Beholder, Ch. 2, NC-17, RPS, AU, Jensen/Jared

[sandymg]

Sandy returned several hours later. Jared heard her key in the door and tamped down the feeling of irritation that she was back already. He’d hung around the apartment in the futile hope that Jensen might return. He was mad at himself for letting him leave without trying harder to get him some proper assistance. He cursed the agencies that kept banker’s hours when need didn’t disappear at five o’clock on a Friday evening.

“Honey? Jared?” Sandy approached and hugged him. “I’m sorry.”

This surprised and disarmed him. It wasn’t Sandy’s fault. Not really. And a part of her was right. Jensen wasn’t an abandoned pet he could find a new home for. He squeezed back and met her sweet lips. “I’m sorry, too.”

They stayed like this a while. Truthfully, he had missed her. He didn’t like sleeping alone. Whenever she was gone he wished he could have a pet but there were all the logical reasons she’d given why that wasn’t a good idea.

Pulling apart she looked around hesitantly. Before she could ask, Jared volunteered, “Jensen left.”

Sandy nodded. “You did the right thing, honey.”

He was about to balk that he, in fact, hadn’t done anything but she immediately dropped the subject and started chatting about her parents and Sophia and shopping and all the other things that filled her days and there wasn’t a way for Jared to bring up Jensen and explain that the man was smarter than she’d given him credit for.



Jared never minded Mondays in the way other people did. Truthfully, he’d work at the shelter seven days a week and not really mind but he and his small staff traded off weekends and it seemed to work out. It did help to have a couple days away every other week. Actually Sandy insisted on it. She’d prefer he took every weekend off but Jared refused and it was one more thing they would simply never agree on.

Misha greeted him bright-faced and smiling. Jared smiled back, but knew Misha could tell something was off. His co-worker’s unnerving gaze evaluated him and then he immediately asked, “What’s up?”

There was such a thing as too observant, Jared thought, not for the first time. “ ‘S nothing. I just … There was … I didn’t know what to do …” He reached for his mug and filled it with coffee just as his eyes fell upon some candy wrapper remains on the floor. Misha’s gaze followed.

“Sugar party?” he asked dryly.

“Yeah. You could say that.” He took a sip and pushed the hair off his forehead. Misha filled his own mug - the one Jensen had used-and perched himself on the corner of the desk. He was slight, with a thatch of dark unruly hair and see-all blue eyes, shorter than Jared. But then again most people were. Misha’s eyes met Jared’s as he slumped into his desk chair.

“Friday, as I was finishing up, these two guys showed up out back.” Misha’s face grew tense. “No. Nothing bad. They had this … man, um, a homeless guy with them. And they thought-“

“They thought we were a homeless shelter? Oh man, that’s fucked up.”

“Yeah. Tell me about it. But the guy, they, treated him … shit, the abandoned dogs get treated better.” Jared’s eyes grew dark and the hand holding the mug vibrated tightly. “They pretty much just dumped him out back and ran away.”

Misha stared intensely. “What’d you do?”

Jared drained his mug. “I gave him coffee. All I had was the candy so I let him have that.” Misha nodded in understanding. “Shit, Mish … you should have seen him. Filthy all over. Couldn’t even see him because he was swallowed up in this hoodie jacket. Wouldn’t take it off, not even inside. Like he’s hiding. Afraid … but not … not for himself. Like he’s afraid of folks seeing him.”

Misha thought about this. “Well, figure the old guy probably lived a tough life.”

“He isn’t old.” Misha stared at him again and Jared didn’t know why he suddenly said this quite so vehemently. “I mean, I don’t know how old he is. He never took off the damn hood, even after I gave him clean clothes.”

“Um … Jared, we don’t keep clothes here.” Misha paused, his voice sounded resigned. “You took him home.”

“I had to. I tried the local shelters and they had waiting lists and it was getting colder out and I just couldn’t-“

“Of course you couldn’t. Thank goodness Sandy wasn’t-“

“Yeah. About that …”

“No.” Misha winced.

“Yeah. She came home early. Popped in Saturday morning. I’m surprised the neighbors didn’t call the cops with all the yelling.”

Misha snorted his high-pitched laugh. “Who was screaming louder, Sandy or the homeless dude?”

“Jensen.”

“What?”

“The guy’s name is Jensen.”

“Hmm. Sounds Danish.”

“I think it’s his first name.”

Misha eyed him again. “Where’s Jensen now?”

Jared looked unconsciously toward the back door. “I don’t know. He … Sandy got mad, stormed out, insisted he leave before she got back. I wasn’t - I told him he didn’t have to … but, he’s not stupid. Just because he hides in a hoodie and has nowhere to live, doesn’t make him stupid.” Jared took a deep breath. His voice had been steadily rising.

