Beholder, Ch. 8, NC-17, RPS, AU, Jensen/Jared

[sandymg]

Leaving Jensen to the dark streets was one of the hardest things Jared had ever had to do. He promised himself he’d find an apartment before the week was up because this was just unacceptable. He knew that simply having his own apartment did not assure that Jensen would stay with him. But at least he had a chance of convincing him. This way it was impossible.

Jensen sensed Jared’s concern.

“Jay … I be fine.”

Jared smiled despite his fears. Something warm curled in his tummy when Jensen used his nickname. His speech was improving steadily leaving Jared even more convinced that with speech therapy and time it could get much better.

“Okay,” Jared said after a long moment. “C’mere.” Jensen stepped into Jared’s hug. Jared loved how easy it was to hold him, barely having to lean down let alone stoop like he did with practically everyone else. God, it felt so right. “You did good tonight. With Jeff. So brave. I’m so proud of you.”

Jensen tightened his grip but said nothing. Reluctantly Jared took a step back missing the contact the second they separated. “I … I’m going to Misha’s.” Jensen nodded in approval. Jared wanted to ask Jensen where he would go but couldn’t. Was too afraid to know. He kissed him instead, sliding between his lips, thrusting his tongue into Jensen’s mouth in sure urgent bursts, teeth gnashing, eating the other man’s moans.

Unfortunately, Jared needed to breathe. He pulled away reluctantly, glancing down at Jensen’s still closed eyes in the darkness of the alcove that sheltered them. He bit back a swear at the way that Jensen fell toward him in an unconscious reach before finding himself again and straightening. Jared wanted to punch the brick façade behind him. Is this where Jensen would sleep? Would he sink down right here onto the gum- and piss- and roach-covered ground? Tears burned hot behind his eyes. He swallowed convulsively to keep them at bay.

Finally, he did let out a swear. “Don’t you dare let anything happen to you.”

Jensen locked eyes with him at this, recognizing the words as the same Jared had ordered before, in the alley behind the restaurant. His brows held puzzlement. “Jared care.”

Jared chuckled. It wasn’t funny but it also wasn’t sad. He ran his thumbs over Jensen’s cheekbones, feeling the sharp angles of his face, the burn of his stubble beneath his fingertips. So male. Jared shook the want away. Jensen didn’t phrase this as a statement or a question. It was a wonderment. “Why is that so hard to believe?” Jared asked softly even though he knew the answer. It was rhetorical and he didn’t expect Jensen to reply.

Jensen touched Jared’s face back, mimicking Jared’s movements. “Care for Beast not make sense. Care for Jared make sense. Jared good.”

Jared didn’t say anything, was too tired to argue. He wondered briefly how Jensen meant this. Did he mean that it made sense to care for someone he deemed ‘good’ like Jared? Or that Jensen cared for Jared?

He ignored all of it. “Come by the shelter tomorrow?” At Jensen’s hesitancy he quickly added, “I’ll put you to work. You can help care for the animals. I’ll train you. You can be our newest volunteer. What do you say?”

Jensen’s smile lit the alley.

Jared held onto that during the long solitary walk back to Misha’s.



The first time Jared walked into the cage area and caught a glimpse of Jensen’s firm ass wriggling in the light scrub bottoms as he cleaned out the last of the long row of cages his breath caught. Damn. He’d stood there until Jensen worked his way back out backward and startled the other man.

Jensen yelped, “Jared. Did not see. Why you stand there?”

Caught. Jared blushed but then went with it. “Enjoying the view,” he answered sheepishly.

It took a beat for Jensen to catch on and then he flushed red. He glanced toward the front but then shifted the hood down. “Warm,” he said huskily.

“Yeah,” Jared answered.

“Only Misha?”

“Yep. Ally will be in, but not until the afternoon. She’s got classes this morning.”

Jensen considered this a moment. Then he pulled the hoodie jacket all the way off. He shucked it against the wall. “Will change water now.” He paused and looked at Jared. “Sadie miss you.”

“I was just coming back here to take her for a walk.” Jensen had already started to work his way back to the first cage when Jared stopped him. “Hey Jen?” Jared leaned down to press a light kiss on Jensen’s lips. Jensen looked at him questioningly. “That’s for taking off the jacket. Makes the view better.”

