Koizumi Itsuki continues to have disappeared.
I actually finished this quite a while ago, I just wanted to keep it around and reread it so I knew it didn't suck. I'm not entirely satisfied on that front, but anyway, here's chapter two of Maybe Someday, my stupid three-chapter Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi Kyon/Koizumi fanfic!
MAYBE SOMEDAY
CHAPTER TWO
Everyone knows I'm in over my head.
-The Fray
During the time Kyon and Koizumi lived together, Koizumi actually disappeared fairly often. Sometimes he was gone overnight, sometimes as long as a week. He never had an explanation when he came back. Kyon knows they can't all have had to do with Closed Space, or even the Agency. But he always showed up again, behaving as though nothing had happened, so Kyon felt it wasn't his right to question these disappearances.
Of course, he's never taken his things before. And because of what happened Kyon can't help but know in his heart that Koizumi is gone for good.
This conviction only grows stronger as the days pass. He ends up contacting the registration office one afternoon and learning that Koizumi has taken a leave of absence. That could be seen a good sign; at least he hasn't dropped out altogether. But Kyon's not optimistic. It may only be a matter of time.
Since they don't all meet frequently anymore it takes a few days until Haruhi notices that Koizumi hasn't been around. When she asks he straight-out lies: says he's gone to visit his sick grandparents in Hokkaido, and he doesn't know when he'll be back.
"Well, that's our Vice-Commander," she says with a satisfied nod.
Kyon changes the subject immediately afterwards in the hopes she'll spare him a lecture. Right now the last thing he needs is to hear about how great Koizumi is.
He doesn't talk to Yuki about it at all. But clearly she knows he's not being honest about something.
It's really amazing how neatly Koizumi cleaned all his stuff out. Even his leftovers have disappeared from the fridge. He must have had some sort of escape plan a long time in advance, although Kyon thinks - well, hopes, maybe - it wasn't intended for this specific purpose.
After sharing an apartment for nearly a year the little room seems suddenly very spacious. Now Kyon has room for all the mess he feels like making; he can play music as loudly as he wants, and use all the hot water when he showers. He can have people over any time, too, although he doesn't. He doesn't really have close friends now other than Yuki and Haruhi. And by this time he's gotten so used to not bringing people home it's going to take some time.
Really it should feel different than this. Either he's relieved or he's not, right? And if not, he should be feeling angry, or at least annoyed. Some clearly identifiable emotion. Not just this weird, frustrated emptiness.
It's like Koizumi doesn't know how to do anything but make trouble.
The worst thing is that for all he tries, he can't think of a single way things could have gone differently. Understandably, Koizumi's pride wouldn't have been able to take being rejected. If Kyon had said no or pushed him away he would likely have left anyway. If he hadn't fallen asleep like that, there would have been another night, another few beers.
Maybe he should have said something afterwards. But what could he have said to improve the situation? It would probably have taken a qualified therapist to talk the guy down.
Really, the smartest thing would have been not to move in together in the first place.
Kyon always knew, somewhere at the back of his mind, that Koizumi had seriously liked him in high school. But he had assumed that the crush or whatever it was had just gone away with time. After all, Koizumi was the one who seemed more reluctant to share a room with him - and he had sort of taken that as a sign that whatever had been going on, he was over it. Now he realizes it was probably a sign that he wasn't over it at all.
So of course he could have said no. And they would have lived apart. They still would have seen each other, of course, and they would have been acquaintances. But there would have been no reason for them to hang out together or see each other without Haruhi and Yuki, no further link between them, so they would have drifted away from one another, gradually.
He would never have seen Koizumi brushing his teeth. Or known how bad his cooking really is. And they wouldn't have had any of those conversations about the existence of free will.
Either way, there's no use thinking things like this. What's done is done.
***
Kyon, Haruhi, and Yuki are sitting outside of Komaba Library. It's a reasonably nice day. Haruhi is complaining about one of her classmates - "And then he said something about statistics, women's inferior aptitude in the sciences... well, it was amazing! This is the 21st century, after all! If we hadn't been in class..."
"Yeah, that's messed up," says Kyon, who doesn't know the slightest thing about science.
Haruhi smiles and thumps him on the shoulder. "Good boy. See, this is why you're great, Kyon! You know enough to just sit back and obediently be my lackey!"
"Who's supposed to be your lackey?" But he can't work up the enthusiasm to really argue.