“Of course not, Jay. Nobody called him stupid.”

He turned toward his friend, frustration still flashing through him. “No. They called him ‘beast.’“ Misha stared again. “He … Jensen, when I first saw him, he was snarling, like an animal. The men with him called him Beast. And then … he called himself that. Repeatedly.”

“Wow. That’s …”

“Yeah.”

“Well, humans are the most dangerous animal.”

Jared studied his gentle friend. “Yes. We are that.” He rose to go check on the animals under their care. Misha followed him out of the small office. “Jensen left on his own. I couldn’t keep him.”



Two weeks passed.

Misha quietly accepted Jared’s talking about Jensen and ongoing search saying only that Jared had a good heart. Sandy never spoke about it again, and acted like that odd morning never happened. Except Jared couldn’t get that glimpse of beard and that flash of hair and that curled up body sleeping on his wooden floor out of his mind.

The first week after they’d met, he’d visited all four homeless shelters and asked if anyone meeting Jensen’s description had shown up. Not surprisingly, the answer was no. He hadn’t even given the poor man the addresses of the shelters before he’d left. He wondered how much longer those pathetic boots would last. Couldn’t be long. Then what?

This week he’d tried the shelters again and had meandered during his lunch break in ever widening circles around the shelter, peering in doorways and alleyways. It felt futile given the size of the city and endless places people could disappear in plain sight. But he couldn’t help himself. Today’s lunch time excursion had proven no more enlightening than any other.

Misha popped his head into the office as Jared finished inputting some records into the computer. “Jay?”

Jared nodded absently.

“Jay, you gotta get out here.”

At Misha’s intense look Jared hopped up and walked to the front waiting area.

Jensen stood just inside the doorway. Jared stared, unable to think of what to say.

“Jay? Is this the guy-“

Misha’s question was broken off by Jensen reaching inside of the front of his hoodie jacket and pulling out a small fluff of gray fur. A very tiny kitten meowed thinly. Jensen held it in his palm and reached out to Jared, saying brokenly, “Ja-red.”

For an insane moment Jared wondered if Jensen had named the kitten after him. Then reality resumed and he realized Jensen had been addressing him as he handed the animal over. Jared reached out and took the little fluff ball, it was dwarfed in his large palm. From its size he figured it was maybe six to seven weeks old. Tiny claws dug in and it arched its back, giving out a high-pitched wail. He stroked the kitten’s head and back gently with his finger, automatically murmuring a soft sound. After a few moments the kitten relaxed and curled up in his hand.

Jared remained speechless. He’d admittedly had fantasies about finding Jensen again. Maybe stumbling upon him on the street, leaning against a wall or sleeping in a cardboard box. Perhaps even finding him at one of the shelters that he’d planned to continue to check periodically. But Jensen bringing in a stray hadn’t even been on his radar of wild possibilities. And the sweetness of the act - Jared didn’t quite know what to do with the emotions coursing through him.

“Where did you find …” Jared checked briefly. “… her? Was there a mother cat as well? Any more of the litter?”

Jensen tilted his hooded head in that now familiar way. “Alone. No mother.”

Jared nodded. It happened. She could have gotten separated. The kitten seemed a good weight. “You hungry?” he asked the fur ball.

“Milk.”

“What?” Jared turned toward Jensen.

“Fed her. Milk. With finger.”

Misha met Jared’s eyes and they wordlessly communicated. Misha went into the back and returned with a bottle of kitten formula. Jared looked down at the little creature and back at Jensen. He approached slowly and held the little animal back out.

“Would you like to feed her?”

The hood looked up. It was still too dark to see anything within. Shaky hands reached out. Hands that still looked clean took the bottle and held the little critter just as Jared had done. The kitten seemed happy to be back with Jensen and settled into his hand contentedly.

“She likes you,” Jared said with a huge smile. He glanced once at Misha, who held his gaze a moment before excusing himself to go check on the other animals in their care.

“Where’d you find her?” Jared asked.

“Grate. Warm keeping. So small. Thought dead. Usually are. But she move. Try help, keep warm.” He pointed inside his hoodie jacket.

Jared nodded at this. Smart. The cold was dangerous for such a young kitten.

Jensen continued. “Milk. But no bottle. Use finger. Worked.”

Jared couldn’t stop smiling. The urge to hug them both was vibrating through his veins. He took a step away to tamp it down.

“Remember Jared. Helps beasts.”

Jared was absolutely certain that Jensen was smiling, even though he could see nothing of the man’s face.

