Heart, J2 nonAU, [PG], 1/1
Title: Heart
AO3 for e-reader downloads
Spanish translation by alfer6
Author: sandymg
Beta: borgmama1of5
Summary: Jared has a hard time shaking off Sam after filming Heart.
Wordcount: 1,800
Genre: RPS, non-AU J2, first time
Characters/Pairings: Jared/Jensen
Ratings/Warnings: PG, Spoilers for S02x17 Heart
Disclaimer: This is fiction. No harm intended. No profit made.
A/N: Written for the Classic Cannonverse Comment Fic Meme for dugindeep 's prompt here.
Heart
Some shoots were harder than others. No news there. This one. Pretty much sucked the life out of Jared.
He took off the second the director released them. Didn’t turn around. Didn’t pass Go. Certainly didn’t feel like he collected anywhere near enough for this. Snot hit his collar. Nice. He tried to suck in air. Take a calming breath.
Fuck.
He worked his way toward the penned area where his dogs were allowed to play. His eyes stung to the point of burning. Shit, he’d really worked himself up over that scene. It was a dark scene even by their standards. Killing a woman point blank. Someone he’d just spent the night with? Fucking hurt just thinking about this. Okay, she was a werewolf that could become a vicious animal and tear folks to shreds. But, still.
But that’s not what he’d tapped into to bring out the tears. He wasn’t sure what it said about him that the emotions of the scene itself weren’t enough. He’d wanted to show Sam really broken up about this. So … job accomplished, and now tremors still ran up and down his spine, thank you very much.
Really, this wasn’t like him. Jensen got stuck in Dean mode once in a while. Jared was able to slough off Sam in a blink. Usually all it took was a smile. He tried to force his lips to curve up. Felt like he was grimacing so he gave up.
A few more steps and … there they were. The smile came easier. He knew Harley and Sadie were fine. Of course they were. It was all in his head and thinking about them hurt dead was just a technique. But, fuck, he felt like he wouldn’t be able to breathe right again until he could bury himself in their fur.
The reunion was joyous all around. Never was a time his kids weren’t thrilled to see him. He knew he was talking baby talk and sounding like an idiot and freaking crying … again. But. It really felt good to touch his kids. Warm and loud and slobbering all over him, mixing saliva and snot and salty tears. His knees hurt and his chest still ached and he choked out something like a laugh.
They knew, of course, that he needed them and so they showered him with more love, if this was even possible. “Yeah, yeah, me, too. Me, too. Daddy just had a tough day at work. But, we’re okay now, aren’t we? We’re just fine. And you’re just fine. An’ you’re gonna stay fine. Gonna take good care of you. Always.”
He wasn’t sure of time passing. Just that he looked up suddenly to see green eyes staring at him, something indecipherable lurking within. “You okay?” Jensen asked.
Jared nodded, chin still partially buried in golden fur. He’d told Jensen what he was doing, thinking about, to get into the scene. Jensen hadn’t said much. They all had their techniques. Jensen would get quiet, keep to himself mostly before an emotional scene. Jared knew to respect his space during these times. He watched and he learned. Working with Jensen was making him better. A gift Jensen gave without thought.
Jensen nodded once and turned away. They knew when to give each other space.
* * *
After a short time Jared was feeling better. The anxiety was at bay and he shook the lingering effects of experiencing that out of his body. His step was lighter and his eyes felt like smiling again and so he did what he always did, went to seek out people. Okay, person. He felt like seeing Jensen. Jensen’d looked worried earlier. Jared knew how that felt. He worried about his costar plenty. Wanted to find him and tell him he was fine and maybe they could play some Halo or something.
