’ll let you get back to it.”
Hallie Kate sits back down but as Jesse enters his room, he hears her yell “Don’t forget we’re going to ask Mom about swimming!”
Yeah, swimming. That could be a sweet idea. He finally takes off his winter clothing - it was getting hot inside the house, why was he still wearing it anyway? - and gets changed into something lighter. Falling onto his bed, he takes his phone out of his pocket. Oh? He has a text from Joe. He’ll read it just after he sends this one…
Andrew:
hallie kate wants to go swimming with carina
some time this week, come with?
After sending it off, he opens up the text from Joe.
From Joe:
btw, dnt no if u realised, but u have the beginnings of a hickey on ur neck
A what? What’s a ‘hickey’? Frowning, Jesse moves to stand in front of the mirror, twisting his head to peer at the -
Large bruising on the right side of his neck, just below his jaw line.
He stares at it.
What.
He presses lightly at it and oh, it hurts. Jesse grimaces and his phone beeps.
From Andrew:
Sure, I’d love to Jess! Just tell me whenever. Can I see you tomorrow regardless?
He’s just about to respond to Andrew when he hears, Kerri! Jesse! Hallie Kate! Dinner!
Jesse leaves his phone on his bed and walks downstairs.
It’s only when he’s sitting at the dinner table, next to Kerri and Hallie Kate and opposite his parents that he remembers the hickey is in plain sight.
(oh)
(fuck)
“Jesse, pass the salt would you?” His mom asks. Jesse does so, and then ducks his head to stare at his plate.
Kerri and his parents talk about college, and it’s going okay, until he feels Hallie Kate kick him from beneath the table. He glances sharply at her, wincing slightly because of the bruising on his neck, and she scowls at him and mouths something he doesn’t catch. He shakes his head - what? - and she mouths it again and - oh.
The swimming.
(but)
“Mom, would it be possible for me to take Hallie Kate and Carina to the public pool sometime this week, with Andrew?” Jesse says to his plate.
(andrew)
(andrew)
(his ass)
(voice)
Jesse feels slightly giddy.
“I’m sorry dear, I didn’t understand. You’ll have to put your head up.”
(oh shit)
Jesse looks up but casually starts scratching his neck - ow. Not a good plan. He tries to lean against his hand, but the posture is awkward and the hickey fucking hurts. Shit.
He settles with hovering his right hand over the bruise and smiling awkwardly at his parents, as he repeats what he said earlier.
“So could you call Sophia or whatever?”
Hallie Kate is beaming.
Jesse’s hickey has decided that now is the right time to start being painful.
Mom looks amused.
“Sure. However, I think I remember Sophia saying something about Italian family coming over this week, so we’ll have to see. I’ll call her up after dinner, if you like?”
Hallie Kate nods eagerly and Jesse is pleased that she is pleased. Kerri is discussing something with Dad and Jesse is finding it difficult eating with solely his left hand. It’s fine, except near the end of his meal he gets distracted by Mom and Hallie Kate’s conversation about horses, so he finishes his glass of water using his other hand and is starting to stand up when his mom gasps -
“Jesse! What’s that on your neck? Are you okay?”
And the whole family turns and looks at him.
(oh)
(fuck)
“Um.”
Kerri stares at him like she knows what it is. She probably does.
“It’s a bruise.” Jesse mumbles.
Despite the fact that Kerri is now gaping at him, his parents just look confused. Hallie Kate has already turned back to her dinner and is trying to talk to his mom about the swimming.
Jesse picks up his plate and glass and hurries to the kitchen, stacking them in the dishwasher before he returns to his room, climbing the stairs two at a time. Once in, he locks the door and sighs heavily. Fucking hell. Jesse picks up his phone, intending to reply to Andrew, but there’s a text from Kristen.
From Kristen:
Hey, you and JT are coming over tomorrow.
No, you can’t invite Andrew. Bye.(but)
(dating?)