Jared surrendered to his need to touch, putting his hand gently on Jensen’s arm. “I’m so glad you came back. I’ve been thinking about you. Wondering how you were.” He eyed the clothes he’d given Jensen. They were in need of a wash.

“I have more clothes for you. You can change here. In private. You can use my back office. And then I’ll wash those for you and you can come back and switch off again in a few days. We also have a shower here. Just a stall in our bathroom. Sometimes it gets messy with the animals. You can use it.” He knew he was racing through the words, trying to get them all out before the other man bolted from his life again. “Another hoodie jacket, Jensen. I know you like those. I have a new one for you.”

Jensen was tickling under the kitten’s chin with his index finger. Jared couldn’t stop tracking that small movement. Jensen’s head ducked inward, drawing the little creature higher. “N-o,” he stuttered. “Jared too good. Beast not worth-“

“No. You are worth it. And you’re not a beast. You’re this amazing man that just saved a little kitten’s life. That earns you a shower, don’t you think?”

“Not why-“ Jensen’s voice held a tight edge.

Jared recoiled. He hadn’t meant … “Of course not. I know you weren’t looking for anything beyond helping the kitten. I know this.” He took a deep breath. “Jensen, it’s healthier to stay clean. Better for you. It’ll keep you strong. I … want this for you. Pl-ease.”

After an eternity in which Jensen stood just petting the kitten he put his hand out and returned the little creature to Jared. “Okay.”

Jared called out to Misha. “Please take the kitten to Alona to look over.” Misha nodded. “I’m going to let Jensen shower here.”

Misha stared. “Jared. What are you doing?”

“The right thing.”

Misha disappeared into the back. Jared waited a few moments and then walked Jensen into the building’s interior, past the exam room’s glass enclosure. Alona’s big brown eyes widened as they passed and looked questioningly at Jared and Jensen but Misha shook his head at her as if saying, ‘Don’t ask.’ Jared silently vowed to explain it all to her later. She shrugged and began to examine the kitten.

Jensen’s hooded head was looking toward Alona with fear. That telltale shiver came back.

Jared reached out and held his arm steady. “That’s Alona, our veterinarian. She won’t disturb you. I promise.”

He led Jensen to a door right before the cage area and told Jensen that was their bathroom. He asked Jensen to wait and returned a few minutes later with a bag of clean clothes he’d bought from a local discount store. Basic stuff. Sweats, boxers, socks, some tee-shirts and another gray, hooded jacket, slightly oversized. Buying the clothes had been a long shot. He’d hoped against hope that Jensen would return.

“Jensen, everything you need is in here. Here …” He placed the clothes in his hand and then handed a rough towel to Jensen. “Best we have, I’m sorry.” Jared hesitated a moment. “Would you mind handing me the clothes you’re wearing so I can wash them?”

Jensen didn’t say anything as he disappeared into the bathroom shutting the door behind him. Jared heard some motion behind the door. A few minutes later the door opened a crack and Jensen handed him the dirty items. Jared walked them to the dilapidated washer and dryer. It wasn’t much but it would do the trick.

Fifteen minutes later Jensen emerged wearing the new clothes. Jared had been waiting and as soon as he saw Jensen wrapped up in yet another gray hooded jacket he couldn’t keep the smile from his face.

“Everything fits. Good.” He’d bought a smaller size of sweats because the one’s he loaned Jensen had been too big on him. Well, like the jacket, but there was no reason for the sweats to fall off him. “I put my name and cell phone number in the jacket pocket. Just in case. And whenever you want to, come by and wash and change again, okay? Or … you can just come by … anytime.”

Again the silent head tilt. Jared asked Jensen to follow him to the front waiting area where he pointed toward three shoe boxes he’d piled on a seat. He felt Misha’s stare from behind their counter but ignored the other man.

“I didn’t know your shoe size. I bought three different sizes, taking a guess. I’m pretty sure one of these will be good. I kept the receipts and I’ll return the ones that don’t fit.”

Jensen squirmed. “No. Jared. Cannot. Too good you. Beast does not-“

Jared fought to keep his voice calm. “You are not a beast. And these are just cheap sneakers. Like I said we’re only keeping one pair. Your boots aren’t going to hold up any longer. You know this. These won’t last all that long … but for some time at least. C’mon, try them on and let’s see which one works for you.”

Jensen stood still for a long time. Jared could feel eyes burning into him although Jensen’s remained completely hidden from view. Finally Jensen squatted and examined each box, reading the sizes. He flipped one lid off, pulled out a shoe, and took a seat. He pulled off his old boots. Jared watched them thud to the ground, the duct tape flapping slightly where it had come unstuck.

