Split Second
A/N: Companion piece to Five Minutes, Susan's story.
Split second
Disclaimer: The characters and other things from The Chronicles of Narnia don’t belong to me (sadly). Credit goes to those who do own them.
It took her a few moments to traverse the wardrobe and stumble into Narnia.
Susan woke up with a start, catching her breath in the darkness, still reeling from whatever nightmare it was that slowly faded from her mind. She wanted to scream but the sleeping form of her sister stilled her to silence.
It was going to be one of those days. The old queen of Narnia knew it was one of those days when her lies wouldn’t hold and she needed to run. It was the only way. As she had done a handful of times before, she left a note on her sister’s nightstand and fled to be alone with her memories.
Without clear purpose or destination, she walked briskly in the grey morning with her mouth set in a grim line. Susan needed to be alone before she allowed the dam to break, when the tears would fall as quickly as the memories claimed her mind. Just for today for tomorrow would just be another act in the play she called her life.
It took a few minutes to return to that land and once again be the warrior that it needed for deliverance.
The queen had not forgotten, no matter how much she wanted to or how much she tried to convince the world that Narnia wasn’t real. It was her way of accepting that she was never to return and this was her home now-the only one she will ever know for the rest of her existence. It was the only way she knew how to deal with the burning regret of never even asking to stay and for believing even just a second that her feelings were only infatuation. She knew it now and she paid the price-a life without Caspian.
It took a few weeks to see who he really was and love him for every imperfection in him.
His name in her mind sent shockwaves through her, almost sending her to the edge. The stench of her denial of Narnia, the charade she had put up just to avoid the pain of missing her love, and hurting her siblings was too much to bear. Susan ran through the endless justifications in her mind, that she was only protecting herself from pain with these lies. The images of vanity and worldliness came to a screeching halt as she gave up pretending that she did not care about Narnia.
It took a few months to convince herself the lie was working and only a few hours dreaming of his death to break her down.
Her brisk pace slowly turned into a slow jog as if she was running towards something instead of away from the lies she built one on top of another. Susan was so consumed by her thoughts that she almost missed it, something fate would not allow. It took the form of a man who was in such a hurry that he bumped into a woman so absorbed in her thoughts, forcing her to see just what she sought.
But it took only a split second to renew her faith in Narnia, in Aslan and in the man she would forever love.
The moment her back hit the wall, her eyes found his. Susan did not doubt what she saw, she did not question. She could only answer to the truth now and did what it asked of her.
“Caspian, I miss you.”
The words were out in the open as he faded away. Her gut was telling her that he heard and the glimmer of a smile that the lion with him comforted her by making her believe everything will turn out well in the end.
She stood there for countless minutes with her back to the wall as people continued to pass her without noticing anything amiss. Earlier it would have incensed her that life went on without so much sympathy for what she was going through, what she had lost. The world had changed for her in that single moment and she wasn’t the same.
Susan returned to her home much like her old self, a welcome change to her family but one they never prodded her to explain. It was enough for them that she had stopped persuading them to let of their so-called childhood fantasies of a far-away land. It was a strained but peaceful coexistence. Susan merely allowed them to believe what they wanted about her as she listened contentedly to their stories of Narnia.
It was a few months after that she decided to come clean and tell them that she believed again. It could not wait even if she knew they were about to board the train any minute now. So she ran towards the station. She was just one pedestrian crossing away and her urgency made her forget to look both ways.
It only took a second. A car speeding down the road had sent her flying a few meters down, dead before she landed. Her own blood pooled around her body. Her consciousness long gone that she never heard the great crash the train made, sending her family to the same fate. None of it registered for she was already so far away.
“My daughter, you have found your way.”
Susan’s eyes flew open at the sound and gasped. She blinked rapidly adjusting to the light and noticed the soft carpet of grass beneath her. She looked up to see Aslan smiling at her from a distance, beckoning her to join him.
“Rise daughter of eve, you are home now.” Aslan said
She looked around in wonder. She was in Narnia or rather a more resplendent version if that were even possible. The great lion smiled and walked beside her.
“Yes, queen of Narnia, this is the same kingdom you have known, only in its true glory.”
“But I was never to return.” Susan said, expecting fear or hesitation yet she only felt hope and joy growing in her.
“You have not. My words were true and remain to be so. This is not the same place, dear one and you are not the same person you were.” Aslan said gently as the truth dawned on her.
“My family…” Susan said
“Will join you soon enough.” Aslan said simply, “They have come another way. I allowed you a different path for there is something you need time alone for, something you have been waiting for as long as he has. It is time to begin the story that never had the chance to begin until now.”
It was then that a young man whom she met a lifetime ago appeared before them. The man who appeared like a mirage in London and saved her from being doomed never to find her way to Aslan’s country. Susan was amazed that he looked exactly as he did the first day they met but then again so did she. No longer was she haggard and pale but she was the picture of youth and beauty. For the first time in a long while, she felt truly alive.
The lion had left without the king or queen noticing. They stared at each other wondering if they could stay suspended in time, hardly believing what stood before them was real. A thousand years was not enough to keep them apart and now even death brought them together.
“Susan, I missed you too.”
His words were as simple as hers but just as powerful when she uttered them that day. It was the reply that she never knew she waited for all this time, the one truth that freed her from her regrets, and the only thing she needed to hear before running into his arms.