Well, I suppose that settles that then, he thinks. Sorry Andrew. Soon…
Shit, how is he going to explain the hickey?
He should probably do some homework, get ready for when school starts again, but the most he can bring himself to do is lie on his bed.
(andrew)
(hickey)
(swimming)
(tomorrow)
(dating)
(kissing andrew)
Perhaps 20 minutes pass, and his mind keeps drifting to the image of -
Jesse slips a hand into his underwear.
Andrew’s legs and his shoulders and oh, the soft skin of his ass and oh the way it had felt to have his dick rub against Andrew’s dick,
(too soon?)
and, and -
He presses the bruise lightly with his unoccupied hand.
When Andrew’s lips were sucking and biting on Jesse’s neck and the way he would moan.
Jesse’s dick is half-hard. He strokes at it carelessly, wishing Andrew were on top of him right now, rubbing against him right now, whispering in his ear right now…
“Jesse?”
Kerri.
“Ah, yes?”
He whips his hand out of his underwear and sits up straight. He looks down. Okay. Sweats aren’t tenting. Good.
“Open the door.”
Jesse stalks over to the door and unlocks it.
“Hi Kerri, what’s -“
Kerri pushes past him and sits on his bed.
“Explain.”
“Explain what?”
Jesse goes for puzzled but curious. Kerri’s not buying it.
“That gigantic hickey on your neck!”
Jesse winces and closes the door, muttering, “Keep your voice down! What did Mum and Dad say?”
Kerri snorts. “They were baffled, but I think they get the idea. Probably won’t ask about it though. Mum’s on the phone to Sophia. Now stop avoiding the question and tell me why you have a hickey on your neck!”
This is definitely the most awkward situation he has ever been in, and the most humiliating. And scary. More awkward and scarier than meeting Andrew and dry humping him and then ignoring him and then being basically naked around him and admitting he likes him and then kissing him and sleeping in the same bed with him and then rubbing his dick against Andrew’s and -
“Stop it. Just talk to me.” Kerri lowers her voice. “Sit.”
Jesse sits next to her.
She peers at the bruising and actually makes a sound like she’s impressed. “Jesse, that is one intense hickey. I would congratulate you if it weren’t for the fact that I am extremely confused at the moment.”
“Why are you confused? You know it’s a hickey.”
And Kerri actually laughs at him. “Oh, little brother. You always were good at avoiding the most important questions.”
(yeah…)
(like, is he gay?)
(what does he want from andrew?)
(what’s going to happen in the future?)
(what the fuck is he doing?)
“Jesse! Stop! I’m not angry or anything. I’m just curious, interested, you know? In my little brother’s love life. I didn’t know that you….liked anyone. Or had anyone in your life who would…do that.” She gestures at his neck.
Jesse stares at her blankly, because this is ridiculous and was not supposed to happen. He can feel his heart beat beginning to speed up and he starts breathing heavily. How is going to explain this? This is all so wrong, it wasn’t supposed to be like this, he doesn’t know what he’s doing, he likes Andrew and wants to kiss Andrew but how does he tell -
Kerri puts her hands on his cheeks, holding his face, but her finger sweeps across the bruise and he flinches out of her grasp.
“I’m sorry! Woops! Jesse, please don’t panic, it’s okay. I’m not angry. You don’t have to tell me who she is, just -“
The door flings open and Hallie Kate comes running in. She jumps on Kerri and exclaims, “Carina’s mom said we could go swimming together!”
“That’s great! Tomorrow?” Kerri arranges Hallie Kate on her lap and automatically starts playing with her hair.
“No. Carina’s grandparents are coming to visit from Italy! So not tomorrow. But the day after? When’s the third?”
Kerri laughs but Jesse can only offer a tight-lipped smile.
(who she is)
(who HE is)
(andrew)
(andrew)
“Yeah, the day after tomorrow is the third. So is Jesse taking you then?”
Kerri smiles at Jesse, but he can see the unanswered questions in her eyes.