Jensen ducked his head and blushed again and Jared chuckled his way down to Sadie.

Jensen worked with Jared for three days. He wouldn’t accept money but let Jared buy him food and took showers in the shelter once they closed for the day. Jared would wait and finish paperwork. With a heavy heart Jared walked Jensen out and watched him disappear into the night.

In the morning, Jensen had been arriving about an hour or so after Jared. This was fine. Gave Jared a chance to greet the animals, complete any leftover paperwork and get coffee brewing. He liked offering Jensen a cup first thing since he so obviously enjoyed it. He’d gotten comfortable even with Misha there and would pull his hood down before taking the first slow sip. He almost always let out a little moan of contentment that left Jared smiling stupidly.

Thursday morning, however, Jensen was waiting for him outside the shelter door. He stared at the ground, would not meet Jared’s eyes and rocked slightly, dead silent. Jared’s heart accelerated as he looked the other man over quickly. Jensen’s sneakers were missing, his jacket was torn and speckled with dark stains. Heart pounding he ushered them both inside quickly.

“It’s just us,” Jared said rushed. “Misha is at the dentist again. Ally is off.”

Jensen still hadn’t said anything.

Jared locked the door. “Jen? Talk to me. What happened? Where are your shoes?”

Jared quickly got the lights and went to push Jensen’s hood down. Jensen kept his head down, shrugging Jared off and let out a low-pitched grrr. Jared stepped back. Then quickly got angry with himself for letting Jensen’s beast act get to him.

He got back in his face. “Jensen. What’s wrong?” He spotted blood on Jensen’s hands and immediately recognized what was splattered all over his jacket. Shit. “You’re hurt.”

Jensen swiped his hands on the front of his jacket, and growled low again. He was seething in anger. Jared moved closer but Jensen hissed out a low unmistakable warning to back off.

Jared swiped at his hair in exasperation. It was like they’d gone back ten squares. What the hell had happened?

“Followed me,” Jensen said quietly breaking the silence.

“What?”

“Men. From restaurant.”

Jared’s stomach plummeted. Those men. The one’s with the bat and the knife that had stabbed Jensen, too damn close to his heart … Enough. He moved faster than Jensen could react and yanked the hood down to ensure he was okay. Jensen leapt back and took a defensive stance.

Jared had seen this with others but not with himself, not since that first day. It hurt. But not as much as seeing the bruises on Jensen’s beautiful face. His lip was cut, a jagged trail of dried blood trailing from it. His cheek was swollen and purple-red. Jared’s eyes filled and this time he didn’t try to stop it. His distress seemed to reach through Jensen’s pent up rage.

Bloody hands grasped Jared’s upper arms, squeezing once. “I am okay, Jared. Not hurt really. Promise.” Jensen looked down. “They said stole from them. They steal back. Take shoes. Give me warning.” He stepped back from Jared, looked away as he next spoke. “Say stay away ... ” Jensen’s voice caught a bit. “ … say you stay away. Warn Jared, too.”

“Jen … “

“Jared. Forget restaurant. No more. Forget Beast. I go now.”

Jensen actually was able to take a step toward the door before Jared had the presence of mind to react. He yanked on Jensen’s sleeve. “What?!”

The other man shuffled a few more steps. He stopped momentarily at Jared’s question but then kept on. “No!” Jared moved to block Jensen. “You’re not leaving … you’re not leaving me.”

Jensen turned at this. Jared hadn’t even realized what he’d said until it was out. No matter. This wasn’t ending this way. “Beast cause trouble for Jared. I go.”

Jared’s cell phone rang, piercing the air. Instinctively he went to see who it was. “Jeff,” he said to Jensen. “Wait. Please.” The phone rang again and Jared did nothing until he saw Jensen’s nod.

“Jeff?” Jared asked quickly.

“Yeah. Jared. I think we have something. Can you and Jensen meet me tonight? Precinct side entrance, about nine?”

He wanted to ask a million questions. But Jensen was still one step away from bolting. “Yes,” he said quickly. “We’ll be there.” He hung up before Jeff could get in another word.

Jensen shook his head immediately at this. “No police. Trouble. Too much already. You need stay away from all of it. From me. I must go.” Jensen took another step backward but his eyes lingered on Jared as if taking in his last fill.

