Venting - Some people never cease to amaze me in how inappropriate they are...!

[sandycub]

I have had to deal with more family in the past week then I have in I can't remember when. My mother passed away last Sunday the 21st and I have been dealing with planning the funeral and somehow managing to get through the funeral which was yesterday. I do have an older brother but he does not deal with illness or death well at all so beyond

Comments

[angels3]

Here's my opinion, and of course you can ignore it :)

I'd tell them to fuck off, your mom's will is about her wishes not anyone else's and that's all that matters. You do what she wanted and if they don't like it that's tuff shit. If they want to get all huffy and cope an attitude then they aren't worth worrying about.

I think you made a good choice with the photo's as well, that way everyone gets a copy of the ones they really want.

I'm very sorry for your lose. I lost my father a year ago last month, it gets easier once you get past all the first's without them, but the lose will sometimes hit you at odd times. If you need a cyber shoulder I'm here.

[sandycub]

Thanks for the cyber shoulder - I may very well need it!! I know how tough the firsts are to get through - I have lost 3 of my 4 parents (bio parents divorced just before I was 2 and went on to marry amazing people who they truly belong with!). My stepdad died of cancer in 1992, my dad died of cancer in 1997 ironically while my stepmom was battling breast cancer but she is a breast cancer survivor I am proud to say, and now I have lost my mom to COPD (damn cigarettes - all three of them were heavy smokers). I am so fortunate to have my stepmom - not only are with close but I actually live with her. When my own medical problems warranted that I should not live alone and I didn't want to burden my then 16 yr old daughter (who already had had to grow up so fast due to real life bullshit) so we moved in with my stepmom 5 years ago. My stepmom is an amazing women and has been here for me through all of this including coming to the funeral but kind of hanging in the back ground just in case we needed something. She even loaned me the

[angels3]

She must have had a birthday like my moms. Her's is the 12th so this year it's on Mother's day; she was actually born on Mother's Day, but it doesn't always fall on that day. My dad was born on Valentines Day so this year was sad.

Sorry it took me so long to get back to you, work sucked the energy right out of me over the last few days.

Just ignore them if they want to be pains.

[sandycub]

You are so right - many times her birthday fell on Mother's Day. I'm not looking forward to it this year - we had been planning a birthday/mother's day get together for her this year once I had placed her on hospice knowing that the chances of her being here next year were slim. A chance for all my kids to come in, all the grandchildren, great-grandchildren. Instead everyone gathered for her funeral. I guess it's like they say "We plan, God laughs". Apparently he was ready for her before we were ready to let go.

All out of town people or never-heard-from people have flown off back into the woodwork so hopefully things will calm down a little bit now and I can get back to the business of executing her will and figuring out how I deal with day to day life from here.

So sorry that work is so energy sucking right now!! Hope things improve!

[meus_venator]

((HUGS)) Sorry for you lose hon. I know you've had a rough, rough time of it.
I don't know what it is about funerals but they bring out the crass, graspy side of people. I don't even thing they realize how awful they come across. It's like they've discovered free money and want to make sure you know some of it is theirs.
Do what you think best. Go with your gut and the picture idea sounds perfect. It's your mom, your photos their yours to do with what you want. Scanning and disseminating is a wonderful idea, very generous of you.
I wish I had some magical advice, but I don't you just have to know that your mom will always be with you in your heart, not in the things around her. Our memories, and all the good feeling when we think about that person we love, it's all we really have in the end. Sounds like you did great.
♥

[sandycub]

Thanks so much for the kinds words! I just keep trying to tell myself that she isn't hurting any more, she isn't struggling to breath any more. She lost her husband 20 years ago and has missed him every day since. There was no one for her after that. She was best friends with her sister and we lost her last May. I kind a think especially after losing her she was just ready to go. She was only 78 but the last year especially had been so hard on her health wise and she just didn't want to keep suffering. Four days before she died she changed her code status to DNR and just asked that they keep her comfortable, no more hospitals or anything. We moved her back to the nursing home the next day. I still thought that we would have weeks if not months. She died less than 72 hours later, it appears she dozed off part way through eating her lunch. So there was no struggling to breath and having to sit and watch that final end come slowly and painfully. I am happy about that but it was so hard going in there to spend the afternoon with

[mangacat201]

Those are some awful fucking manners if you don't mind my French. I'm sorry for your loss and the way the family is making it more difficult for you. I hope you can count on the support of at least some close people who understand your situation and manage to be sensitive about it, just concentrate on those and lean on them and forget all those people who apparently wouldn't know what tact is if it spit in their faces.

[sandycub]

Not only do I pardon your French I totally agree with your French!!! Thank you for your sympathies! All out of towners and those that previously couldn't be bothered seemed to have crawled back into their respective holes, and I hope they stay there.

My daughters are being very supportive so I'm very glad for that!

[thestarkat]

So sorry for your loss. Sending a cyber-hug your way. I lost my mum 5 years ago this week and it's rough, especially with Mother's Day this weekend. Take care of yourself.