“Yep. I’ll tell Andrew.”
Hallie Kate grins at them both before jumping off Kerri’s lap. She stands in front of Jesse and, like Kerri did, peers at his bruise. Jesse tries not to recoil away.
“I saw that before dinner. Does it hurt a lot?”
“Not too much. Only if I touch it or twist my head weirdly.”
Hallie Kate gazes at him. “Don’t do that then. I’m going now.”
She skips out of his bedroom. Jesse and Kerri watch her leave and once she’s gone Kerri immediately turns back to Jesse.
“I’m sorry about before. Is it really that sensitive?”
Jesse nods.
(andrew)
Kerri nods too and clasps her hands. “I’m sorry if you think I’m pushing you. I don’t mean to. You don’t have to tell me right now if you don’t want. I just didn’t think…well you’ve never showed any interest in anyone before and it’s - well. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t shocked, let’s put it like that!”
Jesse keeps his eyes trained on the floor, because it’s easier this way. Jesse’s shocked too, but he can’t exactly tell Kerri now, because, well -
(you can tell me anything)
(not yet)
Kerri carefully lifts his chin up and makes him look at her. “Just tell me, is it someone you really care about?”
(andrew’s smile)
“Yes.”
“And they really care about you, too?” She asks quietly.
(andrew’s kisses)
(his mind)
(his opinions)
(gentle)
(so gentle)
“Yes.” Jesse says softly.
Kerri’s eyes go blind with tenderness. “I’m glad.”
She stands to leave. “When you’re ready, will you tell me?”
(when he’s ready)
(whenever that is)
“Okay.”
She nods but -
“Oh and Kerri? Don’t tell Mom and Dad, please…”
“Of course! Of course! Yes. I understand. You can trust me.”
She gives him one last smile before leaving and gently closing the door behind her.
He stands up to lock it then flops down on his bed. Great! Well, it could have been worse.
Jesse checks his underwear. He’s still half-hard.
Sighing, he lies back down.
************
After mucking around in his room for an hour or so, Jesse decides he wants to sleep.
Teeth: brushed.
Lights: off.
Door: closed.
Pyjamas: on.
Phone: in Jesse’s hands.
He tells Kristen that he’ll be there tomorrow, but he needs to reply to Andrew too.
(maybe…?)
Jesse clicks into his contacts, then to Andrew’s mobile number. He stares at it for a few seconds. Okay.
He clicks Call and holds the phone to his ear, turning on his side and holding the comforter up to his chin.
“Jesse?” Andrew’s voice sounds tired, but alert.
“Hi. How did you know it was me?”
“My phone told me.” A quiet laugh.
“Did I wake you?”
“No, but I’m in bed and was just about to turn my phone off.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, good-“
“No, no, Jess! It’s okay. I’ve missed you. Why’d you call?”
(missed you too)
“We saw each other today.”
Another quiet laugh. “I know, I know, but you know me…”
“I wanted to talk, I guess.”
Jesse closes his eyes and imagines Andrew smiling now. “Really? That’s nice. I’m glad you called.”
“Um, we can’t see each other tomorrow.”
Now Jesse imagines Andrew’s face falling. “Oh, okay.”
“Kristen wants me and JT over. And she specifically said that you can’t come, so I’m sorry.”
Silence.
“But um, the day after tomorrow I’m taking Hallie Kate and Carina to the public pool and you can come too and then, we, maybe, we -“
Jesse furrows his eyebrows. “- do you think I could come over again?”
He hears a sharp intake of breath. “I’d like that, Jess. I’d like that a lot. For a sleepover?”
“Yeah, I’d like that, too.”
Jesse reckons he hears Andrew smile again.
(smile)
(his)
(joe)
(dating)
(oh)
“Oh and Andrew?”
“Yes?”
“I’ve got something I want to tell you.” Jesse can do this. He has to do this. Andrew wants this, doesn’t he? Jesse will have to ask but he’s pretty sure -
“Is that so? What is it?”
