Fic: A Lover's Tale

[sakurahoshi]

Once you pop, you just can't stop. ._.; This bunny literally ATTACKED me, and my muse demanded some writing to get done. D:

Title: A Lover's Tale
Fandom: Original
Pairing: N/A
Warning(s): A smidgen of language, suicide, murder, and a tiny mentioning of sex.
Rating: PG-13/R
Word Length: ~1,199
Summary: It's the beginning of the end, this lover's

Comments

[fiendery]

Actually, the style reminded me of how a lot of PC's userinfo/background is written. XD;; But then again, I just don't run into this kind of writing a lot, seeing as it's not what I usually read.

I like the sound of it though. The repetition did get a little out there, but I think the only part that really bothered me that much was the constant use of "kid." It kind of helped the frenetic feel of it though, and I'm guessing that's just the overall tone you were shooting for, from the nervous infatuation to the suicide.

I'm not sure about the chronological order. I mean, I knew it was going backwards, and it works, but I can't figure out whether or not it would work if it went from the beginning to the end. I guess not, but I can't put my finger on why.

On that note, a big congrats on pulling off second person. God, I hate second person. Let me tell you, second person and I. We are not on good terms.

[sakurahoshi]

Hey~ Now that you mention it, it does remind me a bit of that writing style. Hah! Would you take a look at that. XD;;;

Yeah... When I was writing it, it was less like I was thinking about what to write so much as my fingers were just typing, and by the time it was all done... Yes. It was a big, scary repetitive thing. Especially the kid thing. Wah. x_x;

I think if I wrote the fic in chronological order, I probably would've fleshed out the part between sections one and two a bit more. As it's backwards (and I was sure as hell going to just make it four parts), it... came out that way. 8D;;

And thanks!! *laughs* I almost rewrote the thing halfway through because of the second person point of view, but I'm glad it came out alright! :D

♥!!

[fiendery]

I love how I just got this comment. DX

Oh, I know how that gets. Seeing as all my writing's like that. XD The kid thing's the only distraction, I think. Otherwise, the repetition works okay.

That probably would've made sense if it was in chonological order, yeah. I think the style would've been a bit lost on it though. It works better in this order.

Oh, second person. DX It's a pain. It's a pain like nothing else. I know what you mean. Curses on you, second person! D< Curses!

[ruffwriter]

Oh, wow. :O This was really chilling... I absolutely loved it. After I read it through the first time, I went back and read it again in chronological order; I have to say, you pulled off the backwards-storytelling perfectly. It's something I've always wanted to do, too!

I agree with what the previous commenter said about the repetition: for the most part, it lends itself to the mood of the piece, but you might want to ease up on the "kid" a bit. After a while, it started to distract me a bit, and for a piece like this, you just want to keep going.

And yes, kudos on nailing the second person narrative. It's very hard to pull off right, and you made it work for you perfectly. Good going there, Grace. ♥ You should post your stuff more often.

[sakurahoshi]

Wah~~ *flails and blushes* Thank you, Becky!!! *____* That means a lot, especially since I really respect you as a writer and all that jazz. ♥ And hee! I'm glad the backwards storytelling thing came out alright. :3

*salutes* I'll keep it in mind if I ever... write like this again. *laughs* I think this is one of those "must write note before the moment to write it disappears" sort of things, so I doubt I'd be able to replicate it just... randomly. :x;;

Again, thank you!! ^^;; ♥ ♥

[ruffwriter]

You're such a sweetheart for saying that, but you're such a good writer, yourself. ♥ ♥ ♥

Ah, yeah, it works that way, doesn't it? XD That's the beauty of shorter pieces, though; the longer ones take a lot of planning and plotting, but for things like this, you just kind of let everything spill out and end up with something interesting. :D That's why drabbling is so awesome.