Kim and Serge huddled by a monitor caught his eye. He realized they were watching dailies, mesmerized. A touch of pride washed over him. He thought he’d done well. Wondered, now, how it came off on the screen, so he changed directions to look, easily peering over both shorter men’s shoulders. Honestly, he was expecting to see himself. He had just finished this hellacious scene and freaking cried his eyes out and …
On the monitor, Jensen stood rigid. The off-screen gunshot rang out. Jared watched, transfixed, as Jensen shuddered, eyes welling, a single tear trailing down his cheek like a wild droplet on a pane of glass. The lighting, the lingering focus on that broken face. It was just. Beautiful.
“Holy shit.”
Two pairs of eyes suddenly stared at him. Jared hadn’t even noticed he’d spoken out loud. He felt his body clench with emotion and fought for immediate control in front of the director and cinematographer. “I mean … Hell, that bastard stole my scene.”
Both men laughed and the weird moment was over but Jared. Couldn’t begin to figure out what he was feeling. He turned away as Kim was saying something about definitely using that.
It had been an emotional shoot. Sam had to kill Madison, the first woman he’d been intimate with since Jessica. It was a big deal. It devastated Sam, and Jared had tried his darnedest to make it real. Dean, in typical big brother mode, volunteered to do the brutal job for Sam. But Sam needed to do this. He owed it to her, in his mind. Well, in Sam’s mind.
He knew when he’d finished shooting, wrecked, that they’d still had some coverage to do with Jensen. Close-ups and a reaction shot. But never had he expected …
He was walking up the steps to Jensen’s trailer before he realized where he was. Hadn’t even had to be conscious of where his feet automatically took him.
“Jensen?”
The interior was dark and for a moment Jared thought maybe Jensen wasn’t there, but then he heard a soft mmm sound.
“Were you sleeping?”
“Nah.”
Jared let the door shut behind him. His eyes adjusted quickly to the dim light from the open window at the back of the trailer. Jensen was sprawled out on the sofa. He’d kicked off his boots but was still in Dean’s clothes.
Lifting Jensen’s legs, Jared plopped himself beneath them. Jensen’s socked feet rested on Jared’s thighs. A position they’d assumed hundreds of times before. So Jared really couldn’t explain the fact that his hands were shaking as they settled gently against Jensen’s ankles. He squeezed his hands into fists and let the tension out slowly.
Jensen lifted his head up, “Jay, you okay?”
“I saw the dailies.”
Jensen smiled. “Yeah? You were great.”
“Didn’t see me.”
Jensen shifted up, his legs moving off Jared until he was sitting up facing him. Jensen tucked one foot under his thigh. Jared immediately missed the contact and squeezed his own thighs a moment. What the hell was wrong with him? Must be some leftover emotion from that scene. Hadda be. This was Jensen. His best friend. Why was Jared suddenly feeling so jittery? Like there were bees buzzing under his skin?
“Was you.”
“Oh.” Jared sensed Jensen’s confusion. He could tell his costar was trying to figure out what Jared had seen. Their eyes met, held, and Jensen visibly swallowed hard.
“Jen?”
Jensen looked contrite. “Wasn’t trying to steal your thunder.”
“I’d never think that.” Jared tucked his own leg under his thigh, mirroring Jensen’s pose. Helped to contain him. Those bees were swarming his whole body. His heart felt like it was vibrating as rapidly as a hummingbird’s wings. “What …?“ Shit, he didn’t even know what he was asking. Just. He had to know.
Jensen seemed to get it. Understood Jared without words. “Was what you told me.”
“Huh?” Or maybe not. Because Jared was now lost.
“You said you were working yourself up by thinking … thinking about something … bad … happening to Sadie or Harley.”
Jared nodded. He had told Jensen his plan. And man, had it worked. The dried snot was still itchy against his collar. “Worked,” he said into the silence. Not that it needed to be said. Jensen had been there after all. But none of this explained …
“Hurt.”
“Huh?” Jared knew that one of his job requirements was coherence. But right now? Not so much.
Jensen looked down. Been a while since he’d ducked like that. Used to do it all the time when they first met. Shyness. Reserve. Whatever. Jared always thought it was cute. Only he didn’t allow himself to really think this because that. Would be gay. And he wasn’t. Well, not usually.