“Oh, not now. At…your house.”
“Oh.” Andrew’s voice is soft, like he understands. Maybe he does.
They talk, for a while, about things. Jesse tells Andrew about Black Beauty and how his family apparently own a ranch now (“Shit, are you serious?” “Yeah?” “That is so cool…”). Andrew tells Jesse about how bored he was today, and thus his poor attempts at poetry (“What’s so bad about your writing?” “I make it rhyme, but it doesn’t sound good, and then it gets too romantic and I don’t know.” “You’re a romantic person, so what?” “I guess…”).
Jesse listens to Andrew’s breathing. All is dark. Everything is more intense at night, and he knows he’s felt this sometime before. So he can’t help what slips out of his mouth when he’s tired, in bed, on the phone to someone who makes him feel safe yet also very, very scared.
(but in a good way)
“I really like you.” He whispers.
Andrew sighs happily. “I really like you, too.”
Jesse shifts and accidentally knocks his bruise with the phone. He gasps in pain.
“Jess? Are you all right?” Andrew sounds worried.
“Yeah, I’m fine, just knocked a bruise.”
(oh)
Andrew says nothing and Jesse says, “It’s on my neck.”
Andrew is smirking right now, Jesse just knows it. “Is it?”
“Yes. It’s large and it hurts.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. Want me to kiss it better?”
“I think you’ve caused enough damage already.”
“Oh?” Andrew sounds cheeky.
“Yeah, my family saw it.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“What did you tell them?”
“My parents just looked at me but Kerri asked about it. Hallie Kate didn’t care.”
“What did Kerri say?”
“She came to my room and told me to explain. I ended up telling her about you.”
Jesse can hear Andrew go very still. “Really?”
“Well, she knows that there’s some person in my life who I really care about and who really cares about me, but um, I think she thinks you’re a girl.”
“Ah.”
“Yeah.”
They lie in silence for a few moments. Jesse listens, again, to Andrew’s breathing. It’s dark, Jesse is tired, he likes Andrew, Kerri thinks a girl gave him a hickey, his parents are confused but probably suspicious, he’s seeing his best friends tomorrow, Andrew is also his best friend, Hallie Kate likes horses and so does Andrew, he likes Andrew…
(smile)
(voice)
(eyes)
(laugh)
(words)
“I do really care about you, though.” Andrew mumbles.
“I wish you were here.” Jesse blurts out.
Oh.
Andrew chuckles. “I wish I was with you, too.”
“I jerked off twice today after I left because I was thinking about you.”
(what)
Why does Jesse say these things?
“I jerked off today thinking about you as well.” Andrew admits.
“That’s good.”
They both chuckle quietly.
“You know, I used to never jerk off this much before I met you.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
A pause.
“Are you scared?” Andrew is solemn.
“Yep.”
“So am I.”
Another pause.
“I really do wish I was with you.”
Jesse smiles in the dark. “I wish I was sleeping in your bed with you.”
“I wish I was kissing you.”
(nobody else matters)
“I wish that too.”
(i’ll always keep you safe)
“I wish I was holding your hand.”
(there’s only you and me)
“That’d be nice.”
“I wish I was holding you.”
(going to keep you forever)
“You’re such a romantic.”
“Shut up.” Andrew laughs but sounds embarrassed.
“No, I like it. It’s nice. I don’t - I’ve never…this is so new. It’s nice. You should always be with me. No one else. It’s okay. Andrew - yeah. I’m tired.”
Andrew hums. Jesse realizes what he just said.
“The day after tomorrow?”
“Yeah, Jess, the day after tomorrow.”
“Okay.”
Silence.
“I’m going to sleep now.” Jesse is tired, and slightly self-conscious.
“Goodnight.”
“Night.”
A pause.
“I really like you.” Andrew mumbles.
“Go to sleep, Andrew.”
“I really like you.” He repeats.