"Oh, incidentally," continues Haruhi without a pause, "I found someone who would be willing to lend us a video camera for the horror movie. He says he's got some contacts in the Arts department. We'd need to put up some money as collateral, but that shouldn't be a problem for you, right?"
"Of course it's a problem!"
Yuki closes the book in her hands. "I can put it up," she says. "If it's necessary."
"No way!" Haruhi snorts. "Yuki, you need to learn that guys don't feel happy unless they can pay the bills. After all..."
As she goes on about male psychology, Kyon drifts off in thought. Somehow the conversation feels weird. There's nobody to smile and agree with Haruhi or make innocuous but somehow creepy remarks to him.
He has the sudden realization that there will be one less person at Haruhi's birthday party. From now on it's going to be just the three of them. No Mikuru, no Koizumi. The SOS Brigade has finally been dissolved. Missing one person is bad enough, but two is nearly half the group. With just three people you can't really call it a Brigade anymore.
Right now, Haruhi can act like normal because she doesn't know that Koizumi isn't coming back. Sooner or later, though, she's going to find out, and it will hurt. After all, Koizumi was her Vice Commander. But Haruhi isn't the kind of person who can talk about things like losing a friend. So she'll go on as normal, and meanwhile, the hole in her heart left from when Mikuru disappeared will get wider and wider.
And he doesn't know what he'll do. Or even how he feels about it.
"Kyon?" Haruhi waves her hand in front of his face. "Kyon! You listening?"
Startled, Kyon snaps out of his thoughts. "Yeah, yeah. Sorry."
"...Are you okay?"
It's a weird question for Haruhi to ask. She's not usually concerned with other people's states of being, and being asked makes Kyon almost uncomfortable. "Yeah, I'm fine," he says quickly. "Sorry. What were you saying?"
"I said, I'm going," says Haruhi, standing up. "I'll see you guys later."
Usually Haruhi is direct to an almost ridiculous extent. If she wants company, she'll say so. But as she walks away, Kyon gets the weird feeling that she wants him to follow her.
Of course he doesn't. Kyon is stubborn, and whenever he gets the feeling he's supposed to be doing something, he perversely wants not to do it.
Once Haruhi has totally disappeared from view he taps Yuki on the shoulder to get her attention.
Then he takes a deep breath. "Listen. I don't need to tell you that you can't say anything to her, but. About the night Koizumi disappeared." He grimaces, unwilling to continue, but he doesn't have much of a choice. "I got home late. We were drinking. ...And then we had sex."
Yuki's expression changes little. "Ah."
"Y-you knew?"
"Not precisely, no. But I suspected that something along those lines had occurred."
"You were worried about him before, too, weren't you." Kyon thinks back to their conversation at the coffee shop. "Did something happen? Like, he said something about it, or..."
"Not directly. Well, he did talk to me a couple of months ago. You and Haruhi-san were out at the time." Yuki looks up, as though her thoughts are far away. "He said that he was worried about his self-control. That if things didn't change soon, he might do something selfish." The words come out slowly, carefully. "And he requested my advice."
"...What did you say?"
"I told him I wasn't qualified to advise him on the subject of selfish actions. He laughed. Then he told me that if anything happened, I was to take care of things here. And there was nothing more to say."
The sad thing is, Kyon can imagine this conversation in perfect detail, from Yuki's unflinching gaze to the sharp edge of Koizumi's laughter. And that smile on his face, the one that makes it completely impossible to know what he's thinking. Not that anyone can tell what he's thinking anyway. ...Apparently Koizumi is a mystery even when doing it with another guy.
For a while they just sit there.
"I don't think he's coming back, you know."
"Most likely not."
"...Is that okay with you?"
"Well, I have no choice in the matter." Yuki stares at the ground. Her expression is one of the most readable Kyon's ever seen on her - it's just loneliness. "...But it would have been good to be able to talk with him about Foucault. I was curious... as to what he thought about some of these ideas."
"Do you know where Koizumi's Agency has its headquarters?"
"Yes." Taking a piece of paper and pen from her bookbag, Yuki neatly writes out an address in Ueno. "If you want to go today, you should hurry. It's getting late. I don't know how long they stay open."
"Yuki - thanks for everything."
Yuki nods, rather stiffly.
On the train ride there Kyon stares blankly out the window and wonders if Koizumi knows just how much Yuki values him. What started out as a relationship of convenience for both of them has turned into a real friendship, and Yuki is apparently willing to break her policy of non-action for him.