Jensen slid his foot inside the new sneaker. It fit perfectly. Like Cinderella, Jared thought absurdly. He was not completely surprised that Jensen knew his shoe size. Just added it to the mystery. Once Jensen had tied both new sneakers he stood slowly and bounced on his heels a few times then up on his toes. He lifted one foot, then the other and brought each down in a strange almost jig.

Jared smiled broadly. “Why not give a jump?” he offered.

There was a moment of hesitation before Jensen gave a small leap up. The hood flew back a little and Jared saw a tantalizing glimpse of pale skin before Jensen’s hand quickly grabbed the hood’s edge and held it tightly in place. Jensen froze.

“It’s okay,” Jared offered.

“N-no … ugly. No see. Yell. Too ugly.”

“Jensen I wouldn’t yell. I’m sure you’re not-“

“Ugly!” Jensen growled, voice hoarse and octaves deeper. His beast was back full throttle.

Jared automatically took a step back, inadvertently startled. Misha let out a small gasp. This sobered Jensen. His voice softened again. “Sorry. Jared so good. Beast sorry.”

“You aren’t a beast,” Jared repeated automatically.

Jared heard a sad half-laugh.

In a blink Jensen’s hand came out and cupped Jared’s cheek softly. “Jared beautiful.”

By the time Jared reopened eyes he didn’t realize he’d closed, Jensen was gone. Jared touched his cheek in an effort to keep the tingle and heat and rough burn of callused fingers in place for a few more moments.



Jared saw no reason to volunteer to Sandy that Jensen had returned to the shelter. What she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her. Jared tried to keep up with Sandy’s gabbing. Usually this wasn’t an issue. She had a sweet voice and an even sweeter face and if he didn’t always hear every word it was enough to just watch her say it. He’d loved her since his sophomore year of college, and when they’d moved east together after graduating from the University of Texas in Austin it just seemed like the perfect start to a new life. Sandy wanted to break into publishing and the east coast was a mecca for the kind of editorial work she sought. Jared was happy to simply be with Sandy.

College had been their proving ground. Midway through their junior year Sandy had announced that she wanted them to stop being exclusive. That hit hard and Jared had automatically assumed she’d met someone else. Turns out that wasn’t the case, but Sandy was afraid of feeling tied down too soon. Still, for all essential purposes Jared felt like this was a breakup. He buried the hurt and tried dating. He took the opportunity to test the curiosity he had about occasional feelings of attraction to other men. Now or never, he figured.

But in the end, nothing came close to Sandy and by the time senior year started they’d fallen back together without much discussion. He never asked what she’d done during their time apart even though he knew she’d dated. Never volunteered his activities either - especially none of the same-sex kind. And if a hot guy still caught his eye now and again he ignored it just as when a hot girl did. He was committed to Sandy and the rest didn’t matter.

“Do we really have to have Chad and Sophia over tonight?” Jared griped. He was still riding the high of Jensen returning yesterday afternoon and bringing in the kitten and accepting the clothes and he didn’t know what he wanted except that it was frustrating to have all this good feeling bottled up inside with nowhere to let it out.

“Yes. We do. It’s their anniversary and I promised we’d hang out.”

Jared thought about this. “Anniversary of what?”

Sandy turned to him. “Their, um, third reconciliation, I think. Maybe fourth.”

There wasn’t much to say to this. Jared thought back to the little kitten. So cute. Shouldn’t be too hard to place that sweetie. He kept seeing Jensen’s finger petting the top of the kitty’s head. The way he held her up to his upper chest, near his heart. He wondered if the man wished he could keep her. Of course, that was ridiculous being that Jensen didn’t even have a home himself. But it would be nice if Jensen could at least be able to visit the kitten. See that she was doing well, growing into a strong cat.

“Sandy? Someone brought in a little gray kitten yesterday, just before we closed. A tiny baby. You would love her … why not come to the shelter later and give a look … maybe-“

Sandy held a hand out. “No, Jared. Don’t bother. You want me to fall in love with this pussy cat so that then you can cajole me to let you have a pet. I already told you … it’s not that I have anything against animals … I just, I’m not a pet person, Jay. And this apartment’s too small.”

“Not for a cat, it isn’t.”

“I … Jared, why must we always have this same discussion over and over? Don’t you see enough fleas and claws in the endless hours you give that place? Must it also come home with you? I accept things about you that I might not like. Why can’t you do the same for me?”

She was right that between the two of them he gave her way more to have to accept than she did him. He lived and breathed that shelter. Her job at the magazine was important to Sandy - but not in the same all-encompassing way. And her salary, frankly, allowed him to live his passion. He gave her a quick hug. “You’re right. I’m sorry. Let’s drop it.”