“It hurt. Hurt to think of something happening to the kids. Hurt to think of you thinking about it. Didn’t … don’t like to see you like that.”
Jared reached out before he could think and tilted Jensen’s face back up, hand ghosting along Jensen’s stubbled jaw. A familiar sting pricked his eyes as he registered Jensen’s wet stare. Really, he would have thought that he had no tears left after today. “Me, too.”
Jensen didn’t say anything. Didn’t ask what Jared meant. Just shut his eyes and pushed his face almost imperceptibly closer into Jared’s palm and held still a moment.
Jared pulled his hand away slowly. Dragged air into his lungs and forced his face into a smile. “Well, as far as chick flick moments go, I think we both just grew boobs, dude.”
Jensen laughed. That made Jared’s smile real. Jensen shifted and swiped his hand over his mouth before meeting Jared’s eyes again. “I was supposed to … but I don’t feel like … Want to just hang later?”
Jared blinked and forced his head clear. Jensen had mentioned plans for tonight. Was meeting up with some old friends. Maybe from back in his Dark Angel days, Jared didn’t remember the details. Just remembered the disappointment when he learned that Jensen wouldn’t be around. Which was ridiculous when they were together 24/7 and practically attached at the hip and Jensen should be allowed one night without Jared … “Yeah! That would be really great. Um, thanks.”
Jensen studied him puzzled a moment before reaching his arm out to squeeze Jared’s forearm. His eyes met his again, bluntly naked. “Nowhere I’d rather be.”
Jared’s jaw ticked. He felt like they’d just had a really long conversation in that blink of an eye and that pretty much everything he knew just changed to something unknown and scary and he should be flipping the hell out right about now. Except. His heart danced like he won a lottery.
An errant ray of sunshine choose that moment to light up Jensen’s eyes and deepen the shadows of Jared’s dimples. “Imma trounce you at Guitar Hero.”
Jensen’s smile glowed brighter than a nova. “Bring it on, Sasquatch.”
fin
AO3 for e-reader downloads
Spanish translation by alfer6
Author: sandymg
Beta: borgmama1of5
Summary: Jared has a hard time shaking off Sam after filming Heart.
Wordcount: 1,800
Genre: RPS, non-AU J2, first time
Characters/Pairings: Jared/Jensen
Ratings/Warnings: PG, Spoilers for S02x17 Heart
Disclaimer: This is fiction. No harm intended. No profit made.
A/N: Written for the Classic Cannonverse Comment Fic Meme for dugindeep 's prompt here.
Heart
Some shoots were harder than others. No news there. This one. Pretty much sucked the life out of Jared.
He took off the second the director released them. Didn’t turn around. Didn’t pass Go. Certainly didn’t feel like he collected anywhere near enough for this. Snot hit his collar. Nice. He tried to suck in air. Take a calming breath.
Fuck.
He worked his way toward the penned area where his dogs were allowed to play. His eyes stung to the point of burning. Shit, he’d really worked himself up over that scene. It was a dark scene even by their standards. Killing a woman point blank. Someone he’d just spent the night with? Fucking hurt just thinking about this. Okay, she was a werewolf that could become a vicious animal and tear folks to shreds. But, still.
But that’s not what he’d tapped into to bring out the tears. He wasn’t sure what it said about him that the emotions of the scene itself weren’t enough. He’d wanted to show Sam really broken up about this. So … job accomplished, and now tremors still ran up and down his spine, thank you very much.
Really, this wasn’t like him. Jensen got stuck in Dean mode once in a while. Jared was able to slough off Sam in a blink. Usually all it took was a smile. He tried to force his lips to curve up. Felt like he was grimacing so he gave up.
A few more steps and … there they were. The smile came easier. He knew Harley and Sadie were fine. Of course they were. It was all in his head and thinking about them hurt dead was just a technique. But, fuck, he felt like he wouldn’t be able to breathe right again until he could bury himself in their fur.