Kyon isn't sure that Yuki is capable of romantic love. After all, she's still a part of the Integrated Sentient Data Entity. But he is positive that in her own way, she loves the SOS Brigade - him and Haruhi and Koizumi and Mikuru, too. And this may be her way of showing him that she trusts him to keep the group together.
Not that he knows how to do that. Maybe it's a lost cause. After all, he knew things would be different the day Mikuru left. The stages of life are fleeting. Leaving high school changes things for everyone, even Suzumiya Haruhi. That's all.
The thing is, usually, when a problem comes up regarding the group, he eventually ends up going to Koizumi for advice. Of course this time it's different. Koizumi himself is at the centre of the problem. And he probably isn't going to give any answers. Kyon's not really even sure if he should be going to see him, considering what happened.
He just wants to talk to him, that's all. There should be nothing weird about that.
***
The building for the Agency is like any other office building in the area - new and tall and almost disturbingly clean. The chrome-plated lettering above the door says 'Suzuharu Private Investigation Agency.' Kyon has to chuckle at the stupid pun.
There's a woman dressed in a navy-blue business suit just outside the building door. She is smoking a cigarette with a thoroughly apathetic expression on her face. Kyon has only ever seen her a couple of times, both during high school, but he manages to remember her name.
"Sonou-san...?"
When she sees Kyon, Sonou Mori is startled and drops her cigarette. She watches with regret as it burns out on the sidewalk, then turns to Kyon with a stern businesslike look on her face. "He isn't available right now."
Kyon opens his mouth to protest.
"I said, he isn't available right now. Didn't you hear me?" Her expression becomes even sterner. "It's going to be better for everyone if you leave."
"I really need to talk to him." Kyon keeps talking through Sonou's protests. "Listen, if you think I'm here to hurt him or whatever, I'm not. I just need to know some stuff. Honestly."
Sonou looks doubtful. "As far as I know, you're the last person he wants to see."
"Well, I'm not leaving until I can talk to him."
"..."
"Sonou-san, please." Kyon bows his head. "Just once. I really need to talk to him."
Sonou just stares at him for a moment. Then she throws her hands up in exasperation. "Oh, well, I don't care anymore. Okay, it's your problem, you can deal with the consequences. Let's go. Just make it quick."
"Yeah."
She leads him into the building. The receptionist at the front desk seems a little wary, but Sonou says "it's fine, he's safe," and she lets them through to the hallway. It still seems like a perfectly normal office building. If there's any weird Esper stuff going on here, it's happening behind safely locked doors.
As they wait for the elevator, Sonou taps her foot impatiently. Her attitude is a far cry from the time he met her as a maid during the murder mystery.
"Of course," she says quietly, out of nowhere, "everyone was shocked. He was nearly expelled from the Agency. The only reason they've decided to let him stay on is that the entire time he's been with us, he's never done one thing this..." And she sighs with exasperation. "This *stupid.*"
The elevator arrives. Kyon says nothing, but he follows Sonou inside. Looking at the buttons he notices that there are too many of them. Maybe there are more floors on the inside of the building than on the outside. This is a thoroughly creepy thought.
"Do you know what he said to me when he called?" Sonou continues, pressing her lips together disapprovingly. "'Sorry, I did it.' That was all. I mean, I knew he was having problems, but I didn't even know what was going on until I went to pick him up and he had all his things in boxes on the stairs."
"So... what's going to happen to him now?"
Sonou shrugs her shoulders. "Because there have been so few incidents of Closed Space within the last year, the Agency is starting to withdraw to observe Suzumiya Haruhi more indirectly. There are a lot of agents at Toudai... he might be training one as a replacement. Other than than, your guess is as good as mine."
"Oh."
He kind of hopes that she will volunteer more information. But the elevator stops suddenly, and Sonou is silent as she leads him down the hallway. After passing several doors she points to one on the left-hand side no different from any of the others.
"This is where he's staying right now," she says. "Just do me a favour and... well, you probably think you're hard done by or something. But you'd better understand that things haven't been easy for him, either. So be careful."
Kyon nods. "Yeah, I'll try. Thank you, Sonou-san."
Without another word to him, Sonou turns back down the corridor, muttering to herself about stupid kids as she leaves. Kyon takes a deep breath and knocks on the door.
"Koizumi?"
After a moment he tries again.
"Koizumi, I know you're in there, so say something!"
But there is no reply.
"I just want to talk! I'm not angry or anything!"