It was dumb for him to even bring it up. Even if she had seen the kitten she wouldn’t have wanted to bring her home. It was just her way. And he knew this. Why suddenly it should matter was ridiculous. Besides, it’s not like her feelings about animals as pets were anything new. She was a caring person. Gave money to charities all the time - especially animal-related causes because she knew how much Jared cared about it.

He tried changing the subject. “Hey. Misha’s off tonight … How ‘bout I give him and Tori a call to come join us as well?”

Sandy’s mouth twisted quickly before flattening into a neutral expression. “Well. If you think so. I’m not sure he likes Chad all that much. And I’m sure Victoria would rather keep Misha to herself on his day off.”

“Nobody likes Chad,” Jared answered quickly, ignoring the fact that Sandy clearly didn’t want to keep Jared to herself. Sophia and Chad were Sandy’s friends. They’d met at the magazine shortly after they’d moved here and the girls had clicked like sisters. Chad was okay. Good for a laugh. Besides, this wasn’t about Chad but more about Sandy’s instant aversion to all things related to the shelter. The shelter that was at the center of his life. He sighed.

“Fine. I won’t call him.”

Sandy’s smile brightened.

Jared’s cell phone rang. The ringtone indicated it was the shelter. Instantly, Sandy frowned. “Jay, it’s your day off … don’t you dare-“

“Hello?”

Alison was one of the shelter’s volunteer workers. She was slight and geeky and loved animals more than people. They were really lucky to have her, especially as she was so brilliant that she was going to have her PhD  in computer science before the age of twenty-three. Well, if her extracurricular hacking activities didn’t get her arrested first. “Jay? Your friend came back. The one you said to look out for. With the hoodie? There’s a huge note from Misha that says to call you right away if he shows up.”

“Yeah? Really? Great. I’ll be right th-“

Sandy was glaring at him. Shit.

“Wait, um, see if he’ll take the phone. But be very gentle, speak slowly and don’t startle or get too close.”

He turned his back to Sandy and waited. Then he heard a shy, “Jared?”

“Yeah, hey buddy. Do you need anything? That’s Alison. She’s a really great girl. You can trust her. Trust her like you do, me. Okay? Just let her know what you need.”

“Kitten?”

Jared smiled. Jensen was checking up on the kitten. His heart sped up as he spoke fast to reassure. “She’s fine. Alona, our vet, remember, said she checked out fine. Healthy. You saved her, Jensen, you saved her life.”

Behind him Jared heard a swift intake of air and mentally kicked himself for using Jensen’s name. Dammit. He so didn’t want to get into this.

Jared ignored Sandy for the moment and continued speaking to Jensen about the kitten. “She’s in the back. If you give the phone back to Alison I’ll ask her to bring her out. Would you like to visit with her a little?” Would that make you happy?

There was a sudden shifting noise and then a high-pitched meow. God bless Alison. She’d known what to do without being asked. He heard a breathy, “Oh.” Jared pictured that little kitten back in Jensen’s hand. There was an almost giggle. “Bigger.”

“Yes. Kittens grow very quickly.”

He heard purring but wasn’t sure if it was coming from the kitten or Jensen.

Finally, an impossibly soft voice said, “Thank you.”

Jared wanted to reply but his throat suddenly closed up like he’d swallowed a ball.

Alison came back on the line. “Jay? He … he left. Said thank you.”

“I heard him,” Jared managed to croak. “I … thanks Alison.”

“Jay, who is he?”

“I don’t know. But if you see him again, call me. Okay?”

Alison agreed although Jared could tell she remained confused. She wasn’t the only one. He hung up quickly and took a few deep breaths to quell his emotions. Behind him he felt pellets of tension assaulting him.

“Jensen?” Sandy questioned when Jared didn’t turn around. “The homeless guy? Why are you speaking to him on the phone? I thought we’d gotten rid of him?”

Jared tried to keep the irritation off his face as he responded. “He brought in a stray kitten.”

Sandy’s eyes widened. “The same cat you wanted us to …?” She stopped. “What the hell, Jared … Not only do we have to have this guy and his diseases all over my home? But now I have to have his damn strays, too?!”

“It’s not like that. He … saved that kitten. She got separated from her mother and was too young to make it. If he hadn’t brought her in ...”

She didn’t seem moved. “Great. So now he’s St. Francis. Look … I get it, I do. This is you … what you do. Who you are. But the rest of us mortals … it’s hard enough just taking care of ourselves, let alone all the Earth’s creatures.” She paused, her face softening and she placed her hands on his cheeks. Long, polished nails, gently trailed his jaw line. “I keep my work at work, Jay. You need to do the same thing. For both of us, sweetheart. Okay?”

