Comments | sariel_t: My romantic slots are occupied.

sariel_t

My romantic slots are occupied.

Sep 17, 2009 13:24

Why can't guys understand when I tell them nicely to bugger off? According to many of my closer friends, it's because I'm too nice. I smile, I act nicely, I stay friends. Conflicting messages. I spose emotional maturity and desire for play don't go together very often. Nonetheless, it's more than slightly frustrating to continually be hit upon ( Read more... )

emotion, romance

Comments 17

Speaking as a guy drwex September 17 2009, 17:51:29 UTC

Yes.

You are indeed very nice, very physically affectionate, outgoing and effusive, and generally give off signals that guys are going to latch onto until and unless you whap them on the nose with a rolled up newspaper. Often several times.

Doing this may indeed lead you to feel like you're being "a bitch" but please take it from me - you are not. It's not your fault that people misinterpret your signals. It's their fault for not getting clarity. It's not your fault that people don't take no for an answer - it's their fault for not hearing when they need to hear. It's not your fault that people see/hear/interpret things how they'd like them to be and ignore reality. It is they who are making the mistakes and behaving badly here.

If you can figure out nice ways to call their flaws to their attention and get them to change, more power to you. But just because you can't doesn't make it your fault nor your responsibility.

Re: Speaking as a guy sariel_t September 17 2009, 17:54:15 UTC

What are some better ways of "whapping them on the nose with a newspaper"? What would get the message through? Talking often doesn't work.

Re: Speaking as a guy drwex September 17 2009, 18:10:41 UTC

Hoo rum. That's kind of a "how long is a piece of string" question, but I'll give it a go. Let's assume from the start that you want to retain the person in question as a friend; otherwise the simple answer is just cut them off entirely until they behave. (Note that a couple of very public examples of this can serve as object lessons to others, but I digress ( ... )

Re: Speaking as a guy sariel_t September 17 2009, 18:15:56 UTC

Thank you. Really really.

Thread 6

eatsoylentgreen September 17 2009, 18:13:59 UTC

the only word they're hearing is "bugger"

sariel_t September 17 2009, 18:17:33 UTC

LOL.

fireheart September 17 2009, 20:06:09 UTC

I'd say make up a certificate which says "You have been rejected by Sariel. This certificate valid for 6 months from date of issue."

Pretty unmistakable. Make sure to date them. (The certificates, not the guys)

sariel_t September 17 2009, 20:06:33 UTC

LOL. Thanks honey.

cos September 18 2009, 02:56:35 UTC

"I'm currently in relationships with 5 certificates, I can't get into any more right now..."

sariel_t September 18 2009, 02:57:07 UTC

LOL.

dncingmalkavian September 17 2009, 23:08:01 UTC

One thing you really must understand is that if you are at least reasonably attractive, you are inevitably going to be hit on and stared at. As I mentioned, I tend to intimidate people, so I don't get hit on constantly, but they do more staring than I really expect or am comfortable with.

Eventually you grow some sort of armor and just deal with it, but ultimately, the only protection you have is your friends when you're out...or a really territorial boyfriend. *grin*

cos September 18 2009, 02:57:11 UTC

I'm puzzled about this sentence: "I spose emotional maturity and desire for play don't go together very often." Probably not relevant to your main point, but I'm curious how it fits in?

sariel_t September 18 2009, 03:00:38 UTC

Reference to the popular saying that guys think with one head at a time.