Comments | saiyuki_time: Apparitions (Challenge #7: Ghosts; Jien (Dokugakuji)

opalmatrix in saiyuki_time

Apparitions (Challenge #7: Ghosts; Jien (Dokugakuji) - gen; PG)

May 02, 2008 23:56

Title: Apparitions
Author: opalmatrix
Warnings: brief mention of child abuse
Pairing(s): n/a
Spoilers: through vol. 3 of Saiyuki: Gojyo's history
Notes: saiyuki_time challenge #7: Ghosts. Time given: 25 minutes. Time taken: just about that. Yay!
Summary: He was only trading one sorrow for another ... but somehow it felt a lot better.

( It had been the better part of ten years since Sha Jien had abandoned his baby brother ... . )

gen, author:opalmatrix, char:jien, char:dokugakuji, challenge:ghosts, rating:pg

Comments 22

louiselux May 3 2008, 07:52:04 UTC

There are so many things in this to pick out that I'd be quoting the whole thing. Doku's feelings when he sees Gojyo again, and the description of all the ways Gojyo's changed, seem perfect to me. The mention of laugh lines implies so so much.

the light of the wild red dawn on the fine stems heaped around him was just the shade of his brother's hair.

That is great imgery! I really admire what you've done with this challenge.

opalmatrix May 5 2008, 11:26:05 UTC

Ohhh, thank you! I'm glad it worked!

I always feel very warmly about Jien, perhaps because I'm an older sibling myself but also because he's such a good-hearted lunk. I've often thought that just about all of Gojyo's positive qualities probably come from his older brother's care during his growing-up years.

cheydancer May 3 2008, 11:57:05 UTC

All of what louiselus said. The way Doku saw his brother in the little things and the big things around him, the beautiful way you've expressed this like some kind of haunting melody and the last line; it tugged at the heartstrings and yet made everything all right. Achingly beautiful.

opalmatrix May 5 2008, 11:33:02 UTC

I think that for both of the brothers, their relationship was so important that Jien would feel just as lost without Gojyo, even though he felt he had to leave ... but Jien was old enough to think clearly (once he got over his initial horror about killing his mother) about what might happen to Gojyo without him. So I think the final resolution of that must have been very, very important to him ... you can see it in the half-giddy way they're both acting during that scene.

Thanks for reading, and commenting!

samm204 May 3 2008, 13:21:34 UTC

gorgeous, you brought tears to my eyes. Wonderfull work

opalmatrix May 5 2008, 11:33:32 UTC

I'm so glad you liked it!

theskywasblue May 3 2008, 16:05:16 UTC

Wonderful - heart-wrenching and heart-warming at the same time. All of your descriptions are just beautiful. I am in awe, really.
Loved it!

opalmatrix May 5 2008, 11:44:07 UTC

Aww, thanks! I can appreciate Jien's anxiety and uncertainty over what he'd done, leaving Gojyo, and the story just sort of came pouring out when I was thinking "OK, beyond our four principals, who else in this story might feel haunted?"

cicer May 3 2008, 22:27:45 UTC

Aaah! Oh, this is so sweet, so endearing. I absolutely love Jien in this. It's really touching how attached his is to Gojyo and how much he loved him. Lovely! This made me really happy, somehow.

opalmatrix May 5 2008, 11:46:32 UTC

I'm so glad it worked for you! This is actually the second Jien POV story I've done - maybe you'd enjoy the other one too ... .

Thanks so much for reading and commenting.