He grabbed one of her hands and enveloped it in his own. Her palm against his cheek felt smooth and cool. Like frozen silk. “Sure, baby.”



They watched The Wedding Singer followed by Die Hard. Chad’s high-pitched laugh permeated the small space. The beer kept coming and after the first three Jared finally found himself relaxing. He sat on the floor, leaning back onto the sofa between Sandy’s legs. Chad and Sophia took up the rest of the sofa. As Die Hard progressed they’d taken to playing a drinking game, taking a shot every time John McClane killed someone. The movie had a reasonable death count. Actually tame by today’s standards. At first it was fun. Bang-bang and down they went. But by the time of the explosion in the elevator shaft Jared’s mind started drifting again.

He was curious to get Alison’s take on Jensen. There was something about the way she’d asked who Jensen was that made him wonder if Jensen had spoken at all to her beyond asking for Jared. A warmth returned remembering Jensen say his name so cautiously on the phone. Instinctively, he knew that he’d built a level of trust with Jensen that was preciously rare. For the millionth time he wondered what had happened to reduce Jensen to nearly subhuman state. He was intelligent, Jared knew without a doubt. And despite the shyness and over-the-top humbleness Jensen possessed a measure of pride. The way his voice had sounded when he’d told Jared he could read. Jared remembered how he’d felt then, how he’d cringed at the condescension he’d shown. He would have thought better of himself.

“Hey Jay-bird you ain’t been listening to a thing we’ve been saying.”

Jared looked around startled. He heard Christmas music coming from the television as the closing credits rolled by. Had the movie ended? But this made him wonder about the last movie Jensen had seen. Wondered if he’d be able to convince him one day to maybe go to a movie. Or maybe he could bring his laptop and a DVD into the shelter and …

“The girls want ice cream. I was saying let’s head to O’Brien’s instead since you’re outta tequila. What say you?”

“I … what?”

Sandy shifted and stood, her face pursed in a frown. “Jay. The point of all of us hanging together is for all of us to hang together. Not just me and Soph and Chad and you off in another world …”

He stood up and ran his hand through his hair. Shit. He had let himself get too distracted. This was ridiculous. She was right. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. Um. What was the question again?”

A quick glance at Sophia showed him that his apology was too late. Sandy was pissed. Great. Well, that meant there was only one thing to do. He looked pleadingly to Chad who mouthed back ‘ice cream.’

“Want to go get ice cream?”

Sophia smiled and Sandy finally met his eyes. Her pointy chin shot up. “Yeah? I was in the mood for some Ben and Jerry’s”

Jared figured this was his ticket out of the dog house. “I have a better idea. You girls wait here and Chad and I will run to the store and pick up some pints and bring them back. Cherry Garcia or double chocolate chip?”

He was graced with a huge smile. Sandy’s face lit up when she was happy. He’d forget, sometimes, how lovely she was. This was a sweet reminder. He beamed back at her knowing her answer before she spoke. “I’ll bring back the Cherry Garcia.”

“So what has our Jay-bird so distracted?” Chad asked now that the tension seemed over.

Sandy skirted around Jared to look back at their guests. “Oh. Just another stray.” Jared wondered briefly if maybe Chad and Sophia might be up for the kitten, especially as Sandy was bringing it up. They didn’t have any pets. Chad had spoken of growing up with dogs and so he knew Chad might be into it. He wasn’t sure about Sophia but that kitten sure was hard to resist. He wondered if he’d be able to convince them to stop by the shelter tomorrow and then maybe just bring the kitten out … Sandy’s next words derailed that thought like a car on a train track. “Only this time he actually brought it home. Scared the hell out of me. I practically tripped right over him.”

Sophia laughed, deep and a little drunk. “Oh, Chaddie … I forgot to tell you this. It’s a good one.”

Jared stared at them face reddening.

Oblivious, Sophia continued. “ … this stray was the two-legged kind.”

Chad paled a moment. “Soph, you can’t mean Sandy walked in on … “

Sandy quickly corrected him, amusement in her voice. “No. Chad. Not at all. Sophie, stop -- you’ll start rumors. Nah. It was just some homeless guy Jared picked up somewhere. Baby has too big a heart is all. Did scare me though. Now, I can laugh about it, but it wasn’t funny that morning. We stood screaming, me and this guy all hidden in one of Jay’s giant hoodies. Seriously, he was growling. Really weird.”

Chad’s cackle mingled with Sandy’s soft giggle.

Jared’s anger was so deep, so pure, his breath was coming out in short little snorts. He grabbed his jacket from the hook near the door. Stopped thinking. Couldn’t see anything other than bright blood red. “I’m leaving,” he uttered in a voice like crushed stone.