"...You should be." The voice from the other side of door is very faint, but it is immediately recognizable as Koizumi's. He can't see it,
but right now Kyon can imagine that for once, Koizumi isn't smiling. "Speaking frankly, I got you drunk and took advantage of you. Anger would be a natural response."
This is a good point. "Well, I kind of was," which is not even true, but whatever, "but I've calmed down. I want to talk to you. I mean,
you left without saying anything."
"I wonder why."
"If that's supposed to be a joke, it's not very funny."
"...I'm sorry."
In all the time Kyon has known him, Koizumi has apologized for very little. Hearing him say it now is just weird. And he has to wonder if it's an apology just for being sarcastic, or for what happened that night. Then he wonders if Koizumi regrets what he did.
And that thought makes him feel so weird he has to stop wondering.
His goal had simply been to get to Koizumi. But now that he can talk to him, he finds himself strangely unsure of what to say, what questions to ask. Koizumi could retreat at any time. He needs to think fast.
"What are your plans?"
"I'm sure you've heard of the Witness Protection Program."
"...What?"
"That was a joke." There's a short, sharp laugh. "I'm on observational duty for the moment. After that, I'll be leaving the Agency. And
Japan. I'm going to study in France."
"That far?"
"I believe in making a clean break."
Kyon frowns, although he knows Koizumi can't see it through the door. "...So you're just going to run away?"
"That's about right."
"Why?"
"Because Suzumiya-san can't be allowed to know what happened."
Kyon feels suddenly nervous. There had been no connection in his mind between Haruhi and the events of that night. "She'll never find out," he says.
"Is that so," replies Koizumi mildly. "You may not have realized, but she's very perceptive when it comes to things concerning you. Although she seems to have calmed down now, considering her prior behavior, I doubt she would take any dramatic news - for instance, that we had sex - very well." Kyon flushes. "And as I'm sure you know, it's in all our best interests to avoid any further incidences of Closed Space."
"If that's the case, then why did you...?"
"I didn't care."
For a moment, neither of them speaks. It's such an awkward silence Kyon starts to wonder if maybe Koizumi has left the room. But after a second there's a thumping sound against the door, as though Koizumi is leaning against it.
"Supporting characters who overstep their roles... should just disappear into the background and let things end happily."
"What does that even mean!?"
"It means I'm done. You should go back to Haruhi."
"I'm not her errand boy."
"...That's not what I meant."
"Then what..." But that's a stupid question, because truthfully, he knows exactly what Koizumi meant. He just doesn't like it at all.
"We're friends. We're not like that."
Koizumi is probably raising an eyebrow. "Are you sure? Because as far as I know, you've never discussed it."
"We don't need to."
"Maybe you do."
And the thought of Koizumi, having slept with him, suggesting that he and Haruhi need to talk things out like some sort of relationship expert... is so simultaneously laughable and depressing that Kyon can't think of a suitable reply. "You're a weird guy," he says weakly.
"This is going nowhere." There's a muffled sigh. "Look, why did you come here? You know how things stand. What do you *want* from me?"
It's a good question. Kyon has to think for a moment.
What he really wants is for Koizumi to come back and for things to be the same as always, but that's just not going to happen. Just because he will be able to forget that night doesn't mean Koizumi is the same. And if it was ever hard for Koizumi to be around him before, certainly it would be impossible now. The fact that Koizumi has chosen to move away is understandable. And Kyon has no say in that.
But all the same, he doesn't want the end to be like this, standing on opposite sides of a door. It's too different from how he's known Koizumi all this time. And Haruhi and Yuki won't even get this chance...
"I want you to come and meet with Haruhi," says Kyon finally. "And Yuki." He doesn't add 'and me.' "You remember when M... Asahina-san left, how hurt we were that she didn't say goodbye. This is the same. And, I mean, her birthday is coming up. You owe it to her. Besides, Yuki still has to return that book to you."
"I don't know."
"Please."
The door opens just a sliver. It's half-hidden by the shadows, but finally Kyon can see Koizumi's face.
He doesn't look good. In fact, he looks the worst Kyon has ever seen him, a far cry from his usual put-together good looks. His hair is a mess and there are dark shadows under his eyes that make him look tired and haunted. His face is expressionless, but something in his eyes looks... scared, maybe.
"Very well. I'll meet you on Wednesday at Sanshiro Pond. But this is the last time."
Then the door closes again, resoundingly.
