16 - Foretold, Hakkai/Gojyo, R

[andmydog]

Title: Foretold
Author: andmydog
Warnings: Implied sex, blood and guts and death
Pairing(s): Hakkai/Gojyo
Notes: #16 - Sixth Sense. 30 minutes, give or take. (Also, hi. Late. Whoops.)

Comments

[aonekosama]

Ooh, this is interesting! Quite difficult to grasp, perhaps... I read it twice and still don't pretend to understand it completely. But that's good, I like it when stories force me to think. And I like the form of this, the effect of small flashes of thought and sensation and deed. Very nice!

[andmydog]

Thank you! ...Yeah, I often have the problem of avoiding "show" and "tell" and going straight for "imply". Does it make more sense, with the comments below? Or should I explain?

[aonekosama]

Judging by the other comments, I did get the general idea right. I think that perhaps I was just confused that I didn't know where Hakkai was and where he had left Gojyo, and it took a little time to realize that knowing that might not be necessary.

So, please do continue with "imply". It's one of my favourite storytelling tactics and far too few people can pull it off.

[chomiji]

Ahhh, I'm heart-sore and teary-eyed, and I'm also thinking of devikun's "Tomorrow and Tomorrow," which is the only sad fic that has ever pulled me back the way the happy and sexy ones do.

"Careful what you wish for." God, that hurts.

Very beautiful.

[andmydog]

Oh, man, thank you! Even the slightest comparison to that piece is a huge compliment, thank you!

...I have to go read it again. Damn.

[cornerofmadness]

ooo very interesting

[andmydog]

Thank you!

[macavitykitsune]

Beautiful.

It took me a bit to get what was going on, but when I did, it hurt. In a good way, but it hurt.

The "tiny chains". wonderful imagery there. And the knowing.... I wonder how much of Hakkai's need to leave in his and Gojyo's Burial chapter was his feeling that something was wrong, and his hatred of that feeling for not being there when Kanan was in danger?

[andmydog]

I wonder how much of Hakkai's need to leave in his and Gojyo's Burial chapter was his feeling that something was wrong, and his hatred of that feeling for not being there when Kanan was in danger?

I think you nailed it. Not only is the person he cares for taken away again, but it's raining. Again. I don't think that he was leaving because he saw the danger coming, but I completely believe that he went after Gojyo because of that feeling.

[eyesofshinigami]

Ooh, I got chills!

It took me a few to realize what was going on, but it was so startlingly appropriate that I sort of...sat in shock for a moment. I loved how you wove the memories of Kanan's death between what was going on with Gojyo, making it slightly incoherent but so goddamn realistic.

Beautifully done, as always. =) ♥

[andmydog]

Thank you! I saw the prompt, and knew right off that I had to write this scenario... I'm glad it wasn't too confusing. I kinda have a problem with that, sometimes...