Chad quieted his laughter. Stood up. “Yeah, let’s go get that ice cream.”

“No! I’m going alone … Need to walk. I need to …” He turned to Sandy, ignored the other two. “How could you? He’s not a stray! He’s a human being! You saw him. You heard him. He’s got more humanity in him than … “ Sandy’s eyes were huge. Face growing pink. He absolutely couldn’t stand looking at her one more second. “I have to go. I … Fuck, I don’t even know you anymore.”

The streets blended one into the next. He passed the shelter, long closed, and kept on going. He couldn’t stop even long enough to check on the animals. Something he always did whenever he was in the area. They were all his babies. But stopping meant … no … he kept going, burning off the rage that sizzled and would not dissipate. He broke into a run. He ran every morning. He could go for miles.

Sandy had always been gentle. She cried at sad movies and was quick to help an old person in the store or offer her shoulder to a friend in need. Her friends in school always said she was a good listener. Had something changed her? Had the city hardened her? Jared tried to remember the way Sandy had been with those less fortunate. Maybe that was the problem. In school everyone felt equal. No one had much money. They took turns paying for any meals out. Wasn’t ever a free movie or event they’d pass up.

Sandy was fully on board when Jared started grad school. Hell, she’d pretty much supported them. And if his MSW degree didn’t ultimately leave him in a swanky office psychoanalyzing the rich and famous, well, she seemed to understand. It’s not like this was the first animal shelter he’d been involved with. He’d worked in shelters and with rescue groups all through college. Heck, even before that, in high school. And she knew this. Understood it’s who he was. But. Who was she?

His cell phone rang startling him. Had to be Sandy. She was worried about him. Only it wasn’t Sandy, the ID had a “PD” suffix. Police? His heart jumped to the speed of an avalanche.

“Mr. Padalecki?”

“Yes?”

“This is Officer Morgan. I’m sorry to call you this late, sir, but your name and number were given to us by an indigent man loitering in front of a residential building. He’s, um, pretty disturbed and we were gonna run him down to County Hospital but then he pulled this paper with your information from his pocket …” Jared froze mutely. “Mr. Padalecki, do you know this man? He has no other ID.”

Jared’s mind snapped back. “Yes. Yes, I do. His name is Jensen. Don’t hurt him, please. I mean, where are you? I’ll come there.”

The officer seemed edgy. “We aren’t going to hurt him. He’s making quite a ruckus and he can’t stay here. Look. He’s very troubled. It might be best if we run him to-“

“No! Please. Unless he’s hurt then he doesn’t need a hospital.” Jared panicked thinking of Jensen restrained in the county psychiatric ward. Turned into the thing everyone already thought he was. “Where is he?”

Jared’s own address was read back at him. Oh god. “That’s my - I mean, I live there. I’ll be there in ten minutes. I’ll run. Please, just wait.” An inspiration. “Let me talk to him on your phone. Please.”

There was a scuttling sound. Whimpering noises through the phone. Jared made himself sound reassuring. “Jensen. It’s Jared. Please listen to me. Stay calm. The police officer will not hurt you. He promised me. Just wait. I’m coming.”

There was a slight murmur in reply. The policeman came back on. Jared asked for ten minutes, hung up, and took off in a run.

He arrived in about seven, fighting for oxygen, feeling like he was underwater. The flashing lights of a police car bounced off the buildings like a beacon. Jensen sat on the ground against the dirty white brick wall, knees up, head down, rocking. A police officer stood over him. Another leaned against his vehicle looking impatient and rigid. As Jared approached the officer closest to Jensen walked over and stretched out his hand.

“Mr. Padalecki? Officer Morgan. Is he family?” he asked sympathetically, head pointing toward Jensen.

Jared nodded as he shook the cop’s hand. Whatever it took to get the police and lights and the fear away from Jensen.

“Go off his meds?”

Again Jared nodded. For a moment he doubted. What if Jensen had gone off his medication? What if that’s the only reason he was on the streets? What if there was a family desperately worried and looking for him right now? Should Jared let the police take him to the hospital?

A hand touched his sleeve. Jared looked down and caught a blink of brilliant green from within the hood of Jensen’s jacket. The image vanished a second later as Jensen’s head shifted down. Jared shivered and fought the immediate eeriness. Had to be a trick of light from the police car. Nobody’s eyes were that green.

Jensen tugged harder and Jared leaned down. Jensen’s voice was low and broken. “Poison. Poison mother.”

He looked up in alarm and met the cop’s dark brown stare. Jesus, what the hell? He twisted away from the officer, speaking in a whisper. “Jensen. What? Who was poisoned?”

“Mother cat.”

Jared sucked in air and turned back to the officer. “I’ll take care of him. Are we … are we okay now?”

