I Don't Like Lee Donghae
title: I Don't Like Lee Donghae
rating: PG
pairing: one sided eunhyuk x Donghae, Donghae x Kibum, mention of eunhyuk x hankyung
summary: Eunhyuk likes Donghae. Donghae likes Kibum. I smell love triangle?
“I think I’m in love with Kibum.” Donghae looked down to the ground who seemed embarrassed about his confession. My heart sank a little, but I struggled a small smile. The silence was eerie and awkward, now I couldn’t bare to stare at him anymore. I turned to my attention to the cloudy sky above. It made me even more sad.
“Hyukkie who do you like?” I looked back at Donghae to see his eyes locked onto mines. He looked curious and innocent. Playing with my fingers I look at everything but him.
I like you Donghae, so much. “I think I like Hankyung.” It wasn’t all a lie really. I did kind of find Hankyung a bit attractive. The way he dances and the adorable laugh and smile he has. But it tasted bitter and didn’t feel right to say.
I saw Donghae giggle and patted my shoulders. “I hope everything works out for you two.” He smiled so brightly at me. I quickly scanned his eyes to see what I wanted. A hint of jealousy, sadness, or maybe even hate that fact I said Hankyung. Nothing, I saw nothing within those category. Instead I only see a gentle smile and happiness gloating around him.
His hands left my shoulders as he backed away from me. “Good luck Hyukkie!” He showed me a thumbs up before walking past me in a few seconds. To me it felt like hours. My smile immediately disappeared and my eyes felt watery, but I held them in. “You too…” I whispered under my breath and walked into the opposite direction of the park. It began to rain.
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I rushed into the classroom gasping for air. I looked at the teachers desk to see a empty chair, I was relieved. Quickly finding my chair I sat there and laying my head onto the cool table trying to catch my breath, everything felt more at ease. “Hyukkie your finally here! Quick, come play with us!” Removing my head from the table I turned to see Donghae waving his arms furiously in the air towards me. I laughed at his cuteness and walked towards him.
As I sat down next to Donghae I looked at the others who were playing, Sungmin, Heechul, and I swallowed hard when I saw this person, Kibum. Donghae was seated next to me, while Kibum was across from Donghae, it felt awkward for me. “Alright, now that we have enough people let’s play!” Sungmin shouted and started passing out the cards.
I placed on my happy mask through the game, to cover my sadness. Why didn’t Kibum sat by him, why did he want me instead. To be honest, Donghae and I aren’t the best of friends, we’re just friends. We talk every once in awhile and I don’t really know a lot about him. All I know was that he has a very cute smile and he loves to play sports. He’s also very hyperactive and crazy at times. I say these are the reasons why I like him, but even I don’t know why, I just do like him.
“YAH! YOUR CHEATING!” Heechul stood off his seat startling me and the others. I saw his finger point right towards Kibum. “No I’m not! What are you talking about?” Kibum quickly showed his cards in a nano second to everyone. “HEY YOU SAID YOU DIDN’T HAVE THAT! CHEATER!” I heard Donghae yell out loud. I laughed at how worked up these people were. Suddenly they began to laugh at each other and complain about cheating.
But it made my stomach turn when Donghae and Kibum laughed at yelled at each other, like they were having so much fun together. I felt left out and out of place. Donghae did say he liked him, I couldn’t hate this scene, I had no right. I continued to make an effort into laughing with them and smiling. If Donghae is happy with this, then I should let him be. The teacher walked in having us to stop playing the game.
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“Donghae and Eunhyuk sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g~!” Sungmin’s annoying voice began to sang. I quickly slapped him across the head, in return receiving a pout from him. “But it’s true! You both look like a couple!” He spat out and grinned. Man was he irritating. I guess it’s not his fault. Donghae has been talking to me more often than usual and I see him more. I wasn’t sad about that no way. I was happy inside. But underneath that all, I knew who Donghae liked ultimately. “Sungmin shut up and no we don’t!” I pouted at him. He only giggled and continued to grin at me.
I didn’t like this feeling of happiness blended with depression. It didn’t blend into a beautiful color and it didn’t seem right. It took me some time to think but I knew it was best. I was going to give up on him. It hurts a little just thinking about it but I want my happiness back. I want it back like the time I was just laughing and smiling like there’s no tomorrow with my friends. I want it to be like when we were just only friends and nothing more. I think that was the time I was truly happy.
“I don’t like Donghae like that.” I smiled at Sungmin. “Liar.” He frowned at me and raised an eyebrow. “If you don’t like him, why does he only smile at you?” I was confused so then it was my turn to raise an eyebrow. Sungmin sighed at looked straight into my eyes. “You know what I’m talking about. The way he smiles at others is completely different to the way he smiles at you”
His intense stare had me in a lot of pressure. Who knew Sungmin thought and saw things this way. I always thought he was just that cute guy who loved attention as much as Heechul, who knew he was also deep. I frowned at him. “You wouldn’t understand Sungmin.” I quickly stood up from the table. “But on a final note, I don’t like Donghae.” I began to walk away from him.
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For the past few days I tried my best to avoid Donghae as much as possible. I even ignore his greetings by pretending I couldn’t hear from my headphones. I did almost everything I could to not talk with him or look his way. Did I thought this would make me happy? Maybe I am just stupid. But on the days I ignored him, I sneaked some peaks at him. It looked like he grew closer to Kibum. I should be happy because now Donghae is happy, but my heart just seemed to crack under pressure.
It was 5 pm where I was in the dance room practicing by myself. I didn’t show up to practices with the others because Donghae was also in the dance club. I turned on the music and followed the rhythm. In the middle of the song I messed up on my footwork. I kept on retrying my steps only to mess up again. After at least 30 minutes later I still didn’t get it right. I stopped and looked at myself in the wall mirror. I looked like a angry mess and the first thing that came up into my head, was Donghae. I hated myself for liking him. Out of all the people, why him? I slammed my fist onto the mirror and slid down from it. It didn’t hurt for what I felt emotionally.
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I left the dance studio at my school getting ready to call my parents. “Hyukkie needs a ride?” I stopped in the middle of dialing the numbers. That nickname and that voice, out of all the people. “It’s ok Hae, I’m about to call my paren..” “Please just let me drive you home.” I was shocked. Donghae sounded like he was begging.
Don’t look Eunhyuk, whatever you do don’t look. It was too late because he was right in front of me now, pouting. “Why are you even here Hae?” I tried to find every distraction I could. He only giggled ever so cutely. “You didn’t come to practice with us.” I gave a casual laugh and looked back at my cell only to see half of the numbers dialed. I dialed onto another number only to have my phone taken away from me. “I want to drive you home.” He walked into his car with my cell in his hands.
I hate Donghae. I hate him because he makes me like him. I will never know the reason why I liked him in the first place, because I just did. If only you would have just stayed with Kibum I wouldn’t be like this. If you never called my name I wouldn’t be here in your car looking at your smile.
So now here I am falling head over heels again for you. I hate you the most Lee Donghae, for you are the only one who can make me feel like shit and have butterflies in my stomach at the same time.