TO BE CONCLUDED
(The long awaited and unfortunately less pornographic second chapter. I'm not quite as pleased with this one as I am with the first. Middles are always difficult. But hopefully the third will be the best of all. ...Aaaaand I guess there's nothing much more to say here.)
MAYBE SOMEDAY
CHAPTER TWO
Everyone knows I'm in over my head.
-The Fray
During the time Kyon and Koizumi lived together, Koizumi actually disappeared fairly often. Sometimes he was gone overnight, sometimes as long as a week. He never had an explanation when he came back. Kyon knows they can't all have had to do with Closed Space, or even the Agency. But he always showed up again, behaving as though nothing had happened, so Kyon felt it wasn't his right to question these disappearances.
Of course, he's never taken his things before. And because of what happened Kyon can't help but know in his heart that Koizumi is gone for good.
This conviction only grows stronger as the days pass. He ends up contacting the registration office one afternoon and learning that Koizumi has taken a leave of absence. That could be seen a good sign; at least he hasn't dropped out altogether. But Kyon's not optimistic. It may only be a matter of time.
Since they don't all meet frequently anymore it takes a few days until Haruhi notices that Koizumi hasn't been around. When she asks he straight-out lies: says he's gone to visit his sick grandparents in Hokkaido, and he doesn't know when he'll be back.
"Well, that's our Vice-Commander," she says with a satisfied nod.
Kyon changes the subject immediately afterwards in the hopes she'll spare him a lecture. Right now the last thing he needs is to hear about how great Koizumi is.
He doesn't talk to Yuki about it at all. But clearly she knows he's not being honest about something.
It's really amazing how neatly Koizumi cleaned all his stuff out. Even his leftovers have disappeared from the fridge. He must have had some sort of escape plan a long time in advance, although Kyon thinks - well, hopes, maybe - it wasn't intended for this specific purpose.
After sharing an apartment for nearly a year the little room seems suddenly very spacious. Now Kyon has room for all the mess he feels like making; he can play music as loudly as he wants, and use all the hot water when he showers. He can have people over any time, too, although he doesn't. He doesn't really have close friends now other than Yuki and Haruhi. And by this time he's gotten so used to not bringing people home it's going to take some time.
Really it should feel different than this. Either he's relieved or he's not, right? And if not, he should be feeling angry, or at least annoyed. Some clearly identifiable emotion. Not just this weird, frustrated emptiness.
It's like Koizumi doesn't know how to do anything but make trouble.
The worst thing is that for all he tries, he can't think of a single way things could have gone differently. Understandably, Koizumi's pride wouldn't have been able to take being rejected. If Kyon had said no or pushed him away he would likely have left anyway. If he hadn't fallen asleep like that, there would have been another night, another few beers.
Maybe he should have said something afterwards. But what could he have said to improve the situation? It would probably have taken a qualified therapist to talk the guy down.
Really, the smartest thing would have been not to move in together in the first place.
Kyon always knew, somewhere at the back of his mind, that Koizumi had seriously liked him in high school. But he had assumed that the crush or whatever it was had just gone away with time. After all, Koizumi was the one who seemed more reluctant to share a room with him - and he had sort of taken that as a sign that whatever had been going on, he was over it. Now he realizes it was probably a sign that he wasn't over it at all.
So of course he could have said no. And they would have lived apart. They still would have seen each other, of course, and they would have been acquaintances. But there would have been no reason for them to hang out together or see each other without Haruhi and Yuki, no further link between them, so they would have drifted away from one another, gradually.
He would never have seen Koizumi brushing his teeth. Or known how bad his cooking really is. And they wouldn't have had any of those conversations about the existence of free will.
Either way, there's no use thinking things like this. What's done is done.
***
Kyon, Haruhi, and Yuki are sitting outside of Komaba Library. It's a reasonably nice day. Haruhi is complaining about one of her classmates - "And then he said something about statistics, women's inferior aptitude in the sciences... well, it was amazing! This is the 21st century, after all! If we hadn't been in class..."
"Yeah, that's messed up," says Kyon, who doesn't know the slightest thing about science.
Haruhi smiles and thumps him on the shoulder. "Good boy. See, this is why you're great, Kyon! You know enough to just sit back and obediently be my lackey!"
"Who's supposed to be your lackey?" But he can't work up the enthusiasm to really argue.
"Oh, incidentally," continues Haruhi without a pause, "I found someone who would be willing to lend us a video camera for the horror movie. He says he's got some contacts in the Arts department. We'd need to put up some money as collateral, but that shouldn't be a problem for you, right?"
