Comments | saiyuki_time: Time challenge: Essences

kisarazumama in saiyuki_time

Time challenge: Essences

May 29, 2008 19:38

My first try at one of these: I usually edge uneasily away from writing challenges, but scent is my favorite sense, so couldn't resist.=)

Failed miserably at the time constraint, taking a full ten minutes longer than given. Sigh.

( Essences )

char:sanzo-ikkou, author:kisarazumama, challenge: smell

Comments 18

(The comment has been removed)

kisarazumama May 30 2008, 01:54:31 UTC

Wow. Thank you.

whymzycal May 30 2008, 01:40:49 UTC

This is really different - quite evocative. I like it very much!

kisarazumama May 30 2008, 01:58:31 UTC

Thank you! I guess it's obvious that I'd already spent some time wondering just what they might smell of. =)

And I feel as sure as Gojyo does here that a mark in your skin actually made by gods would smell and taste and maybe even feel somehow different from the skin around it.

theskywasblue May 30 2008, 02:12:10 UTC

This was lovely, so well articulated I could almost smell the very scents you outlined here.

baka_gaijin May 30 2008, 02:28:18 UTC

You did a great job with this. You've really shown Gojyo's vulnerable side with the part about him knowing he's home when he smells all of them. The part about Hakkai and being in his bed on the first kind of night, but never ever on the second... that made me shiver.

But the last line is the best... fire-orange river lilies. that's just so perfect.

kisarazumama May 31 2008, 03:07:53 UTC

Oh, I'm so glad you like that! I was gonna end it on the second-to-last line, but I couldn't bear to quit without having a Gojyo scent-cue in it somewhere; and I thought red flowers and I suddenly remembered these (they smell gorgeous),and it snapped into place just like that. =)

baka_gaijin May 31 2008, 12:19:34 UTC

It made perfect sense for Hakkai to 'smell' them too, what with him being a full youkai.

The last line reminded me of Senses Working Overtime, by devikun.

Oh, and that flower is beautiful and exotic... just as I imagine Gojyo to be. XD

baka_gaijin May 31 2008, 12:20:42 UTC

Oh, and you should put a link to that flower up in the original post! I'm sure everyone would love to see what your inspiration was. XD

Thread 6

eyesofshinigami May 30 2008, 03:22:33 UTC

This gave me a very, very good feeling when I read it. I could practically smell what Gojyo was smelling, and I think the descriptions you used fit them very well. I could very well see him doing this, identifying them with a certain scent and how it makes him feel like he's home. Very nicely done. ^____^