The officer leaning against the car spoke to him gruffly. “Keep him off the streets, sir. For his own sake.”

Officer Morgan looked at him understandingly. “My brother is schizophrenic. ‘S not easy. Good luck. He your brother?”

“No. My … cousin.”

Officer Morgan hesitated and then pulled out a business card, scribbling something on the back. “Look … I … I’ve been through this. If you need some help, you can give me a call.”

Jared pocketed the card and met the policeman’s intense brown stare. He tried for a smile as he mumbled thanks.

The two officers gave them both a last long look and then slowly got back in their car and drove away.

Jared stood staring until he couldn’t see their lights any longer.

Jensen stood slowly. “Jared. Must stop them. Poison cats.”

Jared laughed. Okay, not the most appropriate reaction at that exact moment. Certainly not one that matched any event of the evening or the words being spoken to him. But he grabbed Jensen’s upper arms and leaned his head down into the top of the hoodie and let out a relieved laugh that Jensen was fine and standing there and talking about saving cats and not on the way to be straight jacketed.

Although maybe Jared was the one that needed the straight jacket.

“Jared?” Jensen asked shakily.

“I’m sorry. I’m just--I’m glad you had my number. Glad they didn’t-Never mind that. Did you … were you looking for me?”

Jensen nodded. “Went street where found kitten. See maybe more. Find mother. But … cats dead. Poisoned. Behind restaurant. Same men shelter take me. They poison cats.”

Jensen wriggled slightly. That’s when Jared realized how tight he’d been squeezing the other man’s arms. He loosened his grip and started to absently run them up and down the thick, soft fabric of the jacket. Jensen dipped his head and Jared heard that almost purr.

As Jared finally calmed down, Jensen’s words penetrated. The hell? Someone was poisoning cats? His adrenaline spiked back up. “Jensen? Did you eat-“ Jared had seen homeless folks behind restaurants sometimes, had seen people picking through the day’s trash. It broke his heart and when he could he’d offer money but he couldn’t always help. There were days he kept walking. Most days if he were honest. His heart beat faster.

A hand reached Jared’s shoulder. “No. No eat there any more. Yell at Beast, go.”

The front door of Jared’s building suddenly opened and Chad bounded out. He stopped short at the sight of Jensen and Jared.

Jensen stepped quickly away from Jared and growled. He bent his knees in his angry, defensive mode.

“What the hell is that?!” Chad shouted.

The growl got a little louder.

Jared looked as the two men squared off and instantly went to stand in front of Jensen. “Chad. Don’t.”

“Jay?”

Jared reached behind him and took Jensen’s hand, squeezing once. “Jensen, it’s fine. This is a … Chad. He won’t hurt you.” Jared turned around. Jensen’s shoulders were up, his posture scrunched and hidden, making him seem shorter, less … human. His face was still hidden inside the oversized hood.

“Why’s he still here? The cops came. We asked them to take him away.”

Jared spun around. “What?! You … you called them?”

Chad glared like Jared had lost his marbles. “Yeah! He was sitting in front of the building. Practically howling. Jay, what is wrong with you? The guy’s nuts. He’s growling for fuck’s sake! At least the cops coulda helped him. What are you going to do?” Chad stopped. Stared hard at Jared and then back at Jensen. “Jensen? Holy fuck. This is the homeless dude Sandy tripped over? Fuck, man, even for you this Mother Theresa stuff has gone too far. Sandy’s crying her eyes out upstairs, dude. Soph’s staying with her. I gotta go home and sleep alone.”

A motion behind him made Jared turn again. Jensen was walking away. “No. Jen, don’t.”

Jensen stopped. Turned. “Wh-at?”

“Don’t go.”

Jensen shook his head as if something was wrong. But then he shuddered once and tilted his hooded head up. “Make trouble. Girl sad. Jared, go home. Beast leave.”

“You’re not a beast. I’ll … deal with Sandy. Don’t worry about … We … c’mon, we have cats to save.”

Jared turned back to Chad. “I’m going to the shelter. Tell Sandy … tell her it’s an emergency. I’ll talk to her later.”

Chad’s shocked stare burned into his back as he took Jensen by the hand and walked away.

He’d gone a full block before realizing he was still holding the other man’s hand. It felt warm and rough and strangely right against his palm. Jensen stopped, looked down at their hands. Jared realized he’d been moving his thumb against the other man’s palm. The hooded head rose and tilted. Jared let go.

They continued walking silently. A few steps further Jensen’s hand touched his again. There was no hesitation. Jared threaded his fingers with Jensen’s and gave a gentle squeeze and kept walking toward the shelter.

Go to Chapter 3
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