(oh)
“I really like you, too.” Jesse whispers.
He thinks he hears Andrew repeating himself again, so he quickly murmurs goodnight and hangs up.
Jesse sleeps well tonight.
************
“Hey Jesse, aren’t you going to -“
Kerri pauses.
“Oh, Jesse.”
He frowns at her.
“Don’t Kristen and JT know?”
He shakes his head.
Kerri giggles and closes the door behind her. Jesse is sitting on his bed, wearing a turtleneck from five years ago. It’s too small.
She sits next to him. “May I?”
He nods.
Kerri gingerly unrolls the turtleneck to reveal the hickey, as splotchy and dark as it was yesterday.
“What am I going to do?” Jesse whines. “It still hurts.”
“Well firstly, you’re going to take the turtleneck off because you look ridiculous.”
He goes to take it off but Kerri is sitting on his bed, staring at him.
“Oh my god, Jesse, I’m your big sister!”
Jesse glares at her.
“Fine, fine.” She turns around.
(but shirtless)
(at pool)
(andrew)
He pulls the turtleneck off with difficulty, wincing when it slides past the bruise, and puts his pyjama shirt back on.
“Now what?”
“I guess you could wear a scarf. That’s what people do to hide hickeys, don’t they?”
“But we’ll be sitting inside.”
“Okay, so your options are: wear a scarf inside and refuse to take it off, or, take the scarf off to reveal the hickey. Either way, your friends will guess.”
(no)
(can’t)
(no no no no)
“No, please, Kerri, help me, I can’t have them guessing.”
Kerri raises her eyebrows but concedes. Sighing, she stands up. “All right. Well, you’re a boy. You could wear a nice scarf, as an accessory or something, instead of just a winter scarf but - yeah okay, I know, don’t look at me like that. Maybe Dad has some turtlenecks that will actually fit you?”
“Could you check?” Jesse asks very quietly.
She sneaks off to their parents’ room and Jesse groans to himself. Why did he let himself get carried away? He likes Andrew but maybe they -
(ass)
(lips)
- moved too fast.
(but jesse!)
(people move ‘too fast’ all the time!)
Kerri returns, holding a black turtleneck. “Here. Turns out he has one.”
Jesse takes it from her grudgingly. “Thanks, Kerri.”
She turns to leave but says, “Next time, be a bit smarter. Okay?”
(next time)
(with andrew)
He nods and she leaves. He puts the turtleneck on and it’s too big, because his dad goes to the gym and Jesse doesn’t, but it’s better than too small.
Jesse sighs and stands up. This is going to be a great day.
************
Kristen and JT are lying on Kristen’s bed, whilst Jesse sits on the desk chair. They’ve been lounging about the entire day and no one has asked about the turtleneck.
Upon arrival, Kristen had announced that she’d invited the both of them for a general ‘chill-out’ session, and because she felt liked she hadn’t hung out with ‘just’ JT and Jesse in a long time.
And Jesse had to agree with her on that one.
“Is that why Andrew couldn’t come?” He’d inquired and she’d nodded.
“I knew you’d want to invite him so I specifically said no. Now shut up and enjoy my company.”
So they’d hung out together, like when they were younger - played video games, listened to music, eaten food, the usual.
JT declared he wanted to sleep so they’d moved back to Kristen’s room.
It’s mostly quiet until Kristen asks, “When do you guys reckon is the best time to have sex?”
JT pipes up. “At night.”
Kristen whacks him on the stomach. “Hey!”
“I mean for the first time, you idiot.”
“Night’s still good.”
Jesse laughs when Kristen whacks him again. “Stop it!”
“Stop being a dick then.”
“I think the best time to have sex with someone is when you know you feel comfortable naked in front of them.” Jesse says.
(what?)
“You’d hope so.” JT laughs at them.
“It makes sense though.” Kristen agrees. “But like, when is that?”