"Of course it's a problem!"
Yuki closes the book in her hands. "I can put it up," she says. "If it's necessary."
"No way!" Haruhi snorts. "Yuki, you need to learn that guys don't feel happy unless they can pay the bills. After all..."
As she goes on about male psychology, Kyon drifts off in thought. Somehow the conversation feels weird. There's nobody to smile and agree with Haruhi or make innocuous but somehow creepy remarks to him.
He has the sudden realization that there will be one less person at Haruhi's birthday party. From now on it's going to be just the three of them. No Mikuru, no Koizumi. The SOS Brigade has finally been dissolved. Missing one person is bad enough, but two is nearly half the group. With just three people you can't really call it a Brigade anymore.
Right now, Haruhi can act like normal because she doesn't know that Koizumi isn't coming back. Sooner or later, though, she's going to find out, and it will hurt. After all, Koizumi was her Vice Commander. But Haruhi isn't the kind of person who can talk about things like losing a friend. So she'll go on as normal, and meanwhile, the hole in her heart left from when Mikuru disappeared will get wider and wider.
And he doesn't know what he'll do. Or even how he feels about it.
"Kyon?" Haruhi waves her hand in front of his face. "Kyon! You listening?"
Startled, Kyon snaps out of his thoughts. "Yeah, yeah. Sorry."
"...Are you okay?"
It's a weird question for Haruhi to ask. She's not usually concerned with other people's states of being, and being asked makes Kyon almost uncomfortable. "Yeah, I'm fine," he says quickly. "Sorry. What were you saying?"
"I said, I'm going," says Haruhi, standing up. "I'll see you guys later."
Usually Haruhi is direct to an almost ridiculous extent. If she wants company, she'll say so. But as she walks away, Kyon gets the weird feeling that she wants him to follow her.
Of course he doesn't. Kyon is stubborn, and whenever he gets the feeling he's supposed to be doing something, he perversely wants not to do it.
Once Haruhi has totally disappeared from view he taps Yuki on the shoulder to get her attention.
Then he takes a deep breath. "Listen. I don't need to tell you that you can't say anything to her, but. About the night Koizumi disappeared." He grimaces, unwilling to continue, but he doesn't have much of a choice. "I got home late. We were drinking. ...And then we had sex."
Yuki's expression changes little. "Ah."
"Y-you knew?"
"Not precisely, no. But I suspected that something along those lines had occurred."
"You were worried about him before, too, weren't you." Kyon thinks back to their conversation at the coffee shop. "Did something happen? Like, he said something about it, or..."
"Not directly. Well, he did talk to me a couple of months ago. You and Haruhi-san were out at the time." Yuki looks up, as though her thoughts are far away. "He said that he was worried about his self-control. That if things didn't change soon, he might do something selfish." The words come out slowly, carefully. "And he requested my advice."
"...What did you say?"
"I told him I wasn't qualified to advise him on the subject of selfish actions. He laughed. Then he told me that if anything happened, I was to take care of things here. And there was nothing more to say."
The sad thing is, Kyon can imagine this conversation in perfect detail, from Yuki's unflinching gaze to the sharp edge of Koizumi's laughter. And that smile on his face, the one that makes it completely impossible to know what he's thinking. Not that anyone can tell what he's thinking anyway. ...Apparently Koizumi is a mystery even when doing it with another guy.
For a while they just sit there.
"I don't think he's coming back, you know."
"Most likely not."
"...Is that okay with you?"
"Well, I have no choice in the matter." Yuki stares at the ground. Her expression is one of the most readable Kyon's ever seen on her - it's just loneliness. "...But it would have been good to be able to talk with him about Foucault. I was curious... as to what he thought about some of these ideas."
"Do you know where Koizumi's Agency has its headquarters?"
"Yes." Taking a piece of paper and pen from her bookbag, Yuki neatly writes out an address in Ueno. "If you want to go today, you should hurry. It's getting late. I don't know how long they stay open."
"Yuki - thanks for everything."
Yuki nods, rather stiffly.
On the train ride there Kyon stares blankly out the window and wonders if Koizumi knows just how much Yuki values him. What started out as a relationship of convenience for both of them has turned into a real friendship, and Yuki is apparently willing to break her policy of non-action for him.
Kyon isn't sure that Yuki is capable of romantic love. After all, she's still a part of the Integrated Sentient Data Entity. But he is positive that in her own way, she loves the SOS Brigade - him and Haruhi and Koizumi and Mikuru, too. And this may be her way of showing him that she trusts him to keep the group together.