The reunion was joyous all around. Never was a time his kids weren’t thrilled to see him. He knew he was talking baby talk and sounding like an idiot and freaking crying … again. But. It really felt good to touch his kids. Warm and loud and slobbering all over him, mixing saliva and snot and salty tears. His knees hurt and his chest still ached and he choked out something like a laugh.
They knew, of course, that he needed them and so they showered him with more love, if this was even possible. “Yeah, yeah, me, too. Me, too. Daddy just had a tough day at work. But, we’re okay now, aren’t we? We’re just fine. And you’re just fine. An’ you’re gonna stay fine. Gonna take good care of you. Always.”
He wasn’t sure of time passing. Just that he looked up suddenly to see green eyes staring at him, something indecipherable lurking within. “You okay?” Jensen asked.
Jared nodded, chin still partially buried in golden fur. He’d told Jensen what he was doing, thinking about, to get into the scene. Jensen hadn’t said much. They all had their techniques. Jensen would get quiet, keep to himself mostly before an emotional scene. Jared knew to respect his space during these times. He watched and he learned. Working with Jensen was making him better. A gift Jensen gave without thought.
Jensen nodded once and turned away. They knew when to give each other space.
* * *
After a short time Jared was feeling better. The anxiety was at bay and he shook the lingering effects of experiencing that out of his body. His step was lighter and his eyes felt like smiling again and so he did what he always did, went to seek out people. Okay, person. He felt like seeing Jensen. Jensen’d looked worried earlier. Jared knew how that felt. He worried about his costar plenty. Wanted to find him and tell him he was fine and maybe they could play some Halo or something.
Kim and Serge huddled by a monitor caught his eye. He realized they were watching dailies, mesmerized. A touch of pride washed over him. He thought he’d done well. Wondered, now, how it came off on the screen, so he changed directions to look, easily peering over both shorter men’s shoulders. Honestly, he was expecting to see himself. He had just finished this hellacious scene and freaking cried his eyes out and …
On the monitor, Jensen stood rigid. The off-screen gunshot rang out. Jared watched, transfixed, as Jensen shuddered, eyes welling, a single tear trailing down his cheek like a wild droplet on a pane of glass. The lighting, the lingering focus on that broken face. It was just. Beautiful.
“Holy shit.”
Two pairs of eyes suddenly stared at him. Jared hadn’t even noticed he’d spoken out loud. He felt his body clench with emotion and fought for immediate control in front of the director and cinematographer. “I mean … Hell, that bastard stole my scene.”
Both men laughed and the weird moment was over but Jared. Couldn’t begin to figure out what he was feeling. He turned away as Kim was saying something about definitely using that.
It had been an emotional shoot. Sam had to kill Madison, the first woman he’d been intimate with since Jessica. It was a big deal. It devastated Sam, and Jared had tried his darnedest to make it real. Dean, in typical big brother mode, volunteered to do the brutal job for Sam. But Sam needed to do this. He owed it to her, in his mind. Well, in Sam’s mind.
He knew when he’d finished shooting, wrecked, that they’d still had some coverage to do with Jensen. Close-ups and a reaction shot. But never had he expected …
He was walking up the steps to Jensen’s trailer before he realized where he was. Hadn’t even had to be conscious of where his feet automatically took him.
“Jensen?”
The interior was dark and for a moment Jared thought maybe Jensen wasn’t there, but then he heard a soft mmm sound.
“Were you sleeping?”
“Nah.”
Jared let the door shut behind him. His eyes adjusted quickly to the dim light from the open window at the back of the trailer. Jensen was sprawled out on the sofa. He’d kicked off his boots but was still in Dean’s clothes.
Lifting Jensen’s legs, Jared plopped himself beneath them. Jensen’s socked feet rested on Jared’s thighs. A position they’d assumed hundreds of times before. So Jared really couldn’t explain the fact that his hands were shaking as they settled gently against Jensen’s ankles. He squeezed his hands into fists and let the tension out slowly.