.
Split second
Disclaimer: The characters and other things from The Chronicles of Narnia don’t belong to me (sadly). Credit goes to those who do own them.
It took her a few moments to traverse the wardrobe and stumble into Narnia.
Susan woke up with a start, catching her breath in the darkness, still reeling from whatever nightmare it was that slowly faded from her mind. She wanted to scream but the sleeping form of her sister stilled her to silence.
It was going to be one of those days. The old queen of Narnia knew it was one of those days when her lies wouldn’t hold and she needed to run. It was the only way. As she had done a handful of times before, she left a note on her sister’s nightstand and fled to be alone with her memories.
Without clear purpose or destination, she walked briskly in the grey morning with her mouth set in a grim line. Susan needed to be alone before she allowed the dam to break, when the tears would fall as quickly as the memories claimed her mind. Just for today for tomorrow would just be another act in the play she called her life.
It took a few minutes to return to that land and once again be the warrior that it needed for deliverance.
The queen had not forgotten, no matter how much she wanted to or how much she tried to convince the world that Narnia wasn’t real. It was her way of accepting that she was never to return and this was her home now-the only one she will ever know for the rest of her existence. It was the only way she knew how to deal with the burning regret of never even asking to stay and for believing even just a second that her feelings were only infatuation. She knew it now and she paid the price-a life without Caspian.
It took a few weeks to see who he really was and love him for every imperfection in him.
His name in her mind sent shockwaves through her, almost sending her to the edge. The stench of her denial of Narnia, the charade she had put up just to avoid the pain of missing her love, and hurting her siblings was too much to bear. Susan ran through the endless justifications in her mind, that she was only protecting herself from pain with these lies. The images of vanity and worldliness came to a screeching halt as she gave up pretending that she did not care about Narnia.
It took a few months to convince herself the lie was working and only a few hours dreaming of his death to break her down.
Her brisk pace slowly turned into a slow jog as if she was running towards something instead of away from the lies she built one on top of another. Susan was so consumed by her thoughts that she almost missed it, something fate would not allow. It took the form of a man who was in such a hurry that he bumped into a woman so absorbed in her thoughts, forcing her to see just what she sought.
But it took only a split second to renew her faith in Narnia, in Aslan and in the man she would forever love.
The moment her back hit the wall, her eyes found his. Susan did not doubt what she saw, she did not question. She could only answer to the truth now and did what it asked of her.
“Caspian, I miss you.”
The words were out in the open as he faded away. Her gut was telling her that he heard and the glimmer of a smile that the lion with him comforted her by making her believe everything will turn out well in the end.
She stood there for countless minutes with her back to the wall as people continued to pass her without noticing anything amiss. Earlier it would have incensed her that life went on without so much sympathy for what she was going through, what she had lost. The world had changed for her in that single moment and she wasn’t the same.
Susan returned to her home much like her old self, a welcome change to her family but one they never prodded her to explain. It was enough for them that she had stopped persuading them to let of their so-called childhood fantasies of a far-away land. It was a strained but peaceful coexistence. Susan merely allowed them to believe what they wanted about her as she listened contentedly to their stories of Narnia.
It was a few months after that she decided to come clean and tell them that she believed again. It could not wait even if she knew they were about to board the train any minute now. So she ran towards the station. She was just one pedestrian crossing away and her urgency made her forget to look both ways.
It only took a second. A car speeding down the road had sent her flying a few meters down, dead before she landed. Her own blood pooled around her body. Her consciousness long gone that she never heard the great crash the train made, sending her family to the same fate. None of it registered for she was already so far away.
“My daughter, you have found your way.”
Susan’s eyes flew open at the sound and gasped. She blinked rapidly adjusting to the light and noticed the soft carpet of grass beneath her. She looked up to see Aslan smiling at her from a distance, beckoning her to join him.
“Rise daughter of eve, you are home now.” Aslan said
She looked around in wonder. She was in Narnia or rather a more resplendent version if that were even possible. The great lion smiled and walked beside her.
“Yes, queen of Narnia, this is the same kingdom you have known, only in its true glory.”
“But I was never to return.” Susan said, expecting fear or hesitation yet she only felt hope and joy growing in her.
“You have not. My words were true and remain to be so. This is not the same place, dear one and you are not the same person you were.” Aslan said gently as the truth dawned on her.
“My family…” Susan said
“Will join you soon enough.” Aslan said simply, “They have come another way. I allowed you a different path for there is something you need time alone for, something you have been waiting for as long as he has. It is time to begin the story that never had the chance to begin until now.”
It was then that a young man whom she met a lifetime ago appeared before them. The man who appeared like a mirage in London and saved her from being doomed never to find her way to Aslan’s country. Susan was amazed that he looked exactly as he did the first day they met but then again so did she. No longer was she haggard and pale but she was the picture of youth and beauty. For the first time in a long while, she felt truly alive.
The lion had left without the king or queen noticing. They stared at each other wondering if they could stay suspended in time, hardly believing what stood before them was real. A thousand years was not enough to keep them apart and now even death brought them together.
“Susan, I missed you too.”
His words were as simple as hers but just as powerful when she uttered them that day. It was the reply that she never knew she waited for all this time, the one truth that freed her from her regrets, and the only thing she needed to hear before running into his arms.
.