Jared met his stare, eyes hardening. “No. I’m not staying away. If you walk out I’ll find you. I swear I will.”

Jensen’s eyes iced over. “No. You will not. I disappear.”

“Maybe. But I’ll look for you, Jensen. Every alley. Every corner. Every fucking inch of this city. And then I’ll spread out further.”

Angry heat radiated off Jensen. “Not safe to look. Bad men. Threaten … “

“I’ll start there. At the restaurant.”

“Jared … “

“Don’t go. Jensen. Please.”

“Why?”

Jared risked taking a step closer. “You know why.”

“Can’t let you get hurt. I go, take trouble with me.” Jensen met his eyes. The ice was lit with an inner flame now.

“They hurt you. Do you have any idea what that does to me?”

Jensen looked down, partially resigned. He inhaled sharply. “You cannot be hurt,” he repeated. It came out like a statement of fact and would have sounded almost mechanical were it not for the tremor in Jensen’s voice. His anger was dissipating and he looked unbearably young shuffling his dirty socks on the tile floor.

“I won’t. I’ll be careful. And I have you watching out for me, right?”

This got Jensen to look at him again. “Protect by leaving.”

“Protect me by staying. Besides we also have Officer Jeff on our side.” Jared said that to try to lighten the moment. But Jensen only shook his head sadly again.

“No trust police. Lock me up. Will die this time, Jared.”

Jared shuddered. There was a promise in Jensen’s words. There was so much he still didn’t know about what Jensen had been through these past ten years. He hoped to god that whatever Jeff uncovered would be helpful. “Jen, Jeff said he found something about your past. He’s going to tell us tonight. Asked us to meet him.”

The door rattled startling them both. Misha walked in. He looked from Jared to Jensen with a small frown. “What happened? Why’s he-“

“Misha. Don’t. Man the front, okay? I need … I need to … “ Jared turned his eyes back to Jensen and held his hand out. “Let’s get you cleaned up?”

Jensen stood stock still. He glanced toward the door that Misha just entered from. Jared knew he was watching an inner battle. That Jensen still wanted to leave. Jared held his breath. An eternity later Jensen followed him toward the back, never taking his hand.

Jared stood outside the small bathroom with the door open as Jensen washed out his wounds. He watched the pink water swirl down the drain and fought back the ache this brought. Jensen tried to slip by but Jared grabbed his arm as he passed. “Jen. Please.”

He took Jensen in a fierce hug -- fear, relief, pain, need, vibrated through him as he held on so tight he was afraid he’d hurt Jensen. But Jensen melted into him and simply absorbed. “God, I was so scared,” he murmured in Jensen’s ear.

“I am fine.”

Jared squeezed harder. “You were going to leave.”

The body in his arms trembled slightly. And then Jensen lifted his arms and pulled Jared down and sparks exploded all through him like firecrackers shooting off under his skin. Warm, moist lips met his, absorbing him, swallowing him up in quicksand. Jensen licked his way inside and let all that coiled up tension, pressure, frustration out and into their kiss. It was wet and hot and uncontrollable. Jared was manhandled up against the wall next to the bathroom door, felt his back crack hard against the plaster, causing a quick flash of pain but then Jensen was pushing their groins together and nothing existed but the fire coursing back and forth between them.

“Don’t leave me,” he groaned into Jensen’s mouth, teeth latching onto Jensen’s lower lip and pulling hard. “Don’t you fucking ever leave me.” He whipped them around and shoved Jensen against the wall face first. He ground his erection into Jensen’s ass through his soft sweats. “Oh fuck,” he growled, feeling Jensen buck back hard against him. This man was an addiction. Irresistible and unquenchable. Even if when they did this it wouldn’t be enough. Nothing would ever be enough. He bit along Jensen’s neck, watching the blood rise to the surface. Yeah. Mark him. Make him his. So he wouldn’t leave. Couldn’t leave.

Jensen spun around again, hands reaching to cup Jared’s face. “Sorry,” Jensen whispered before kissing Jared again, slowly this time. Tasting and licking and nipping without bite.

Jared licked along the bruise he made on Jensen’s neck. Where had that possessiveness come from? He’d never been that way with Sandy. Nothing about the way he was with Jensen matched his behavior with others. This person he was when he was Jensen was familiar yet foreign all at once. Someone that had been there all along but was only now emerging.

