Att: original creative writing piece in need of critique plz and tky

[sapphire_child]

This is kind of due tomorrow so any comments would be much appreciated. I'm relatively happy with it thus far but I'd love to hear what you guys have to say, especially about the ending.

Comments

[professor_spork]

I just have a minor quibble-- "There shine our pale faces, glowing dim through the murk." I don't think this sentence is necessary. If you're attached, rephrase; I think you can do better.

Otherwise? Adorable.

[sapphire_child]

Excellent. Thank you!