Not that he knows how to do that. Maybe it's a lost cause. After all, he knew things would be different the day Mikuru left. The stages of life are fleeting. Leaving high school changes things for everyone, even Suzumiya Haruhi. That's all.
The thing is, usually, when a problem comes up regarding the group, he eventually ends up going to Koizumi for advice. Of course this time it's different. Koizumi himself is at the centre of the problem. And he probably isn't going to give any answers. Kyon's not really even sure if he should be going to see him, considering what happened.
He just wants to talk to him, that's all. There should be nothing weird about that.
***
The building for the Agency is like any other office building in the area - new and tall and almost disturbingly clean. The chrome-plated lettering above the door says 'Suzuharu Private Investigation Agency.' Kyon has to chuckle at the stupid pun.
There's a woman dressed in a navy-blue business suit just outside the building door. She is smoking a cigarette with a thoroughly apathetic expression on her face. Kyon has only ever seen her a couple of times, both during high school, but he manages to remember her name.
"Sonou-san...?"
When she sees Kyon, Sonou Mori is startled and drops her cigarette. She watches with regret as it burns out on the sidewalk, then turns to Kyon with a stern businesslike look on her face. "He isn't available right now."
Kyon opens his mouth to protest.
"I said, he isn't available right now. Didn't you hear me?" Her expression becomes even sterner. "It's going to be better for everyone if you leave."
"I really need to talk to him." Kyon keeps talking through Sonou's protests. "Listen, if you think I'm here to hurt him or whatever, I'm not. I just need to know some stuff. Honestly."
Sonou looks doubtful. "As far as I know, you're the last person he wants to see."
"Well, I'm not leaving until I can talk to him."
"..."
"Sonou-san, please." Kyon bows his head. "Just once. I really need to talk to him."
Sonou just stares at him for a moment. Then she throws her hands up in exasperation. "Oh, well, I don't care anymore. Okay, it's your problem, you can deal with the consequences. Let's go. Just make it quick."
"Yeah."
She leads him into the building. The receptionist at the front desk seems a little wary, but Sonou says "it's fine, he's safe," and she lets them through to the hallway. It still seems like a perfectly normal office building. If there's any weird Esper stuff going on here, it's happening behind safely locked doors.
As they wait for the elevator, Sonou taps her foot impatiently. Her attitude is a far cry from the time he met her as a maid during the murder mystery.
"Of course," she says quietly, out of nowhere, "everyone was shocked. He was nearly expelled from the Agency. The only reason they've decided to let him stay on is that the entire time he's been with us, he's never done one thing this..." And she sighs with exasperation. "This *stupid.*"
The elevator arrives. Kyon says nothing, but he follows Sonou inside. Looking at the buttons he notices that there are too many of them. Maybe there are more floors on the inside of the building than on the outside. This is a thoroughly creepy thought.
"Do you know what he said to me when he called?" Sonou continues, pressing her lips together disapprovingly. "'Sorry, I did it.' That was all. I mean, I knew he was having problems, but I didn't even know what was going on until I went to pick him up and he had all his things in boxes on the stairs."
"So... what's going to happen to him now?"
Sonou shrugs her shoulders. "Because there have been so few incidents of Closed Space within the last year, the Agency is starting to withdraw to observe Suzumiya Haruhi more indirectly. There are a lot of agents at Toudai... he might be training one as a replacement. Other than than, your guess is as good as mine."
"Oh."
He kind of hopes that she will volunteer more information. But the elevator stops suddenly, and Sonou is silent as she leads him down the hallway. After passing several doors she points to one on the left-hand side no different from any of the others.
"This is where he's staying right now," she says. "Just do me a favour and... well, you probably think you're hard done by or something. But you'd better understand that things haven't been easy for him, either. So be careful."
Kyon nods. "Yeah, I'll try. Thank you, Sonou-san."
Without another word to him, Sonou turns back down the corridor, muttering to herself about stupid kids as she leaves. Kyon takes a deep breath and knocks on the door.
"Koizumi?"
After a moment he tries again.
"Koizumi, I know you're in there, so say something!"
But there is no reply.
"I just want to talk! I'm not angry or anything!"
"...You should be." The voice from the other side of door is very faint, but it is immediately recognizable as Koizumi's. He can't see it,
but right now Kyon can imagine that for once, Koizumi isn't smiling. "Speaking frankly, I got you drunk and took advantage of you. Anger would be a natural response."