“Don’t be,” he answered, cupping Jensen’s face in his large palms.

Passion burned in Jensen’s eyes but he didn’t say anything. Just stared and absorbed and gave more than he’d ever know. Look at me, Jared silently plead. Look at me just like that. Always.

Jensen blinked. Took a deep breath. Head tilted down and then back up to Jared with the faintest blush. “Need cold shower.”

Jared laughed. “Yeah buddy, me too.” He indulged in one last slow kiss. “You drive me crazy, you know.” Jensen purred low. “We will finish this.” That earned Jared an even deeper growl.

They stepped apart. “I’m going to pick you up some shoes. I’ll leave Misha up front. Take care of my animals?”

Jensen nodded yes. Watched Jared as he walked back to the front. “Jared?”

Jared turned back. Watched the swirl of emotions moisten Jensen’s eyes until they glowed like a forest fire. “I know,” he said hoarsely. “I’ll be back soon. Be here?” The last words were barely audible.

But Jensen heard him. “Yes. I will be here.”

Jared spent the time away from the shelter to try to tamp his runaway emotions. Misha tried to get him to talk on the way out but he ignored him. He needed air, space. Needed to understand why the mere idea of Jensen walking out of life made him feel like the ground was sucking him in. Sandy had been his girlfriend for six years. And he’d just walked out of her life. There was pain. He’d been scared.

But not like this.

Away from Jensen he could see how his behavior was irrational. Disproportionate to the relationship they really had, the amount of time they’d known each other. Until those green eyes captured him. And then he was lost.

He had just finished paying for his purchases, a pair of black work boots and new sneakers to get Jensen through the cold weather when his cell phone rang.

“Hey Jeff.”

“Jared. Good. I reached you. You hung up so quick before … everything okay?”

He was about to automatically reply yes. The word was almost out but as the air left his lips it came out, “No.”

“What’s wrong?”

“They … Jensen. He was beat up. Robbed.” He heard Jeff suck in air. “He … he’s okay. It just … shook me up.”

“Where are you?”

Jared rattled off his location before thinking to ask why.

“Stay put,” Jeff said.

The blue and white patrol car rolled up to Jared ten minutes later. Jeff leaned out the window. “Get in kid.” The passenger seat was empty. Jared raised his eyebrows. “My partner’s out sick. Flu. And I need a coffee break.”

Jared slid in nervously. He’d never sat in a police vehicle before. Honestly, he wasn’t sure what he was doing with Jeff now. Except that the need to share this with someone was overwhelming.

Jeff drove them to a Starbucks. Not the one they’d met at before. It was late morning and not too crowded. They carried their drinks to the back and settled into the armchairs in the corner. Jeff opened his coffee lid and took a slow sip. He leaned forward, elbows on his knees. “Jensen okay?”

“They stole his shoes.”

Jeff nodded. “Happens. It’s rough on the streets. He’s been out there a long time. I’m guessing he can take care of himself.”

“They stabbed him. Missed his heart by inches.”

“What?!”

“Not last night. This was a few weeks ago. Jeff, he figured out that this restaurant was poisoning cats.”

Jeff’s eyes were huge. He took a long swallow. “Kid, I think you really have to start from the beginning.”

Jared grinned weakly. Willed himself together. “Yeah. Well, it started with a kitten.” He swallowed another sip. “She has a good home now. But that’s not part of this. Well, maybe it is … but not … “ Shit. He was rambling. Happened when he was nervous. Chill. Tell the man the story before he dismisses Jared as a nut and walks away. “Jensen found a kitten near this restaurant. Didn’t see the mother or the rest of the litter. He brought the kitten to the shelter. Named her Belle.”

Jeff interrupted, brows rising. “Belle?”

Jared’s voice was soft. “She’s beautiful.”

Jeff chuckled slightly. “Beauty and the Beast.”

“Huh?”

“Never mind. Go on … kitten … “

“A few days later he found the mother cat dead along with some others. He suspected that the owners were using poison because there were empty take out containers next to the dead animals. He sort of staked them.” Jared saw Jeff’s face start to twist with disapproval. He couldn’t quite disagree with him there. “I told him it was dangerous. But Jensen can be very stubborn. I … I went with him. They caught us. I tried to reason with them but they were real bastards. Came at us with a bat and then this one guy had a knife.”

