i have  a fucking bitch ass best friend with a bitch ass girlfriend.
fuck that shit.
finished.

my laptop is dying.
my chi is dying.
i'm 19.
i am broke like my shoulder.
i want to declare bankruptcy.
but am not there yet.

so my dad is going to take care of me.
he is going to get new computer.
and new straightener.

but seriously.
i'm fucked
and pissed off a lot by my damn computer.

 1. When was the last time you shaved your legs?
maybeeeeee last thursday?

2. What were you doing this morning at 8am?
acing my latin exam

3. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
talking to apa

4. What are you wearing?
vs sweats, underwear, treeshirt, and bra

5. Last person to say they loved you?
cashew

6. Last person to send you a text:
tang

7. What is your ( Read more... )

love song of j. alfred prufrock
makes me miss 10th grade
mr. hildebrandt
and the way he used to talk to me quietly when we did timed writes.
makes me cry.
makes me think.

i don't want to grow old
and be alone
and make my own decisions
that will only matter to me.

i cry.
mainly maybe because
i'm a piece of work.
or because i rarely cry anymore.
so it's pent up.
i ( Read more... )

 it hurts a lot more when you try and hold back the tears.
your nose burns.
your lungs take in shallow breaths.

i swear i had a post from when i saw karate. 
about cross the street and holding hands.
i guess i deleted it in the fury of memories.

i really miss wesley.
and the old brian.
i'm afraid he won't come back the way i want him to.
i think thatmeans ( Read more... )

when  i walk down the street and see little trinkets like rocks and stones and pretty leaves i put them on shelves that don't exist and watch them collect the dust and moss that lives outside on the streets where i leave them on the ground ( Read more... )

how long would you do something if you knew it would get you nowhere?
make you feel like nothing?
make you noone?

booboobooboo. it depends on the price of the next opportunity forgone.

and that seems pretty massive.

oh.econ.

 i love:

shot at love with tila tequila
being home alone 
sun
water
pillows
kisses
A's
health
organic
natural
antm
offices &things related
organization
&mark twain

i miss:

janks.
worsely
bug.
brazilian.
home.
mama.
papa.
babies.
siblings.
and games.

why am  i freaking out. is this what it'd be like to be alone. in an office. at 1230 in the middle of the day. it shouldn't even be that bad. it should be  freedom. it doesn't help that i think i can't pee when i need to. which makes the urge even greater. finished a book. this is why i don't finish books anymore. they make me mean and cynical. and ( Read more... )

at work. so bored. feel like someone i used to know. answering phones all day. being gawked at by fellow employee. he has sudden bursts of anger. I think i can't handle it here. wth what am i doing here ( Read more... )