Jensen lifted his head up, “Jay, you okay?”
“I saw the dailies.”
Jensen smiled. “Yeah? You were great.”
“Didn’t see me.”
Jensen shifted up, his legs moving off Jared until he was sitting up facing him. Jensen tucked one foot under his thigh. Jared immediately missed the contact and squeezed his own thighs a moment. What the hell was wrong with him? Must be some leftover emotion from that scene. Hadda be. This was Jensen. His best friend. Why was Jared suddenly feeling so jittery? Like there were bees buzzing under his skin?
“Was you.”
“Oh.” Jared sensed Jensen’s confusion. He could tell his costar was trying to figure out what Jared had seen. Their eyes met, held, and Jensen visibly swallowed hard.
“Jen?”
Jensen looked contrite. “Wasn’t trying to steal your thunder.”
“I’d never think that.” Jared tucked his own leg under his thigh, mirroring Jensen’s pose. Helped to contain him. Those bees were swarming his whole body. His heart felt like it was vibrating as rapidly as a hummingbird’s wings. “What …?“ Shit, he didn’t even know what he was asking. Just. He had to know.
Jensen seemed to get it. Understood Jared without words. “Was what you told me.”
“Huh?” Or maybe not. Because Jared was now lost.
“You said you were working yourself up by thinking … thinking about something … bad … happening to Sadie or Harley.”
Jared nodded. He had told Jensen his plan. And man, had it worked. The dried snot was still itchy against his collar. “Worked,” he said into the silence. Not that it needed to be said. Jensen had been there after all. But none of this explained …
“Hurt.”
“Huh?” Jared knew that one of his job requirements was coherence. But right now? Not so much.
Jensen looked down. Been a while since he’d ducked like that. Used to do it all the time when they first met. Shyness. Reserve. Whatever. Jared always thought it was cute. Only he didn’t allow himself to really think this because that. Would be gay. And he wasn’t. Well, not usually.
“It hurt. Hurt to think of something happening to the kids. Hurt to think of you thinking about it. Didn’t … don’t like to see you like that.”
Jared reached out before he could think and tilted Jensen’s face back up, hand ghosting along Jensen’s stubbled jaw. A familiar sting pricked his eyes as he registered Jensen’s wet stare. Really, he would have thought that he had no tears left after today. “Me, too.”
Jensen didn’t say anything. Didn’t ask what Jared meant. Just shut his eyes and pushed his face almost imperceptibly closer into Jared’s palm and held still a moment.
Jared pulled his hand away slowly. Dragged air into his lungs and forced his face into a smile. “Well, as far as chick flick moments go, I think we both just grew boobs, dude.”
Jensen laughed. That made Jared’s smile real. Jensen shifted and swiped his hand over his mouth before meeting Jared’s eyes again. “I was supposed to … but I don’t feel like … Want to just hang later?”
Jared blinked and forced his head clear. Jensen had mentioned plans for tonight. Was meeting up with some old friends. Maybe from back in his Dark Angel days, Jared didn’t remember the details. Just remembered the disappointment when he learned that Jensen wouldn’t be around. Which was ridiculous when they were together 24/7 and practically attached at the hip and Jensen should be allowed one night without Jared … “Yeah! That would be really great. Um, thanks.”
Jensen studied him puzzled a moment before reaching his arm out to squeeze Jared’s forearm. His eyes met his again, bluntly naked. “Nowhere I’d rather be.”
Jared’s jaw ticked. He felt like they’d just had a really long conversation in that blink of an eye and that pretty much everything he knew just changed to something unknown and scary and he should be flipping the hell out right about now. Except. His heart danced like he won a lottery.
An errant ray of sunshine choose that moment to light up Jensen’s eyes and deepen the shadows of Jared’s dimples. “Imma trounce you at Guitar Hero.”
Jensen’s smile glowed brighter than a nova. “Bring it on, Sasquatch.”
fin