Jesse thinks. “Um, well, when you trust them and you’ve talked about it and you both know you’re comfortable with being naked and having…their parts inserted in you. Or vice versa.”
(jesse would take it)
(andrew would take it)
(pounding -)
His friends hum in agreement.
“How would you know that you do, though?” JT says seriously.
Kristen sits up. “You’d probably have had to done other things.” She scrunches up her face and turns to JT. “You’re a virgin, right, JT?”
Emma and JT? No…
He sits up as well and looks down at his lap. “I’d have told you guys, if me and Emma did it.”
They stare at him.
“No! Yes! I am! A virgin.” JT glares at them. “Jeez, thanks guys. You know I’m not that type of guy, right? We’ve only been dating for like, two months, or something. And anyway…I don’t think I’m ready.”
Jesse and Kristen both nod.
“How about you, Kristen?” JT smirks.
She narrows her eyes. “Really? No. I mean, yes, I’m a virgin. Me and Rob - well. No. I’m not ready. He isn’t either.”
“How do you know?” Jesse asks.
(andrew?)
“We’ve done…stuff.” Jesse looks alarmed and she waves her hands about. “No, Jesse, not a lot. I haven’t been naked around him or anything.”
(jesse’s been basically naked)
(what)
“But you’ve done…stuff.” JT reiterates.
(andrew)
(rubbing against -)
She nods, and then says, “God, we are such - there are people at school who have had sex tons of times.”
“So?” Jesse asks.
“Yeah.” Kristen responds.
No one even thinks to ask Jesse.
JT lies back down and remarks, “Whatever. I’m going to wait.”
“Yeah, but for how long? How long are you supposed to wait to have sex?” Kristen plays with her hair.
“I dunno. Maybe four to six months.”
“That’s pretty exact. You’ve been reading about it?” Kristen teases.
Jesse smiles when JT flushes. “I want to do this right with Emma, you know?”
(yeah)
(same)
Jesse wonders if Joe’s had sex with Patrick.
His phone beeps. He checks it as Kristen and JT talk quietly.
From Andrew:
Hey, we still good for tomorrow?
Jesse replies yeah. Andrew responds almost immediately.
From Andrew:
What are you doing? I miss you.
Jesse tells Andrew about lounging around in Kristen’s room, and after thinking furiously for a few seconds, tacks on I miss you too at the end. He drops the phone into his lap and looks up when Kristen addresses him.
“Hey Jesse, JT and I were wondering -“
Beep!
How quick is this guy? Kristen pauses when Jesse looks at his phone.
From Andrew:
I can’t wait until tomorrow. I want to kiss you so badly.
Would you hold it against me if I told you my hand’s in my pants
right now and I’m thinking about your lips?
Jesse chokes and his friends look at him sharply.
“I’m fine. Nothing.”
“Who is it?” Kristen narrows her eyes.
“Uh, Andrew.”
“What’d he say?” JT asks.
“Nothing. Don’t worry.”
Thankfully they back down, but now all Jesse can think about is Andrew jerking off to the thought of Jesse’s lips. That’s weird, he considers, I don’t really have nice lips -
“Jesse!”
“What!”
“Do you want to watch a movie?”
Not really, but okay.
“Sure.”
“I’m choosing!” JT runs out of the room and Kristen chases after him, laughing.
Jesse sends off a text before following his friends out to the living room.
Andrew:
no i wont, but you can hold yourself against me tomorrow, if you want
************
Hallie Kate hums and Jesse carries the bags. He’s wearing an old winter scarf and Hallie Kate wears her powder-blue beanie.
“I don’t understand why you want to go swimming anyway. It’s freezing.”
They walk up to Andrew’s door.
“The pool’s heated, isn’t it?”
Hallie Kate knocks.
“Yeah, but still.”
Jesse hears loud footsteps and an I’ll get it!
Andrew opens the door, clutching his black sports bag. He wears an enthusiastic grin.
“Hi!”
“Hey Andrew.”