“Jesus, Jared. You could have gotten killed. Why didn’t you call me?”

“Jensen … is afraid of the police.” Jeff nodded quickly. Jared continued the story. “They jumped us. And then the one with the knife was coming at me and Jensen … “ The image filled his vision. Silver flash of a knife and Jensen leaping in front of him, soft grunt as the knife embedded in Jensen’s chest. Jared fisting the bat and coming down hard. The other man dropping. And the blood, blossoming from Jen’s chest. “… He stepped in front of me, in front of the blade. I … we managed to stop them.” He looked down, refused to meet Jeff’s reproachful gaze. “Then we ran. He refused to go to a hospital. I feared he’d just run away … I had no choice … “

Jared looked up then and was reassured by Jeff looking at him steadily, not judging.

He took a deep breath and finished. “I had Alona, our vet, patch us up. She told me … a few inches over and the blade would have hit his heart.” Jared stopped speaking, hand shaking slightly he put down the coffee cup and fought for self control.

“Jared. Please don’t take this the wrong way but … are you and Jensen … together?”

Jared’s eyes flew up at this, searching. Jeff looked concerned but not disgusted or angry. He forced his stare steady. “Does it bother you that I’m … “ He stammered but at the last minute said screw it in his mind. “ … bisexual?” He sucked in air because it had been a long time since he'd come out to someone he hardly knew.

“No,” Jeff answered quickly. “But Jensen’s not just another guy.” Jeff looked like he was considering what to say. “Jay, my brother, Joel … I told you he’s schizophrenic. He’s also gay. And he’s been in a relationship. I’ve had to pick up the pieces before. Not just my brother, but the man he was involved with. There’s something … special … about people like Joel, like Jensen. Something almost magical. I get it, I do. It’s not just about your need to take care of him. It’s what he gives you. But it’s not easy. I should know. They give, but they also take. A whole lot. Sometime all that you have.”

Jeff’s eyes betrayed his weariness. Jared processed. He thought today couldn’t possibly get more complicated. It just did.

“How far has it gotten?” Jeff asked. “Because honestly. If you could walk away, you should.”

Jared met his gaze. “I can’t.” His voice deepened. “I won’t.” He took a deep breath. “I appreciate what you said. And telling me about Joel. It’s just … we don’t know … I don’t think Jensen is mentally ill. I mean, yeah, he’s got … issues … but … “ Jared knew he had to tread gently here. “I think his injuries are neurological. Physical. Can you-is this about what you uncovered about Jensen’s past?”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t talk about what I found until you have Jensen with you. It’s his life and he needs to be there. Just … be careful.”

Jared nodded in understanding.

“So, did the restaurant employees come after Jensen again last night?” Jeff asked.

“Yes. Warned him off.” After a minute he added. “Me, too.”

Jeff’s face took on a scowl. “Where is this place?”

“White Star. ‘S not far from my shelter.”

“I know it. I’ll take care of it for you.”

Jared’s gratitude was immediate. “Thanks. I couldn’t … I can’t let them hurt Jensen anymore.”

Jeff nodded. “Wouldn’t want them hurting you, either.” After a beat Jeff added, “So, they were poisoning cats?”

“We’re getting the food containers tested at a lab. But, yeah, most likely. Not that uncommon.”

“And they called Jensen a beast,” Jeff said shaking his head.

“Yeah.”

Jeff stood. “I have to get back to work. You gonna be okay?”

Jared stood, too. Jeff was tall. Almost as tall as Jared. They were basically eye to eye. He took in the warm brown stare surrounding him like a hug. God, he hadn’t realized how desperately he’d needed to talk to someone. To feel like there was someone on his and Jensen’s side, who had their backs. “Yes. Thank you.” He put his hand out. He wanted to hug Jeff but knew that not everyone was as comfortable touching as he was. Still, Jeff gave his hand a hard pump before letting go and reaching out to squeeze his shoulder once.

“Take care. And call if you need me. I mean it … you see those bastards, let me know. Okay?”

“Yeah. We’ll see you later at the station.”

Jared left the Starbucks carrying Jensen’s new shoes feeling considerably lighter than when he’d entered.
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