I wish... 1/8
General info and discaimer: Here
Chapter/part: 1/8
Warnings: slash, mpreg
Beta: Arsenic and Soar
Series/Sequel: Series of orliljah stories, sequel to Punishment
Authors note:The story take place year 2009. This is also a contribution to xander anyothergirl415 and her story 'The Never book', a story I like very much and wished I had the original idea for. So it is from her I got the basic idea to write this story. Though it is long from the same.
Summary: After Elijah assured Orlando that he really loved him and wanted to take part in what was to come, he fixed up a house so they could stay away from any prying eyes, meanwhile, Orlando carried their child. This is the story of the last weeks until the birth.
Previous parts; Prologue
Part 1
Orlando had put the notebook Elijah had given him on his bedside table. It had been laying there for a few days without Orlando knowing what he wanted to write. He wasn’t really used to writing down his feelings. Deep down inside, he knew that he was often a pain in the arse for Elijah. There were a lot of days he didn’t feel so good and then he would lose his temper, both guys knowing very well that this was because of what he was going through. It wasn’t exactly a normal situation.
So one day, when Elijah was away and he was more restless than usual, missing his lover, he thought of the notebook. He had slept as much he could, knowing that if he were to lie in bed too long, he would be very stiff later. Orlando had taken his time to eat breakfast and read the newspaper. He wanted to follow what was happening in the world, while he couldn’t get out. It seemed, to him, that there was always violence, and people suffering in conditions that should have been remedied with the arrival on the 21st century.
After that, he had taken a walk in the garden to get some fresh air and exercise, even if he found it a little hard to walk very fast. Back inside, he had tried to read one of the scripts that Robin had sent him just before they left LA. Though it couldn’t get his interest, and he had thrown it on the coffee table after the first four pages. His attention span had changed during his pregnancy and he often went quickly from one thing to another. The days when he was alone in the house were worse.
Now he went to get the book and a pen. Orlando thought he would give it a try, attempt to write down some of his frustration. He wanted to stop taking things out on Elijah when he came back home.
It was a simple notebook, more like a booklet than anything else. He opened it and considered whether he would date it. After a moment of thinking, he decided not to. Those that would maybe read it would know from which time in his life it was written.
He sat down and stared at the blank pages. ‘Elijah said I could choose to write down my thoughts, wishes, frustrations or whatever else I could think of. What is that?’
Leaning back in the chair, he tried to get comfortable and find a position where his back wouldn’t start to hurt too soon. The baby seemed to feel his uneasiness and moved around inside him, the result being that it kicked him. To calm it, he started to stroke his hands over his stretched belly. It was what usually worked. After he’d gotten used to the fact that he was pregnant, Orlando decided he was happy about it, even if he had wished it had never had happened. He wished he hadn’t had to endure some of the strains it made his body go through. He wished that the time remaining of his pregnancy would go quickly. There were a lot of wishes for, of, to, against, how and why.
When the kicks weren’t as intense, it felt better. He had come to understand that his mood influenced the child, though he couldn’t help his mood swings or restlessness. He had already has feelings he never would be able to say he was ignorant of, how women felt during their pregnancies.
Sitting there, he felt that he didn’t want to use the book to fill with only negative things. ‘What could show both the sides I’m feeling?’
To stall a little more, he got up and went out to get something to snack on. Normally, when he felt so restless, he would have fallen into his had habit of smoking again. Since he learned of his pregnancy and accepted that he was carrying a child, he hadn’t touched any cigarettes. He was even grateful that Elijah often went out outside when he smoked. Though Elijah had promised to stop, he hadn’t yet.
Looking in the cupboards, he finally found some ‘Gressini’ (sticks). At he walked back to his chair he mumbled softly to himself. He hated the total silence that fell over the house when no other than himself was there. To change that, he turned on some music. The first thing that came out of the speakers was something Elijah had listened to and it wasn’t anything he wanted to hear. It wasn’t calming at all. Going through the stack of CDs he found ‘the very best of U2’ and put that on instead.
Sinking down again in the chair, and finding the pose that would be best for him, he picked up the notebook and pen again. This time, he began to write.
‘Elijah gave this to me, so I could occupy myself with something while we are waiting for our child to arrive.
I have no idea what to write or how to do it to ease my mood. All I can do is to try and hope. It may help or not. I wish it would.’
Orlando stopped. He read what he written and sat for a moment considering the next thought. He decided it was a good one and let the pen ‘fly’ over the page.
‘As I wish this to show how I’m feeling. I think I will write down my wishes, as they are a lot.’
I wish… …I wasn't alone.
I wish… …Elijah could be here all the time.
I wish… …this didn't make me so restless.
I wish… …I could do more things.
I wish… …that I wasn’t stopped by my growing stomach.
I wish… …it will be an easy delivery.
I wish… …we will have a great life.
I wish… …it is a little boy, that we can teach to play football.
I wish… …to never go through this again.
I wish… …Elijah could know how it feels.
I wish… …he took greater part (not that he doesn’t, as I first thought he would reject me).
I wish… …things could be normal.
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