This is a good point. "Well, I kind of was," which is not even true, but whatever, "but I've calmed down. I want to talk to you. I mean,
you left without saying anything."
"I wonder why."
"If that's supposed to be a joke, it's not very funny."
"...I'm sorry."
In all the time Kyon has known him, Koizumi has apologized for very little. Hearing him say it now is just weird. And he has to wonder if it's an apology just for being sarcastic, or for what happened that night. Then he wonders if Koizumi regrets what he did.
And that thought makes him feel so weird he has to stop wondering.
His goal had simply been to get to Koizumi. But now that he can talk to him, he finds himself strangely unsure of what to say, what questions to ask. Koizumi could retreat at any time. He needs to think fast.
"What are your plans?"
"I'm sure you've heard of the Witness Protection Program."
"...What?"
"That was a joke." There's a short, sharp laugh. "I'm on observational duty for the moment. After that, I'll be leaving the Agency. And
Japan. I'm going to study in France."
"That far?"
"I believe in making a clean break."
Kyon frowns, although he knows Koizumi can't see it through the door. "...So you're just going to run away?"
"That's about right."
"Why?"
"Because Suzumiya-san can't be allowed to know what happened."
Kyon feels suddenly nervous. There had been no connection in his mind between Haruhi and the events of that night. "She'll never find out," he says.
"Is that so," replies Koizumi mildly. "You may not have realized, but she's very perceptive when it comes to things concerning you. Although she seems to have calmed down now, considering her prior behavior, I doubt she would take any dramatic news - for instance, that we had sex - very well." Kyon flushes. "And as I'm sure you know, it's in all our best interests to avoid any further incidences of Closed Space."
"If that's the case, then why did you...?"
"I didn't care."
For a moment, neither of them speaks. It's such an awkward silence Kyon starts to wonder if maybe Koizumi has left the room. But after a second there's a thumping sound against the door, as though Koizumi is leaning against it.
"Supporting characters who overstep their roles... should just disappear into the background and let things end happily."
"What does that even mean!?"
"It means I'm done. You should go back to Haruhi."
"I'm not her errand boy."
"...That's not what I meant."
"Then what..." But that's a stupid question, because truthfully, he knows exactly what Koizumi meant. He just doesn't like it at all.
"We're friends. We're not like that."
Koizumi is probably raising an eyebrow. "Are you sure? Because as far as I know, you've never discussed it."
"We don't need to."
"Maybe you do."
And the thought of Koizumi, having slept with him, suggesting that he and Haruhi need to talk things out like some sort of relationship expert... is so simultaneously laughable and depressing that Kyon can't think of a suitable reply. "You're a weird guy," he says weakly.
"This is going nowhere." There's a muffled sigh. "Look, why did you come here? You know how things stand. What do you *want* from me?"
It's a good question. Kyon has to think for a moment.
What he really wants is for Koizumi to come back and for things to be the same as always, but that's just not going to happen. Just because he will be able to forget that night doesn't mean Koizumi is the same. And if it was ever hard for Koizumi to be around him before, certainly it would be impossible now. The fact that Koizumi has chosen to move away is understandable. And Kyon has no say in that.
But all the same, he doesn't want the end to be like this, standing on opposite sides of a door. It's too different from how he's known Koizumi all this time. And Haruhi and Yuki won't even get this chance...
"I want you to come and meet with Haruhi," says Kyon finally. "And Yuki." He doesn't add 'and me.' "You remember when M... Asahina-san left, how hurt we were that she didn't say goodbye. This is the same. And, I mean, her birthday is coming up. You owe it to her. Besides, Yuki still has to return that book to you."
"I don't know."
"Please."
The door opens just a sliver. It's half-hidden by the shadows, but finally Kyon can see Koizumi's face.
He doesn't look good. In fact, he looks the worst Kyon has ever seen him, a far cry from his usual put-together good looks. His hair is a mess and there are dark shadows under his eyes that make him look tired and haunted. His face is expressionless, but something in his eyes looks... scared, maybe.
"Very well. I'll meet you on Wednesday at Sanshiro Pond. But this is the last time."
Then the door closes again, resoundingly.
TO BE CONCLUDED
(The long awaited and unfortunately less pornographic second chapter. I'm not quite as pleased with this one as I am with the first. Middles are always difficult. But hopefully the third will be the best of all. ...Aaaaand I guess there's nothing much more to say here.)