“Andrew!”
“Hey Hallie Kate!” Andrew bends down to hug the girl.
“Can I have a piggyback like last time?”
Andrew straightens. “Sure! Just let me…”
He yells out I’m going, bye! and steps out of the house, shutting the door behind him. Jesse takes a few paces backwards when Andrew bends down and Hallie Kate clambers onto his back. He lifts her easily. The sports bag dangles from his clasped hands.
As they walk to Carina’s house, two houses away, Andrew says, “A scarf, huh?” There’s a glint in his eyes.
“Ah, yeah, it’s pretty…chilly.” Jesse responds and Hallie Kate giggles.
Andrew marches up to Carina’s front door, letting Hallie Kate knock.
Jesse watches from the fence as Sophia opens the door and Carina comes rushing out. A few words are exchanged and Jesse can see that Sophia is simply beaming at Andrew. Jesse allows himself a soft smile.
(so beautiful)
Even in the gloomy weather
(so infatuated)
Andrew looks like
(all this desire)
he’s shining.
The golden boy and two young girls reach Jesse and Jesse’s about to start walking, but Hallie Kate says, “Jesse, you need to give Carina a piggyback now, too.”
Carina smiles up at him shyly.
Um.
Andrew snorts and Jesse wants to elbow him in the ribs, but Hallie Kate’s on his back, and his ribs are inaccessible at the moment.
(later)
When he bends down Carina eagerly climbs on and so as Jesse and Andrew walk, Hallie Kate and Carina gossip together. The boys keep silent, but every so often Andrew will purposely bump into Jesse - the girls will laugh and Jesse (feels giddy) pretends to scowl at Andrew’s adoring expression.
(his eyes)
************
Jesse had to take the winter scarf off.
When he eventually makes his way over to the general activity pool, where Andrew and the girls are currently splashing about in, Andrew whistles.
Jesse slides into the heated pool quickly and Andrew whispers in his ear. “What do you think of my handiwork?”
“Shut up. It still hurts.”
Andrew chuckles to himself and leans casually on the side of the pool next to Jesse. Jesse rubs his hands together and lets himself sink deeper into the pool, so that only his head is peeping out from the water.
Hallie Kate and Carina play about a couple of yards in front of them.
“You’re coming back to mine after we drop Hallie Kate off at Carina’s, yeah?”
“Yes.”
“Good.”
Jesse sees, out of the corner of his eye, Andrew smile.
(beautiful)
“I’m going to kiss you on your lips.” Andrew says coolly.
(yep)
(what?)
“Keep your voice down!” Jesse hisses.
Andrew lowers his voice and tips his head towards Jesse. “Then I’m going to kiss you on your hickey, because I made that hickey.”
Jesse stares straight ahead. He doesn’t know why Andrew is doing this, but Jesse
(likes it)
thinks he’s being too public.
(basically naked though -)
“If you do that, it’ll hurt.”
“I’ll be gentle.”
Jesse says nothing. Andrew makes a soft sound, and then Jesse feels a hand bumping against his in the water.
(too public?)
(but)
(want)
(andrew)
(no)
(yes )
(tell him)
(want)
“What are you doing?” Jesse says instead.
“You said you had something to tell me.” Andrew replies.
Oh, yeah. That.
“At your house.” He mumbles.
(want)
Andrew settles with that.
“Andrew! Come play with us!” Hallie Kate yells.
Jesse laughs but shakes his head when Andrew says come with me. Andrew shrugs his shoulders and moves away to reach the girls. His body brushes past Jesse’s hip and Jesse jolts.
(my body)
(on his body)
As he moves away, Andrew looks back at Jesse knowingly.
************
The change-rooms are the same as they were when Jesse came here last time with Andrew - still no toilet stalls for him to get changed in.
Andrew is towelling down his legs, Jesse is sitting on the bench next to him. He’s fidgeting because he suddenly realizes how naked Andrew practically is, and he’s acutely aware of how much more naked he’s going to be in a second.
This isn’t going to end well.
(you get erections because of me)
(golden)
(yes)
Jesse rests his hands over his crotch.
(naked)
(soaked erection)
(rubbing)
He squirms.
(hickey)
(sounds from andrew’s mouth)
(soft lips)
(soft ass -)
(they still have to take the girls home!)
Jesse breathes loudly and Andrew looks over at him.
(be open)
(you tell me what you’re feeling)
“Why do you get naked?”
Andrew pauses. “What?”
Um.
“How are you comfortable with getting naked in the change-room?”
“Jess?”
“I mean, okay, those swim briefs don’t exactly cover up much -“ (ass) “- but then when you get changed you just take them off, like it’s not a big deal that your dick is just there for everyone to see, including me.”
Jesse’s face is going red, isn’t it?
“Jess.”
“And, you know, are you so inconsiderate that you don’t realize that maybe you being naked next to me is going to give me an -“ Shut up!
Jesse stands up and walks away to the opposite corner of the change-room. The change-room is empty, which is good, because Jesse is standing against the bench, facing the wall like a loser.
Andrew’s laugh echoes around him.
A few minutes pass.
“You need to get changed, Jesse.”
Jesse turns around and Andrew is right behind him, so Jesse startles.
(he’s clothed)
(but)
(jesse isn’t exactly)
“Oh shit, Andrew, don’t do that.” Jesse laughs nervously, but Andrew merely smirks and edges closer.
(what)
“You like me, right?”
“Andrew, we’re in a public change-room.”
The backs of Jesse’s legs are being pressed against the bench because Andrew is pressed against him.
(public!)
“There’s no one here.” Andrew’s lips curl.
Jesse gulps, stuttering out, “That’s - that’s true.”
Andrew puts his hands on the wall behind Jesse, bracketing Jesse in.
(oh god)
His lips are curled, but his eyes -
“Is this okay?” Andrew whispers.
(no)
(but)
Jesse fidgets.
Dammit.
Andrew hovers his lips above Jesse’s.
“Is this okay?” He repeats.
(don’t -)
(can’t -)
(yes)
“Yeah.” He breathes.
Andrew reacts immediately, closing his eyes and pressing his lips to Jesse’s.
(yes)
Soft and warm.
(yes)
Jesse pushes into Andrew. His fingers find their way into Andrew’s damp hair and the kiss quickly turns desperate.
(hunger)
(all this hunger)
(and desire)
Andrew pushes against Jesse and Jesse can feel his wet swim shorts beginning to soak Andrew’s pants where Andrew is pushing against him and then -
He’s sitting on the bench and Andrew is actually straddling him. Jesse’s neck is bent upwards at an awkward angle as Andrew breathes into his mouth. Andrew kisses him harshly, and rocks against Jesse’s erection.
(desire)
Jesse untangles one hand and slides it into Andrew’s pants, lightly cupping Andrew’s ass. Andrew moans when Jesse squeezes and fuck, that moan. Jesse squeezes again and Andrew paws at Jesse’s bare chest with one hand, balancing himself with the other.
(public!)
(but desire)
Jesse’s aware of a vaguely painful sensation, probably from the hickey, but right now he’s simply consumed by lust and there’s nothing he can do about -
“Andrew! Jesse! What’s taking you so long!” Hallie Kate’s voice comes from outside the entrance to the boy’s change-room.
(oh shit)
Andrew pulls away and stares down at Jesse.
“Don’t come in!” Jesse actually yells back.
(what)
“Why would we do that? This is the change-room for boys!” Hallie Kate and Carina giggle, but their voices are dangerously close and -
Andrew leaps off Jesse and smiles anxiously, before grabbing his bag from the other end of the change-room. When he walks past Jesse to leave, he pauses.
Jesse hasn’t moved.
They eye each other.
(breathe)
(breathe)
“To be continued.” Andrew mutters.
part ix